Oh hey, long time no see. I mean, I see you, because I do go to games but you don't see me because I don't blog...so... creepy one-way-relationship here, I know.
I am trying to make it better for us my dears. I have written and submitted a PhD thesis. Somehow over 88,000 words were written. Words about science, not words of coo and love for young hockey players. Sometimes a girl has to have her priorities set straight. Then someday I will get a real job ...and you can haz sugahmamma.
For now I just have a few things to say:
1) Shut up Lemieux. You are too my number 1 forward boyfriend! There is no denying me and there is nothing you can say to stop it. I don't even care if you hate me.
2) Ciampini pronounced as "Champini" sounds like type of mushroom. Probably the mushroom that Carl Gelinas lives in. Yes, Carl Gelinas is a wood sprite. I mean LOOK AT HIM! Secret mystical forest powers in this boy, I tells ya.
3) Hannay, stop it with that evil grin. Owwww my loins. Sometimes Hannay pisses me off by choosing to play dumb thug over smart defenceman...and then he gives that evil grin and I cannot help myself.
4) Stop losing. You are sucking the very spirit from me. Moreso than even writing my thesis did. I know. Easier said than done. But no, really, stop!
5) Terenzio! When you make that "shhhh" motion in your custom team video it is like WE have some sort of secret to hide. A secret you keep stored in your luxurious head of hair. Don't you know I have a weakness for goalies? Even short ones with really tight suspenders and no fear of getting into scrums. Ohhh feisty. Me likes. Shhh. Don't make it be like that. It would be so wrong.
Showing posts with label age-inappropriate sexual innuendo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label age-inappropriate sexual innuendo. Show all posts
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, September 25, 2009
...and three kinds of yes
Hold your seaponies, I will get to my shitty game review eventually. For now I MUST tell everybody about John Moore's new website.
John Moore, the radio voice of the Mooseheads, has a website with blog posts about adventures on the road. There are also videos with coach interviews and player shenanigans. I heart player interviews...like this goalie interview.
Matty has his modeling angles down. He looks good from the front. He has sharp features and sometimes does not take a good photo. He needs to watch his angles, know his light and smile with his eyes. He looks like he is getting it down. Ahhh my # 1 boyfriend is getting better looking with age. I like that.
Yeah, this means we have a you tube page. There is also an interview with Maxime Clermont there. I do not want to steal all of John Moore's thunder by posting all of his videos (GOALIES, GOALIES, GOALIES), so just get your ass over there and visit CHL goalie of the week, Clermont, NOW. He just gets cuter every day (Clermont, not Moore) and his English is impeccable - we could totally date him. I would put him on my boyfriend list because of this, but he is already on my boyfriend list. We need two Clermonts.
You can learn so much about about boys when you visit Moore's website. Things like "Charles Bety can fix a car" and "former Moosehead Garrett Peters is in family way and won't be playing for Saint Mary's University this year". Peters is 22. Q-girl style Sex-Ed lessons to come.
For now let's talk about the video chronicling Charles Bety's mechanic skills.
There are three things I like about this video.
1) Charles Bety has smokin' hot arms - YES
2) Gerrad Grant reminds me that he has more equipment than just that which he wears on the ice - YESSS
3) oh heyyyyyy hottie - YES
SSSSS!
Who is #3? He is tall. It is not MacDonald and not Amyot. I don't think it is Abeltshauser. It must be Hannay. Hannay, you can now join my growing list of boyfriends - please move over to the left with the large cluster of other inappropriately aged boys.
Sex ed:
Now boyfriends, I don't know if anybody has ever told you this, so please listen carefully - BABIES COME FROM SEX. Crazy, I know. I don't want anybody on my team to be in 'a family way' any time soon.
You see that thing in Gerrad Grant's hand (well you can't see it, but you can imagine it...like I am) - it is 1/2 of the baby making machinery. You can't just be taking your machinery and putting it in girlie bits all willy-nilly and expecting no babies to result.
You are probably thinking "but it can't happen to me. I'm just a kid". This is a lie. Young people are THE MOST fertile - it is most likely going to happen to you. What are the odds? Well, women are fertile about 1-2 days a month. If you are planting seeds every day of the month then your odds are somewhere like 1/30. But you are young and you don't like 'flo' so your odds are more like 1/25. Those odds are scary huh? Better than the Mooseheads odds of winning a game anytime soon.
Dudes! It takes two people to not make a baby and birth control is unreliable if she has been drinking, taking antibiotics, or if she missed a pill. Also, sometimes, girls lie about using birth control, just like they lie about your skills in the boudoir (or grassy field, or school bathroom) and about their ability to orgasm *gasp*. You may be fucking stupid girls. Use a condom - EVERY TIME. It also helps lower your chances of STDs.
...and Gerrad Grant- please move to the left. I didn't know you had "equipment". You can totally be my boyfriend.
John Moore, the radio voice of the Mooseheads, has a website with blog posts about adventures on the road. There are also videos with coach interviews and player shenanigans. I heart player interviews...like this goalie interview.
Matty has his modeling angles down. He looks good from the front. He has sharp features and sometimes does not take a good photo. He needs to watch his angles, know his light and smile with his eyes. He looks like he is getting it down. Ahhh my # 1 boyfriend is getting better looking with age. I like that.
Yeah, this means we have a you tube page. There is also an interview with Maxime Clermont there. I do not want to steal all of John Moore's thunder by posting all of his videos (GOALIES, GOALIES, GOALIES), so just get your ass over there and visit CHL goalie of the week, Clermont, NOW. He just gets cuter every day (Clermont, not Moore) and his English is impeccable - we could totally date him. I would put him on my boyfriend list because of this, but he is already on my boyfriend list. We need two Clermonts.
You can learn so much about about boys when you visit Moore's website. Things like "Charles Bety can fix a car" and "former Moosehead Garrett Peters is in family way and won't be playing for Saint Mary's University this year". Peters is 22. Q-girl style Sex-Ed lessons to come.
For now let's talk about the video chronicling Charles Bety's mechanic skills.
There are three things I like about this video.
1) Charles Bety has smokin' hot arms - YES2) Gerrad Grant reminds me that he has more equipment than just that which he wears on the ice - YESSS
3) oh heyyyyyy hottie - YES
SSSSS!Who is #3? He is tall. It is not MacDonald and not Amyot. I don't think it is Abeltshauser. It must be Hannay. Hannay, you can now join my growing list of boyfriends - please move over to the left with the large cluster of other inappropriately aged boys.
Sex ed:
Now boyfriends, I don't know if anybody has ever told you this, so please listen carefully - BABIES COME FROM SEX. Crazy, I know. I don't want anybody on my team to be in 'a family way' any time soon.
You see that thing in Gerrad Grant's hand (well you can't see it, but you can imagine it...like I am) - it is 1/2 of the baby making machinery. You can't just be taking your machinery and putting it in girlie bits all willy-nilly and expecting no babies to result.
You are probably thinking "but it can't happen to me. I'm just a kid". This is a lie. Young people are THE MOST fertile - it is most likely going to happen to you. What are the odds? Well, women are fertile about 1-2 days a month. If you are planting seeds every day of the month then your odds are somewhere like 1/30. But you are young and you don't like 'flo' so your odds are more like 1/25. Those odds are scary huh? Better than the Mooseheads odds of winning a game anytime soon.
