Road Trippin'

Introduction:

Friday night the Mooseheads begin a massive 3 in 3 through Montreal and its respective suburban areas. They will be taking on Montreal, Dummondville and Victoriaville, in that order.

It is generally accepted that  facing Montreal will be the easiest of these three tasks as the boys will be rested (should be arriving in Montreal today) and because the Montreal Juniors can be easily distracted by their own ice girls (if they still have them).

Chapter One:  Halifax Mooseheads vs Montreal Junior

The problem: Goaltender Jake Allen

The mission: hugging

As TSN's Jay Onrait pointed out - The goal of hockey is to hug your teammates in public as much as possible. This is FACT - The team with more PDAs always wins. The more elaborate the better. I want to see massive displays of fist pumping, ass tapping, and dry humping.

Jake Allen, fresh off the Canada/Russia Challenge (or whatever they are calling it nowadays) is probably full of confidence. Allen, an early second round draft pick of the Saint Louis Blues (the team you go to when you want to be forgotten about) is 8th amongst goaltenders in the QMJHL for  GAA (2.71)and is also sporting a healthy  0.909 sv % in 16 games (6W, 9L). Back up 'tender Berube, on the other hand, has not been so lucky.  His fortunes mirror the losing fate of his team - 3.40 and 8.91 in 9 games  (4W, 3L). Since Berube has already occupied the nets in a win over the Mooseheads this season it remains a possibility that he is again handed the reigns for this upcoming bout. However, given the fact that Montreal are also playing a 3 in 3 (Halifax, Shawinigan, Quebec), and Shawinigan are also a weak opponent one would expect to see goaltending duties divided up thusly: Allen, Berube, Allen.

Other possible dangers include David "balls of steel" Stich on defence, Pier-Antoine Dion's on fisticuffs, and Trevor Parks on forward. Parks was QMJHL offensive player of the week two weeks ago... he is the biggest point producer on the team and yet has only 20 points in 24 games. It may also be important to keep an eye on former Screagles Chouinard (23GP, 8G, 10A) and Gouchie (24GP, 7G, 9A) - they may know us too well.

Because of their lack of offense Montreal have an abysmal powerplay (14.7%) but that is offset by their respectable penalty kill (80.9%) and respectable defence. In 24 games they have allowed only 75 goals, while in the same number of games the Moose have allowed 95.

Chapter Two: Halifax Mooseheads vs Drummondville Voltigeurs

The Problem: Marc-Oliver Vachon

The Mission: Deciding which is your favorite flavour of Passion Flakie.

Vachon has 18 goals and 17 assists in 24 games and is currently third amongst all point getters in the QMJHL, and first among scorers. I have not been making  a Marc-Oliver Vachon voodoo doll out of discarded 'ah caramel' packages.

Other offensive threats include Sean Couturier (24GP, 16G, 12A), Gabriel Dumont (18GP, 9G, 16A) and Ondrej Palat (24GP, 7G, 14A). The team currently has 13 players with 10 or more points.

Did I mention that the Volts are currently the 4th ranked team in the CHL with a 19, 4, 0, 1?

Their PP (21.1) is actually just worse than that of the Mooseheads (21.9) but could not be considered shabby.  Their PK, on the other hand,  is awesome (82.1%).

If the Moose can get the puck past off the sticks of Drummondville's forwards and dodge their defence there is a possibility they can get it in the net. Oh I know that the Volts have allowed only 65 goals in 24 games BUT they have also only allowed 550 shots on net, an average of only 23 shots per game. Now look at the goaltender stats: both goalies have a sv% under 0.9. Starting goaltender Antoine Tardif has a 0.881%, while Ginger has a 0.895%. In his 4 wins Ginger has the league's best GAA at 1.75... but that is just 4 (+) games. Last year with the Titan Ginger had 19 losses and 0 wins. He doesn't scare me.

Chapter Three: Halifax Mooseheads vs Victoriaville Tigres

The Problem: Tomas Kubalik

The mission: Czeching - any way possible.

This is the Tigres Second week in the CHL top ten. The team are currently ranked 4th in the Q with a 17,7,0,1 record and are on a seven game winning streak.

