Oh hey baby, how you doin'?

You are looking good today, all white and leathery. What's your name?

Trapper Thériault? So that's where the T in MCT comes from. Trapper, why, that's a rugged name. You aren't related to Sarah Palin are you?

No! Good. You scared me for a second there. That really sounds like the name of a Palin Family kid. Maybe it's what Sarah calls her....oh never mind

Listen honey. I've been kinda lonely lately. Tell me a little bit bout your fine self. If I like you I'll give you a whirl.

You are friends with Mathieu Corbeil. That's hot.
You helped him win stars in three consecutive games against Saint John, Val d'Or and PEI.
I'm still listening.
You helped him defeat Val d'Or and PEI
In three games the two of you had a 1.67 GAA and a 0.945 save % after having stopped 86 of 91 shots.
How many of those saves in the game against PEI were made by you? A billion! Wow!

...and now Mathieu Corbeil is taking all the credit for the QMJHL defensive player of the week award. How selfish. You must feel bad.

I have just the thing to make you feel better. Follow me under the bleachers...

News links/Motivation

The flu is systematically wiping all the hotness from the Mooseheads. It is starting with the cutest boys and working its way down to the dregs.

The last boy who gets the flu shall be well aware that the flu was just using him for his body. The flu does not think he is hot*. The flu didn't really want to get intimate with him, it was only desperate to reproduce and spread. No, much like me, the flu chooses to climb into the orifices of the young hotties first: the Desjardins, the Grondinseseses and the Hannays. I mean honestly, if you were the flu isn't that who you would hit?

Speaking of cold and flu seasons, the Moose have not only been hit with the flu but for two weeks now they have a bad case of COLD. Cold of course being where they stand on the Sportsnet CHL Hot/Not list.

The Sea Dogs and Tomas Kubalik of the Victoriaville Tigres are hot, while the Mooseheads and Mickael Audette of the Rouyn-Noranda Huskies are not.

The rebuilding Mooseheads had another week of set-backs as they continue to search for their second win of the season. Halifax was beat in both outings against Montreal and Cape Breton by a combined 10-3 margin. It won’t get any easier for the Mooseheads this week as they will face Saint John, Val-d’Or and P.E.I.

In order to motivate the players I have created a series of embarrassing blingees (what am I, 12?) to show them what they are in line to earn should they actually start to put some points on the board.

No pressure!

Victim #1: Gabriel Desjardins
Sure it is great to be defensively responsible. Defensively minded players make me feel funny in my lady bits. Defensively minded players are also shortlisted as possible draft picks by the New Jersey Devils. Devils also make me feel funny in my lady bits.

Unfortunately, as a forward, you have to be at least a 0.5 PPG player (please ignore the drafting of Ashton Bernard) in the CHL for anyone to take you seriously come NHL draft time. Being a 1.0 PPG is even better.

Getting drafted officially ups your status to QMJHL *superstar* and practically guarantees you shitloads of money if you can work your ass off and make it to the big-boys club. Furthermore, if you want to be a total princess like Dany Heatley, it is still OK - you can still get paid.

Mo' money, mo' problems? Bullshit!!! Wipe away that #21. Your new number is $$$.

Last but not least: points = money = classy ladies... and not those Cole Harbour tarts you are used to. Classy ladies would use your money to buy Dior, not American Eagle. Furthermore, everybody knows classy hockey wives don't earn their own money (I am looking at you Willa Ford).


*does not include feverish feelings

What to do when your team is "stuck in a rut"

Relax. Laugh. Allow the confusion to take over.




If all that fails remember that our Mooseheads are a "blue-collar" kinda team and that we should just be happy as long as they work hard.

Bring yo' lunch (bucket)

Is this my team?

Halifax Mooseheads team photos are now on the internets. I have made a few observations that I would like to share with you.

Travis Randell IS Joel McHale.

Stoddard is a very, very poor man's Dion Phaneuf

Metcalfe is a poor man's Nathan Fillion

Gillard has stolen Zach Boychuk's eyes. Boychuk's beautiful eyebrows remain his own.

Gelinas is a male Jennifer Tilly.

Don't aim so low.

From the Mooseheads website:

A busy off-season for the Halifax Mooseheads continued on Wednesday as members of the team were at the Nantucket Street McDonalds, lending their support to McHappy Day. McHappy Day is an annual event, where one dollar from every sale of a Big Mac, Happy Meal or McMuffin goes directly to a children’s charity.