Dudes! It takes two people to not make a baby and birth control is unreliable if she has been drinking, taking antibiotics, or if she missed a pill. Also, sometimes, girls lie about using birth control, just like they lie about your skills in the boudoir (or grassy field, or school bathroom) and about their ability to orgasm *gasp*. You may be fucking stupid girls. Use a condom - EVERY TIME. It also helps lower your chances of STDs.
...and Gerrad Grant- please move to the left. I didn't know you had "equipment". You can totally be my boyfriend.
Monday, August 24, 2009
My own twist
Why Duma Why? *on knees shaking fists at my no-god* DUMA!!!
So Stefan Dumaresque was cut. Fine. I guess I will just have to settle for Grondin. He is spriggin'. It is just, well, he is a little young for me. If we keep Grondin then my team has no goaltenders of legal drinking age. It makes me feel dirty...like when Yetman and Kennedy were both 18. You can't tag team THAT.
There are 5 goalies remaining at camp. Four if you don't count Corbeil: Collier (19), Grondin (17), Burt (18) and Chisholm (17).
The first preseason home game has been rescheduled for Wednesday at 6:30 at the Halifax Forum. This is my first chance to stare down a goalie in a LOOONG time. Last summer was not so bad: we went to the third round of the playoffs and this was followed by the IIHFs. All I got this summer was fat ball hockey goalies. You will recognize me at the Forum because I will be the small, pasty one who looks like she is suffering from withdrawls.
Yes, I gots the goalie withdraws so BAD that I have been forced to use my Brodeur bobble head as a pacifier. The whole thing fits in my mouth.
With the most recent set of cuts (Dumaresque, B Bernard, Myers, J. Pelletier and Nadeau) the team is now down to 42 players. Five down, 17-20 left to go.
Cherry picking:
Who is likely not going? Well, the team have acquired the rights to forward Matt Stoddard from the Saint John Sea Dogs for a 7th round pick. In addition, Mooseheads 2009 11th round defensive draft pick Stephen Gillard has decided to forgo the NCAA and stay at Moose camp. He had previously committed to the University of Maine Blackbears.
I just have one* thing to say about NCAA prospects. Just because they had decided at some point to go NCAA and then at some other point decided to go back on their word does not make them better than all the other non-NCAA players. Just because they changed their minds it doesn't mean that we have to get on our knees for them. I mean really - where are all the NCAA superstars? Is the NCAA churning out stars en masse? If all these kids decided to go NCAA instead of Q would they have become NCAA stars? If you just answered "not likely" then it is time to get off your damn knees.
With every guy we add to our team my femme-boner softens. I don't feel good about this season. I am sure I will inevitably fall in love with the boys on the final roster...but right now I don't have a lot of hope, not in their ability to play hockey at this level.
For example - remember Matt Snow? The guy who "fell down go boom" - a lot. When Matt left the Moose last year, after playing 25 games (3G, 6A), he went to the Bridgewater Lumberjacks where in 17 games he had 17 goals and 6 assists.
You know who else played for the Lumberjacks? Matt Stoddard. In 17 games he had 6 goals and 11 assists. Not exactly lighting up the MJAHL! Why does Stoddard look so hot in Moose camp? Well, maybe it is because he is playing against a bunch of inexperienced 15 year old Midgit AAA players. Dude is 19.
Matt Snow wasn't good enough for last year's Mooseheads team but Matt Stoddard is good enough for this year's team! Is the Zombie Apocalypse upon us?
Is this really what we want to concentrate our efforts on? He has already failed at the Q level. I don't want him here*. Is that harsh? Do we release one of our veterans just to give Stoddard and some rookies a chance. I would take Charles Bety over Matt Stoddard any day of the week. At least we know what Bety can do in the run of a regular Q season- 14 G, 11 A in 59 games as a 3rd/4th line guy on the worst place team in the league. Stoddard had 7G, 15A in 128 career Q games on a good team. If we dump one of our vets to keep this guy I will scream.
The only other thing I can say is - "prove me wrong Stoddard, prove me wrong"!
A special message from the desk of a girl:
JessyKO Bernard. What the fuck are you made from (my guess is goats cheese)? Why are you injured? - AGAIN!!! At this rate you will be the first to succumb to the zombie apocalypse. Shoulder injury my ass! Toughen up boy. You are like one of those contestants that get injured in warm ups for Dancing with the stars. You are Jewel. Have you seen her dancing? She is no triple threat. At this rate neither are you. Jessyko Bernard: singer, dancer, invalid (?). I don't like the sound of that.
The current 42 zombie roster looks like this. Expect at least two of those 20 year olds to go to parts unknown. The trade deadline was last night and the Moose were seemingly unable to trade anybody.
News:
The Moose are looking to Tomas Knotek for an offensive bump. At this point it looks like the boy may get sucked dry as he is the most prolifically offensive 'well' in the Mooseheads roster - and he had less than a 1PPG average for last season. That is saying a lot.
__________________________________________________
*yes I am being a bitch today. I almost expect angry letters from mothers.
Grondin picture from http://www.albatroscollegenotredame.ca/
So Stefan Dumaresque was cut. Fine. I guess I will just have to settle for Grondin. He is spriggin'. It is just, well, he is a little young for me. If we keep Grondin then my team has no goaltenders of legal drinking age. It makes me feel dirty...like when Yetman and Kennedy were both 18. You can't tag team THAT.There are 5 goalies remaining at camp. Four if you don't count Corbeil: Collier (19), Grondin (17), Burt (18) and Chisholm (17).
The first preseason home game has been rescheduled for Wednesday at 6:30 at the Halifax Forum. This is my first chance to stare down a goalie in a LOOONG time. Last summer was not so bad: we went to the third round of the playoffs and this was followed by the IIHFs. All I got this summer was fat ball hockey goalies. You will recognize me at the Forum because I will be the small, pasty one who looks like she is suffering from withdrawls.
Yes, I gots the goalie withdraws so BAD that I have been forced to use my Brodeur bobble head as a pacifier. The whole thing fits in my mouth.
With the most recent set of cuts (Dumaresque, B Bernard, Myers, J. Pelletier and Nadeau) the team is now down to 42 players. Five down, 17-20 left to go.
Cherry picking:
Who is likely not going? Well, the team have acquired the rights to forward Matt Stoddard from the Saint John Sea Dogs for a 7th round pick. In addition, Mooseheads 2009 11th round defensive draft pick Stephen Gillard has decided to forgo the NCAA and stay at Moose camp. He had previously committed to the University of Maine Blackbears.
I just have one* thing to say about NCAA prospects. Just because they had decided at some point to go NCAA and then at some other point decided to go back on their word does not make them better than all the other non-NCAA players. Just because they changed their minds it doesn't mean that we have to get on our knees for them. I mean really - where are all the NCAA superstars? Is the NCAA churning out stars en masse? If all these kids decided to go NCAA instead of Q would they have become NCAA stars? If you just answered "not likely" then it is time to get off your damn knees.
With every guy we add to our team my femme-boner softens. I don't feel good about this season. I am sure I will inevitably fall in love with the boys on the final roster...but right now I don't have a lot of hope, not in their ability to play hockey at this level.
For example - remember Matt Snow? The guy who "fell down go boom" - a lot. When Matt left the Moose last year, after playing 25 games (3G, 6A), he went to the Bridgewater Lumberjacks where in 17 games he had 17 goals and 6 assists.
You know who else played for the Lumberjacks? Matt Stoddard. In 17 games he had 6 goals and 11 assists. Not exactly lighting up the MJAHL! Why does Stoddard look so hot in Moose camp? Well, maybe it is because he is playing against a bunch of inexperienced 15 year old Midgit AAA players. Dude is 19.