Kubalik, Nestracil, Devos and Hynes are all at or above a PPG pace. Don't take this adorable face lightly - it can now grow facial hair and is developing a mighty five head. Puberty is cruel.

If you can catch Hynes I recommend simply picking him up and putting him in your pocket to take him out of the play - yes, he is pocket sized. Once pocketed this 16 goal scorer can be restrained until it is time to be shipped to Santa's workshop (its getting busy up there now and he needs extra workers). Don't let his small size and funny accent fool you - he is from Northern Newfoundland. He is not a leprechaun.

The Moose will need grit to keep the Tigres's forwards down. Body czeching, sneakily cross-czecking (while the refs aren't looking) or simply maintaining possession of the puck could all help.

The problem with Victoriaville is not just the offence, but also the defence. Their Penalty kill is the best in the league at 84.7% efficiency and Joel Chouinard (9G, 10A) QBs the power play with ruthless effectiveness (6 G on the PP).

Goaltender Kevin Poulin is rocking 12 wins and 5 losses with a 2.42 GAA  and 0.921%. second best amongst starting goaltenders in the league and in the top 5 for both GAA and save%. Mastropietro is not as lucky - his save % is on par with Corbeil's. The Tigres are not as busy this weekend, with a Friday game against Gatineau and a Sunday game against the Moose, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that we face Mastropietro in nets.

Conclusion:

To increase our chances of getting what we want I have no problem resorting to mysticism. So if someone can rub Hynes just to see if you can make a wish for even a single Moose win - that would be great.

News links: 

Wuest

'Big brother' leads scrappy Mooseheads squad in dropping the gloves 

NHL Central Scouting taking notice of Corbeil

Palov

Moose feeling fans’ love 

Injuries sideline defencemen

Corbeil wins QMJHL award again   

Yes the spacing on this is awful. I don't know why.

The trade post

The Keven move:
Apparently the Sea Dogs did have more to tell me, since yesterday they traded Keven Guérette-Charland, third member of my Sea Dogs Holy Trinity, to the Val d'Or Foreurs for a 3rd round pick in the upcoming draft. Bastards. Don't worry sweet 'Kevie', Francois Gauthier will keep you warm.

The Tomy move:
In a totally smart move, Moncton have picked up 'mah boo' Tomy Joly. This reduces the number of times I get to see Tomy for the remainder of this season from 3 to 1, since we only have one more home game against the Wildcats.

Moncton was the only contender left that had not made any major moves. JOLY is a MAJOR move. They have just acquired that goal scoring they needed. Look-it Saint John (stoopid chumps), he was not even that expensive - one 1991 player and two 2nd round draft picks.

Moncton are now a whole world of hot. I fully expect Tomy Joly and Zach Sill to naked mudwrestle for the job of my #1 'Moncton boyfriend'. Bet'cha didn't know I was cheating with Sill - I totally have been. When I see Sill, I start to drool a bit... just a little, from the corner of my mouth. It is embarrassing.

Yowza!!! It burns my eyes it is so hot.

The Goalie Swap:
The other biggie is the swap of goaltenderie creatures Marco Cousineau and Nathan Dunnett between the Baie Comeau Drakkar and the Drummondville Voltigeurs. Dummondville has said that their acquisition of Cousineau, 2008 third round draft pick of the Anaheim Ducks, will not effect the status of current netminder Antoine Tardif. It may end up being more of a 1A, 1B situation in Drummondville, and they are already bragging that they have the best goaltending tandem in the league.

Here is the deal with these boys:

Antoine Tardif was supposed to be God. A first round draft pick of the Bathurst Titan, he was a projected NHL draft pick until he injured his ankle in January of last year, which is unfortunate because he did not get to play behind a much improved, post X-mas trade period, Titan team (run-on sentence, I know). A mis-diagnosis of his injury left him sidelined for the rest of the season, and in the summer when he underwent arthroscopic surgery.

He was traded at the Q draft (Tardif and Masse were the 'futures' from a X-mas deal made in 2007 between the Volts and the Titan) to Drummondville. Since then Drummondville have gone from being the bottom-feeding worst team in the league to contending for top spot. Some people say their only weakness is in nets.

