I have not been loving my secret lovers

Oh Sea Dogs, I know I have wronged you, but it is hard to get my love on with you when half of the lineup and most of your über huge defencemen are missing. Are we all back together now? Good!

Now stop being lazy-ass hobos and start winning games. I hope you took the time you had off this week to recoup, get your head away from your NHL systems, back onto your QMJHL systems and start playing some damn hockey. You know what I am talking about! I am talking about this:
2:1 loss against Shawinigan (acceptable)
5:4 loss against Victoriaville (unacceptable)
6:3 loss against Montreal (prepare that ass for a paddling)
5:2 loss against Cape Breton (Get me David Bouchard - I have a prison that will hire him as a guard)

Dudes you have a 7, 2 and 5 record - WTF? You lost to the Titan. You are tied with Halifax in points (4pts) for 4th place in the Atlantic and we TOTALLY SUCK because we are in a rebuilding year. You, however, you have no excuses (except that a good chunk of your team were away at NHL camps...but not during that last hideous road trip).


Four QMJHL teams have cracked the CHL top 10 rankings and YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM:

1. Windsor Spitfires (4-0-0-0)
2. Moncton Wildcats (6-0-0-0)
3. Cape Breton Screaming Eagles (6-1-0-0)
4. Swift Current Broncos (4-0-0-0)
5. Guelph Storm (4-0-0-0)
6. Spokane Chiefs (3-1-0-0)
7. Drummondville Voltigeurs (5-0-0-1)
8. Vancouver Giants (4-0-0-1)
9. Belleville Bulls (2-1-0-0)
10. Shawinigan Cataractes (5-2-0-0)


Robert Mayer. Tsk Tsk. You get a three year contract with the Habs and THIS is what you come back to junior to do. A 0.783 save % game against Montreal. "Oh, I have tightness in my calf - it hurts, Boo HOO". I thought you were stretchy invincible - like a rubberman who feels no pain, and now you want to go and play that 'I am only human' card with me. I call shenanigans!!! Why don't you just hand Jake Allen the QMJHL defensive player of the week award. Oh he has already won it - very good. Carry On. At least he doesn't have an NHL Contract yet? What, he's working on it? Oi!

Next thing I know they will be telling me that you personally delivered that defensive player of the month award to Nicola Riopel, goaltender for the Moncton Wildcats. You know him, he was that other QMJHL goalie at Habs training camp, the one who DID NOT earn a three year contract.


Maybe all you need is the leadership of your captain, Alex Grant, who has been recovering from a concussion since leaving Penguins Training camp (damn you Penguins). According to Sea Dogs beat reporter Nathan White at the Telegraph Journal, Captain Alex will be back in action tonight.

"It's great. He's our captain, our leader and the face of the franchise," said Ryan Sparling, the only player besides Grant remaining from the original 2005-06 Sea Dogs. "Besides being a great friend of mine, he's someone everybody looks up to for leadership and his on-ice abilities."

The Dogs hope he can provide a lift after they dropped three straight on the road to run their losing streak to four, the longest since a five-game slide in February 2007.

"It feels good (having Grant back on the ice)," said Beaulieu. "When you're missing your captain, your leader, it's tough for everybody. We had a really hard weekend with guys coming in and out (as other players returned from NHL camps). I found it difficult as a coach."

I must say, I do still love me some Simon Despres. I have batch after batch of uneaten cookies just building up in my kitchen. Won't someone send Simon here to eat these cookies. He broke a kid (Michael Bournival) in Shawinigan - literally broke him with a hit. Once again, it is the Telegraph Journal / Nathan White that has published a new article profiling Simon Despres. Let's just say that the first lines go something like this:

The Saint John Sea Dogs have been riding a horse through the early stages of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League season. Rather, they've been riding the young man they call "Horse."

Giddy-up Simon, giddy-up.



You want me to learn more about the Titan and their roadtrip, and the fact that my Titan boyfriend Tomy Joly had two assists in a win over the 'Piques (and Gellidonuts totally got pulled). They even have a Tomy Joly feature article published in The Northern Light - purrrr.

"In the room, he is a quiet leader, but he leads by example on the ice," he said. "Tomy is an excellent two way player and he finishes his checks...You can't have a nicer kid. He's a nice quiet kid off the ice. You want to raise your kids the way he was raised. He's a very pleasant young man, always in a good mood and very easy to talk to."