Matt Snow wasn't good enough for last year's Mooseheads team but Matt Stoddard is good enough for this year's team! Is the Zombie Apocalypse upon us?
Is this really what we want to concentrate our efforts on? He has already failed at the Q level. I don't want him here*. Is that harsh? Do we release one of our veterans just to give Stoddard and some rookies a chance. I would take Charles Bety over Matt Stoddard any day of the week. At least we know what Bety can do in the run of a regular Q season- 14 G, 11 A in 59 games as a 3rd/4th line guy on the worst place team in the league. Stoddard had 7G, 15A in 128 career Q games on a good team. If we dump one of our vets to keep this guy I will scream.
The only other thing I can say is - "prove me wrong Stoddard, prove me wrong"!
A special message from the desk of a girl:
JessyKO Bernard. What the fuck are you made from (my guess is goats cheese)? Why are you injured? - AGAIN!!! At this rate you will be the first to succumb to the zombie apocalypse. Shoulder injury my ass! Toughen up boy. You are like one of those contestants that get injured in warm ups for Dancing with the stars. You are Jewel. Have you seen her dancing? She is no triple threat. At this rate neither are you. Jessyko Bernard: singer, dancer, invalid (?). I don't like the sound of that.
The current 42 zombie roster looks like this. Expect at least two of those 20 year olds to go to parts unknown. The trade deadline was last night and the Moose were seemingly unable to trade anybody.
News:
The Moose are looking to Tomas Knotek for an offensive bump. At this point it looks like the boy may get sucked dry as he is the most prolifically offensive 'well' in the Mooseheads roster - and he had less than a 1PPG average for last season. That is saying a lot.
"I have always been an offensive player so I hope I can score a lot of goals this year and help the team," Knotek said. "Hopefully it will be better than last year."
...Knotek said all summer long his plan was to come back to Halifax for the 2009-10 season. Unlike his 2008-09 teammate Jan Stransky, who jumped at the chance to sign with a pro team back in the Czech Republic, Knotek said that thought never crossed his mind."I always knew that I would be back this year," Knotek said. "I didn’t have any reason to stay home (for hockey). I feel really good here and I’m pretty happy in Halifax so I always wanted to come back."
Not surprisingly, Knotek has been the best forward at camp so far by a wide margin. He has been able to score virtually at will during the intrasquad games and has been regularly setting up his linemates for easy finishes. But Knotek shrugged off the early showings, saying it doesn’t mean a whole lot for a veteran to be tearing it up against a bunch of rookies.
"The first (few) days is just August hockey; it’s not really hockey," Knotek kidded. "There were 59 guys here (to start) and half of them I don’t even know. That’s just the way it is at the start of every camp."
__________________________________________________
*yes I am being a bitch today. I almost expect angry letters from mothers.
Grondin picture from http://www.albatroscollegenotredame.ca/
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday updates: Throw your frilly unmentionables at the UNB VReds.
Ohhhh can I pick 'em or can I pick 'em. Despite losing the UAS men's hockey championships by 2 games to 1 against Saint Mary's University; the UNB Varsity reds were able to bring it all in the CIS finals and defeat the University of Western Ontario Mustangs by a score of 4-2.
Of course I was watching since 'my obsession' was in nets for the Reds. I have been oogling Fullerton for quite some time now. Half of my blog has this weird, eerie, creeped out, stalker-y vibe to it because of him. I can't help it... and now neither can anyone who watched the CIS finals.
One day they are firey pink cheeked QMJHL players (I'm looking at you Clendenning), the next they are calm headed studious University hockey boys
UNB VReds picture from the Daily Gleaner
Once you have seen him you can't unsee him. He gets into your brain and does those little goalie leg flicks at your hippocampus, thus damaging it. He does this until you forget everything you ever knew about the other goalies. Then he travels up to your amygdala and cups it with his trapper so that it feels the love and pokes your cerebellum with his stick to make you feel dizzy. Ahhhhhhh Fullerton.
Apparently he won some sort of prize, because I could hear his name called in the post game melee, but the camera crew were not covering it. They were just tracking Lachlan MacIntosh (who had a hat trick and was named tournament MVP) around the arena. Checking the Daily Gleaner today I discovered that Fullerton was named to the tournament all star team. Rawrs for Fullerton.
Now aren't we all glad that he did not hang up his skates after his disasterous first two regular season games with the VReds? Not bad for a guy who did not even play enough minutes during the regular season to qualify for the league all stars team.
Despite all my cooing and general cougaring (or perhaps puma-ing), one real question has yet to be addressed: To what address do I mail my bra?
edit: Ackkkkk INTERVIEWS INTERVIEWS
edit 2: an older (March 26th) Fullerton related news article in the Telegraph Journal
Of course I was watching since 'my obsession' was in nets for the Reds. I have been oogling Fullerton for quite some time now. Half of my blog has this weird, eerie, creeped out, stalker-y vibe to it because of him. I can't help it... and now neither can anyone who watched the CIS finals.
One day they are firey pink cheeked QMJHL players (I'm looking at you Clendenning), the next they are calm headed studious University hockey boysOnce you have seen him you can't unsee him. He gets into your brain and does those little goalie leg flicks at your hippocampus, thus damaging it. He does this until you forget everything you ever knew about the other goalies. Then he travels up to your amygdala and cups it with his trapper so that it feels the love and pokes your cerebellum with his stick to make you feel dizzy. Ahhhhhhh Fullerton.
Apparently he won some sort of prize, because I could hear his name called in the post game melee, but the camera crew were not covering it. They were just tracking Lachlan MacIntosh (who had a hat trick and was named tournament MVP) around the arena. Checking the Daily Gleaner today I discovered that Fullerton was named to the tournament all star team. Rawrs for Fullerton.
Now aren't we all glad that he did not hang up his skates after his disasterous first two regular season games with the VReds? Not bad for a guy who did not even play enough minutes during the regular season to qualify for the league all stars team.
Despite all my cooing and general cougaring (or perhaps puma-ing), one real question has yet to be addressed: To what address do I mail my bra?
edit: Ackkkkk INTERVIEWS INTERVIEWS
edit 2: an older (March 26th) Fullerton related news article in the Telegraph Journal
Monday, February 9, 2009
A love letter? For Valentines?
Oh Moose, there was something in the mail from you today. You are so sweet. I know I am not the kind of squishy girl who enjoys rom-coms or dreams of grand romantic gestures, but I do enjoy high heels; and a little romance (bottle of wine) every once in a while does get you some special favors... in those high heels.
Oh wait! It was just a letter asking for season ticket money... for next fall. Well that is presumptuous. Sometimes with the way you treat me, and the frequent 'dissatisfaction' I feel following our romps, I wonder if you will still be a part of my life come September. Just saying.
At least the CHL sent me a free XXXXXXL t-shirt. It looks great (note sarcasm) on my petite body. Then Hammer sent me Drew Owsley... or an owl key chain, same thing. I keep it stored in my bosom, as I would with the real Drew Owlsey. He is small enough to fit in there. Then there is you - you just ask me for sexual favours and all of my monies *sigh*.
Fine, I'll keep you around, but just because I like the way you look *pet*. Here, have 300 dollars, but don't spend it all in one place, be home by midnight and if you are going to be skanking around with other girls then at least make sure I would approve of them - no stupid chicks. Keeping you around is better than the alternative. If I leave you alone to wander the streets bad things could happen. I got this search on my site meter... which is like a semi-Nostradamus for me. You boys had better watch your backs.
