When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You Know That You're Right

Slack assed? I know!

Admittedly, I have missed blogging about the past two Mooseheads games which took place on the road in Rimouski. The first was a 9-6 loss and the second a 2-1 loss. Travis Randell had a hattie in the 9-6 loss, hence why he got cookies, while all of Delmas, Bernard, Gelinas and Amyot sustained serious injuries and did not even have cold cookies which they could use as ice packs. So sad!

Poor crippled and broken boys trapped alone with nothing to hump on them over the "weekend of love" except their road roomie.

Cookies for the Valentines day game go to Corbeil - because he is my #1 QMJHL boyfriend, because it was valentines AND because he allowed only 2 goals in 31 shots despite playing with a somewhat injured knee. I am beginning to believe that he grows his hair all 'up and out' so that he can be a peacock for me. It's just his way of bringin' his shine.

So last weekend was a bit of a bust. While I was hoping at least for an infinite number of over-time games - that just won't be happening. I never get what I want anyway, so I should be used to this by now. I am a pessimist so I don't hope for wins - that would be too much to ask for. All I really want now is for the boys to be able to bring it into overtime.

*sigh*

There is some good news in Mooseworld, however. Pascal Amyot was nominated as the Mooseheads candidate for the Marcel Robert Smartypants Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence...or something like that. Good for him. He should be proud of being smarter than the other hockey players (sometimes it doesn't take much - oh, snap!).

Travis Randell was also the team's scholastic player of the month. This is AFTER he told us in last Month's Faces magazine that he was sucking out in school last term (in so many words).

Speaking of Faces Magazine (which I absolutely hate because it is a frivolous piece of fluff) - there is a profile on My Beloved Jessyko Bernard in the February issue. They also have the "best of" voting going on right now - so you can vote for your favorite Moosehead. Last year Yeti won....and we all know how awesome his life is right now (double snap). It's OK though because he has his faces magazine "Favorite Moosehead" prize and his " 2009 Director's Choice" award to keep him warm.

Is that mean?

Good! I have every right to be a miserable bitch sometimes! Sometimes you try to be nice and it gets you nowhere, which is why I am just going to be the bitch 'someone' always thought I would be. Eventually everybody is just trash to be thrown out and feasted upon by freegans. Right? Fuckin' garbage eating hippies.

Can you tell that I am in a hideous mood? I have been for a while now. I am angry. I am fighting angry! I am explosively angry! If I had atomic bomb capabilities like Sylar on Season 1 of Heroes I would probably try to take the whole world down with me. I WANT to sink to whole new lows... but I am not a complete asshole. Not even when scorned.

I have been listening to far too much Fiona Apple and while it does not make me miserable, in and of itself, she does basically manage to touch on all of my recent emotional states. She's my kindred spirit (the OTHER one who is not Alex Lemieux). 

I can't seem to take pride in all the awesome things I have done in the past month - like get my paper published in a prestigious science journal and whiddle my waist down by two inches - all I do is dwell on the most miserable things. I kinda don't want to write the blog because my sense of humour has gone out the door with my...whatever else it is that I have lost (Joie du vivre?). What's the point if I can't deliver the goods?

Q-girl can't seal the deal! I am so sorry for that. I hate to disappoint people. If you have read my profile you will notice that I even hate to disappoint my i-pod. I am a bit of a mierenneuker. I want perfection from myself and lately I just can't produce.

Tonight the Moose take on the #1 ranked Saint John Sea Dogs. How will they do? Will I be willing to blog about it in a witty and insightful manner or will I just slump home and proceed to dig myself deeper into my pit of misery? Stay tuned.

Edit - News Links
Playing to his potential - A Desjardins' story

*post title courtesy of Fiona Apple

Locked in the trunk of a car

The Mooseheads had their first two games of the season this past weekend and I was neither willing nor energetic enough to report on either of them at the time. I was on a weekend mini-vacation and if the Moose can't give me that then they are selfish, selfish boys.