Moose members on hand included Gabriel Desjardins, Gabriel O’Connor and Mathieu Corbeill, who all had a fun time contributing to the event. Desjardins may have had too much fun, as he climbed through the McDonalds play land area, entertaining young Moose fans, and signing autographs.

Corbeil and O’Connor also had a great time interacting with customers and the McDonalds employees. “This is really fun,” said Corbeil. “It’s too bad I have class later, because I could do this all day. The drive–thru is my favorite part”

My dearest little pigeon,
No, working at McDonalds is not fun and you should not aim to make it one of your life goals. Sure a summer job shows that you are a hard working, down to earth guy (sighs and thinks of Andrew White) but that is no need to fill your head with big dreams of working at a McD's.

If you are planning on being my number 1 QMJHL boyfriend next year you need a real job like 1) goaltender, 2) science student, 3) unassuming porn star or 4) ladies man. Yes, ladies man is a job - just ask the other goalies you know. It pays big dividends.

Furthermore, you will never be an unassuming porn star or ladies man with that hair. Are you involved in some sort of Fro-off competition or just trying out as the mop in the off-broadway version of Beauty and the Beast?

Sweetie, the hair has got to go! I am not trying to pull any Sampson and Delilah bullshit on you, I just want you to be your best. That involves dressing dapper, trimming your nose and ear hair, plucking the occasional stray eyebrow, and keeping your mane in check... because right now you are not stopping pucks for me and without the goalie gear the rest of it suddenly becomes very relevant.

XXOO
Q

Finals tonight

The QMJHL finals began on May 1st. Today they will end. The Shawinigan Cataractes pushed for a game seven with an overtime goal in Sunday's game against Drummondville to even the series at three apiece. The Q is the only league which does not know its Memorial cup contenders yet; with the Windsor Spitfires repping the OHL and the irrationally Dragon logoed Kelowna Rockets taking the W by storm.

This year's contenders for the President's cup are perennial losers: the Drummondville Voltigeurs and the Shawinigan Cataractes. This season marked Shawinigan's 40th anniversary, and despite the fact that they are the longest running team in the league they have yet to win a single President's cup. They really put Cape Breton (11 Y.O.), Halifax (15 Y.O.), Saint John (4 Y.O.) and P.E.I. (5 Y.O.) to shame. In the loser category we Atlantic teams have absolutely nothing on Shawinigan...or Drummondville for that matter. The Voltigeurs are a whopping 26 years old and are also Cupless.

The losing streak will be over tonight for at least on of these teams.

I was not shocked when the Memorial cup hosting Rimouski Oceanic were swept by the Volts. I was not shocked that Maxim Gougeon allowed 23 goals in 137 shots (a 0.83 sv %) during the 4 game series. It was the Gouge!!! Do we all have a short memory or do we remember the guy allowing a shitload of goals in the semifinals against Saint John last year, despite the sweep, as well another bucket full of goals as in the finals against Gatineau. That is what Rimouski get for trading for Gougeon (and then sticking with Gougeon) when any of Pielmeier, Nadeau and Lavigne were available for low, low prices at last year's draft.

Anyway, this is not a post to make Gougeon feel bad. He will still get his chance to play in the Memorial cup. It is a post to say oh he look at all the Anaheim Duck's goalie prospects...or at least it was when I started writing it two weeks ago. Since then, star Q netminder Timo Pielmeier has been benched in favour of newcomer Gabriel Girard... and Shawinigan has come back from a 3-1 deficit to force a game 7.

So it is these goalies:

vs. these goalies:
...but when the tuque de Bison gets onto a boy (or a couple dozen boys) doesn't everybody win.

_______________________
Images from the TuqueDeBison Picassa web albums.

Bryce Swan aka Don Juan

Are you dating Bryce Swan? Are you not sure? If this sounds like you then you might want to join this facebook group.

Bryce Swan aka Don Juan:

The ladies love him - even some boys are caught up in his man beauty. Don't look directly at his smile... you'll be hypnotized by the shine and by the fact that he plays on the X-Men Hockey team.

There are several girls who may think they are dating him, but in all reality are just part of his tangled web of hearts. According to Bryce, he is "single and ready to mingle".

After being used and abused by this heartbreaker, it is time to put the hearts and minds of confused girls everywhere to rest.

