No love lost / Who likes gossip?

So in my regular attempt at Travis Fullerton* internet stalking (real life stalking results in more restraining orders), I went online to facebook and the "Travis Fullerton fan Club" page.

In the discussion board under the header "What are the Saint John Sea Dogs Going to do next year without Travis Fullerton as their goalie?" I see the following post by one Mr Jason Rinzler*:
"I think the sea dogs will be way better off without him. Any other goalie will not just fill the void but surpass it. There will be a more positive vibe in the dressing room and everyone will be happier without him. I predict a championship next year without him."

Me-fuckin'-ow Mr Rinzler. Who is Jason Rinzler you may ask? Jason is a MJAHL player from Moncton who played with the Weeks Crushers and who played with Travis on the Moncton Beavers. Travis is from Riverview, the town across the river from Moncton and he played for the Moncton Beavers before he made the Q, as well as during his 'time-off' between Lewy and Saint John.


Now maybe Fullerton is a disruptive mess in the locker room, I don't know. I like to imagine that he is one horribly sloppy disruptive mess leaving fires, broken relationships and broken girls in his wake *sigh*. He looks like trouble, he may in fact be trouble, I secretly like trouble, hence I like Travis Fullerton. If he wanted to break me I would say go for it.

Sometimes I think naughty things about boys in the Q (usually when someone loses a jersey during a fight), then I feel bad because those boys are too young for me to have such thoughts about them, but it is normally just a momentary lapse of judgement. I have no problem admitting that I am all momentary lapses of judgement when it comes to Fullerton...and I don't feel bad about it either.


Jason Rinzler now plays AUS hockey for the St. Thomas Tommies (in Fredericton NB), Fullerton also plays AUS, but for UNB in Fredericton NB.

On the St Thomas Webpage, where the Tommies introduce Rinzler as a new player, there is a comment from one Rob Taylor:
"Rinzler's a hack but he's got a great mustache ..... Keep the stache thick and he'll score STU some goals ... Unless he runs up against Fullerton otherwise known as Rico than all bets are off even with the stache ..
That is all
Rob Taylor"

MEOW Rob Taylor. Who is Rob Taylor*? I have no idea.
Who knew boys could be so damn catty...and Rinzler rocks a 'stache too. Double damn!!! Are Fully and Rinzler fighting over me? - doubt it since I have never met either boy, but I do love a 'stache battle-royale (even though, since seeing Fully's 'stacheless UNB pic, I realized that I like the look of Fully more without it).

Should I repeat this gossip fest? Why the hell not! They are the ones who put it out on the internets for all to see, and we all know the ladies like gossip.

By the way, how is Travis doing with UNB? - winningly, that is how. Sometimes I stalk the UNB Varsity Reds via the Daily Gleaner.


On October 24th UNB plays Dal. I have the date memorized, which is why I am damn pissed that the Mooseheads chose this day for their Breast Cancer awareness/ Pink Jersey game. The boys will wear pink Jerseys vs the Sags and then the game worn Jerseys can be won in a raffle. I swear-to-god this organization hates me. I WANT A JERSEY...but I will not give up a 'date' with Fullerton for a chance to win one. I like him THAT much.

Having just thought of Travis Fullerton I now have a 'situation' I have to deal with. This is a perfectly normal heterosexual female response to repeated mental stimulation by sexy, stretchy, wiggly, leg-flicking, puck-playing, bad-boy goaltenders. Move along, nothing to see here.


edit - *and they are all facebook friends, imagine that.

god damn it Fully I've been stood up

Moose lose 4-3. I am so drunk I should have left the original title spelling. There are 8 words in that title, all 8 of which were spelled incorrectly. I even spelled 'up' incorrectly. fuck fuck fuck fuck. All a girl wants is a little Fullerton in her last game of the season. All a girl dreams about is a little Fullerton in her games every fucking day of her life. Give me my God damn Fullerton. I NEED my Fullerton. I WANT my Fullerton. I've been robbed. All I get is a quazi-fuzzy Fully skating to the bench. Have I said Fuck yet?

All I want to do is take Fully, and tie him up and spank him and break him, and grind him up into a fine powder and roll around naked in him and snort him up my nose. Ohhhhh DAMN I have been ripped off.


Here is Mayer. What can I say about Mayer? Right now I am so bitter that all I can say is that he IS NOT FULLERTON- FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Ohhh his new Vaughn's are pretty.