Moose vs Screagles:
I did spend Friday evening cuddled up with my boys (and my other real, more fleshy boyfriend) to watch the Moose take on the Screagles on Eastlink television. It was a spirited game with the Moose coming back from a severe deficit to pull up to CB's bumper. The score was 5-4 going into the final minute of the game. Then Michael Stinziani ruined their night by getting a hat trick when he directed the puck into an empty Mooseheads net. He did this from inside the CB blue line. Final score 6-4.

My concerns:
Too many breakaways for Cape Breton: I am getting tired of this. This is three years in a row where I feel like I am guaranteed to see the opposition have at least 5 breakaway shots on net every game.

Too many goals allowed: Losing is fine. I am OK with losing, but can we keep the goals against under 5. Yeah...that would be great.

The dark green numbers are almost impossible to see on the dark red background of the "away Jersey", and I am not even a colour blind male. If it was that difficult to see on TV I do not want to know how hard it will be to see on a streaming internet feed.

Not that I am about to start paying telus to watch these now. Yep, streaming internet feeds are no longer free. Thus, I shall no longer be writing semi-informative blogs about away games because I refuse to pay an extra $100+ dollars for the shitty and inconsistent feed.

Mon Cher:
1) Jessyko Bernard for getting that goal in the final minutes of the game to put the pressure on Cape Breton.

2) Cookies go to Charles Bety for being everywhere. Bety had a game high 9 shots on net (tied with CB's Stinziani), an assist and won 50% of his faceoffs.

3) The Mooseheads PP was better than in the preseason - 3/6 and their PK was better - allowing only 1/6.

4) The 'never say die' attitude displayed by the boys.

les nouvelles:
Mooseheads drop season-opener to Eagles
Eagles top Moose to open Q season


Moose vs Rocket:
The Mooseheads lost 7-4 as the result of a collapse in the end of the third period. What was all that off-season training for? Our love sessions require stamina. I will have no more of this shenanigans. I want tantric hockey.

Problems:
Penalties. Too many of 'em to deal with PEI's successful power play (yes it feels weird to type that). Linden Bahm spent 4 minutes in the sin bin alone. Did Gabe O'Connor tell him that they keep porno mags in there? Well they don't!!! Besides, the quality of porno magazines has declined vastly in recent years. Do you really want to see Heidi Montag get naked? She is no Sasha Grey.

Hitting was down. Why don't my team like to hit the Rocket? You can break their faces. I don't mind.

Meine Liebe:
Give Vanille Kipferls to Konrad Abeltshauser for a goal and an assist. His point production so far is making me feel funny in my nether regions and he is only 17 years old.

Nachrichten:
Lineup: Mooseheads at Rocket
Rocket sink Mooseheads with big finish
Moose fall 7-4 to Rocket
Mooseheads' Russell finds the positives in a tough weekend


My love:
I went to pick up my season tickets and came face to face with three boys I like and am familiar with. This is a challenge on a team with 13 new players. Yes, Bernard, Bety and MacDonald were handling my section. *gasp Bernard*.

Bernard pawned me off on Alex MacDonald. Somehow I lived. I can't stay mad at Jessyko Bernard but what I can do is make Alex MacDonald an upper tier defenceman boyfriend. I am spiteful like that. Alex has his charms as well as a lot of hair for pulling.



If Alex really wants to give me a "special gift" (I suspect that my Mooseheads mug is not really that special since everybody received one) what he can do is line up the team in the following order: coaches, goalies, defence, defensive forwards, scoring forwards, and lastly, injured/ missing players*. He can then run past the group with his hand at face level to produce an elongated slap motion. Defensive, my ass! A slap is what they get for allowing 13 goals in the past two games.

I will just have to figure out how to deal with this 3 Alex situation. We have an Alexandre Brunet, an Alex MacDonald and an Alex Lemieux. I can't even call them Thing 1 and Thing 2. Oh I know I could call them Brunet, MacDonald and Lemieux but that would be far too easy.

*Injured/missing players are not being defensively responsible.

Edit:Video - Moose vs Rocket

Moose vs Screagles highlights:

Training Camp - squee!

I am just here to pass on news from other sources.

Wuest has posted the training camp schedule on the Q-files blog:

"The Halifax Mooseheads will hold training camp from Wednesday, Aug. 19, to Friday, Aug. 21, at Cole Harbour Place, with morning and evening scrimmages.