Please, don't do it Mr Anonymous Newfoundlander!
I mean, there is no need for y'all to be put down. Things have been better lately, the weekend split was nice. Old Man Randell agrees:
Other stuff:
Oh wait! It was just a letter asking for season ticket money... for next fall. Well that is presumptuous. Sometimes with the way you treat me, and the frequent 'dissatisfaction' I feel following our romps, I wonder if you will still be a part of my life come September. Just saying.
At least the CHL sent me a free XXXXXXL t-shirt. It looks great (note sarcasm) on my petite body. Then Hammer sent me Drew Owsley... or an owl key chain, same thing. I keep it stored in my bosom, as I would with the real Drew Owlsey. He is small enough to fit in there. Then there is you - you just ask me for sexual favours and all of my monies *sigh*.
Fine, I'll keep you around, but just because I like the way you look *pet*. Here, have 300 dollars, but don't spend it all in one place, be home by midnight and if you are going to be skanking around with other girls then at least make sure I would approve of them - no stupid chicks. Keeping you around is better than the alternative. If I leave you alone to wander the streets bad things could happen. I got this search on my site meter... which is like a semi-Nostradamus for me. You boys had better watch your backs.
Please, don't do it Mr Anonymous Newfoundlander!I mean, there is no need for y'all to be put down. Things have been better lately, the weekend split was nice. Old Man Randell agrees:
“As of late, especially, we’ve been playing real good hockey against real good teams,” said Mooseheads forward Travis Randell. “We’re in a tough stretch right now, fighting for a playoff spot, and we’ve got to keep this up.”Now admittedly, we could thin the herd and put Randell out of his misery for saying that things are "real good", but it is not his fault... grammar is simply not a Newfie's forte .
Other stuff:
- Please Titan, don't go. I love to hate you.
- Also read about Spencer Jezegou. He captains the enemy, so we must learn more about him.
- The Culligan Cares Campaign, which raises money for the development of a cancer centre at the Cape Breton Regional Hospital has raised over $18,000.
- I saw the funniest cartoon. I wish I could post it or share it... but I can't. It reveals too much.
- Ohhhh goalie - Quick hits with Raffaele D'Orso
- FYI. We ladies are crazy. Right now I am so fucked up that I am confusing myself. I am all cycling primal urges. Fuck, kill, fuck, kill. I may also be suffering from a bad case of the gimmie gimmies in regards to something I cannot have. This induces self loathing and irrational crying jags. PMS compounds it. My whole body hurts. Male suicide rates would go way up if they had to deal with such extreme hormone fluctuations. The cure to all of life's problems is sleep. Can I sleep away the pain? Like, all of it? Just asking! Wait...isn't this a Junior hockey blog? Yeah, but it is MY Junior hockey blog. I just needed to get that out of my system. I'll shut up now.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
About Last Night
Hey Good Lookins. Nice to see that you have finally woken up. I made you pancakes with raspberry coulis and I put on a big pot of coffee. Get some clothes on those hot little bodies of yours and meet me in the kitchen mmmkay?
No, I am not changing the music. I really wouldn't expect you to listen to them. Stupid jock *sighs*. What? No, nothing! I didn't say anything!
Anyway, do you like the pancakes? The raspberries are too sweet? Sorry, I did have a little accident with the sugar, but if I were you I don't think I would be in any position to complain, especially after last night.
Let me explain. I think you are hot* and everything, you get me all riled up, but last night was a little disappointing. When I first saw you I didn't know what to think. I saw two different girls slip their hands between your thighs in under 10 minutes and you did nothing to stop them. I thought you were a total man ho. Every little piece that came your way was all over you. I have no idea how it was that you ended up coming home with me.
Oh yeah. I had fun. It was fun. You look good, you smell good, and you are really really big. What is the average height of your defensive corps again? But the thing is, and I don't want you to be offended or anything, but your technique is sloppy. There were so many times that we got so close. The net was all open for ya baby, all you had to do was go for it, but you panicked. You were just slapping your stick at things and flailing around.
You had me screaming for you, you had me all flustered...but you just didn't have that finish. I was left more than a little disappointed. No it's OK, I'm used to it, but you just need to be calm, you need to use those soft hands. I was told that you are not very skilled, but ummmm, you definitely showed it last night.
Halifax Mooseheads 2, Rimouski Oceanic 4.
The rundown:
The game was Halifax's to win and they had, like, so many opportunities to get the puck in the net but they just could not do it. Eight power play opportunities, one power play goal. Ugh. 35 shots on net. Dopud was not overflowing with mad skills, the little bastard was simply lucky that no one could lift that puck up over his tiny body when it was down.
The Oceanic had gotten 2 goals (Cormier, Delisle-Hood) on 4 shots by the end of the first period, slutty slutty five-hole goals that just trickled in through Yetman. Just before we gave up all hope Muttley (from Dick Dastardly) got the puck into the Oceanic net on a sloppy rebound at 19:55.
Then I had ample reason to hate on Gougeon again because as that little douche was heading to the locker room he mocked Jessyko's goal video. I want to gouge out his eyeballs with a spoon and feed them to him... maybe the protein will help him grow.
The Moose showed a moment of skill on the power play when Tomas Knotek faked on a shot (maybe, it is hard to tell if the little fake was there), passed to Desjardins who was on the other side of the slot, and then Desjardins hit it home. Passes that connect, and calm skill...it was nice. No hesitation, no fear, no panic.
But that was it: Delisle-Hood and Caron got two power play goals (2 of 6) for the Oceanic in the late second and mid-third period. Former Moosehead Logan MacMillan had an assist on the Delisle-Hood goal. The refs were being zombocratic...making calls for both sides on things that did not appear to be penalties.
Yetman got it together later in the game and finished the night off with 28 saves on 32 shots, including having shut down a few break-away opportunities for the Oceanic. He may also have received a lecture on water bottle placement.
Piette was once again King of faceoffs having won 12 of 16. Moose dominated the faceoffs, winning 43 of 69.
Randell, I am fond of you, and you know I love a kicky Newf accent, but you are just not Power play material. Please tell your coaches this. In 51 games you have 14 points- 5 goals and 9 assists. You have one power play goal. I think the coaching staff are trying to make you into something you are not. I mean maybe you ARE power play material in practice, but it is just not translating in the real game. I saw you Friday, you had that perfectly clear shooting lane...and you passed. I am not the kind of person who yells shoot all willy nilly... that is for fools, but honey, you should have shot.
So yeah Moose, you were good, you tried hard, it was lots of fun (at least for me), and you are really nice to look at but you just couldn't get it done. Do you want a second try? How about Tuesday?
Links:
Wuest: MacMillan's Oceanic Best Pesky Herd.
Herald Sports: Moose Stopped
* I don't care if you are good looking Stransky...you are not allowed to say that you are good looking. Wrong answer. Please see my lecure to Mark " I am good looking" Yetman and Gerrad "I have the body of a model" Grant. You are now officially on my list of boys to mock.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Oh my loins.... shutout
Don't call it a comeback... but Travis Fullerton has won his past two games with the UNB Varsity Reds. I mean - lookit - a shutout. What kind of reward does he deserve?
UNB is back in Halifax to play Dalhousie and SMU at the end of this month. Dreamy. Maybe this time Travis can play, so that I don't have to watch him sit on the bench and yawn, because that is boooooring.
Dear UNB,
Please start Travis in the game against Dalhousie. Also, could you please provide me with a little connect the dots map of those freckles on his neck in order to keep me occupied should he not be playing... my tongue needs exercise.