Statistically:
2008-2009 - 2.81GAA, 0.889 sv%; 31 G, 23 W, 6 L Volts
2007-2008 - 3.52GAA, 0.892 sv%; 34 G 14 W, 15 L Titan
2006-2007 - 3.56GAA, 0.872 sv%; 31 G, 14 W, 13 L Titan

Antoine would have great eyebrows if he would just tidy up the ridge; he has a touch o' unibrow.


Marco Cousineau has had an up and down career in the Q. He was originally drafted by Baie-Comeau in the 12th round, #204th overall in 2006. In 34 games with the Drakkar this season Cousineau has 9 wins and 25 losses, with a 3.67GAA and 0.888 save % (ugh, still better than Mark Yetman). This is in stark contrast to last year's regular season stats when he backstopped a more defensively minded, and (almost) league leading Drakkar with 34 wins and 19 losses in 58 games, to finish with a 2.81GAA and 0.903 save %, the 4th best GAA in the league. Mind you, despite being second best team in the league the Drakkar were upset in the first round of the playoffs by the Oceanic.

Cousineau's play so far this year hearkens back to his first season in the Q, 2006-2007, when the rookie netminder had only 4 wins and 12 losses in 23 games played, for a wretched 4.20 GAA, and 0.863 save % (ugh, still better than Roger Kennedy). Will the real Marco Cousineau please stand up?

Did Anaheim make another brilliant draft choice?...their picks from the Q are all terribly suspect. Anyway, we will not know until we park Cousineau's ass into a net behind another good team and then see how he fares. This is how it works... bad teams can make good goalies look like shit, at least if you are just looking at their stats. You need to actually see a boy play in a variety of situations before you can properly assess his skills. It is the age-old adage: Is it the playa', or the system?


Mo' stuff:
The Oceanic were all after Cousineau's ass but they did not land him. You see, these fools picked up 'the Gouge' at the draft (look at that face hair - it is a cornucopia of douchebaggery), when they could have been going after Bobby Nadeau or Timo Pielmeier, both were, and still are, much more cromulent choices.

Anyway, now that their chance to get Cousineau has fallen through they have their sights set on Bobby Nadeau. MY Bobby Nadeau (you need tweezers boy). Bobby and I like to play eye contact games when he is in Halifax. Actually, I play eye contact games with every goalie (except Yetman, who does not skate around during pauses in the game) because I am a huge goalie-loving skank. (edit* - they did not get him...yet, but 20's can be traded whenever)

Other Q News and Links

Antoine Tardif has been feeling fine. The former Bathurst goaltender, who was injured early in January and underwent ankle surgery during the offseason to correct a torn ligament, has gotten back on his skates. Tardif was officially traded to the Volts just prior to the QMJHL draft, and has recently been on ice practicing with Marco Marciano, goaltending coach of the Drummondville Voltigeurs.

Sadly, Marco's tenure with the QMHJL is almost at an end. Marco, former goaltending coach of the Screaming Eagles, and present coach with the Volts, will be joining hockey Canada before the start of next season.

The Tigres are turning me on. The La Nouvelle/ L'Union has posted some video from Victoriaville Tigres goaltending training sessions. There is more info on the Tigres goaltending situation here. I could watch goalies all day. I could honestly just sit there watching them deflecting puck after puck into the corner. Dear GOD it is so HAWT. The video even features a weird variation on the goalie mating dance - going into the butterfly and some lateral movement exercises.

I am all frisky now. Where is Travis Fullerton? I need satisfaction! I need him, his cross crease wiggle, and his naughty moustache right now! YOU *spank* ARE *spank* SUCH *spank* A *spank* NAUGHTY *spank* NAUGHTY *spank* NAUGHTY *spank* BOY *spank*. No, thinking about him totally did not help ease the frisk...it just made it worse.

Speaking of Sea Dogs, now that the Canadian IIHF under 20 training camp is complete it is time for the under 18 camp to begin. Sea Dogs Simon Despres and Steven Anthony are invited. According to an article published today in the Telegraph Journal, my favorite little-big defenceman Simon Despres (whom I want to kidnap in an attempt to re-wombinate him) now has 215 lbs on his 6'3" frame. This will make for exceptionally difficult re-wombinating considering that I am only 5'1 and 105 lbs. 17 year old Centreman Steven Anthony is currently weighing in at 208 lbs and is 6'2".