The camp roster will be divided into three teams, with 5-on-5 action running from 10 a.m. to noon in the morning and from 7 to 9 p.m. in the evening. The Mooseheads travel to Cornwall, P.E.I., on Saturday, Aug. 22, to open the exhibition season at 4 p.m. against the Prince Edward Island Rocket"

...and the Mooseheads have announced an Alumni game vs the Halifax Regional Police:

"The Mooseheads announced today that they will be hosting the first Halifax Mooseheads Alumni Game on Sunday, August 23^rd at 3:30pm at the Halifax Forum when they take on members of the Halifax Regional Police. The Alumni game will take place prior to the Mooseheads Exhibition Home Opener against the PEI Rocket at 6pm. Proceeds from the Alumni game will go towards Feed Nova Scotia and the Diana Thorton Education Fund.

Tickets, which include both admission to the Alumni game and the Exhibition game against PEI, are just $7 each. Admission is free for children 12 years of age and under. Fans are also encouraged to bring a non-perishable food item to the event in support of Feed Nova Scotia

A pre-game BBQ will also take place just outside the Forum at 2:30pm with proceeds going to Feed Nova Scotia. Mooseheads players will be on hand at the BBQ to mingle with fans and sign autographs."

You need to know this so that you can stalk your favorite Mooseheads.

*Sigh*. Once upon a time there was a Moose I wanted to meet but I had told myself I was never going to meet him during a team sanctioned event. He didn't seem to understand why this was weird and inappropriate. It seems far to 'fan-like' and not like 'hey I'm a person and you're a person and we like some of the same shit' and all that shit so we can chill, and have a beer, and talk or whatever...
...this went on for a year
...but we never met
...and we will never meet
...and sometimes I want to punch walls!

Sometimes I may seem crazy, but it is just because some boys can drive you to behave that way.

I have banned team sanctioned events from my life because they make me feel weird. Why would a grown woman (in a sense) want to meet a bunch of boys. I can't discuss the things that boys like to talk about: titties, who in their class gives the best head, drinking, and video games. These things are not my forte.

I would however like all of my Moosies to know that I DO appreciate them for the hours of entertainment that they provide me, and I will continue to love them even if this season is an epic fail. Yes, I have my season tickets booked and even if I never meet them I will love all of my Moose from afar - through some glass, as if they were a zoo animal. From seasons past I have learned my lesson about these creatures - look, don't touch, and most importantly 'NEVER feed the animals'.

I mean honestly! See this post from 'Fuck you, Penguin' - Petting zoo goats. Replace "petting zoo goats" with the words Jr Hockey Player. Fine let me do this for you:

QMJHL arenas are a hotbed of teenage hubris. With children constantly saying how cute they are, it's important to let the QMJHL players know that not everybody is on their dicks 24/7. This dandy here hasn't gotten nearly enough humble pie, because he apparently thinks he's next in line on the runway* in fucking Milan. Ummm, not every teenage boy just gets to lie around all day waiting for little sluts to come and rub them ______. Some boys actually have to work hard all day to find lady friends to rub them _______.

Whether you are dealing with petting zoo goats or QMJHL players the last thing you want to do is make them more smug or arrogant than they already are.


* you know, like a model...or Garred Grant. I wonder if the wrist surgery is interfering with his 'love life'

I hate 3 in 3.

I get tired just thinking about how these poor boys have to suffer on the road, shuffling between hotels and playing hockey against some brutally successful teams in their own barns. The Moose are on the road in Quebec for a three in three: taking on Gatineau (tonight), Shawinigan (Saturday) and finally Victoriaville (Sunday) before heading home on the long bus trip.

Some quick news links:
Matthew Wuest - Mooseheads faced with challenging road trip.

Three games in three days. All on the road. All against powerful teams at least 30 points ahead of them. Yep, the Halifax Mooseheads are in a pickle heading to Quebec, teetering on the brink of missing the QMJHL playoffs.
“Six,” said Mooseheads head coach Cam Russell hopefully, when asked how many points he can reasonably expect.

Wow. Cam is funny. Why don't I have a crush on him? I like funny guys.