Q
Jan 10, 2009 DALHOUSIE W 8-2 Travis FullertonRegarding the shutout:
Jan 14, 2009 at St. Thomas W 8-0 Travis Fullerton
Fullerton was more than a spectator, mind you. There were lots of good saves among the 29 he registered en route to the first shutout of his AUS career - and the first by the V-Reds this season, incidentally.
"It feels good," said the freshman. "The main thing is, we wanted to get the two points coming out of here. We jumped out to an early lead so I kind of got settled. I just kept trying to do my thing, not worry about the score and keep playing well. And I think I did that."
UNB is back in Halifax to play Dalhousie and SMU at the end of this month. Dreamy. Maybe this time Travis can play, so that I don't have to watch him sit on the bench and yawn, because that is boooooring.
Dear UNB,
Please start Travis in the game against Dalhousie. Also, could you please provide me with a little connect the dots map of those freckles on his neck in order to keep me occupied should he not be playing... my tongue needs exercise.
Q
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Saint John's great big mutherfuckin' fire sale...
...everything must go. Our team, our time, my ASS.
Gone are:
Alex Grant (to Shawinigan)
Christopher DiDomenico (to Drummondville)
Pascal Amyot (to Halifax)
Alexei Dostoinov (to Gatineau)
Released are:
Matthew Stoddard
Kyle Dilosa
Stephen Walker
Is there anything else I need to know my dearest Sea Dogs?
Not only are the Sea Dogs ridding themselves of all their boys, they are getting rid of their jerseys too. They are having another jersey auction, with last year's team jerseys, and there is NO Fullerton jersey. WTF??? (* edit - HA, he is there now. Got ya sucka. )
What about ME? What about MY satisfaction? I choose to stand by these boys and it gets me nowhere. The 2007-2008 Mooseheads - Nothing, the 2008-2009 Sea Dogs - Nothing, my string of real life boyfriends - Nothing.
Where is my President's cup? Where is my satisfaction? You selfish bastards - all of you. It is like I get fucked over, and over, and over again, but to no avail.
She cheered for a goal, she must be happy. She keeps coming back for more, she must be happy. I want to throw things at you.
Why don't you just ask if I am happy? You know what you have to do but you fail to do it. Instead you just keep pounding away: useless trades, aquiring draft picks, bringing in thuggish free agents, reclamation projects. No wins. Can't someone just get the damn job done...
JB says he is being proactive with my secret lovers, the Sea Dogs; and as for the Mooseheads... I think I am settling. We have just grown so comfortable together and I am a sucker for dissatisfaction. I think I am drawn to things that are guaranteed to disappoint. It is my masochistic nature.
*Also of note
Where the fuck do people on message boards come up with their bullshit? Why do I waste my time reading their bullshit? I think it is because I just like getting angry. I refuse to participate in their bullshittery. I have bigger, better trouble to be getting myself into.
Me? I stick with quotes, facts, stuff I actually saw at games, newspaper references, links, things that are clearly bullshit (Claude Giroux is obviously not a hockey playing squirrel), my opinion - which I never tried to pass off as fact, and sexual innuendo. Lots and lots of sexual innuendo.
Gone are:
Alex Grant (to Shawinigan)
Christopher DiDomenico (to Drummondville)
Pascal Amyot (to Halifax)
Alexei Dostoinov (to Gatineau)
Released are:
Matthew Stoddard
Kyle Dilosa
Stephen Walker
Is there anything else I need to know my dearest Sea Dogs?
Not only are the Sea Dogs ridding themselves of all their boys, they are getting rid of their jerseys too. They are having another jersey auction, with last year's team jerseys, and there is NO Fullerton jersey. WTF??? (* edit - HA, he is there now. Got ya sucka. )
What about ME? What about MY satisfaction? I choose to stand by these boys and it gets me nowhere. The 2007-2008 Mooseheads - Nothing, the 2008-2009 Sea Dogs - Nothing, my string of real life boyfriends - Nothing.
Where is my President's cup? Where is my satisfaction? You selfish bastards - all of you. It is like I get fucked over, and over, and over again, but to no avail.
She cheered for a goal, she must be happy. She keeps coming back for more, she must be happy. I want to throw things at you.
Why don't you just ask if I am happy? You know what you have to do but you fail to do it. Instead you just keep pounding away: useless trades, aquiring draft picks, bringing in thuggish free agents, reclamation projects. No wins. Can't someone just get the damn job done...
JB says he is being proactive with my secret lovers, the Sea Dogs; and as for the Mooseheads... I think I am settling. We have just grown so comfortable together and I am a sucker for dissatisfaction. I think I am drawn to things that are guaranteed to disappoint. It is my masochistic nature.
*Also of note
Where the fuck do people on message boards come up with their bullshit? Why do I waste my time reading their bullshit? I think it is because I just like getting angry. I refuse to participate in their bullshittery. I have bigger, better trouble to be getting myself into.
Me? I stick with quotes, facts, stuff I actually saw at games, newspaper references, links, things that are clearly bullshit (Claude Giroux is obviously not a hockey playing squirrel), my opinion - which I never tried to pass off as fact, and sexual innuendo. Lots and lots of sexual innuendo.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I am planning our dates. RAWR.
I did not realize that the AUS schedule was already released (look harder next time dumb ass). Now I must take the time to compare it to the Mooseheads schedule.
Travis Fullerton:
October 24 7:00 at Dalhousie
Moose play the Sags (lucky for Bobby he is no longer a Sag)
November 2 3:30 at St Mary's
Moose play the 'Piques (I will miss my date with Max Chubbycheeks!)
January 24 7:00 at Dalhousie
January 30 7:00 at St Mary's
While my dates with Bobby Nadeau are scheduled for:
Oct 3rd 7:00pm
Dec 30th 7:00pm
Jan 4th 4:00 pm
Feb 26th 7:00pm
Dear Travis,
People like you a lot, and I am one of those people. Did I mention how happy I was that you were going the AUS route? I hated the idea of giving you up ever so much. I think I must still mention you in every second blog post even if the post has nothing to do with you. I am elated (is that the word I am looking for?) that we will continue to have dates next season. I will thoroughly enjoy it even if all you are doing is sitting on the bench. My ovaries are already primed for October 24th.
So Fully, what will I wear? I have a pretty good idea idea what you will be wearing. Red, white and black is soooo sexy on guys. Oh my! Red,white and black -I think you are trying to make this difficult for me, what with the way you are testing my willpower and restraint. For that you deserve a spanking.
But the issue at hand is my wardrobe. Do I wear the titty dress, garters, and the 4 inch heel fuck-me boots? Do I bring the soft ropes? Jeans and a sweater will probably suffice and are the most logical choice for a cold hockey arena. I can still bring the soft ropes!
Truth be told, I am a smart sensible girl who likes the hockey more for the game than the boys (believe it or not). It is just that sometimes.....well.....some boys have that extra special something, that je ne sais quoi, that lure - the kavorka, and I just can't help myself. It is not my fault that I was born with ovaries and that you were born to throw your body all over the crease and wiggle in a funny way that makes my ovaries get all excited.
Oh, there it is! I thought of your cross-crease wiggle and my ovaries 'sploded. That led to me thinking about your strong chin *bite*, your pretty blue eyes, your neck with its line of freckles *lick*, your soft looking lips *mmm*, your jawline *nibble*, your long pretty fingers *oh my*, and your most likely delectable 6'1", slim, well-toned goalie body *sighs*. Is it true, what they say about Scotsmen?