Did you notice that I have an extreme fascination with boys that are at least 1 foot taller than me? I just thought I would point that out. The taller the better!

Sticking with goalie talk

I have so much to say about everything - like Gatineau being out of the Memorial cup in three games, but it hurts too much to talk about it. Love and loss is one of the most painful things. Just ask Gatineau captain J-P Chabot about the pain - he was crying, I was not. I have almost gone numb when it comes to hockey this season, every round I pick a new lover, about a week later they dump my ass. I have gone through 7 hockey lovers between the QMJHL and the NHL so far this playoff season. Do you see why I have gone numb?

If you need Memorial cup coverage you can check out the official Memorial cup webpage. The QMJHL website has also covered Gatineau's downfall in the Memorial cup tournament. I will stick with NJ draft pick Matt Halischuk and the Rangers for now (lover #8, Detroit Red Wings will be lover #9 by default). I also find Ranger's goaltender Josh Unice wonderfully spriggin - his little nose and pouty upper lip look cute peeking out from behind his helmet. Am I charmed by his mommasboyness? It is not a good feature for real boyfriends, but it is so sweet when imaginary boyfriends are mommasboys.

Also, ummm he has really great eyebrows. You know I had to mention it eventually, what with my eyebrow fetish and all. You can oogle Josh, his pixie nose, his pouty upper lip and his awesome eyebrows at this photo gallery. Unfortunately, you cannot judge his 'game' by looking at photos. I bet he totally takes eyebrow grooming tips from teammate Steve Mason, who has such rawkin' brows that he is a chairperson in my eyebrow club. Mase is adorable with his helmet on and with the crunchy-crunchy faces that he makes. Also - hello! He is the grown-up version of baby Steve Mason - who is a deadringer for my immaculate conception baby, the baby fathered by the essence of Pelletier, Bernier and Fullerton.

What are the odds of a team having two goalies with RAWKIN' eyebrows? Is it a Kitchener conspiracy?

Ugh as I type this Kitchener have lost in OT and are 1-2 for the round robin. I suck at picking lovers. Poor Unice, the puck went off his head, and the Bulls got a goal on the rebound when he was still discombobulated.

GOALIES in the QMJHL:
Ryan Mior
I had been wondering where Olympique's goaltender Ryan Mior would be playing University hockey next year. I was out facebook stalking (not stalking Mior - but someone else) when I came across Mior's profile which had him listed on the University of Ottawa Network. It would make sense for him to be there for his post QMJHL career since he is currently living in the region and probably already enrolled in classes there. However, he may not have actually been admitted to a University team yet. An article from canwest news services states "Ryan Mior, who set QMJHL records for games played by a goaltender and shutouts, is also finished playing junior hockey, perhaps moving on to university hockey." Key word -PERHAPS. Leaving me with nothing but speculation is no fun for me.

Antoine Tardif
According to L'Express, Antoine has had a successful surgery on his ankle. Doctors had originally speculated that he would have to stay off of the ankle for 6 weeks but when they went in for arthroscopic examination they determined that the source of his pain was due to one of his torn ligaments slipping between the ankle joints. Antoine should be back on his feet within the week. At least I think this is what they are saying - the article is in French and my French skills are shifty. What I do know is that my kisses did his ankle well. Now that I get a closer look at Antoine's brows they don't look that great in the center - he needs some grooming. He is out of the club.

Drummondville : Pelletier, Gougeon, Tardif and the goalie coach that rocks.
There is an interview with Drummondville goalie coach Marco Marciano in the Drummondville edition of L'Express. Marco worked with Gougeon and Pelletier last season, with Gougeon, Dupont and Dunnett this season, and will be helping Tardif and Dunnett along next season. Marco is proud of Gougeon's play in the finals and thinks that 'the Gouge' should do well despite being a toy goalie.

However, he is confused about why P-O's season went so wrong, and does not understand how it happened that Pier fell so far as to allow Yetman to steal the number one job in nets for Halifax come playoff time. When I say "fell so far" I mean, "not given a legitimate chance to play again" once Yeti was able to win a game (something he did not do, nor was he really given the chance to do, between Dec 27 and Feb 24). Which reminds me - we treated our 'tenders like shit!!!