But I'm happy I got me a little P-O, he looked slick, smooth, fancy. I wanted to touch him and he still looks pretty when he is sweaty. When he makes saves they are so damn fancy, I would give him a dozen cookies and a tongue bath for those saves. The goals against were not so bad, but I still feel robbed all around. We sat out Marchand, Voracek and Bodnarchuk (WTF ...losing on national TV is the best thing we can do for our team), so I think we set P-O up for a loss. Despite this, I am eagerly awaiting the opportunity to hand out the tough love to P-O. It is everything I have ever wanted and more (- Fullerton, who admittedly makes my loins hurt). I am going to smell his hair so thoroughly and give his pretty face a good Helen Keller-ing. Arggggghhhhhh.
I’ll get him a nice little box and keep him there at night or when I am not straddling his lap for the purpose of smelling his neck and hair and the little spot behind his ear where his neck and hair meet, then cooing about fancy saves while I play Helen Keller with his face. Maybe occasionally I will veer off course and caress his long neck or play with his pretty fingers. Then I will go back to his face - tracing down that landing strip along his chin, up along his jaw, right around the helix of his ear, over to his brow line and then down over his pretty little nose, left along his upper lip, right over his lower lip to the landing strip, and back down the chin. Then I begin to trace the other side of his face. I could do this all day. So fucking pretty!!!

I am so drunk. Dear Irish God forgive me, I realize it is not even really St Patrick's day. St Patrick's of course being St. P. Roy.
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NHL news:
fuck the Penguins

Dogs are good at playing catch up (and fetch)

Oh Saint John
I wanted you to do well for the sake of your 'tender (like maybe a 2-1 loss in regulation) but I did not want you to actually win. It was warm and toasty all alone up here at the top, with the sun shining on only the Moose. Now we have to share our mountain with 22 other guys and it is getting crowded. The 1 point difference between us feels a bit too risqué for a good Irish Catholic girl like myself. Leave it to Fullerton to make me feel all dirty.

The Saint John Sea Dogs defeated the Val d'Or Foreurs with a 3-2 decision in the shootout.
Some pics are already available at the Foreurs website.

Travis Fullerton turned aside 36/38 shots, while Raffaele D'Orso blocked 38/40 in regulation /OT combined. Powerplays were split 1/4 for each team. I watched part of the first and second periods (en Francais) and saw some pretty nice blocks by both Fullerton and D'Orso - the shiniest bauble being a stop by Fullerton about 10-12 minutes into the second where Fully's legs were splayed across the top of the crease while simultaneously making an awesome glove save. uhhhhhhgggggg drool. Then I got all hot and bothered and had to take a cold shower.

All silliness aside - I am confused about the awarding of Stars

1.VDO - D'Orso, Raffaele
2.VDO - Sauve, Maxime
3. SNB - Liske, Payton

Maxime Sauvé got the only goal in the shootout for Val d'Or as well as an unassisted goal early in the 3rd to give Val d'Or the lead.
Christopher DiDomenico and Payton Liske got the goals in the shootout for Saint John. Liske got the tying goal in the third with an assist from Despres.
More details are available at QMJHL.

So it makes sense to give Sauve and Liske stars, but why D'Orso, and why did he get first star when his save % was only marginally better than Fullerton's (0.95 vs 0.947) and Fullerton was the winning goaltender. What is up?

I am not saying that Raf did not deserve the star, as I did not see the whole game. Nor am I denying him stars because I am bitter about being stood up by D'Orso earlier this season. I even watched him in the QMJHL Canada Russia challenge on November19th (Oy ...that rebound) and that was after he stood me up for our date at the Metro Centre on Nov 10th. Seeing a goalie do his thing live is so much better than on TV though (and way better than on Telus live feeds), which is why I will accept another date next season when he comes calling.

I want to like D'Orso for all the silly reasons a girl could like a goalie:
1) He is small like a Toskala, or a Marty #3 (Turco)
2) He plays a hybrid style...which is more entertaining than butterfly
2) He is from the community of St. Leonard, Montreal...land of Brodeur and Luongo
3) Openly admits to liking Brodeur. Brodeur is an obvious choice for favorite goalie, which is why I think no one else will admit to liking him.
4) He can make the douche-y chinstrap facial hair work
5) He has unilateral control over his eyebrows.
6) He lifts his mask a lot.

If someone knows why D'Orso deserved 1st star please let me know.

If someone has found a cure for my eyebrow fetish could they also let me know - i talk about eyebrows A LOT.