Honestly though, while I have a tonne of blind faith in my team I am not completely delusional. I do believe that they are the kind of team that can pull off an upset...I just don't think that they believe that they are the kind of team that can pull off an upset. This is despite the fact that they do seem to think they can defeat the other cellar dwellers without really trying. This mentality results in frequent incidents of epic fail.

Pascal Amyot is slightly more reasonable:

“They’re great teams and we have to make it hard on them and make sure that no matter what the score is, they’re gonna remember playing the Mooseheads,” said blue-liner Pascal Amyot. “That’s the message we want to leave.”

If you actually read this news story or the Q-files in the link to the right you will notice that Guillaume Pelletier is expected to be out for the full season while recuperating from his broken knee. That is no shock. He is invited to my house to watch all future road games with me and to give me french lessons so that I can converse better with french goaltenders.


Jersey Auction:
The Halifax Mooseheads will be paying tribute to the Nova Scotia Voyageurs on February 27^th by wearing Voyageurs replica jerseys in the home game against the Cape Breton Screaming Eagles. They will then be auctioning off the game worn jerseys on the team website. All proceeds from the auction will go to the IWK Children’s Hospital for purchase of a SMART Syringe Pump for the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.

OK. I am too excited about a game worn jersey auction. Which do I bid on: Goalies, puppy, Bona, Bahm? Whomever's is going cheapest? Can I get a boy to go with that jersey?

A love letter? For Valentines?

Oh Moose, there was something in the mail from you today. You are so sweet. I know I am not the kind of squishy girl who enjoys rom-coms or dreams of grand romantic gestures, but I do enjoy high heels; and a little romance (bottle of wine) every once in a while does get you some special favors... in those high heels.

Oh wait! It was just a letter asking for season ticket money... for next fall. Well that is presumptuous. Sometimes with the way you treat me, and the frequent 'dissatisfaction' I feel following our romps, I wonder if you will still be a part of my life come September. Just saying.

At least the CHL sent me a free XXXXXXL t-shirt. It looks great (note sarcasm) on my petite body. Then Hammer sent me Drew Owsley... or an owl key chain, same thing. I keep it stored in my bosom, as I would with the real Drew Owlsey. He is small enough to fit in there. Then there is you - you just ask me for sexual favours and all of my monies *sigh*.

Fine, I'll keep you around, but just because I like the way you look *pet*. Here, have 300 dollars, but don't spend it all in one place, be home by midnight and if you are going to be skanking around with other girls then at least make sure I would approve of them - no stupid chicks. Keeping you around is better than the alternative. If I leave you alone to wander the streets bad things could happen. I got this search on my site meter... which is like a semi-Nostradamus for me. You boys had better watch your backs.

Please, don't do it Mr Anonymous Newfoundlander!

I mean, there is no need for y'all to be put down. Things have been better lately, the weekend split was nice. Old Man Randell agrees:

“As of late, especially, we’ve been playing real good hockey against real good teams,” said Mooseheads forward Travis Randell. “We’re in a tough stretch right now, fighting for a playoff spot, and we’ve got to keep this up.”

Now admittedly, we could thin the herd and put Randell out of his misery for saying that things are "real good", but it is not his fault... grammar is simply not a Newfie's forte .


Other stuff:

• Please Titan, don't go. I love to hate you.
• Also read about Spencer Jezegou. He captains the enemy, so we must learn more about him.
• The Culligan Cares Campaign, which raises money for the development of a cancer centre at the Cape Breton Regional Hospital has raised over $18,000.
• I saw the funniest cartoon. I wish I could post it or share it... but I can't. It reveals too much.
• Ohhhh goalie - Quick hits with Raffaele D'Orso
  
• FYI. We ladies are crazy. Right now I am so fucked up that I am confusing myself. I am all cycling primal urges. Fuck, kill, fuck, kill. I may also be suffering from a bad case of the gimmie gimmies in regards to something I cannot have. This induces self loathing and irrational crying jags. PMS compounds it. My whole body hurts. Male suicide rates would go way up if they had to deal with such extreme hormone fluctuations. The cure to all of life's problems is sleep. Can I sleep away the pain? Like, all of it? Just asking! Wait...isn't this a Junior hockey blog? Yeah, but it is MY Junior hockey blog. I just needed to get that out of my system. I'll shut up now.
  