You are not dating Bryce Swan if:
1. he sends you sex-messages also known as text messages. He send them to everyone.
2. He calls you pet names including: baby girl, honey bunny, sugar tits, sassy pants, beautiful or mama.
3. as much as he talk about it...he isn't putting his p in your v.
4. you have been "hanging out" for a month... but still don't know any of his friends, nor have you ever seen HIS house.
5. he gets more than 5 text messages when you are hanging out alone with him. They are not all from his mom.
4. he goes on ghost hunts with you, or shares special moments with you
5. he drives you places - like to class - in his sweet ride.
6. when you ask to hang out at 10... he pushes it back to 12 -> he's got a strict schedule of dates.
7. he sits next to you in class.
8. you have heard the words "I'm too busy with the hockey team to give what you need / be in a committed relationship with you".
9. You only leave the pub through the back door.
10. you are his friend on facebook


Concerning the statement that the NHL wants him but he would rather be playing for X - well that part is simply bullshit.

I used to be dating Bryce Swan but then Keven Veilleux made chicken legs at him and he did nothing. I found this simply intolerable, so I dumped his ass for a Newf - Andrew White. Those were the days. I miss Andrew White. I do not miss Bryce Swan.

So it turns out that many people may be dating Bryce Swan, at least 41...sadly though, his fanclub only has two members. My friend NB, who is from North Sydney, is definitely not dating that lothario Bryce Swan. She did not enjoy the way he was trying to pick up her friend on a late night pizza date. Oh and the fact that he was not single at the time.

Hockey Erotica

I am nothing if not predictable. I got this message on my facebook wall from one of my girlfriends today:

"If there was ever a song that made me think of you, it's this one: http://awmusic.ca/2009/02/06/the-five-hole-band-tales-of-hockey-erotica-review/ Scroll to the bottom and I think you'll find "(Thinking 'Bout Your) Five Hole" to your liking."


Yep. That pretty much sums me up: sex, hockey, innuendo and cheesy puns.

If you remember the Rheostatics, then this should be of some relevance to you. The band Five Hole is composed of ex-Rheostatics members Dave Bidini and Martin Tielli, along with Selina Martin, Ford Pier and Bary Mirochnick.

If your interest is piqued then consider the following review: Next comes an interlude of sorts. ‘Electric Goalie’ is filled with the cheers of the crowd and the moans from a low budget porn over top a sound resembling some acid trip induced carnival music.

Is this my kind of music? Not really - but the idea (not to mention the lyrics) is hilarious.

For more info check out the website at http://www.anlanda.com/5hole/www/5hole.html

You are no Dirk Diggler!

Yeti is right. (ugh, did I just say that?)

“It’s been a bit of a mental thing for us,” said Mooseheads goaltender Mark Yetman. “We win one big game and we’re trying to get a little bit too fancy the next game.”

Moose, you have a problem. You look at teams like PEI and Bathurst as if they are the ugly girl who is just not worth your time. You look at teams like Rouyn Noranda and Victoriaville like they are OK, but you can do much better. You are holding out your “A” game for the Monctons and the Cape Bretons.

Dudes, have you looked in the mirror lately? You are a bunch of frigging two baggers; and don’t be bragging about how big it is if you can’t even get it up? It is not very becoming.

Moncton and Cape Breton are out of your league, and right now even PEI are out of your league. You need to pursue the Val d’Ors and the Lewistons like they are porn stars. They will do the naughtiest things. You want them, you have to have them, and when you get them you are going to OWN them!!!

Man up Moose! How badly do you want this playoff spot? Huh? I can’t hear you?

You aren't the be all and end all of hockey teams. Girls get sick of that old game and we get sick of it fast. The next thing you know we find ourselves in a situation where we still love you but we are not "in love" with you. We tire of your selfishness. Shortly after that you find out that we are getting a little NHL on the side. Don't act like you never saw it coming.

PS. Logan MacMillan, if you stand me up we are done sir. DONE. It is bad enough that Veilleux is MIA.

I'm sorry

I should not have taken it out on you. You know how I get when you lose a game you should have won, I have been drinking, and I have been denied my Fullerton. Did I mention that I was drinking?

