Moncton, you sabotaged a perfectly beautiful face

The Mooseheads played the Wildcats in Moncton tonight and lost by a score of 4-2. Soooooo close. The Moose out shot the cats 38-28 but just could not outscore them.

The cats struck first with a goal by Randy Cameron at 7:10 into the second period. Jessyko Bernard (assisted by Desjardins) responded at 8:03 into the second, thus earning him a dozen cookies. Unfortunately, the Cats pulled back into the lead at 17:22 when Tomy Joly put one past Yetman.

The Wildcats secured their lead halfway through the third period with a goal by Scott Brannon, but just over a minute later Jan Stransky (yes again; assisted by Bahm and Dunn) pulled the Moose back into contending. Moncton's Devon MacAusland finished the Moose off by potting an empty net goal with 30ish seconds remaining.

Sounds like a hard fought game. Good try my little ungulates. I just have a quick question - if Bahm and Louis-XVI weren't hitting anything then what the hell were they doing? Knitting mittens for baby LBD to keep his hands warm while he sits on the bench and watches Nicola get all the starts?


So Tomy Joly finally ended his 5 game cold streak (you have my permission to steal a cookie from Jessyko). Why Tomy why? Why now? Why against my Moose? ...and what on Earth has the Moncton team photographer done to your precious face? This has nothing on your Titan team photo (meow).

No wonder you have not been scoring, you were too worried about your team photo being exposed for all to see. You know that the Wildcats keep a permanent online record of team alumni, don't you? This picture is forever. Actually the more I look at it, the more I get used to it... and I realize that it is still kinda hot. God, WHAT IS MY PROBLEM??? You were a DAMN TITAN. Everybody hates the Titan. I hate the Titan. I need a Moosehead to slap me around for such treason.*


Bah, enough with the slutting around on my team and back to hockey. Mark Yetman stopped 24 of 27 shots, Nicola Riopel stopped 36 of 38 - and all the goalies get stars. There must have been some damn impressive goalie mating dances going on in the Moncton Coliseum last night. I am sorry I missed it. I could watch goalies dance all day.

1. MON - Riopel, Nicola
2. MON - Brannon, Scott
3. HAL - Yetman, Mark

Links:
Matthew Wuest - Lineups: Mooseheads at Wildcats
Matthew Wuest - Happiness is the Moncton Wildcats in the rearview mirror

*this is not an endorsement of domestic abuse

The trade post

The Keven move:
Apparently the Sea Dogs did have more to tell me, since yesterday they traded Keven Guérette-Charland, third member of my Sea Dogs Holy Trinity, to the Val d'Or Foreurs for a 3rd round pick in the upcoming draft. Bastards. Don't worry sweet 'Kevie', Francois Gauthier will keep you warm.

The Tomy move:
In a totally smart move, Moncton have picked up 'mah boo' Tomy Joly. This reduces the number of times I get to see Tomy for the remainder of this season from 3 to 1, since we only have one more home game against the Wildcats.

Moncton was the only contender left that had not made any major moves. JOLY is a MAJOR move. They have just acquired that goal scoring they needed. Look-it Saint John (stoopid chumps), he was not even that expensive - one 1991 player and two 2nd round draft picks.

Moncton are now a whole world of hot. I fully expect Tomy Joly and Zach Sill to naked mudwrestle for the job of my #1 'Moncton boyfriend'. Bet'cha didn't know I was cheating with Sill - I totally have been. When I see Sill, I start to drool a bit... just a little, from the corner of my mouth. It is embarrassing.

Yowza!!! It burns my eyes it is so hot.

The Goalie Swap:
The other biggie is the swap of goaltenderie creatures Marco Cousineau and Nathan Dunnett between the Baie Comeau Drakkar and the Drummondville Voltigeurs. Dummondville has said that their acquisition of Cousineau, 2008 third round draft pick of the Anaheim Ducks, will not effect the status of current netminder Antoine Tardif. It may end up being more of a 1A, 1B situation in Drummondville, and they are already bragging that they have the best goaltending tandem in the league.

Here is the deal with these boys:

Antoine Tardif was supposed to be God. A first round draft pick of the Bathurst Titan, he was a projected NHL draft pick until he injured his ankle in January of last year, which is unfortunate because he did not get to play behind a much improved, post X-mas trade period, Titan team (run-on sentence, I know). A mis-diagnosis of his injury left him sidelined for the rest of the season, and in the summer when he underwent arthroscopic surgery.