Picking a new Q boyfriend: Now with pictures

I am clarifying my previous post - picking a new Q boyfriend, by adding the requested player pictures. I hope this makes all of our lives much easier.

Mark Yetman is our default choice, only because he is the Mooseheads starting goaltender for next year. Mark and I have some interpersonal issues we have to work out (we will never work them out), those issues being secret. For now let's just say that I am not very fond of Mark and leave it at that.



Edit - The candidates for backup goaltender
People visit but no one votes. I suspect it is because they are holding out to meet our candidates for backup-goaltender: Mathieu Corbeil-Thériault, Jeremie Forbes-Brisebois, Kody Blois, Brandon Decker and Stefan Dumaresque. Forbes-Brisebois is the tallest at 6'6, with Corbeil-Thériault just a touch smaller at 6'4. The front runner is believed to be Corbeil-Thériault since he lasted the longest at training camp last year. Finding pictures of baby goalies is difficult.




Bobby Nadeau played for the Chicoutimi Sagueneens, but was traded to the PEI Rocket to finish off his QMJHL career. Last season Bobby won the Jacques-Plante Trophy for best Goals Against Average in the league with a 2.63 in 46 games. He also had a respectable 0.899 save %. We like him not only because he is a good goalie but also because he is a lover (we don't talk about THAT anymore). He also gets write in points for the fact that I just discovered that his former teammate Francis Pare wears glasses - who knew Pare was so mutherfuckin hot? Yes- glasses do make you hot.



Timo Pielmeier is the only NHL drafted goalie on my list, and he is the property of the San Jose sharks, just like his German counterpart Dimitri Patzold. What about Germany isn't awesome? I'll tell you what - nothing! During the 2007-2008 regular season Timo had the league's best save % at 0.911 and the 11th best GAA = 2.94 despite playing for a mid pack team with more losses to his name than wins. He may possibly be made of Marzipan and he apparently likes to strike sexy poses while wearing goalie gear. He has clearly been invading my dreams to find out how he can win my love - sexy poses in goalie gear - dear god boy - that's my fetish you are taking advantage of.



Louis Domingue is just a baby. I have never seen him play live, but this season he was the highest ranked goaltender drafted into the Q. You can however watch some video of him in play at my previous post entitled ohhhhhhh baby.


If pictures are not enough for you his draft day video is tres squee. Our love would involve bedtime stories and cookies...nothing more, I promise.




Olivier Roy is the best rookie goalie our league has ever seen. Following in the footsteps of all great Cape Breton goaltenders (Ondrej Pavelec, Martin Houle, Marc-Andre Fleury), Olivier has already shown everybody that he has what it takes to be a very high NHL draft pick and future star. This summer he has been invited to Hockey Canada's 2008 program of excellence goaltender training camp and the IIHF team Canada Under 18 Development Camp. He also has a very pouty bottom lip and good skin - you know, for a kid who turns 17 today. Happy birthday Olivier.




Andrew White is clearly not a goalie. He is a hard-working role-player from Newfoundland. Everybody likes Andrew, this is why he is the Moosehead's version of the 'playa's playa' - meaning he is the guy who won the best sportsmanship award. Andrew has shifty eyes and looks like he wants to kill people. I like him, I like him ALOT. For more peepin' at Andrew in a suit check out this facebook image.

Sometimes when my boyfriends piss me off, then we break up, I proceed to fuck around with either their best friend or their worst enemy (because I am a bitch, but only because he was a bitch first). Andrew and Yeti are road roomies and BFFs - so if I wanted to piss Yeti off, Andrew would be the obvious target. Also, of the two, I like Andrew a lot more than I like Yeti - I always have, despite the fact that Yeti is a goaltender.




Charles Lavigne gives people heart attacks when he plays. He spends about 50 % of the time out of the net and the other 50% of the time poke-checkin'. He poke-checks so much they even managed to capture a picture of him poke-checkin' (he was pokin' at Keven Charland's puck). I fuckin' love Charles. I don't know why - maybe because the way he plays is so scary it will make your heart race, just like new love. Last year there was a rumor floating around that we were going to trade Yeti for Charles over the Christmas trade period - that rumor gave me a femmeboner.