I didn't really watch the game. I am, therefore, not in a position to judge except to say that losing 6-2 against a team like the Foreurs is totally unacceptable. Is it lonely down there in the basement? The other 5 bottom dwellers all got points last night. Val d'Or got 2, Lewiston got 2, Bathurst got 2 and, Baie Comeau and Chicoutimi went into shootout with the BC Drakkar walking away with 2 points. This does not bode well for you my sweet ungulates.

I am just going to check the newspaper now to see if Cam says you battled hard but did not get the lucky bounces. Wait a sec... nope! Willy Palov's article says nothing.

I just wanted to let you know that it is not about lucky bounces. It is about being in the right place at the right time. You can't blame all of your failures on 'lucky bounces' for the other team. In truth, the 'lucky bounce' is a rare thing... and it actually involves some puck bouncing stuff. Remember the time we were playing Saint John and the puck bounced over Amyot's stick, over Mayer's stick and landed right near a Moosehead who was facing an open net, who then did not fan on the shot - that is a lucky bounce combined with right place/right time stuff AND net hitting skillz.


About last night:

• Mark Yetman got the start but was pulled before the start of the second period for having allowed 3 goals on 10 shots**. Yetman gets the loss.
• Mathieu Corbeil played the second and third periods allowing 3 goals on 27 shots.
• Raffaele D'Orso allowed 2 goals on 35 shots and had an assist. Oh la la. See ladies - there are benefits to playing the puck.

Moose were 0 for 6 on the PP, while the Foreurs were 2 for 5. Our special teams need to smarten up. They were doing OK for a while there but in recent games have gone completely kaboomy. Mooseheads have the worst power play in the league with a 14.2% efficiency. They have also allowed 11 short handed goals this season. Sad really!

Tomas Knotek got both of the Moosehead goals with assists by Jessyko Bernard *hugs*, Justin Pender (same old tip in of a Pender shot from the blue line- welcome back), and Ben MacAskill. At some point, in what little game I did watch, I heard John Moore cooing over Charles Bety. Good for Bety, now he can start a bromance with our radio announcer.

The good:

• Piette is still coming out on top in the faceoffs, winning 13 of 23.
• Jessyko was throwing his weight around. 3 hits.
• Eric Louis-XVI was able to play.
• Pender returns.
• Knotek, because 2 goals is never bad.
• pictures
  

The bad/the ugly:

• Mark Yetman. I don't know what those shots looked like but the numbers are ugly.
• Eric Louis-XVI was there in name only.
• Giving the Foreurs 5 power plays.
• Kevie (stars- oh hooray), Frankie (don't poke my goalie in the face) and Rafie combining for 4 assists + a goal by "les sourcils" Sauve. I love them but technically they are the enemy.

I still can not decide if anymoose deserves cookies.


The Future:
Tonight the Moose play the Rouyn Noranda Huskies, the only team in the league with a zombie on their roster. Yeah, you heard me right!

What! You didn't know that Brad Yetman was a zombie? He totally is! He was bitten by a zombie on Dec 29 2008 and had transformed into a full fledged zombie by January 16th. Shawinigan knew that he had the zombie virus. Being a top tier team they feared some sort of punishment from the CHL come playoff time, especially considering that they are good enough to be Memorial cup contenders this year. So they went ahead and traded him on Jan 9th to an unsuspecting Rouyn-Noranda, just days before 'the rage' kicked in full force.

So there you have it: Rouyn Noranda 53 points, 22 ahead of the Moose, and up by one zombie.

Our 'pet the Yeti'* says he does not want to allow defensive defencezombie Yetman to get a goal against him. Given the outcome of last night's game I wonder if the two Yetmans will even be given a chance to battle (HA) it out. I, for one, want Brad to get a goal. It will be a league milestone. First goal ever scored by a zombie in the CHL.


*as opposed to, oh say, 'fear the Yeti'. Nobody fears Mark Yetman.
** I had originally said 3 in 9... cuz the Q game page is inconsistent between its goalie stats in the team section and its shot stats at the bottom of the page.
edit - i watched a bit of the first from the archives. Honestly how many sticks and pucks did the moose take to the face?

Dear puppy

Dear Jessyko,
This is unacceptable. Get better. You have been a maybe for four games now and I am getting so tired of maybes, and almosts, and oh not quites. Unless of course you are still injured, then we wouldn't want to make it worse. Your playing while injured, just after the X-mas break, has lead to your current situation. People get sad when they see a lame puppy. Please stop making me sad.