He was traded at the Q draft (Tardif and Masse were the 'futures' from a X-mas deal made in 2007 between the Volts and the Titan) to Drummondville. Since then Drummondville have gone from being the bottom-feeding worst team in the league to contending for top spot. Some people say their only weakness is in nets.

Statistically:
2008-2009 - 2.81GAA, 0.889 sv%; 31 G, 23 W, 6 L Volts
2007-2008 - 3.52GAA, 0.892 sv%; 34 G 14 W, 15 L Titan
2006-2007 - 3.56GAA, 0.872 sv%; 31 G, 14 W, 13 L Titan

Antoine would have great eyebrows if he would just tidy up the ridge; he has a touch o' unibrow.


Marco Cousineau has had an up and down career in the Q. He was originally drafted by Baie-Comeau in the 12th round, #204th overall in 2006. In 34 games with the Drakkar this season Cousineau has 9 wins and 25 losses, with a 3.67GAA and 0.888 save % (ugh, still better than Mark Yetman). This is in stark contrast to last year's regular season stats when he backstopped a more defensively minded, and (almost) league leading Drakkar with 34 wins and 19 losses in 58 games, to finish with a 2.81GAA and 0.903 save %, the 4th best GAA in the league. Mind you, despite being second best team in the league the Drakkar were upset in the first round of the playoffs by the Oceanic.

Cousineau's play so far this year hearkens back to his first season in the Q, 2006-2007, when the rookie netminder had only 4 wins and 12 losses in 23 games played, for a wretched 4.20 GAA, and 0.863 save % (ugh, still better than Roger Kennedy). Will the real Marco Cousineau please stand up?

Did Anaheim make another brilliant draft choice?...their picks from the Q are all terribly suspect. Anyway, we will not know until we park Cousineau's ass into a net behind another good team and then see how he fares. This is how it works... bad teams can make good goalies look like shit, at least if you are just looking at their stats. You need to actually see a boy play in a variety of situations before you can properly assess his skills. It is the age-old adage: Is it the playa', or the system?


Mo' stuff:
The Oceanic were all after Cousineau's ass but they did not land him. You see, these fools picked up 'the Gouge' at the draft (look at that face hair - it is a cornucopia of douchebaggery), when they could have been going after Bobby Nadeau or Timo Pielmeier, both were, and still are, much more cromulent choices.

Anyway, now that their chance to get Cousineau has fallen through they have their sights set on Bobby Nadeau. MY Bobby Nadeau (you need tweezers boy). Bobby and I like to play eye contact games when he is in Halifax. Actually, I play eye contact games with every goalie (except Yetman, who does not skate around during pauses in the game) because I am a huge goalie-loving skank. (edit* - they did not get him...yet, but 20's can be traded whenever)

Sweet Revenge

The Halifax Mooseheads defeated the Bathurst Titan 3-2 in the shootout. The game winning goal was scored by Gerrad Grant. Mark Yetman stopped 22 shots. Well they showed me, didn't they. I missed most of the game but I was saying before the shootout don't put GG in, he misses the net. He proved me wrong. He was all like "in your face stupid bitch". Stupid bitch indeed.

Moose had 41 shots on net, but most were from the outside. Halifax goals were by Piette and Knotek in regulation. Jessyko Bernard and Gerrad Grant got the goals in the 8 round shootout. Yetman made 7 saves in the shootout and received third star honours.

Mah Boo Tomy Joly had both goals for the Titan and was first star of the game. He must learn that the easiest way to my heart is by NOT making my team look like fools. Damn him. I am torn. Bathurst goaltender Nicholas Champion received 2nd star honours for his 39 save performance.

Dear boys,
When it goes onto shootout and you are going backhand - GO HIGH. Jessyko is such a good puppy. Do as Jessyko did - it will get you goals. That is, unless you are Pender, in which case you should just stick with the scarey-ass slapshot. Fancy moves ARE NOT your thing.
Thanks
kisses and cookies
Q

Gerrad Grant has "a body like a model"/ I feel shame.