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Elsewhere:
The Q scoring race got a huge jump today when the Acadie-Bathurst Titan faced the Gatineau Olympiques for a 5/4 OT decision (in favour of Gat) at the Centre Robert-Guertin.

League points leader and Washington draft pick Mathieu Perreault (ABT) had 2 goals and 1 assist and close runner up - Squirrels Giroux (Gat/Phi) had 4 assists.

The point leaders are as follows:
Mathieu Perreault (ABT) - 101 (59 GP)
Claude Giroux (Gat) - 97 (51 GP)
Jakub Voracek (Hal) - 96 (48 GP)
Francis Pare (Chi) - 94 (64 GP)
Dean Ouellet (Cap) - 92 (65 GP)

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Baie-Comeau defeated Chicoutimi 4-2 to regain the top spot in the Telus and are the top seeded team overall with 92 points (65- 43, 16, 2, 4). The top seed is a scary merry-go-round that I would rather not have to ride on a day-to-day basis. Let's just say it is always either Baie-Comeau or Rouyn-Noranda and leave it at that, unless something drastic happens, or at least until the season ends on March 16.

I feel funny down there

Ladies of Fredericton, please give Travis Fullerton (former Sea Dogs goaltender) some loving. I can't do it; I am too old and too far away to get my grubby hands on him. You know you love him, yes, you know you do. He is irresistible. But...keep your hands off my goddamn Fullerton Jersey this time - it is mine. Bitch, I will claw your eyes out.

From the daily gleaner:

UNB goaltender Travis Fullerton bumped his personal string of shutout minutes to 254 minutes, 38 seconds and recorded his league-leading third shutout of the season, turning aside 13 shots.

Fullerton shook off the shutout stat as coolly as he did any of the 13 shots the Tommies sent his way this night.

"It's a good individual stat," he shrugged when presented with the number. "Obviously, I'm extremely happy to be playing well. But it's just a stat, it doesn't really mean anything."

Fullerton went long stretches without touching the puck. The Tommies didn't get their first shot until the game was 11 minutes old. It was 12 minutes into the third before Fullerton got to participate.

It doesn't really mean anything? Dude, it means, like, 12 free blowjobs or something. The naughty kind. Clearly you must be able to receive some sort of sexual services for this.

I want to tie him to his posts

Ha. Did you honestly think that I have forgotten about Travis Fullerton? You are a fool!

On the Morning of Feb 28th, just a the day before the UNB Varsity reds were to begin their playoff run, their coach Don MacAdam still had not decided who would be the starting goaltender, Fullerton or Yeomans. On March 1st Fullerton got the call and the UNB V-reds have taken down the Acadia Axemen in two contests by a score of 5-2 and 1-0 respectively.

Yep, another shutout for Fullerton, and apparently a pretty nice one. It is soooo cruel that I did not get to see him play this year. It is even crueler that I haven't had a chance to child molest him *sigh*.

David Richie wrote about the game for the Daily Gleaner:

Unfortunately for he and the Axemen, though, was that Fullerton guy standing tall at the other end. The rookie out of Riverview faced only 19 shots, but many were of the dangerous variety, including an attempt by David Lomas with about six minutes to go from a scramble that the Acadia people maintained slipped over the goal line. They pleaded their case to referee Thayer Doyle and the goal judge. Alas, it was not to be.

"I really didn't see where it ended up,'' said Fullerton with a smile. "It was underneath my pad, but honestly, I couldn't tell you if it went in or not.''

So that is that story - dreamy goalie who does good under pressure once again calls upon the devil in help for maintaining his good under pressure status... yet still hasn't called me and said "hey girl, what up? I hear you have a goalie fetish." I can totally be the devil, all he has to do is ask.


In related news the Lewiston MAINEiacs are looking to work out a deal with the Fredericton universities to see if they can move their team to Freddy. A Q team without a home is a sad sad thing.

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The Mooseheads Voyageurs game worn jersey auction has begun. Closing date is March 11 at 5:00 pm . The format of the auction kinda sucks - emailing in your bid... what the hell is that? So in the end when there is a bidding war and the bids are not being updated regularly on the website no one will know the price that jerseys are going for and they could end up with 5 final bids on the same jersey for $300 and people will be pissy.