Raffaele D'orso of the Val d'Or Foreurs is the chronically forgotten about one. Sure he made it into the 2007 QMJHL portion of the Canada Russia challenge, but I think he is oft overlooked. Raf is from the land of goalies - St Leonard, Quebec. You get skillz just by breathing the air in St. Leonard. Raf is tiny- 5'10 but he doesn't play so tiny. He models his game after Marty Turco, and isn't he lucky that I just happen to love Marty Turco. Also, he has unilateral control over his crazy big ol' eyebrows and he wiggles them a lot - which we also like.




Ultimately, I need a new boyfriend to make up for the loss of the following hotness: Bernier, Pelletier, Mior, and Fullerton.
Mior and Fullerton make me think naughty things. They totally look like the kinda boys who could effectively deal with all of my crazy requests without suffering from fear or trauma. Damn, these boys make me want to solve all my goalie related woes 'Sean Avery style'.

However, if I dare touched P-O Pelletier (in a bad way) I would get cooties on him, and he is far too special for my cooties. My shaking his hand was enough to make him blush and giggle. He is soooo pretty-pretty, delicate and special, he should be kept in a glass box like Snow White. As for Bernier, I am afraid I would traumatize him and he would never be able to play again; he would just sit in the corner rocking back and forth muttering "so unclean" and weeping because he is sensitive like that.

So I can wait. Yes, I can wait - I promise. In September I will announce my new QMJHL boyfriend.

_______________________________________
Nadeau images from cyberpresse and le bulletin regional
Pielmeier images from http://www.hockeyweb.de/
Domingue image from the Times and Transcript
Roy images from http://www.capebretoneagles.com/ and Canoe. ca
White image # 1 from http://www.halifaxmooseheads.ca/
Lavigne images from http://www.moncton-wildcats.com/
D'Orso images from Francis Vachon's gallery at Photoshelter and Progres St-Leonard

Bernier image is from Getty images, Pelletier from Viewimages, Mior from www.canada.com and Fullerton from David Connell's Sea Dogs Gallery

Picking a New Q Boyfriend

I need a new QMJHL boyfriend for the 2008-09 season. Someone to love for all the wrong reasons, someone for whom my love is driven by tra-la-la-feelingbits and not tra-la-la-statbits*.

Yeah, I know, by default it should be Mark Yetman. He is, after all, the Mooseheads starting goaltender for next season, and slightly more age appropriate than many other boys in the Q given that this will be his 20 year old season. As I have said many times before "That's what I love about these Q-boys. I get older, they stay the same age." But what if, just what if, a jr hockey blogger discovers, for various reasons, both game related and personal, that she does not like her starting goaltender. That she may, in fact, believe her starting goaltender to be a complete and utter asshat. What then?

Of course, I will continue to treat him with the same level of civility I treat all players that grow appropriate non-douchy facial hair. I will continue to praise him for good games, I will still proclaim him mildly adorable -like a 5 year old elf with stumpy fingers. I will just have to trade in my customized 'fear the Yeti' shirt for something more appropriate like an 'I do not believe in abominable netminders' or perhaps even a '17 YO newbie> Yetman' t-shirt.

This puts me in a delicate situation - who shall be my # 1 QMJHL boyfriend? Is it time to go outside of the Moose, or do I just stick with the Moose and, heaven forbid, choose a hockey boyfriend who is not a goalie?

We already know I have proclaimed Bobby Nadeau of the PEI rocket, my new #1 non-Mooseheads goalie boyfriend. So should I stick with Nadeau? He is, afterall, making the move East to be with me. What about some of my old goalie lovers that have moved West like Timo Pielmeier (Shawinigan) or Charles Lavigne (Quebec)? Do I dare venture into the realms of the age-inappropriate love by choosing a youngin' like Louis Domingue, Maxime Clermont or Olivier Roy?

Ist es Liebe, Timo?