This post has little to do with hockey and more to do with hockey players. As such I will get the nitty gritty out of the way and let the world know that the Mooseheads lost to the Acadie-Bathurst Titan by a score of 6-4. Mooseheads had the lead three times (2-1, 3-2, 4-3)...and just kept losing it.

For a guy who takes pride in his butterfly stylin' Mark Yetman has a very slutty 5 hole. As I was saying to a friend, Yetman only played well in Moncton because the Wildcats provided him with appropriate pre-game meal of kittey food. That is what cats eat. When he came home and got some of that homemade Mac and Cheese he so likes, it fucked him up, because kittey's should be eating kittey food.

Everything you need to know about the game you can learn by checking out the QMJHL game summary, or Matthew Wuest's lineups (Linden Bahm out HEALTHY, why I NEVER!!!) and game notes.


But this post is not about hockey. This post is about the arrogance of some boys who play hockey. I am going to use curse words. Children - go away NOW. This post is not for you.

Are you gone yet? Good!!!


Every home game we get a game program; the program includes an interview with a player. Today's player was Gerrad Grant (#22). I know I have gone here before but let me continue. One of the questions is "Finish this sentence: I'd be a billionaire if I had a dollar every time some one said..." Gerrad Grant answered "I have the body of a model".

Dude. Fuck Off.

You are an athlete. If you don't have a good body you are fucked. I automatically assume most boys who play hockey have a body that is better than the norm, but to brag about it is just arrogant. Have it ...be humble. What your mother tells you and the puck bunnies tell you DOES NOT COUNT.

Assholes are not hot. Much like how boys will fuck girls and think those girls are twits, there are girls who will fuck boys and then laugh with their friends about what an idiot that guy was. All the girls know. All the girls laugh. DUDES...GIRLS TALK A LOT. Also, girls USE guys. Then we call you stupid and laugh at you. Heterosexual females like male bodies, but to tell you the truth that is all there is to most of you. Bodies. Especially young selfish guys like junior hockey players.

Being an arrogant asshole is not hot

You think you are attractive when you are not. You think you are good in bed because lots of girls will let you fuck them. Just because puck bunnies are chasing after you or using you for your body it does not mean you are hot, nice, worth any girl's actual time and effort, intelligent, a good conversationalist, nor does it mean you are particularly good in bed. One problem is your choice of female companion. Seventeen year old hos from Cole Harbour don't know what "good in bed" means. Nor do you. Just because she made sounds it does not mean she is satisfied. It does not mean you are king of the bedroom. Fuck, most of the time you barely qualify to be court jester on the ice.


Ahhhhh

So because Mark Yetman and Gerrad Grant exhaused themselves before the game with their jerking off - Mark to his "good looking" face, Gerrad to his "model's body", they gave the Titan a chance to win. Brav-a-muther-fuckin-O.

May I just say, as a spokesperson for the vast majority of the female population: shut up. You are behaving like idiots. You may be cool now but junior hockey will end for you sooner than you think. Real life is not at all like "keys to the VIP".

PS. You know who actually is hot. Tomy Joly (to your right): Strong chin, good smile, pleasant eyes, delectable eyebrows. But just because I think he is good looking he shouldn't let it go to his head...especially since he is practically a midget. Hey, we all have faults.

I have not been loving my secret lovers

Oh Sea Dogs, I know I have wronged you, but it is hard to get my love on with you when half of the lineup and most of your über huge defencemen are missing. Are we all back together now? Good!

Now stop being lazy-ass hobos and start winning games. I hope you took the time you had off this week to recoup, get your head away from your NHL systems, back onto your QMJHL systems and start playing some damn hockey. You know what I am talking about! I am talking about this:
2:1 loss against Shawinigan (acceptable)
5:4 loss against Victoriaville (unacceptable)
6:3 loss against Montreal (prepare that ass for a paddling)
5:2 loss against Cape Breton (Get me David Bouchard - I have a prison that will hire him as a guard)

Dudes you have a 7, 2 and 5 record - WTF? You lost to the Titan. You are tied with Halifax in points (4pts) for 4th place in the Atlantic and we TOTALLY SUCK because we are in a rebuilding year. You, however, you have no excuses (except that a good chunk of your team were away at NHL camps...but not during that last hideous road trip).