Sea Dogs vs Huskies: Pre-game stats

I have already done a brief rundown of goalie stats for the semi-finals, so now I figure it is time to take a look at some of the shooters stats. It has already been stated by the media that special teams will be very important for this series. The Huskies have the most effective penalty kill so far this playoffs with a 90% PK efficiency, however the Sea Dogs have the most potent power play at 32.3%. Of all the teams remaining the Huskies have the worst powerplay at 24.2 % and the Sea Dogs have a PK of 80% - neither of these are necessarily bad numbers for a PP or PK. It will be interesting to see which special teams will be better able to adjust to their new opponents. Unlike the Sea Dogs who have allowed two short handed goals, the Huskies have not allowed any. The Sea Dogs will have to be very careful about not coughing up the puck during their power play.


If we look at shots on net per game (Sea Dogs = 34.2 , Huskies = 35.75) and the number of penalty kills (Sea Dogs = 5.5 , Huskies = 6.25) these teams seem fairly even, however the goalie stats are very different, with Gougon's numbers being much better than Fullerton's. This may be because the Sea Dogs have been allowing many more dangerous shots - 45% of all shots on net for the sea Dogs have been considered dangerous, this is compared to the Huskies 26.6%. Would Gougeon's numbers be as good if 45% of the shots coming his way were actually considered dangerous shots. Dear God, Sea Dogs what the hell are you trying to do to Fullerton? Sea Dogs defense- you must be more defensey.

So while point production is fun and everything, other factors such as shots on net and faceoff wins must also be considered. Here are the top players on either team for a number of non-goalie related statistics.




















I also have more Sea Dogs vs Huskies related new links to share with y'all:
It's Dog eat Dog as Semi's begin
Sea Dogs Brace for Daunting Task


Oh Fully I knew you were done wrong, but I never knew about this Courcelles guy.

"The Lewiston Maineiacs ruthlessly cut their ties with him 1½ years ago after he had an off-season run-in with the law. Fullerton was nailed for drinking and driving during training camp in August, 2006, and then-head coach and general manager Clem Jodoin declared he would not allow a player with that kind of off-ice baggage to play for his team.

"This is not something this team will tolerate," Jodoin told the Lewiston Sun-Journal at the time.

Jodoin sent Fullerton home the very next day and made him wait until December before dealing him to a new team. Incidentally, that didn’t stop Jodoin from finalizing a trade for forward Simon Courcelles the same day he kicked Fullerton off the team, even though Courcelles had been involved in a drinking and driving incident one year earlier."

However, it is a damn good thing because it got you out of Bernier's shadow. Do you want to hug? Yes, this is the softer gentler, non-goalie eating side of me. I just hope P-O and Yeti do not mind that I am so firmly rasping on the left side of your neck...the side with the freckles. Yeah, I don't know what happened to my knickers, they just mysteriously vanished. Hey, I tried to be sweet and gentle but you let me get within 5 feet of you - then your kavorka got to me. You should have known better.

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Dear Yeti

Do you see what Groulx is saying about you? Yes he is mean! Do you need a hug? OK then, let’s nuzzle. You know I love you right? You are my goalie and you know it is my sworn duty to love my goalies even if they play a boring conservative style. Wait – was that mean? Sorry. Here let me hug you tighter. Can I sit in your lap, smell your fluffy pre-game hair, and nuzzle your neck? Your funny neck beard tickles! Anyway, even if something goes wrong don’t forget that we have Pier to back you up and he is brillz. This is something Groulx and I can agree upon.

You have been playing very well, and you have remained cool, calm and collected. While I love goalie rage, you are not generally a rageaholic and you should not become a rageaholic. OK maybe you expressed some rage once, when you unsuccessfully tried to break your stick on the posts and Pier, who had already been pulled, was sitting on the bench doing the neurotic hat on, hat off, hat on thing which he does when he is stressed – but goalie go round will do that to boys. All that gear on your chest cannot protect you from the pain you feel in your fragile goalie mind after a super shitty game. However, goalie rage is just not appropriate at this time of year. If something goes wrong, give yourself a hug, ask Pier for a hug, or find me in the stands and come get your hug. Maybe we should all hug, mmmmmmmmm. Oh, we will work it out somehow.

But don’t worry sweet Yeti, should something bad happen because of that squirrely Giroux, just remember that even Mior has had his off nights during these playoffs. Also, did you see Carey Price last night? He was brutal. I think I even saw him emote – a small wince of pain brought on by the tragedy that was last night’s Habs vs Bruins game. Even Marty #1 has been all moody and out of position lately. It can happen to the best of netminders. Don't let Groulx get to you. Stay strong, the Moose need you to help them put out that Olympique Flame.