I am going to post a poll and let all y'all decide. My poll will be posted to the right. It was hard to whittle it down to 8, but my choices are:

1) Give Yeti one more chance
2) Go with our as of yet undecided backup
3) Bobby Nadeau came all this way for what?
3) Timo Pielmeier looks like a boy you might want to smell
4) Nuts to ageism - Louis Domingue is tall, pouty, toothy and Quebecois
5) Olivier Roy has the skillz to pay the billz
6) Andrew White - forward shmorward. Love the one you're with.
7) Charles Lavigne gives good poke-check.
8) Raffaele D'Orso deserves to be drafted - into your harem.

I need a boyfriend before the start of the next season.

____________________________________
* Tralala feeling-bits brought to you by Pookie and Schnookie at IPB

A whirlwind of emotion

I have had to take a little break to go through the five stages of loss. Denial, anger (see my last post), bargaining, depression and acceptance. I was at step 4 - depression. Then something miraculous happened when I was out drowning my sorrows with shopping. It was the world's best coincidence - let's leave it at that.

Oh happy day. I skipped acceptance and moved right to 'I don't need this team to have no stinking president's cup because I got exactly what I have wanted since Sept 28 2007'. Sigh. If that blows my cover, so be it.

I want to talk about next years team but I need more time to soak it all in. I will settle for my Mtl vs Philly and my SJ vs Dallas games for now. Oh Marty Turco how I love your white mask with the gargoyles. So clean, so beautiful. I am wearing green today in honour of your mask.
_________________________________________

News links:

Mooseheads:
Marchand speaks about benching
Mooseheads swept away
How did it all go so wrong?
Loss 'Devastating'


Sea Dogs:
Plans get going for next season's run
Key overage players say goodbye to dogs
Sauve top Saint John draft prospect

god damn it Fully I've been stood up

Moose lose 4-3. I am so drunk I should have left the original title spelling. There are 8 words in that title, all 8 of which were spelled incorrectly. I even spelled 'up' incorrectly. fuck fuck fuck fuck. All a girl wants is a little Fullerton in her last game of the season. All a girl dreams about is a little Fullerton in her games every fucking day of her life. Give me my God damn Fullerton. I NEED my Fullerton. I WANT my Fullerton. I've been robbed. All I get is a quazi-fuzzy Fully skating to the bench. Have I said Fuck yet?

All I want to do is take Fully, and tie him up and spank him and break him, and grind him up into a fine powder and roll around naked in him and snort him up my nose. Ohhhhh DAMN I have been ripped off.


Here is Mayer. What can I say about Mayer? Right now I am so bitter that all I can say is that he IS NOT FULLERTON- FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Ohhh his new Vaughn's are pretty.

But I'm happy I got me a little P-O, he looked slick, smooth, fancy. I wanted to touch him and he still looks pretty when he is sweaty. When he makes saves they are so damn fancy, I would give him a dozen cookies and a tongue bath for those saves. The goals against were not so bad, but I still feel robbed all around. We sat out Marchand, Voracek and Bodnarchuk (WTF ...losing on national TV is the best thing we can do for our team), so I think we set P-O up for a loss. Despite this, I am eagerly awaiting the opportunity to hand out the tough love to P-O. It is everything I have ever wanted and more (- Fullerton, who admittedly makes my loins hurt). I am going to smell his hair so thoroughly and give his pretty face a good Helen Keller-ing. Arggggghhhhhh.
I’ll get him a nice little box and keep him there at night or when I am not straddling his lap for the purpose of smelling his neck and hair and the little spot behind his ear where his neck and hair meet, then cooing about fancy saves while I play Helen Keller with his face. Maybe occasionally I will veer off course and caress his long neck or play with his pretty fingers. Then I will go back to his face - tracing down that landing strip along his chin, up along his jaw, right around the helix of his ear, over to his brow line and then down over his pretty little nose, left along his upper lip, right over his lower lip to the landing strip, and back down the chin. Then I begin to trace the other side of his face. I could do this all day. So fucking pretty!!!