Four QMJHL teams have cracked the CHL top 10 rankings and YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM:

1. Windsor Spitfires (4-0-0-0)
2. Moncton Wildcats (6-0-0-0)
3. Cape Breton Screaming Eagles (6-1-0-0)
4. Swift Current Broncos (4-0-0-0)
5. Guelph Storm (4-0-0-0)
6. Spokane Chiefs (3-1-0-0)
7. Drummondville Voltigeurs (5-0-0-1)
8. Vancouver Giants (4-0-0-1)
9. Belleville Bulls (2-1-0-0)
10. Shawinigan Cataractes (5-2-0-0)


Robert Mayer. Tsk Tsk. You get a three year contract with the Habs and THIS is what you come back to junior to do. A 0.783 save % game against Montreal. "Oh, I have tightness in my calf - it hurts, Boo HOO". I thought you were stretchy invincible - like a rubberman who feels no pain, and now you want to go and play that 'I am only human' card with me. I call shenanigans!!! Why don't you just hand Jake Allen the QMJHL defensive player of the week award. Oh he has already won it - very good. Carry On. At least he doesn't have an NHL Contract yet? What, he's working on it? Oi!

Next thing I know they will be telling me that you personally delivered that defensive player of the month award to Nicola Riopel, goaltender for the Moncton Wildcats. You know him, he was that other QMJHL goalie at Habs training camp, the one who DID NOT earn a three year contract.


Maybe all you need is the leadership of your captain, Alex Grant, who has been recovering from a concussion since leaving Penguins Training camp (damn you Penguins). According to Sea Dogs beat reporter Nathan White at the Telegraph Journal, Captain Alex will be back in action tonight.

"It's great. He's our captain, our leader and the face of the franchise," said Ryan Sparling, the only player besides Grant remaining from the original 2005-06 Sea Dogs. "Besides being a great friend of mine, he's someone everybody looks up to for leadership and his on-ice abilities."

The Dogs hope he can provide a lift after they dropped three straight on the road to run their losing streak to four, the longest since a five-game slide in February 2007.

"It feels good (having Grant back on the ice)," said Beaulieu. "When you're missing your captain, your leader, it's tough for everybody. We had a really hard weekend with guys coming in and out (as other players returned from NHL camps). I found it difficult as a coach."

I must say, I do still love me some Simon Despres. I have batch after batch of uneaten cookies just building up in my kitchen. Won't someone send Simon here to eat these cookies. He broke a kid (Michael Bournival) in Shawinigan - literally broke him with a hit. Once again, it is the Telegraph Journal / Nathan White that has published a new article profiling Simon Despres. Let's just say that the first lines go something like this:

The Saint John Sea Dogs have been riding a horse through the early stages of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League season. Rather, they've been riding the young man they call "Horse."

Giddy-up Simon, giddy-up.



You want me to learn more about the Titan and their roadtrip, and the fact that my Titan boyfriend Tomy Joly had two assists in a win over the 'Piques (and Gellidonuts totally got pulled). They even have a Tomy Joly feature article published in The Northern Light - purrrr.

"In the room, he is a quiet leader, but he leads by example on the ice," he said. "Tomy is an excellent two way player and he finishes his checks...You can't have a nicer kid. He's a nice quiet kid off the ice. You want to raise your kids the way he was raised. He's a very pleasant young man, always in a good mood and very easy to talk to."

I never noticed Tomy doing the two way thing, mostly when I watch the Titan I just see some guys faking injury, then red; or Tomy getting too many goals against my team because he is an offensive powerhouse...and more red. The Moose have a wretched history of loss against the Titan.

Maybe someone just wants me to see that their newspaper has a picture of my new baby goalie boyfriend MCT.

...and what about the Wildcats, their new OHL free agent pick up Matt Lahey and their new 'too many overagers problem', their massive abundance of first round picks, the fact that they are damn near perfect, and the fact that they may face their toughest challenge yet this season in the Shawinigan Cataractes this Friday.

I care not for the Titan or The Wildcats. These are not my secret lovers. I am no skank. Though I must say I love the New Brunswick newspapers. Dudes...I want news coverage like this for my team.

edit - I got a Justin Pender Story from the Chronicle Herald. wheeee.
edit 2 - ugh. The Sea Dogs lost again ...and they had some roster changes. Last years third goaltender Troy Passingham was released. I need to be paying more attention to my Sea Dogs lovers...they need love right now. Lots of it.