...and what is it Pender: a knee or a hip? Make up your mind. Geeeze.

Tonight the Moose face the Wildcats. We need puppies in our lineup. Cats hate puppies. Let's just put it this way my darling Moose, if the cats are playing Riopel, then we may be able to get this done. I'm not a psychic...but I have a feeling. You see, you have defeated the Cats already this year. Yet, even when you lost you still managed to get 4 pucks past Nicola Riopel - TWICE. This guy has a GAA of 1.99 and has only allowed 5 goals twice this year, and 4 goals on only three occasions (stats here) - yet it is y'all, the little ol' Mooseheads, that have pounded his net (I know, holy confusing grammar Statman).

If you play a good defensive game (all game), if you crash the hell out of them, and if Brown is still MIA, there is a very good chance you could pull this one off. I mean I could be negative and put out the negative numbers, but the positive spin simply cannot be ignored.

PS. I probably won't be able to watch the game, but do me proud anyway.


Mo stuffs:
1) Just click this link. It will steal precious seconds from your life but you will not regret it. In fact, I think I have seen this smile on at least one Moosehead player - it is his "I am posing with children" smile.

2) The new guys got their team photos done. Someone obviously warned them in advance and they had time to do their hair, unlike some of the other poor saps on the team.

Amyot, Dunn, Pelletier and Stransky were warned about impending photos

Bernard, MacDonald, O'Brien and Randell were not so lucky

Lady Santa is coming to Moose Country

Peeps around the internet (it is a HLOG challenge) seem to be making up x-mas lists for their team, so in keeping with the fun I thought I would do the same.

First off, everybody gets a new razor and shave gel in their Christmas stocking. Everybody. My team are starting to look a pack of skeezy 1970’s pick-up artists. I know they are all just growing moustaches because I said I have a fetish, but that died the day my boyfriend grew a moustache and forced me to kiss him.

Scott McDonald - Pool lessons and a geometry text book. Then I am going to get the internet access of everybody who bitches on the message boards cut off just so that we don't have to deal with them anymore.

Ryan Matheson – Ice time. I don’t want him to still be classified as a rookie in the 2009-2010 season.

Alex MacDonald - Extra mullet. Everyone wants the luxurious Eastern European hair bits that stick out the back of his helmet to be gone. I want to accentuate them – which is why he is getting clip-on hair pieces.

Richard Greer – A home gym and sessions with a personal trainer. The complete Hannah Montana dvd collection.

Linden Bahm – A year’s supply of restylane lip injections. He really can’t afford to maintain those lips on a QMJHL player's salary. I promise that I am going to try to find your offensive edge. I don’t know where you left it at, but I don’t think you left it at my place (bow chick-a-wow wow).

Matthew Snow – Tweezers, and a chair so he can work on his occasional balance issues.

Logan MacMillan – Underarmour, because every time he fights - my boyfriend gets lucky. I think the boyfriend is beginning to suspect a connection.

Tomas Knotek – Extra time with Richard Greer so that he can take advantage of the home gym, and a good calling plan so that he can keep in touch with all of his long distance friends…sometimes Skype just doesn’t cut it.

Travis Randell – A new fake ID. In this one he can have his goatee, a further sign of his extremely manly hair growing abilities. Speech lessons to tone down the accent.

Gabriel Desjardins – We are actually going to harvest the hair from everybody else's face and make a little real-hair beard for Gab. Unfortunately, it will be a calico beard. He will also be getting a copy of “What’s going on down there” and a fly swatter to bat away the girls.

Gerrad Grant - A practice net so he can work on his shootout move. The complete ANTM dvd collection so that he can determine his best strut and learn how to smile with his eyes.

Jessyko Bernard - An undercoat comb, a very comfy puppy bed and some delicious puppy biscuits. Extra razors because this is just wrong. The Spice Girls Greatest Hits box set and Dance Dance Revolution

Justin Pender – Hooked on phonics. Soap for his potty mouth.

Charles Bety – A one album record deal – his rendition of Frère Jacques was like angels singing in my ears.

Ben MacAskill – An MCAT study guide and a date with my friend AN. Honestly, if for no other reason than the fact that she needs a new guy in her life. The current one is kind of a dud.

Alexis Piette – A Dick Dastardly and Muttley costume complete with aeroplane. Jessyko can be Muttley. That is the look you are going for right? From this moment onward OMAM will be referring to Alexis by the name Dick Dastardly.