I am so drunk. Dear Irish God forgive me, I realize it is not even really St Patrick's day. St Patrick's of course being St. P. Roy.
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NHL news:
fuck the Penguins

Jigsaw falling into place

Halifax vs Lewiston didn’t phase me, hardly in the least. Some disasters you just kinda expect. Jake turns over the puck and our "stars" can't back-check. Quelle surprise? The lines changed 50 x, nope never seen that before either. Down 2-0, how unusual. Yeti lets in a goal after only 1 or 2 shots - hmmm must be P-O's fault.

Here are some other things I learned:

1) Sometimes I hate the other Moose fans. The boys sitting behind me were total assholes and it took all of my strength not to turn around and tell them to fuck the hell off. If I was sober I might just have given them a piece of my mind. There is no point sitting around spending the entire game complaining about a player who is not even playing. Last night (Wednesday) there were many other boys to be bitching about. Pick on them for a change.

2) The Moose like dogs. They get really excited to see dogs and they make happy faces from the bench. We should get a different dog to do the ceremonial puck-drop every game. The puck-drop was literally the best part of the game.

I will have plenty more to say later – Like how I have a hit out on Paquette, stuff about my other boyfriend Jonathan Bernier, the absence of Delmas, the presence of Rafuse - “hello Kirk”, oh, and how Halifax played…yeah that is important too.

But let’s not talk about Halifax right now, let’s talk about Saint John vs PEI, or more specifically about Travis Fullerton.

Travis Fullerton stepped into the crease in relief of Mayer who allowed 3 goals on 9 shots in 13 minutes. Fullerton then proceeded to make 36 saves on 38 shots and came out with the second star of the game even though Saint John lost. When I returned from the Metro Centre and checked in on this game I lost my mind in a twitter and threw my panties in the general direction of Saint John. I have thrown so many pairs of panties in the general direction of Saint John that, were they to actually make it to their destination, I would have almost run out of panties. It is a rather pointless exercise since they simply fly out the window and flutter down into my tiny flower garden. Then when I come to my senses I have to slink outside to reclaim them before the cold light of day hits and passersby discover girlie-undies strewn about my wee garden.

One of my girlfriends commented on my love for Fullerton today with an ‘ugh’, and then all the girls got on my back. They think he is gross and they do not like the little moustache. Hell, the first time I saw him I was like “damn does that kid have a moustache – gross”; then somewhere along the line, some fancy save, some fancy puckhandling, something, somewhere, and I cannot exactly pinpoint the moment, maybe it was more like a slow waltz, but that dirty little bitch seduced the hell out of me…and badly. Now all I have to do is hear his name and I start to breathe a little heavier and that low guttural animal sound starts welling up in my throat. It is complete and utter thrall.

I found this CBC coverage of the Sea Dogs which begins around 42 minutes into the news story (this link may not work after 24 hours and you need to be using Explorer). There is an interview with both Fullerton and Sauve. I watched it, then I watched it again, then I melted into one tiny, messy puddle, and then I took my whole underwear drawer and flung it out my front window (Saint John is slightly northwest right?).

I managed to get a single screencap of Fully in all of his well spoken, freshly showered (? - postgame) glory.

As a result, I have been irrationally licking my computer screen for the last half hour. Panty flinging is so unlike me…I mean, he isn’t even Francophone, or Finnish… he’s from Riverview, he has a moustache and he is too young for me (but at least he is 20). I mean look at him…it makes no sense; why the hell do I want to grab a firm hold of that scruffy mop, bite his chin, run my tongue along his jaw then ... (deleted due to its excessively obscene nature)? Here he has sloped shoulders, severe lines under his eyes, horrible hair, straight messy eyebrows, and a moustache. But, he also has good skin, a strong chin, nice bone structure, beautiful baby blues, soft looking lips…oh, and he is a nice little goalie. I want to take him home and put him in a fancy box.

Some combo of everything he is and isn't makes him 'sex on blades' (I am going to Trademark that phrase). Another deep low growl emanates from my throat. Does that make me a puckbunny? Damn.

That being said, I realized there is only one time all year when we can throw things onto the ice and not get kicked out of the arena. The teddy bear toss is this Sunday when Halifax hosts Saint John. If I ball the panties tight enough I should be able to get a fairly good aim at his head from my seat.

I will finish watching periods two and three of Saint John vs PEI after I post this. If you are a drunk walking home along some downtown street tonight beware of flying panties.