Marco essentially said that you have to push P-O, as was done at the beginning of the 2006-07 season when Pier had a slow start coming off of injury, but once he is pumped up he will play excellently. After training camps with Detroit last year, and before coming to Halifax, P-O was apparently rocking it and Marco saw him as a potential AHL goalie for last season. He wishes P-O the best of luck for a future pro- career in the upcoming season. Me too P-O, me too. Coo.

Marco seems good, what with the fact that he is involved with Hockey Canada's development program - and he stresses the ability to handle the puck. You can read an older interview with him at the QMJHL website. He has worked with MAF, Houle, and my very own sweet sensitive Jonathan Bernier (in baby form).

Maybe P-O should go back to train with Marco this summer. He should also check in with a sports psychologist since it worked wonders for Mior. Trust me, it wasn't you P-O, it was 'us'. Lewiston's goaltending coach is also big on having a psychologist around to help out.

I don't talk about this a lot, but it was P-O's eyebrows themselves that inspired the eyebrow club - they are thick but they have the best arch. In fact, he is the silent co-owner of the club. He also inspires my weakness for pixie noses and pouty upper lips. Do I need more clubs?

_____________________________________

Alexander goaltending (where Travis Fullerton teaches and Jake Allen learns) has training videos available on you tube. Cute, Fully is teaching me his basic Fully tricks. Hmmmm but no Fully scuddle - shame.

The fanatical musings of a fanatical (fill in the blank)

Is it horrible that there are players on our 2007/2008 team that I don't like? I mean I really, really dislike them. Am I a bad person? There is probably no real reason that I do not like them...I just don't get the attraction to them, and some of them were very popular. Sometimes I assign shifty personalities to players, thinking some may be more arrogant than others, while with others I embrace their shifty ways. If a player is good on the Penalty kill I usually like them, I totally embrace those that can backcheck.

So it is true that when I said "I love all 25 of you" - I lied.

Graham Bona
I like underdogs. Sometimes I hate how certain players got away with a lot of shit while others were repeatedly torn down by fans when they made the same mistakes as our 'stars'. The harder people come down on certain players the more I like them - for example Bona (and also Monast). I know he is a hometown boy (while I am generally an anti-homer), and that by being a hometown boy some people will like him just because... but some people could also be really harsh with him. Not me though - I would be all over Bona with a bucket of ice cream and spoon. I really like GrahamBo. Graham is a defensive defenseman, and one can make a good living just staying at home - ask Colin White.

At first our fans complained that our defense was not defensive enough (it really was a huge problem). Then when the defense finally decided to step it up, they complained that the defense was not offensive enough, and that there was no one to QB the powerplay. But...maybe we did have another defenseman to QB the powerplay - but there was no way in hell our coaches were taking Jake off of the point, and that was that. During the final game of the season against Saint John we had neither Voracek nor Bodnarchuk to play the point on the PP, and all three of our goals were scored on the PP, with our PP efficiency at 50%. Clearly some of the other guys could get the job done.

Anyway my point is: when you have a team which is loaded with offense for depth in scoring and then complain because on a roster with 9 defenseman, where we have two purely defensive defensemen, that those defenseman are just not getting it done for your offense, may I suggest you go to your bathroom - look in the mirror and tell yourself to fuck off.

Logan MacMillan
I used to not like Logan - I never understood why he was drafted to the NHL first round. Then he got injured and his production went down - way down. Now he is fighting tooth and nail for every scrap he can get his hands on (even though he was given the privilege of top line ice time). Sometimes he is literally fighting. He is also wonderfully defensive. I now love Logan MacMillan. If he is our 'star' player next year and gets his 'Diva on' I might go back to not liking him. My mind works in weird ways.

Also ...sometimes I think Logan MacMillan looks like Shia Labeouf. I don't know if that is good or bad.