Sick kisses to my Titan boyfriend.

This morning I pointed out to real boyfriend that my Titan boyfriend Tomy Joly had gotten a two game suspension for elbowing some Oceanic player in the head. He must have elbowed another small guy. I might have had a problem with it had he elbowed Keven Veilleux (unlikely - too tall for Tomy to reach) or Patrice Cormier (in NJ), but he elbowed some other Oceanic player, so I could care less (because I also dislike the Oceanic).

Real boyfriend was disappointed with me, stating "ugh, you have a Titan boyfriend - have you no standards?" Clearly not!!! However this insult was coming from my boyfriend - a Chris Pronger fan, you know, Chris Pronger - "I didn't elbow him. He skated into my elbow... it is not my fault everyone else is so short and I am so tall (and pussywhipped)."


Unfortunately, Bathurst have been winning more games than they were predicted to, with 3 wins and one overtime loss in 4 games. No one was expecting this. Just ask Nathan.

The Mooseheads are currently playing the Titan at the K.C. Irving Regional Centre in Bathurst (Yes, the Irvings have their fingers in all of the New Brunswick pies). The penalties are overwhelming, 5 penalties for us and 4 against the Titan in the first period alone. They have one power play goal, and we now (early in the second) have three. Bathurst are currently fighting off three penalties in a row which gave the Mooseheads back-to-back five-on-threes. Damn these refs and their zombocratic power trips. Should I really be upset that the Titan are getting screwed by the refs - Nah!

Come here Titan boyfriend Tomy Joly. I hate you! Kiss Me! Why, you ask? Well first off you are cute and you have nice lips, but mostly I want to kiss you because I am sick and I need you to spread these cooties to your Titan brethren.

My number one QMJHL boyfriend Mathieu Corbeil is getting his first QMJHL start and he is looking quite good. I will not kiss him today. We might need him to be healthy later. As of right now he has allowed one PP goal on 10 shots with 6 dangerous shots. Mathieu is so big. When he is out at the top of the crease he takes up so much net, even in the butterfly.

End of the Second:
Somehow with 3:25 to go in the second the Titan have managed to tie it up 3-3 with two even strength goals. I need to pay attention to the game so I am going to stop typing and watch the third period. So far the Titan have out-shot us 21-17.

Third:
There were no goals in the third. I have noticed that Nicolas Champion (Titan) does scoot out of the crease and play the puck during the PP. I was unsure of whether or not he was a puck handler. Mathieu Corbeil is not doing this. I still insist that our coaching staff must be telling our goalies not to go out and play the puck frequently. They seem to be allowed to go behind the net and stop the puck or hand it off - that is all. It cannot be a coincidence that boys who guard our net rarely/never play the puck. I have become obsessed with our general lack of puck handling.

I want to watch a whole game from directly above the goalie. BEST VIEW EVER. Overall Corbeil has been pretty solid while facing lots of high pressure moments, including a point-blank shot in the third, and stopping 31 of 34 shots in regulation.


Overtime:
An unassisted goal by Chad Earle with about 1 minute left in OT gets the Moose the game. This was Chad's first QMJHL goal.


Overall:
Hooray for my #1 QMJHL boyfriend, MCT, for getting his first ever QMJHL win and for having a 0.92 save %. The Moose PK was good, killing off 8 of 9 penalties. Jessyko Bernard (Alex MacDonald, Scott McDonald), EL-XVI (Alex Piette, and Gabriel O'Connor), Ben MacAskill (Justin Pender) and Chad Earle had goals for Halifax. Wow. Points for everyone today.

Lambke, Jezegou and Jean-Bouliane had goals for the Titan, with assists by Renaud, Blanchard, Paris, Faille, and Lessard.

The three stars for the game were:

1. BAT - Faille, Éric
2. HAL - Corbeil-Thériault, Mathieu
3. BAT - Jean-Bouliane, Mathieu

Hooray again for Mathieu. (edit - our Mathieu)


Other news and links:
Former Moosehead Bryce Swan has been cut by Detroit. Matthew Wuest has suggested that he may still get an ECHL contract.