If you will excuse me for a second I have something that I gotta do. It will only take me 10 minutes...maybe 20. Here, enjoy this picture of yourself looking hawt. No wait, I may need that!!!
God Damn!!! This is not healthy. Poor boy - I am sorry that my eyes and ovaries have decided to target you and that I feel the need to violate you with my words, among other things. The centromedial and lateral nuclei of my amygdala must have gotten rewired last season. The low guttural animal noises (it's like a purr/growl combo) start to emanate from my throat the very second I read your name. It is a new reflexive pathway: eyes ---> amygdala ---> straddling response + purr + drool.
Why d'ya have'ta go and make me feel like this? If you don't want this reaction from me you should just be a conservative butterfly goaltender who never plays the puck, and you most definitely should not play like this or this or this. Do you continue to do this to me 'cuz urrr naughty? Yeah, I thought as much *spank*!
__________________________________
Dates for which I will NOT feel the need to bring ropes, duct tape, a 30 pack of condoms, and two bottles of lube include:
Olivier Roy
Sept 20 7:00 pm
Nov 6 7:00pm
Jan 3rd 7:00pm
Feb 27 7:00pm
The Sea Dogs:
(note - bring cookies for Simon, Kirky and Keven)
Oct 30th 7:00pm
Nov 25 7:00pm
Feb 19 7:00pm
March 13 7:00pm
Timo Pielmeier:
Feb 21 7:00pm
Charles Lavigne:
Jan 23 7:00pm
Feb 22 4:00pm
Travis Fullerton:
October 24 7:00 at Dalhousie
Moose play the Sags (lucky for Bobby he is no longer a Sag)
November 2 3:30 at St Mary's
Moose play the 'Piques (I will miss my date with Max Chubbycheeks!)
January 24 7:00 at Dalhousie
January 30 7:00 at St Mary's
While my dates with Bobby Nadeau are scheduled for:
Oct 3rd 7:00pm
Dec 30th 7:00pm
Jan 4th 4:00 pm
Feb 26th 7:00pm
Dear Travis,
People like you a lot, and I am one of those people. Did I mention how happy I was that you were going the AUS route? I hated the idea of giving you up ever so much. I think I must still mention you in every second blog post even if the post has nothing to do with you. I am elated (is that the word I am looking for?) that we will continue to have dates next season. I will thoroughly enjoy it even if all you are doing is sitting on the bench. My ovaries are already primed for October 24th.
So Fully, what will I wear? I have a pretty good idea idea what you will be wearing. Red, white and black is soooo sexy on guys. Oh my! Red,white and black -I think you are trying to make this difficult for me, what with the way you are testing my willpower and restraint. For that you deserve a spanking.
But the issue at hand is my wardrobe. Do I wear the titty dress, garters, and the 4 inch heel fuck-me boots? Do I bring the soft ropes? Jeans and a sweater will probably suffice and are the most logical choice for a cold hockey arena. I can still bring the soft ropes!
Truth be told, I am a smart sensible girl who likes the hockey more for the game than the boys (believe it or not). It is just that sometimes.....well.....some boys have that extra special something, that je ne sais quoi, that lure - the kavorka, and I just can't help myself. It is not my fault that I was born with ovaries and that you were born to throw your body all over the crease and wiggle in a funny way that makes my ovaries get all excited.
Oh, there it is! I thought of your cross-crease wiggle and my ovaries 'sploded. That led to me thinking about your strong chin *bite*, your pretty blue eyes, your neck with its line of freckles *lick*, your soft looking lips *mmm*, your jawline *nibble*, your long pretty fingers *oh my*, and your most likely delectable 6'1", slim, well-toned goalie body *sighs*. Is it true, what they say about Scotsmen?
If you will excuse me for a second I have something that I gotta do. It will only take me 10 minutes...maybe 20. Here, enjoy this picture of yourself looking hawt. No wait, I may need that!!!
God Damn!!! This is not healthy. Poor boy - I am sorry that my eyes and ovaries have decided to target you and that I feel the need to violate you with my words, among other things. The centromedial and lateral nuclei of my amygdala must have gotten rewired last season. The low guttural animal noises (it's like a purr/growl combo) start to emanate from my throat the very second I read your name. It is a new reflexive pathway: eyes ---> amygdala ---> straddling response + purr + drool.
Why d'ya have'ta go and make me feel like this? If you don't want this reaction from me you should just be a conservative butterfly goaltender who never plays the puck, and you most definitely should not play like this or this or this. Do you continue to do this to me 'cuz urrr naughty? Yeah, I thought as much *spank*!
__________________________________
Dates for which I will NOT feel the need to bring ropes, duct tape, a 30 pack of condoms, and two bottles of lube include:
Olivier Roy
Sept 20 7:00 pm
Nov 6 7:00pm
Jan 3rd 7:00pm
Feb 27 7:00pm
The Sea Dogs:
(note - bring cookies for Simon, Kirky and Keven)
Oct 30th 7:00pm
Nov 25 7:00pm
Feb 19 7:00pm
March 13 7:00pm
Timo Pielmeier:
Feb 21 7:00pm
Charles Lavigne:
Jan 23 7:00pm
Feb 22 4:00pm
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
the moistenator
Saint John Sea Dogs defeated the Acadie-Bathurst Titan 5-0. Fullerton had a shut-out despite facing 34 shots and having to kill off 7 penalties. What? He got a shut-out but was awarded no stars!!!
Despite the fact that he ONLY has 3 stars so far this series (yeah 3 whole stars in 4 games + a shutout and a 0.939 save % and 2.25 GAA) he still totally makes me want to be an entomologist-turned-bedroomologist. Such is the power of a very good goalie. My goalie loving femme-boner is so hard right now that it can only be eased by a trip to some place ripe with geriatrics.
Scott Howes had a hat trick forSaint John
Despite the fact that he ONLY has 3 stars so far this series (yeah 3 whole stars in 4 games + a shutout and a 0.939 save % and 2.25 GAA) he still totally makes me want to be an entomologist-turned-bedroomologist. Such is the power of a very good goalie. My goalie loving femme-boner is so hard right now that it can only be eased by a trip to some place ripe with geriatrics.
Scott Howes had a hat trick for
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Dogs are good at playing catch up (and fetch)
Oh Saint John
I wanted you to do well for the sake of your 'tender (like maybe a 2-1 loss in regulation) but I did not want you to actually win. It was warm and toasty all alone up here at the top, with the sun shining on only the Moose. Now we have to share our mountain with 22 other guys and it is getting crowded. The 1 point difference between us feels a bit too risqué for a good Irish Catholic girl like myself. Leave it to Fullerton to make me feel all dirty.
I wanted you to do well for the sake of your 'tender (like maybe a 2-1 loss in regulation) but I did not want you to actually win. It was warm and toasty all alone up here at the top, with the sun shining on only the Moose. Now we have to share our mountain with 22 other guys and it is getting crowded. The 1 point difference between us feels a bit too risqué for a good Irish Catholic girl like myself. Leave it to Fullerton to make me feel all dirty.
The Saint John Sea Dogs defeated the Val d'Or Foreurs with a 3-2 decision in the shootout.
Some pics are already available at the Foreurs website.