Mathieu Corbeil – A disco ball and something bright and colourful like this spiderman height growth chart.

Mark Yetman – A sexy blow-up sheep.

Chad Earle – A jersey that says ‘White 22’ on the back. Hey, a girl can dream.

Gabriel O’Connor – A penalty box for his bedroom so that he can get all of his urges to spend time in the box over and done with before he steps foot on the ice.

Graham Bona – A whole game without an unforced turnover, followed by a sushi date with me. We will also get a ball-gag for the guys who sit behind me and criticize you all game. Oh wait, that helps me more than it helps you. Now, speaking of whipping boys and ball gags….

Ned O’Brien - What do you get for the guy who has everything but offensive skills? You get a skills detector... it is like a metal detector but it is still in the theoretical stages of development. Maybe you can use it to find all those offensive skills you lost once you made the team.

Matt Boland – A shoulder transplant. We are getting him all new titanium shoulders.

Yuri Cheremetiev – An Alexander Mogilny NHL Hockey series 3 toy – a simple reminder to him of what he should be striving to play like.

Eric Louis-XVI – A magic bag. It can be both hot and cold, for whatever kind of pain relief you need. More success with the rest of your game. We know you can hit…now let’s try something else.

The Trouble with tribbles...on your face.

Everyone knows that my lust for Travis Fullerton is so strong that I am capable of overlooking the occasional moustache thing he has going on. I may, in fact, even find his moustache kinda sexy. I would lick it.

...and yet my team is currently suffering from a major overdose of hair in the upper lip region. I do not like it. Is it all just a dare? Why is it spreading from face to face? Is it a joke? Goalie mask shadow? Are some of these mistakes from attempted puberty beards gone horribly wrong?

Decide for yourself. I give you in very fuzzy picture format: Jessyko Bernard, Graham Bona, Alexis Piette and Mark Yetman. They didn't start the season looking like this.


Perhaps this is the first ever recorded case of regressive evolution in man. They are regressing from Homo sapien back into Bryceus swanicus.

We won the Memorial cup...someone had best tell Spokane the bad news.

From the Charlotte Checker's website:

Hillier, 6-feet-0, 198 pounds, played the last four seasons with the Halifax Mooseheads of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League. Over those seasons, he suited up in 229 games scoring 86 goals, 104 assists for 190 points. Last season, he helped Halifax win the memorial cup by scoring eight goals and seven assists for 15 points in 14 playoff games. The Halifax Nova Scotia native was selected by the Rangers in the third round of the 2006 NHL Entry Draft.

That was mean

Dearest Yeti
I am sorry. I was walking the dog this morning and I found you out sleeping under the step like a homeless cur. You are not a two bagger. It was just plain mean of me to say that. I think it was a delayed Tourettes-like response to your comment in last weeks game program where you told the world you were good looking. Maybe you were joking, maybe it was tongue in cheek like when Ryan Sparling said he liked Laguna Beach and figure skating (please tell me that was a joke) in last year's Sea Dogs profiles.

No, you are perfectly cute. See. This is you sitting at the bench looking kinda cute. You do not want to be the guy sitting at the bench just looking cute, now do you?
Yes, sometimes you look kinda cute. You look cuter when you play well. Mind you, you will never be that hot guy who works in the Second cup at the Dalhousie library. He has the spriggin'ist nose and the most delightfully pouty upper lip. I would shove the entire Mooseheads roster down a flight of stairs if they stood between me and my chance to nibble his lips.

Please play better today.

Your reluctant lover
Q-girl

No love lost / Who likes gossip?

So in my regular attempt at Travis Fullerton* internet stalking (real life stalking results in more restraining orders), I went online to facebook and the "Travis Fullerton fan Club" page.

In the discussion board under the header "What are the Saint John Sea Dogs Going to do next year without Travis Fullerton as their goalie?" I see the following post by one Mr Jason Rinzler*:
"I think the sea dogs will be way better off without him. Any other goalie will not just fill the void but surpass it. There will be a more positive vibe in the dressing room and everyone will be happier without him. I predict a championship next year without him."

Me-fuckin'-ow Mr Rinzler. Who is Jason Rinzler you may ask? Jason is a MJAHL player from Moncton who played with the Weeks Crushers and who played with Travis on the Moncton Beavers. Travis is from Riverview, the town across the river from Moncton and he played for the Moncton Beavers before he made the Q, as well as during his 'time-off' between Lewy and Saint John.