I never noticed Tomy doing the two way thing, mostly when I watch the Titan I just see some guys faking injury, then red; or Tomy getting too many goals against my team because he is an offensive powerhouse...and more red. The Moose have a wretched history of loss against the Titan.

Maybe someone just wants me to see that their newspaper has a picture of my new baby goalie boyfriend MCT.

...and what about the Wildcats, their new OHL free agent pick up Matt Lahey and their new 'too many overagers problem', their massive abundance of first round picks, the fact that they are damn near perfect, and the fact that they may face their toughest challenge yet this season in the Shawinigan Cataractes this Friday.

I care not for the Titan or The Wildcats. These are not my secret lovers. I am no skank. Though I must say I love the New Brunswick newspapers. Dudes...I want news coverage like this for my team.

edit - I got a Justin Pender Story from the Chronicle Herald. wheeee.
edit 2 - ugh. The Sea Dogs lost again ...and they had some roster changes. Last years third goaltender Troy Passingham was released. I need to be paying more attention to my Sea Dogs lovers...they need love right now. Lots of it.

Smith is our biggest problem! - Bitch please!

Announcements were finally made regarding the future of the Mooseheads organization. After a star packed but overall lackluster year, this team, with very little defensive strategy, very little offensive strategy, and very poor management of the goaltending situation decided that it was best to give everybody a contract extension. Yes, you heard me right. A contract extension - 2 years for head coach Cam "no shut down lines" Russel, two years for Marcel "I'll give you Corsi for Bouchard" Patenaude, plus a and a year each for assistant coaches "there is only 1 PP" Donnelly, and MacLeod, plus one year for Patrick "I can't make but I sure can break goalies" Dallaire.

Dear P-O, I blame you for this, why did you have to continue to be sweet and say only nice things about your goalie coach- I hate watching the products of his coaching. You are a nice boy who was treated unfairly by the people of Halifax and by a coaching system which tried to repress your natural ability, and you go and recommend them for contract renewal. Sir I challenge you to drink beers with me to discuss this. Yeti is also invited. I do not think he was treated well either. Beers all around (for goalies). We can watch that last Stars vs San Jose game, maybe at Keith's or Henry House. Do you know that the silly men on the boards are back to blaming you for stuff, and ripping the Ds because the forwards could not perform? They piss me off, maybe moreso than the Mooseheads organization - and the organization really pisses me off.

I am going to remain sweet and calm. I just hope I do not find a board with a nail in it, or some other weapon like device just lying around in the next couple of weeks.

That being said, fourth line winger Daniel Smith will not be returning because he is giving up on hockey and going for a degree in business. So Dan Smith was THE problem all along, including the period between December and March when we played ~ .500 while he was away with a hand injury. uhhh huh.

Happy 20th birthday Bobby Nadeau...here is your public humiliation.

I love how the Q constantly fucks up the details on things.

Lengthy suspensions have been handed out to Remparts players:

• Jonathan Roy gets a 7 game suspension (bring on Audette) for his attack on Bobby Nadeau and for flipping off the Chicoutimi fans.
• Maxime Lacroix gets 3 games for hittin' a bitch while he is down
• Marc-Olivier Vallerand also gets two games for looking innocent but acting like a jerk.

and Sags players:

• Sébastien Rioux is out for 6 games for the ultimate sin - leaving the penalty box and getting back into the fight to attack baby Roy.
• Antoine Roussel gets a one game suspension for instigating
• Charles-Antoine Messier gets two games

and both of the coaches were suspended too. Fines abound.

...but here is the catch - according to the Q website they say

" Quebec Remparts goaltender Jonathan Roy is suspended seven games and receives a $500 fine for his assault on the opposing goaltender, Ryan Mior, as well as for the inappropriate gestures which he aimed at the crowd at the Georges-Vézina Centre during last Saturday’s game."

...but baby Roy did not attack Ryan Mior, he went after Bobby Nadeau. HELLO Q, am I the only one with this obsessive knowledge of your goalies...there are not that many to keep track of (not even if you count ALL the goalies for the Titan)...so why can't you keep track of them.

Now this reference to a hit on Mior is more like it, if you had actually identified it as being a hit on Mior:

"Shawinigan Cataractes winger Tommy Tremblay is hit with a six-game suspension for a bodycheck he administered to the opposing goaltender during last Saturday night’s game. "

While both Ryan and Bobby are 20, both are good little goalies, and both are reasonably attractive - they are not the same man. Dear Q - please remember that this is Ryan Mior and this is Bobby Nadeau. If it helps - Ryan is the heavier one with the funny Newf accent and with the little squirrel friend who plays for Gatineau, and Bobby is the French one in Chicoutimi. Is it clear yet?