At least Voracek is feeling better. He has not been playing like himself lately. He has been good, but not Voracek levels of good - ya know? How this silly Czech robot caught a cyber-virus I will never know. We should keep him offline until the playoffs are done. We need to emerge from meeting three with Gatineau unscathed and ready for a good Dog Fight.

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Mooseheads/Yetman picture from the Chronicle Herald (Eric Wynne)

Jigsaw falling into place

Halifax vs Lewiston didn’t phase me, hardly in the least. Some disasters you just kinda expect. Jake turns over the puck and our "stars" can't back-check. Quelle surprise? The lines changed 50 x, nope never seen that before either. Down 2-0, how unusual. Yeti lets in a goal after only 1 or 2 shots - hmmm must be P-O's fault.

Here are some other things I learned:

1) Sometimes I hate the other Moose fans. The boys sitting behind me were total assholes and it took all of my strength not to turn around and tell them to fuck the hell off. If I was sober I might just have given them a piece of my mind. There is no point sitting around spending the entire game complaining about a player who is not even playing. Last night (Wednesday) there were many other boys to be bitching about. Pick on them for a change.

2) The Moose like dogs. They get really excited to see dogs and they make happy faces from the bench. We should get a different dog to do the ceremonial puck-drop every game. The puck-drop was literally the best part of the game.

I will have plenty more to say later – Like how I have a hit out on Paquette, stuff about my other boyfriend Jonathan Bernier, the absence of Delmas, the presence of Rafuse - “hello Kirk”, oh, and how Halifax played…yeah that is important too.

But let’s not talk about Halifax right now, let’s talk about Saint John vs PEI, or more specifically about Travis Fullerton.

Travis Fullerton stepped into the crease in relief of Mayer who allowed 3 goals on 9 shots in 13 minutes. Fullerton then proceeded to make 36 saves on 38 shots and came out with the second star of the game even though Saint John lost. When I returned from the Metro Centre and checked in on this game I lost my mind in a twitter and threw my panties in the general direction of Saint John. I have thrown so many pairs of panties in the general direction of Saint John that, were they to actually make it to their destination, I would have almost run out of panties. It is a rather pointless exercise since they simply fly out the window and flutter down into my tiny flower garden. Then when I come to my senses I have to slink outside to reclaim them before the cold light of day hits and passersby discover girlie-undies strewn about my wee garden.

One of my girlfriends commented on my love for Fullerton today with an ‘ugh’, and then all the girls got on my back. They think he is gross and they do not like the little moustache. Hell, the first time I saw him I was like “damn does that kid have a moustache – gross”; then somewhere along the line, some fancy save, some fancy puckhandling, something, somewhere, and I cannot exactly pinpoint the moment, maybe it was more like a slow waltz, but that dirty little bitch seduced the hell out of me…and badly. Now all I have to do is hear his name and I start to breathe a little heavier and that low guttural animal sound starts welling up in my throat. It is complete and utter thrall.

I found this CBC coverage of the Sea Dogs which begins around 42 minutes into the news story (this link may not work after 24 hours and you need to be using Explorer). There is an interview with both Fullerton and Sauve. I watched it, then I watched it again, then I melted into one tiny, messy puddle, and then I took my whole underwear drawer and flung it out my front window (Saint John is slightly northwest right?).

I managed to get a single screencap of Fully in all of his well spoken, freshly showered (? - postgame) glory.

As a result, I have been irrationally licking my computer screen for the last half hour. Panty flinging is so unlike me…I mean, he isn’t even Francophone, or Finnish… he’s from Riverview, he has a moustache and he is too young for me (but at least he is 20). I mean look at him…it makes no sense; why the hell do I want to grab a firm hold of that scruffy mop, bite his chin, run my tongue along his jaw then ... (deleted due to its excessively obscene nature)? Here he has sloped shoulders, severe lines under his eyes, horrible hair, straight messy eyebrows, and a moustache. But, he also has good skin, a strong chin, nice bone structure, beautiful baby blues, soft looking lips…oh, and he is a nice little goalie. I want to take him home and put him in a fancy box.

Some combo of everything he is and isn't makes him 'sex on blades' (I am going to Trademark that phrase). Another deep low growl emanates from my throat. Does that make me a puckbunny? Damn.

That being said, I realized there is only one time all year when we can throw things onto the ice and not get kicked out of the arena. The teddy bear toss is this Sunday when Halifax hosts Saint John. If I ball the panties tight enough I should be able to get a fairly good aim at his head from my seat.

I will finish watching periods two and three of Saint John vs PEI after I post this. If you are a drunk walking home along some downtown street tonight beware of flying panties.