Travis Fullerton turned aside 36/38 shots, while Raffaele D'Orso blocked 38/40 in regulation /OT combined. Powerplays were split 1/4 for each team. I watched part of the first and second periods (en Francais) and saw some pretty nice blocks by both Fullerton and D'Orso - the shiniest bauble being a stop by Fullerton about 10-12 minutes into the second where Fully's legs were splayed across the top of the crease while simultaneously making an awesome glove save. uhhhhhhgggggg drool. Then I got all hot and bothered and had to take a cold shower.
All silliness aside - I am confused about the awarding of Stars
- 1.VDO - D'Orso, Raffaele
2.VDO - Sauve, Maxime
3. SNB - Liske, Payton
Christopher DiDomenico and Payton Liske got the goals in the shootout for Saint John. Liske got the tying goal in the third with an assist from Despres.
More details are available at QMJHL.
So it makes sense to give Sauve and Liske stars, but why D'Orso, and why did he get first star when his save % was only marginally better than Fullerton's (0.95 vs 0.947) and Fullerton was the winning goaltender. What is up?
I am not saying that Raf did not deserve the star, as I did not see the whole game. Nor am I denying him stars because I am bitter about being stood up by D'Orso earlier this season. I even watched him in the QMJHL Canada Russia challenge on November19th (Oy ...that rebound) and that was after he stood me up for our date at the Metro Centre on Nov 10th. Seeing a goalie do his thing live is so much better than on TV though (and way better than on Telus live feeds), which is why I will accept another date next season when he comes calling.
I want to like D'Orso for all the silly reasons a girl could like a goalie:
1) He is small like a Toskala, or a Marty #3 (Turco)
2) He plays a hybrid style...which is more entertaining than butterfly
2) He is from the community of St. Leonard, Montreal...land of Brodeur and Luongo
3) Openly admits to liking Brodeur. Brodeur is an obvious choice for favorite goalie, which is why I think no one else will admit to liking him.
4) He can make the douche-y chinstrap facial hair work
5) He has unilateral control over his eyebrows.
6) He lifts his mask a lot.
If someone knows why D'Orso deserved 1st star please let me know.
If someone has found a cure for my eyebrow fetish could they also let me know - i talk about eyebrows A LOT.
_____________________________________________
Elsewhere:
The Q scoring race got a huge jump today when the Acadie-Bathurst Titan faced the Gatineau Olympiques for a 5/4 OT decision (in favour of Gat) at the Centre Robert-Guertin.
League points leader and Washington draft pick Mathieu Perreault (ABT) had 2 goals and 1 assist and close runner up - Squirrels Giroux (Gat/Phi) had 4 assists.The point leaders are as follows:
Mathieu Perreault (ABT) - 101 (59 GP)
Claude Giroux (Gat) - 97 (51 GP)
Jakub Voracek (Hal) - 96 (48 GP)
Francis Pare (Chi) - 94 (64 GP)
Dean Ouellet (Cap) - 92 (65 GP)
__________________________________________
Baie-Comeau defeated Chicoutimi 4-2 to regain the top spot in the Telus and are the top seeded team overall with 92 points (65- 43, 16, 2, 4). The top seed is a scary merry-go-round that I would rather not have to ride on a day-to-day basis. Let's just say it is always either Baie-Comeau or Rouyn-Noranda and leave it at that, unless something drastic happens, or at least until the season ends on March 16.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Dear Fully - Get it Together
Travis
I am waiting with bated breath for our next date - March 16, 2008. Remember? Yeah, I knew you wouldn't forget. Our dates are always blissfully explosive. You must remain strong. It will be a very important date for all of us as it may be the deciding game for the #1 position in the east.
You do not want Mayer walking into our barn and stealing my heart now do you? No, I didn't think so. This may be our last date my darling Mr. Fullerton - you are 20 and this is your last year in the Q. That being said, you had better slap your Dogs and pull up your damn socks, because I WILL NOT settle for a date with Mayer. If you wanna play that game/keep our date you had better start playing well NOW.
Someone please cover little Simon's delicate ears, this is about to get dirty. Done? -OK
The QMJHL will allow us to have only three dates this year and you know how frisky I get when I have to wait so long between our liaisons (rowwwrrr). The way you tug at your jersey during the game to give me a little peek at what lies underneath is naughty. The way you caress the posts - you are such a tease. I am seriously considering going home to CB just to watch you play back to back games there against the Eagles in early March. I need you so much it hurts. Sometimes I just don't get enough puck handling at home, and you are the boy who knows perfectly well how to fill that void.
Telus just isn't good enough for the Fully peepin'- and tonight it was crap- there was no audio. I had to put on the radio and the Telus feed simultaneously, but they were totally out of sync (video was lagging). I quit watching when you got the hook. No need for us both to suffer. What the hell went wrong? Were your eyes so swollen with tears from crying over me that you could not see the puck? Sometimes P-O has the same problem but he will never admit to it. I know it is hard for us to be this far apart, and to top it all off my 'goalie-assisting love-vibes' are only effective for a radius of about 500 miles (800 km). That means you are safe in eastern Quebec and Lewiston, but if you are in Nfld or in western Quebec then you are boned. Then, all you have to rely on is your Ds and your actual skill to win you games. Life is a total bitch for a goalie on the road. P-O learned this the hard way - look at the Moose's performance in Rouyn and Val d'Or.
I have a little secret - I tuned into Sportsnet for the Seadogs vs Voltigeurs game. Yeah, I fuck around on the Moose, but they have some little Quebecois tart on the side...fair is fair. I wish all of your games were broadcast on Sportsnet. I have seen you from behind the net, I have seen you from the top of the face-off circle in your zone, but on TV I got to see you from a whole different perspective. They had a camera above you - it was sweet. Not only that but I have digital cable - pause, play and rewind. Have you ever had an out of body experience and watched yourself from above? Le sigh. You have the cutest little way of moving across the crease on your knees. I am hooked.
Tips for future games:
Did you shave? You shouldn't do that - it is not lucky and the scruff totally works for you. The clean-shaven, crazy-eyed, crop-haired Fullerton with the wonky smile is hot, but scruffy-fluffy Fully totally drives the girls wild. Yeah, you're hot!!! Does that make you feel better? Go look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are hot. Remember, when you know that you are hot you will play like you are hot, so just keep staring back into your own baby blues and repeat after me "My name is Travis Fullerton and I am hot." Now, keep doing this until you play like you are hot.
tingling with anticipation
Q-girl
I am waiting with bated breath for our next date - March 16, 2008. Remember? Yeah, I knew you wouldn't forget. Our dates are always blissfully explosive. You must remain strong. It will be a very important date for all of us as it may be the deciding game for the #1 position in the east.
You do not want Mayer walking into our barn and stealing my heart now do you? No, I didn't think so. This may be our last date my darling Mr. Fullerton - you are 20 and this is your last year in the Q. That being said, you had better slap your Dogs and pull up your damn socks, because I WILL NOT settle for a date with Mayer. If you wanna play that game/keep our date you had better start playing well NOW.