But don't worry, that beatdown was just baby Roy's way of saying happy 20th birthday Bobby Nadeau. Yeah, Bobby turned 20 just this past Sunday. Why do birthdays always suck like that - "I turned 20 and for my birthday I get to sit idly by as the whole world watches me get beaten up by Patrick Roy's kid." Poor Bobby Nadeau.

I will kiss you better Mr. Nadeau. If you get traded to Halifax next year as a 20 year old I can give you those kisses and we can totally make you suck your way to oblivion. Do you want to end your Jr career on a low note - then come to Halifax - WE BREAK GOALIES.

Some other things to point out:
Olivier Roy (the good goalie with the surname of Roy who plays for the Eagles) had his very first playoff shutout this past weekend when the Eagles faced the Lewiston MAINEiacs. In all the fuss about the MAINEiacs losing 2 of 2, getting shut out, and Jonathan Bernier getting no assistance from his boys while simultaneously being stymied by his own evil moustache - I forgot about the Super Boy doing all that shutting out. This is Olivier's 5th shutout this season. He ended the season with a 2.87 GAA, the 7th best in the league, which is totally awesome for a rookie. Olivier has also just won the Raymond-Lagacé Trophy as the League’s top defensive rookie.


Saint John vs PEI - Game 1:
You are next Fully...I have so much to say about your first playoff game because you were rusty as hell in the first and second. I think I saw only one fancy save, and that was in the third - thank the Hockey Gods that you were able to pull up your socks if for no other reason than for 'looking smooth' and impressing me. They totally should have played you in the game against Halifax to prevent rust. Now scuddle over here in that cute little way that you scuddle across the crease...we have to talk. Why did Robert Mayer dye his hair back to blond leaving you and Passingham to look like the only freaks on your team with black hair? Will Passy fold too? It is time to disown Mayer from your goalie friend circle? What a traitor!!! Moose have black hair - you can join our team. However be forewarned - you might lose your power and start to suck...it always helps your confidence when we boo you as the people of Halifax often do. Junior goalies shouldn't let in soft goals, it's not like this is a development league or anything. Do you want a healthy dose of Booooooooo?

What, they don't booo you in Saint John? They treat you well even when you play poorly? They say thank you Fully, they say thank you for trying? They even thank Mayer when he loses...they thank him for trying? Passy too? Wow, Saint John are so sweet.

I will see you tonight . rowwwwrrr.

Oh and while you are in PEI tell 'big pimpin' Lafleur that he looked pretty good in the first, sharp even despite the two goals. He actually looked better than you....and did I see a little touch of goalie rage, an unpenalized slash on one of your Dogs. Ohhh Lafleur is scrappy. Then kick him for me since he is the one who ran Ryan Mior out of town.

Pier-Olivier Pelletier:
I actually wish I had something to say to you, but I have nothing because you are not playing...you are just sitting on the bench looking pretty. Sometimes I look at you on the bench and I sigh because you are pretty, but I would really prefer that you had your little mask on and that you were standing in some blue paint. Sigh.

Today my girl C.G. said that you were not the prettiest thing on the earth and that I should get over it - so I had to think about that one for a second. I thought of my boyfriend, and my ex-boyfriends; I thought of some actors, some singers, some other boys I have met in my life, and then I thought of some hockey players: Vermette, Fisher, Theodore, Brodeur, Pretty Ricky, Price, Latendresse. hmmmmm. My conclusion: yep, you are indeed the prettiest boy I have ever laid my eyes on in my whole life. Sigh. How can you live with such immense levels of pretty? Now how is that for a confidence booster!!! Thank you for letting me know you exist and for making the world a prettier place. Sigh.

My daily breakfast bowl of Biron eyes

Yes I start every morning with a bowl of Biron eyes. Poor Marty #2. He has to regrow his eyes every morning. He also always starts a starter, but is always usurped. But Marty #2 is no longer in the Q, so I digress.

The Moose played the PEI rocket on Friday and I was pleasantly surprised that we got the game on Eastlink, which means no low resolution Telus feeds for me. Horray. As usual I was disappointed by the first two periods, but we managed to turn it up at the end to come out of the game 6-2. By doing so we have managed to clinch 1st seed in the East. So even if Saint John wins today so that we are tied in points, the Moose have more wins overall. By winning their game against Moncton, Saint John have secured second seed because they currently stand 3 points ahead of the Titan.