Monday updates: Throw your frilly unmentionables at the UNB VReds.

Ohhhh can I pick 'em or can I pick 'em. Despite losing the UAS men's hockey championships by 2 games to 1 against Saint Mary's University; the UNB Varsity reds were able to bring it all in the CIS finals and defeat the University of Western Ontario Mustangs by a score of 4-2.

Of course I was watching since 'my obsession' was in nets for the Reds. I have been oogling Fullerton for quite some time now. Half of my blog has this weird, eerie, creeped out, stalker-y vibe to it because of him. I can't help it... and now neither can anyone who watched the CIS finals.

One day they are firey pink cheeked QMJHL players (I'm looking at you Clendenning), the next they are calm headed studious University hockey boys

UNB VReds picture from the Daily Gleaner

Once you have seen him you can't unsee him. He gets into your brain and does those little goalie leg flicks at your hippocampus, thus damaging it. He does this until you forget everything you ever knew about the other goalies. Then he travels up to your amygdala and cups it with his trapper so that it feels the love and pokes your cerebellum with his stick to make you feel dizzy. Ahhhhhhh Fullerton.

Apparently he won some sort of prize, because I could hear his name called in the post game melee, but the camera crew were not covering it. They were just tracking Lachlan MacIntosh (who had a hat trick and was named tournament MVP) around the arena. Checking the Daily Gleaner today I discovered that Fullerton was named to the tournament all star team. Rawrs for Fullerton.

Now aren't we all glad that he did not hang up his skates after his disasterous first two regular season games with the VReds? Not bad for a guy who did not even play enough minutes during the regular season to qualify for the league all stars team.

Despite all my cooing and general cougaring (or perhaps puma-ing), one real question has yet to be addressed: To what address do I mail my bra?


edit: Ackkkkk INTERVIEWS INTERVIEWS
edit 2: an older (March 26th) Fullerton related news article in the Telegraph Journal

I could lick a goalie

Damn ex-boyfriends. They are doing things in the University game that none of my QMJHL boyfriends are doing lately.

Former Saint John Sea Dogs goaltender Travis Fullerton and his new UNB teammates shut out Acadia 5-0. Fullerton made 23 saves for his second shutout of the season.

According to the Daily Gleaner:

Travis Fullerton and the University of New Brunswick Varsity Reds just keep on rolling.

The freshman goaltender turned in his second straight shutout and extended his string of shutout minutes to 194 minutes, 38 seconds with a 5-0 shutout of the Acadia Axemen in Atlantic University Sport Men's Hockey Conference action in Wolfville, N.S. Friday night.

Fullerton, who blanked the St. Thomas Tommies 8-0 in his last start, hasn't surrendered a goal since the second period of an 8-2 victory over the Dalhousie Tigers on Jan. 10.

Today UNB played Dal - Yeomans was in net, because UNB hates me and they just don't want Fullerton and I to be together; he and his stretchy skills, and me and my skills watching eyes - a match made in goalie peepers heaven.

edit - current stats GAA = 1.65 and sv% = 0.917 with 4 wins, 2 losses.

Sober Monday updates

'Tis Monday and 'tis St. Patrick's day, and I am a sober Irish Cape Bretoner who is refraining from using bad curse words, and trying not to objectify boys. You will not find a single double-entendre in my blog today. OK, well maybe just a couple, but they were not on purpose. I went back and read my post and thought, well that could be interpreted as dirty. I refuse to change how I write - you are the one with the dirty mind.

The Q has once again announced its players of the week:

Offensive Player of the week:
Patrick Bernier - Shawinigan Cataractes

How appropriate that we give props to a boy named Patrick on St. Patrick's day. Every time I turn around lately there is a boy named Bernier in my face (Yes, he is the younger brother of Steve Bernier of Sharks/ Buffalo fame). In two games against Val d'Or and Drummondville (what a challenging week for the Cataractes) Bernier registered 2 goals and four assists and had a +5 rating. Good for him.

Also rans:

Mathieu Perreault - Acadie-Bathurst
Michael Dubuc - Rouyn-Noranda
Stefano Giliati - Lewiston

Defensive Player of the week:
Alex Grant - Saint John Sea Dogs
Congratulations to this NS boy and Captain of the Sea Dogs.

Dear Alex, As the captain, if I give you orders will you have to demand the appropriate action by your underlings? Your goalies?