Despite recent reports that Guillaume Monast has earned a contract with the Dallas Stars, the Stars website says that Guillaume has been reassigned to his junior team (now the Quebec Remparts).

A Boston Bruins prospect report on the New England Hockey Journal covers former Mooseheads Brad Marchand and Andrew Bodnarchuk, as well as Val d'Or forward Maxime Sauve. There is also this article by Frank Campbell which covers the Boston Training camp here in Halifax.

Linden Bahm was listed the CHL hot player of the week for the QMJHL by Patrick King at Sportsnet.

Justin Goldman reviews Peter Delmas (Lewiston MAINEiacs) at the Colorado Avalanche camp.

The team I never want to see

The Moose start the regular season with two away games: the first on Sept 12 against the Eagles, the second on Sept 14th against the Titan. Then they come home and face Val d'Or. There is probably no team I despise more than the Titan with their collection of small speedy forwards. The new Titan roster is set, team photos have been taken and this year they have added a number of large guys to their lineup as well as 'ginger goalie'.

There does however exist a problem with my Titan hate - I have a Titan boyfriend. Last year it was Tardif, the goalie of course, which is not so unusual. The question arose: can my love for goalies outweigh my hatred for the Titan. The answer was yes. When Tardif got injured and was out of the lineup for almost half a season, there was nothing left to keep me from wanting to shank the Titan in their collective kidneys.

The problem this year, and it was a bit of a problem for a while now but I hated to acknowledge it let alone admit it, is that I have a tiny crush on one of the Titan's small, speedy, 'elite' forwards. Ugh-I know. Totally not my type!!!

But there we have it. The first step is admitting it. I have a crush on Tomy Joly. Are you happy? Are you happy now you jerk Titan fans (please note - the Titan have a number of asshatted fans who troll the boards...not all Titan fans are proven to be asshats but unfortunately for those nice fans - stink wafts).

I mean honestly - this is a team photo and it is not even fug. This defies natural law. May the hockey Gods strike him down for not actually having a hideous team photo. We like how he does his hair so that he can now measure all of 5'9" tall. Very clever. Maybe that was to be expected - he did win one of those scholastic player of the month awards once.

He even fights sometimes. This is noble for a little, speedy, scoring forward who doesn't even do the shut down stuff*. Oh dear god what is wrong with me? I am giving excuses for my Joly feelings. Unfortunately for me I cannot use such excuses today...it turns out that there is one reason and one reason alone why I get to feeing funny. I think he is attractive, and not in the 'his style of play made him attractive' kinda way; but only in the 'I like your smile and you make me giggle profusely' kinda way. It is a damn good thing that he did not break out that ear to ear smile for this year's team photo. Yeah, talk about deadly.

Oh the hints were there, and everywhere, but some of us were all just too blind with Titan directed rage to notice. I'm not crazy - he is attractive right (I also like his little goalie enemy in this picture)? I have a thing for nice eyebrows, chins and lips. If it makes a difference we can factor in the French accent. Everyone I know thinks that the guys I find attractive are not as attractive as I think they are.

Now let's never speak of the Titan again.



More hilarity ensues: check out the bajillion Mooseheads stories online
Youth Movement- Willy Palov, Chronicle Herald
Yetman ready to be number one guy- Matthew Wuest, Halifax Metro
Mooseheads hope to Surprise the Q- Matthew Wuest, Halifax Metro
Random musings on the Moose- Matthew Wuest, Halifax Metro

I while ago I added a ticker to Wuest's "the Q-flies" in the right hand side bar. This way new stories are visible when they first appear, but I think that the ticker links may be bad and just link you to the Metro home page and not the stories themselves, which kinda sucks. I should let them know that they need to get on fixing that. Anyway, Wuest agrees with me - he thinks we should have kept Andrew White. Basically everyone in the world thinks that we should have kept Andrew White - except the Moose brass.

Then check the QMJHL preview on Sportsnet. My baby Simon Despres is listed as a top draft prospect. They do not mention the Moose but they are soooo up in a tree with my secret lovers the Saint John Sea Dogs.

Oh, and there is a Bobby Nadeau story in Charlottetown's the Guardian newspaper. He needs some eyebrow grooming but I would still have at him, what with his goalieness, wonky smile, and glasses wearing.


* apparently Tomy does do the shut down stuff but he is so slick at it that I failed to notice.