Someone please cover little Simon's delicate ears, this is about to get dirty. Done? -OK
The QMJHL will allow us to have only three dates this year and you know how frisky I get when I have to wait so long between our liaisons (rowwwrrr). The way you tug at your jersey during the game to give me a little peek at what lies underneath is naughty. The way you caress the posts - you are such a tease. I am seriously considering going home to CB just to watch you play back to back games there against the Eagles in early March. I need you so much it hurts. Sometimes I just don't get enough puck handling at home, and you are the boy who knows perfectly well how to fill that void.Telus just isn't good enough for the Fully peepin'- and tonight it was crap- there was no audio. I had to put on the radio and the Telus feed simultaneously, but they were totally out of sync (video was lagging). I quit watching when you got the hook. No need for us both to suffer. What the hell went wrong? Were your eyes so swollen with tears from crying over me that you could not see the puck? Sometimes P-O has the same problem but he will never admit to it. I know it is hard for us to be this far apart, and to top it all off my 'goalie-assisting love-vibes' are only effective for a radius of about 500 miles (800 km). That means you are safe in eastern Quebec and Lewiston, but if you are in Nfld or in western Quebec then you are boned. Then, all you have to rely on is your Ds and your actual skill to win you games. Life is a total bitch for a goalie on the road. P-O learned this the hard way - look at the Moose's performance in Rouyn and Val d'Or.
I have a little secret - I tuned into Sportsnet for the Seadogs vs Voltigeurs game. Yeah, I fuck around on the Moose, but they have some little Quebecois tart on the side...fair is fair. I wish all of your games were broadcast on Sportsnet. I have seen you from behind the net, I have seen you from the top of the face-off circle in your zone, but on TV I got to see you from a whole different perspective. They had a camera above you - it was sweet. Not only that but I have digital cable - pause, play and rewind. Have you ever had an out of body experience and watched yourself from above? Le sigh. You have the cutest little way of moving across the crease on your knees. I am hooked.
Tips for future games:
Did you shave? You shouldn't do that - it is not lucky and the scruff totally works for you. The clean-shaven, crazy-eyed, crop-haired Fullerton with the wonky smile is hot, but scruffy-fluffy Fully totally drives the girls wild. Yeah, you're hot!!! Does that make you feel better? Go look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are hot. Remember, when you know that you are hot you will play like you are hot, so just keep staring back into your own baby blues and repeat after me "My name is Travis Fullerton and I am hot." Now, keep doing this until you play like you are hot.
tingling with anticipation
Q-girl
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Lewy vs Saint John
Travis
You know that when you get angry and hit a boy with your stick 'cos he got-all-up-in-your-crease, I, in turn, only want to lick you more, right? Everybody knows how I feel about angry goalies - the angrier the goalie, the hotter the goalie. You are a tender baby gazelle and I am a starving lioness...run motherfucker run.
Congrats on your beautiful 0.971 save %, and your second star, but also boo-on-you for winning. We (the Moose, who else you silly boy?) were one-up on you for about 2 hours, then you (the Sea Dogs, uggg... do I have to explain everything?) had to go and ruin it all by getting that goal in the third. So here we stand, one point separates us still...and you have the upper hand.
The least you could do is congratulate us for bringing the Titan to their knees.
Q-girl
You know that when you get angry and hit a boy with your stick 'cos he got-all-up-in-your-crease, I, in turn, only want to lick you more, right? Everybody knows how I feel about angry goalies - the angrier the goalie, the hotter the goalie. You are a tender baby gazelle and I am a starving lioness...run motherfucker run.
Congrats on your beautiful 0.971 save %, and your second star, but also boo-on-you for winning. We (the Moose, who else you silly boy?) were one-up on you for about 2 hours, then you (the Sea Dogs, uggg... do I have to explain everything?) had to go and ruin it all by getting that goal in the third. So here we stand, one point separates us still...and you have the upper hand.
The least you could do is congratulate us for bringing the Titan to their knees.
Q-girl
Friday, February 22, 2008
Damn you Titan
Horray, the Sea Dogs are losing. Booo, the Titan are winning. Why is the live video feed down? This sucks.
While the Sea Dogs are technically 'the enemy' that we have to worry about right now, they have a fair number of players that I actually like: Fullerton, Després, Sauvé. I would hate for such nice young boys to walk away from a game with hurt feelings. Not only that, but the Sea Dogs have nice loyal fans. Good for them.
As I write this the game is ending. DAMN, shots were 40 to 18 in favour of the Titan in a 7-1 loss for the Dogs. Sea Dogs - you got spanked, kicked, and licked...and it wasn't even me doing the spanking or licking. Shame.
The Titan, on the other hand, are ensconced with asshole. I don't know that much about the Titan players, but I do know this about the Titan:
1) They had a fire sale during the last trade period
2) They got a new coach
3) Some combo of the above made them suddenly, and magically, hot as hell
4) During the winter trade period they got some of the Ds we could have used
5) They are based in Bathurst, and no one likes Bathurst
6) Mathieu Perreault's play must have been ignited by a spark at about the time of the fire sale, because damn... he had a point in 27 consecutive games, a streak which ended on Feb 15th... and already a new points-streak has begun.
7) Antoine Tardif has nice eyebrows. This little goalie 'got broked' and has gone missing. If you find him please let me know, I MUST ask him who does his brows.
8) Nicholas Champion is rocking it for such an inexperienced little back-up goalie.
9) They have literally 1000 back-up to the back-up goalies, none of which actually gets to play.
10) One of those back-ups to the back-up, Brad Dyke likes to chew on the neck of his jersey while he is sitting at the bench. This is called 'sweater munching'. I noticed this sweater munching when he was in Halifax while playing with Drummondville. I watch goalies A LOT, and as such I notice many of their weird quirks.
11) Their offense seems to actually be capable of making up for their sometimes shakey defense/goalkeeping (unlike some teams I know).
12) They have a small but vocal group of fans which act like huge assholes (hence the ensconcing).
...and so a loss for them is a kick in the teeth to these fans.
I really want them to start losing.
I hope the losing can begin this Sunday, 2:00 pm, at the Halifax Metro Centre.
While the Sea Dogs are technically 'the enemy' that we have to worry about right now, they have a fair number of players that I actually like: Fullerton, Després, Sauvé. I would hate for such nice young boys to walk away from a game with hurt feelings. Not only that, but the Sea Dogs have nice loyal fans. Good for them.
As I write this the game is ending. DAMN, shots were 40 to 18 in favour of the Titan in a 7-1 loss for the Dogs. Sea Dogs - you got spanked, kicked, and licked...and it wasn't even me doing the spanking or licking. Shame.
The Titan, on the other hand, are ensconced with asshole. I don't know that much about the Titan players, but I do know this about the Titan:
1) They had a fire sale during the last trade period
2) They got a new coach
3) Some combo of the above made them suddenly, and magically, hot as hell
4) During the winter trade period they got some of the Ds we could have used
5) They are based in Bathurst, and no one likes Bathurst
6) Mathieu Perreault's play must have been ignited by a spark at about the time of the fire sale, because damn... he had a point in 27 consecutive games, a streak which ended on Feb 15th... and already a new points-streak has begun.
7) Antoine Tardif has nice eyebrows. This little goalie 'got broked' and has gone missing. If you find him please let me know, I MUST ask him who does his brows.
8) Nicholas Champion is rocking it for such an inexperienced little back-up goalie.
9) They have literally 1000 back-up to the back-up goalies, none of which actually gets to play.
10) One of those back-ups to the back-up, Brad Dyke likes to chew on the neck of his jersey while he is sitting at the bench. This is called 'sweater munching'. I noticed this sweater munching when he was in Halifax while playing with Drummondville. I watch goalies A LOT, and as such I notice many of their weird quirks.
11) Their offense seems to actually be capable of making up for their sometimes shakey defense/goalkeeping (unlike some teams I know).
12) They have a small but vocal group of fans which act like huge assholes (hence the ensconcing).
...and so a loss for them is a kick in the teeth to these fans.
I really want them to start losing.
I hope the losing can begin this Sunday, 2:00 pm, at the Halifax Metro Centre.
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