Alex came to town and told his Dogs to spank our asses. Spankings accomplished. The Dogs had three games this week: PEI, Moncton and Halifax with two wins and an overtime loss. During this span Captain Alex (argggg Matey) had a +6 rating. I tried to find Grant in my latest set of pics and it appears as if all my pics are Mayer, fuzzy Fully, Charland (Why do I like # 22's so much - what? Don't look at me like that. I like him for his brains), Sauvé and Després. I do, however, have a clear picture of Captain Alex's backside.

I have an overwhelming urge to force feed cookies to Keven Guérette-Charland. He is adorable. I will sit him down with Simon Després and give them both cookies and milk. I mean look at Simon - adorable, or at least as adorable as a 6'3, 210lb, 16 year old boy can be. Give this boy cookies now. If you do not feel the same way then there is something wrong with you.

Also rans:
Nicolas Champion - Acadie Bathurst Titan
Maxime Renaud - Acadie Bathurst Titan
Bobby Nadeau - Chicoutimi Sagueneens

In the Sportsnet hot or not list:

Michael Frolik of the Rimouski Oceanic was named the cold player of the week. Did you know Frolik is the name of a brand of German dog food - well it is. Since I have been told this, every time I hear his name I think of dogs. The Moncton Wildcats were named the cold team - how many losses was it going to take for Sportsnet to figure that out.

The Hot player of the week is perpetual pain in our side Jordan Clendenning of the Screaming Eagles, like, when is Clandenning not hot. He is the Mooseheads public enemy #1... and of course the hot team is the very team which ditched their captain Clendenning in October, the Acadie-Bathurst Titan. Sportsnet are slow on the draw with this one too. The Titan have been hot as hell (unlike Bathurst itself) for about 2 months.

Facts Facts Facts:

Playoff pairings:

Halifax vs Victoriaville
Saint John vs PEI
Acadie Bathurst vs St. John's
Cape Breton vs Lewiston

Rouyn-Noranda vs Val d'Or
Baie Comeau vs Rimouski
Gatineau vs Shawinigan
Quebec vs Chicoutimi

It turns out that flea ridden huskies of Rouyn-Noranda are the first place team in the Q this year with 97 points and a 0.671 win %

Points race final five:

Mathieu Perreault - Bat - 65 GP- 114
Squirrels Giroux - Gat - 55 GP - 106
Francis Pare - Chi - 69 - GP - 102
Jakub Voracek - Hal - 53 GP -101
Dean Ouellet - Cap - 70 GP - 97

Goalies top 5 (GAA):

Bobby Nadeau - Chi - 2.63
Jonathan Bernier - Lew - 2.73
Ryan Mior - Gat - 2.77
Marco Cousineau - Bac - 2.81
Peter Delmas - Lew - 2.84

mmmm a Carey Price interview is on TV right now.

Goalies top 6 (save%):

Timo Pielmeier - St. John's - 0.911
Kevin Desfosses - Que - 0.910
Nicola Riopel - Mon - 0.910
Raffaele D'Orso - VdO - 0.908
Jonathan Bernier - Lew - 0.908
Travis Fullerton -Saint John - 0.905

Jonathan Bernier (Yes, he is the younger brother of Vancouver draft pick Marc-André Bernier) makes both lists. My Mom is so right about Jon. But I still want to take Fullerton home so my mother can look at him once and say "no, I don't like that boy at all". Then I'll sneak him back into my room just to spite her. Notice how I made this list 6 goalies long just so I could fit Fully in there. He is so wonderfully dirty looking. He is the polar opposite of Jon - and to think he used to be Jon's back-up in Lewy. There are 3 days left before the close of the Sea Dogs Jersey auction. The things I could do with a game-worn Fullerton jersey. Oh goalie jersey covered in 10-15 lbs of Fullerton sweat and old water that dribbled out of Travis's mouth and ran down his face. I bet it smells disgusting - how very sick of me to want it. If I win it can I get Fully to deliver it? I will pay for his travel expenses. Can we make him wear it so that I can then peel it off of him? Does he go to bed at night crying because he does not want to be thought of as just another piece of meat?

I am still disappointed that I have been stood up. Oh how I could have used a good Fullying. Honestly, I have been dying to see him play again. I thought about it everyday. I have two thoughts in my brain at any given moment, and two thoughts alone: 1) Fullerton, 2) Pelletier. When I was not thinking about if I will ever see P-O play again, I was thinking about Fully coming to town.