Here are the current standings and todays matchups:
Halifax - 89
Saint John - 87
Acadie-Bathurst - 84
Cape Breton - 84
Lewiston - 81
St. John's - 72
PEI - 62
Moncton - 56 (eliminated)

Today:
Halifax vs Saint John
PEI vs Moncton
Lewiston vs Cape Breton
Bathurst vs St. John

They are still fighting it out for first and last in the Telus - ohhh the suspense.

Bathurst and Cape Breton are in a desperate fight for 3rd in the East. I could throw out random guesses as to who is going to win, but such foolishness is for men. They sit there all day on their boards, "Lewiston wins 3-1 with 2 goals by Bundil"- shut up. Why even waste your fucking time? I use my imagination for greater things.

Halifax vs PEI:
I don't have much to say here. The 4th line still looks nice. Smith has been looking fresh since his return. He does what he was meant to do, be big and knock guys off the puck. What more do you want from your 4th liners? The people of Halifax want them to have different DNA, and if they get what they want all the boys would be from Halifax. The people of Halifax hate change, tall buildings and French boys.

I love French boys. I say load us up with French boys. Get me some more tall blond French boys, the Louis-Seize is not blond enough. Why don't the Moose have blond French boys? Maybe some Keven Charland and Keven Veilleux (-9, oh snap). Tee Hee they spell Kevin like Keven - weird. Now say something dirty in French. What, I will be gettin' me some Charland at 2:00 today? OK then. Did I just distract myself by letting the girl in me take over? - Stupid girl.

I was kinda wanting to see Lafleur. I have had an irrational hate on for Lafleur all year. It does not help that he was drafted by the Rangers. He also looks like he has wonk eye - I figured that his recent bout of suck was related to the fact that eyes that wonky just can't focus well enough to see the puck. However the Moose have been ODing on Gelinas, and may I be frank - Gelinas is dull. I watched Saint John vs PEI the other day and PEI played Lafleur, and I know that Lafleur has been stinking it up for the greater part of this year, but he was really fun to watch in that game. He does things with a dramatic flourish. Part of his problem could be that he fails to simplify? I don't know, I don't draft goalies, I can only rank them on who is fun to watch, and big ol' Lafleur was fun to watch. I am beginning to feel a little robbed. Also, Lafleur has the goalie rage thing going on - he received a penalty for slashing Yann Sauve in the back - dirty. I like it - slash the pretty defenseman.

Necessary Fully rant:
Travis Fullerton did not face many shots in his last game against Moncton, but he did come out the winner and so I threw more panties in his general direction. I was particularly impressed that it appeared as if he stopped pucks while laying on his back. I think the first nice stop, about 11 minutes into the game was a slide across the crease on his side which connected with his glove, so he was technically not on his back. I don't really care about technicalities, I prefer to think he was on his back.

Halifax vs Saint John
The men on the boards keep saying that Cam will start P-O. In my dreams. Does he have that kind of foresight to realize that you are not supposed to let your goalies rust up before the playoffs? I don't see it.

I am hoping for a low scoring game. Show those stupid forwards who is boss. Anyway, one of the goalies I love will be the goalie who loses. May I recommend that the losing goalie for today's game be turned over to me for some tough love. What is tough love? Well it depends on what goalie I am punishing. I had a little list of specific punishments prepared but it makes me look even crazier than I already look, so I will refrain. But let me just ask: if I say I want to play Helen Keller with your face, would you get that? No, it's not meant to be dirty (for once), it could be dirty, I could make it dirty, but technically it is meant to be a fairly innocent concept.

Punishment for a goalie would be forcing him to spend time with me. When I am done playing nice with my delicate little toy I will give him a slightly less chocolate-y cookie and pack him back into his box but I will use less bubble wrap than usual - because I am cruel like that.


NHL news

Brodeur gets his 40 wins for this season in a game against the Avs (and sexy STD laden Pixie Jose Theodore). This is Marty's 1 billionth season of 40 wins. My hockey hubby makes me so proud. I pick 'em good. NJ still lead the East, 1 pt up on Montreal and 3 pts ahead of Pittsburgh (who have a game in hand). I have already started warming up my jersey for the post season.

Goodbye for now to Pronger, his Pixie nose and his weird jaw device.