Now maybe Fullerton is a disruptive mess in the locker room, I don't know. I like to imagine that he is one horribly sloppy disruptive mess leaving fires, broken relationships and broken girls in his wake *sigh*. He looks like trouble, he may in fact be trouble, I secretly like trouble, hence I like Travis Fullerton. If he wanted to break me I would say go for it.

Sometimes I think naughty things about boys in the Q (usually when someone loses a jersey during a fight), then I feel bad because those boys are too young for me to have such thoughts about them, but it is normally just a momentary lapse of judgement. I have no problem admitting that I am all momentary lapses of judgement when it comes to Fullerton...and I don't feel bad about it either.


Jason Rinzler now plays AUS hockey for the St. Thomas Tommies (in Fredericton NB), Fullerton also plays AUS, but for UNB in Fredericton NB.

On the St Thomas Webpage, where the Tommies introduce Rinzler as a new player, there is a comment from one Rob Taylor:
"Rinzler's a hack but he's got a great mustache ..... Keep the stache thick and he'll score STU some goals ... Unless he runs up against Fullerton otherwise known as Rico than all bets are off even with the stache ..
That is all
Rob Taylor"

MEOW Rob Taylor. Who is Rob Taylor*? I have no idea.
Who knew boys could be so damn catty...and Rinzler rocks a 'stache too. Double damn!!! Are Fully and Rinzler fighting over me? - doubt it since I have never met either boy, but I do love a 'stache battle-royale (even though, since seeing Fully's 'stacheless UNB pic, I realized that I like the look of Fully more without it).

Should I repeat this gossip fest? Why the hell not! They are the ones who put it out on the internets for all to see, and we all know the ladies like gossip.

By the way, how is Travis doing with UNB? - winningly, that is how. Sometimes I stalk the UNB Varsity Reds via the Daily Gleaner.


On October 24th UNB plays Dal. I have the date memorized, which is why I am damn pissed that the Mooseheads chose this day for their Breast Cancer awareness/ Pink Jersey game. The boys will wear pink Jerseys vs the Sags and then the game worn Jerseys can be won in a raffle. I swear-to-god this organization hates me. I WANT A JERSEY...but I will not give up a 'date' with Fullerton for a chance to win one. I like him THAT much.

Having just thought of Travis Fullerton I now have a 'situation' I have to deal with. This is a perfectly normal heterosexual female response to repeated mental stimulation by sexy, stretchy, wiggly, leg-flicking, puck-playing, bad-boy goaltenders. Move along, nothing to see here.


edit - *and they are all facebook friends, imagine that.

Delightful

That is how you describe a night with your very own Hottie Hockey Dreamy team. Yes, co-GMs W.A. Curl and I.M.W.G. Guys have sinned signed on all of the HHDTs essential positions and still managed to remain far below the cap. This allows me to add players of my liking to fill the rest of the roster: Vermette, Fisher, Latendresse anyone?

I suggest you check out the starting lineup. Carey Price is soooooo dessert. He seems like the kinda guy who takes everything slow, which is why I am going to take my time with him…he is a boy I would have to savour. Purrrrrrrr.

I have no idea what I am going to do to Letang but I am sure I will figure it out. Have I seen Letang 'play' before? Oh most definitely. He is a former Q-boy and a defenceman - so I think this encounter was meant to be. He looks sweet, which probably means that he is the exact opposite of sweet, maybe even a bit of a beastie in the bedroom. Rawrrrrr.

Yes, everyone gets a turn to show me what they can do (except that Vinnie guy…he can sit in a corner and watch).

Speaking of taking on multiple boys - my hunt for my next QMJHL boyfriend has turned decidedly in the favour of the Mooseheads young group of backup goaltender candidates: Mathieu, Stefan, Jeremie, Kody and Brandon. Ohhhh I like how y’all think. There are five of them and they are all under the age of 18. You are probably right – I should get my hands on them while they are young, teach them a thing or two, and then turn them loose on the world for the other girls to enjoy. Once a boy develops bad habits they stick with him for life, which is why it is important to develop good habits early on. Positioning, patience and stamina are the keys to success. I hope they remember that "training camp" starts at the end of this month.