...and the Volts just keep getting hotter
I think the Volts scout and draft by appearance. They run their team like I would run a team - draft that kid, I like his name and he is as cute as 1000 puppies in a basket made of kitten skins. Damn, that team consistently churns out hottie, after hottie, after hottie. That is not the bunny in me speaking, that is fact - take those boys out of hockey gear and they are still cute. How the fuck do they do it? Oh, me and my Volt coloured glasses. Drummondville are about to get 1000 x hotter in the goaltending department with the addition of Antoine Tardif (to be received at the draft for the Paris/Fréchette/Dyke trade at Christmas). Oh, how I wanted Tardif here. I figured maybe we could finagle a trade ...but then I realized that we would break him, so he is better off with the Volts. Tardif has been out of the Bathurst lineup for the majority of the second half because he has been suffering with pain from an ankle injury (with torn ligaments) which occurred in late January. It turns out that Antoine will require arthroscopic surgery for his ankle. Let's hope he has a speedy recovery. This is me throwing air kisses to Antoine's ankle.

Trades and the draft:
If rumour is true, The Mooseheads have made the dumbest trade in trade history. They supposedly agreed to trade 'unsung hero' PJ Corsi (getter of 28 points since Jan 1st) at the draft for enforcer David Bouchard (3 point getter since Jan 1st). Both boys are 19: PJ is a keeper - he is hitty and gritty; David is a sleeper - he will not be in the Q next year. So when all is said and done Drummondville gets two 4th round draft picks, one for 2008, and one for 2009 (do we get one back?) and an excellent 20 year old for the 2008-2009 season. We get a penalty prone enforcer who is more a liability because of his reputation, for half of a season.

We also supposedly traded first round rookie pick David Gilbert, a second round pick in 2008, and one of our top two defensemen - Guillaume Monast (at the draft), all for Maxime Sauve...only so we could turn around and give up Sauve and another 1000 draft picks for the next bajillion years only to land Brad Marchand for half a season.

Maxime is 18 and is expected to be an NHL first round draft pick this year. He also played on a lower tier team and yet statistically for the second half of the regular season:

Maxime "les sourcils" Sauve - 6 PIM
29 games 14 goals 17 assists = 31 pts

Brad Marchand - 40 PIM
26 games 10 goals 19 assists = 29 pts

They say hindsight is 20:20, but I personally had a ton of foresight this season...I said in October "the last thing we need is another Centre". However, to think of all that we gave up for Marchand (it has been said over and over again by EVERYBODY, so there is no need to rehash it)...at least Sauve was less of a liability and he could have brought some 'future game' and awesome 'eyebrow power'.

Anyway, wasn't I talking about Monast....let's get back to him. Now don't get me wrong, we can only have 3 twenty year old players, and I like Yeti, I like Andrew White, I like GrahamBo, but from a purely cold and calculated GM standpoint...who would you rather have: Corsi or White? Monast or Bona? Either Corsi or Monast over Yetman? Why were Monast and Corsi traded? Ce n'est pas difficile à comprendre.

Do not turn this around on me and say my Marchand argument should also apply to this...the 'go for the better player theory'. The point is that at the time we did not need him and we gave away everything to get him. Next year we will need good experienced players and we have left ourselves with only 3 guys who have played more than 4th line ice time, nor do we have the best possible group of 20 year olds. We do not have a single returning player who is statistically >1 PPG for last season. Only 3 are greater than 0.5 PPG. At least I can say that some of the possible returning 20 year olds have character and are grittastic.

Simon Després:
There is a Simon Després fanclub page on facebook. There are pictures of Baby Simon with his Baby Hockey trophies. He is tooooo adorable. Why does he make me want children? I hate children! But I like Baby Simon Després just like I like Baby Steve Mason. Baby hockey players - collect them all. I will have to create a rift in the space time continuum so that I can feed cookies to both Baby Simon and teenage Simon simultaneously. I seriously hope the Penguins don't try to get their grubby hands on him in the 2009 draft.

Dear Andrew White,
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It really does! My brain might not belong to you but my heart sure does. You are my favorite now! I might try to scratch you behind the ears because puppies like that and you are so good at ice-puppy tricks.

Are you being a carpenter again this summer? Ohhh, you are so useful outside of the arena. If we were friends we could drink beer and discuss the Scandinavian aesthetics upon which our line of birdhouses and squirrel houses would be based. We could then go out, get really drunk, and make fun of everybody. In my drunken stupor I might try to pet you. Then we'd head home to catch the third period of some West coast hockey, only to pass out together on the sofa and wake up confused and really hungover with our feet in each other's faces. I would make you coffee and waffles for breakfast and it would be delicious. Wait...you would build me a bird house right?
Love
Q-girl