The Lindenbaum

Is it a harbinger of good or bad fortune that my facebook's 'German word of the day' is Lindenbaum, given that the Mooseheads have acquired a 19 year old winger named Linden Bahm (pronounced Bay-m) for the upcoming season?

According to German word of the day Lindenbaum [n] is any of various deciduous trees of the genus Tilia heart-shaped leaves and drooping cymose clusters of yellowish often fragrant flowers; several yield valuable timber...


What does it all mean? Surely the hockey gods are not trying to tell me that this kid is lumbering, a wooden skater, or the most unfortunate of all - deciduous. We most definitely do not need some kid whose skills are 'falling off at maturity'. Perhaps what the hockey gods are trying to tell me is that the boy has a sturdy trunk and stands like a pillar - a pillar of leadership. Either that or he has fragrant hair growing in cymose clusters. Thus my desire to smell fluffy pre-game hair should not be reserved for goalies alone.

The Dreamy team is progressing nicely

The girls at I mean, we got guys... and Wrap Around Curl have tallied the votes to select the hottest goalie in the NHL. I have done my part to make the Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team as jailbait-y as possible by voting Carey Price.

They are now at the point of selecting the hottest defensive pairing in the NHL (vote for everybody's newest facebook friend Kris Letang), and the hunt for the hottest left winger has just begun. Get your ass over there and vote. We were not suffragettisoned from the political patriarchy to just sit on our wonderfully shaped girlie butts and dream about who would be in our Dreamy Team. We are now free to shape the Dreamy Team of our desires - the Dreamy Team we would most like to have on the giving end of our thorough tallindering*. The time to vote is now.

*tallindering (verb; past tense - tallindered) is better defined as an 'odd man rush'. It is best undertaken while drunk and is most likely a decision you will soon regret.

Who, shall I say, is calling?

I have been contemplating the last two games of the season and my potential goalie dates:

The friend - You never thought of him in that way because you have always just been friends. Your other friends keep telling you to go for it. He is kinda goofy and ‘the chemistry’ between the two of you is questionable. He is incapable of growing an actual beard, hair just grows on his neck. However he is a good listener and is often there for you when you feel abandoned. He is the one you call when you get stood up for a date. However he is not reliable when he is ‘in love’...then you can’t find him anywhere.

The sensitive guy – He is prone to tears and is described by others as a sensitive soul. He volunteers both his time and his money for charitable causes. He is traditionally handsome, dresses well but is not flashy, and because he is somewhat modest and soft spoken he blends in with the crowd. Your parents love him and your friends love him...heck everybody loves him. He is a prince and is soon to be a King. However, he is so consumed with work and with helping others that he sometimes forgets about you. You forgive him because everybody else thinks he is the one to hold on to. His work ethic and ability to climb his way out of a rut make him admirable. Your parents are probably right.

The smooth operator - He dresses well, his shoes and his belt always match. He smells good, his eyebrows are perfect, heck even his hands are perfect. No matter what the situation, he is extremely charming. He is so good looking your friends may try to sleep with him...as will your mother and every other female on the planet. This inspires immense jealousy on your part. He is sometimes cool, calm, and collected, but may occasionally come across as indifferent and cold. He has a temper when pushed. You never know which guy you are going to get. You wonder why he would even want to be with you….or even if he is actually still with you, because he is so unreliable. When he smiles at you, you forgive him because you are a sucker. He hasn't called you lately and yet you are eagerly awaiting his return and his smile. You like him a lot, maybe too much (which is why he gets two pictures). He frequently makes you feel like you have just been stabbed in the gut.

The bad boy - He has a temper, drinks (and drives), his cloths never match, his T- shirts have holes in them, he cuts his hair only once a year, and he looks like he has questionable hygiene. He may be crazy, but he is loads and loads of fun. You can dress him up but probably can't take him out - nor would you really want to. You are best served by just keeping him handcuffed to the posts or to the bed.

The foreign guy – He is exotic because he is foreign, but then you learn that foreign guys are just like Canadian guys and they come with all the same baggage. He may be like any of the above guys, but until you get to know him better he is just - the foreign guy. He is pensive and careful with words, or maybe he just doesn’t like to talk. He keeps letting things slip by but refuses to discuss it with you when you ask about his day.

Your friend’s little brother - He likes you only because he had that ‘dream about you’. The fascination will wear off eventually. God, get your hand out of your pants Peter.