He was wearing a new helmet in warm ups, but I did not get a good picture. This is his third helmet this year. He never wears his 'new' helmet from earlier this season, the one that is styled so that the NB flag is superimposed over his name.

Then we have Nicola...Nicola is on a bad team but has such a good save % - I need to give Nicola more theoretical kisses than I do because to play for a team that is eliminated from the playoffs but still be in the top 5 in save % is pretty damn amazing.

Halifax vs Saint John:

I talked to the Sauve ladies (three ladies in Sauve Jerseys)…they were fun…but what is the point of being at the game and not watching the game. Get thee to thine seats Sauve ladies.

People had best stop hurting my puppy. This is two games in a week where puppy has been hit and required a trainer to come onto the ice and tend to him. Puppy has the weirdest eyes in the whole of the QMJHL. His weird eyes fascinate me.

We are so proud - he has won the Mooseheads best Sportsmanship award. Good puppy. I have given my puppy the name “Spanish inquisition”. Do you like your new name puppy? We will have to get you some jerseys with your new name on the back for the playoffs. I do however suspect that other teams are beginning to 'expect you', what with the number of hits you have been taking lately.

Now that I have sobered up I wish I had been paying more attention to the game. Specific details are blurry. Poor P-O has the shittiest luck. I think half the goals against him this year have been bounces off of our defenseman's skates. I was thinking this after that nasty game in Lewiston where we lost 6-1. I was thinking, are other teams actually looking to deflect pucks off of our defenseman's skates. It is still happening. The other teams are starting to look very smart. I loved loved loved P-O's diving save on DiDo's shot. I knew there was a reason why he is my number one netminder. Stupid Sparling and his 5 on 3 goal. If I go home to Sydney this summer I will hunt him down and slap him for P-O.

Our PP was excellent. I know the dogs do not have the best PK, but they have been steadily improving their PK over the past couple of weeks. Our PP however feels weak as hell, so to get three goals on 6 PPs is pretty darn good for us. Is the moral to keep Voracek off the point or to leave Voracek, Bods and Marchand off of the PP altogether, and keep Bods on for the PK only. Stars shmars. However, we still managed to give up a short handed goal on the PP. Why do we keep doing that? Defense people - defense is always important. Help a goalie out once in a while. Your job is not just to stand in front of the net and act like a deflecting post for goals to go into our net. May I point out that the Dogs were also 50% on their PP. At least we only gave them four power-play opportunities. It is so hard for a girl who loves effective, stay-at-home defensemen, and loves the NJ Devils to also love the Mooseheads. You kill me sometimes Moose, you really do.

I hate the local media coverage of the game here, and here. It comes across as if winning that final game did not really matter. Don't you want to be the best team possible, the team that takes the east championship by 4 points, and not the team that takes the championship by default. DEFAULT. We are the default team - and the attitude portrayed by the media is that the team and organization thinks this is perfectly acceptable. We strive for nothing. We accept wins to lesser teams that we barely earn, we readily accept losses on games we should have won. Good for the Moose - kings by default. Some things about this organization are so frustrating that it is unbelievable. The powerhouse 'money' team that was built to win is tied for first in the East with the worst team in the division two years running; the little up-start team (full of 16 and 17 year olds) with all the heart that wasn't supposed to be this good. It is hard to not love the Sea Dogs. It is also hard to not love the Eagles. It is very easy to hate the Mooseheads. We are the most reviled team in the East. Do we ever wonder why?

I hate to have ended this on a negative note, but I needed to get that off of my chest. The attitude of the team as its portrayed by the media is bad. The attitude of the media is bad....and if I am any indication of what a Moose-fan is, then the attitude of a Moose-fan is bad....and I am one of the more positive fans from what I can tell. However, I think so many things I do not dare say. I still love my goalies, my Steve Lund, my Whitey and a multitude of assorted unnamed players though.

See all y'all Friday.

Kisses
Q-girl

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QMJHL Smarty pants award: An interview with Cedric Lalonde-McNicoll of the Shawinigan Cataractes

Q playoff schedule revealed

Oh my loins.... shutout

Don't call it a comeback... but Travis Fullerton has won his past two games with the UNB Varsity Reds. I mean - lookit - a shutout. What kind of reward does he deserve?

Jan 10, 2009     DALHOUSIE    W 8-2    Travis Fullerton
Jan 14, 2009  at St. Thomas   W 8-0    Travis Fullerton

Regarding the shutout:

Fullerton was more than a spectator, mind you. There were lots of good saves among the 29 he registered en route to the first shutout of his AUS career - and the first by the V-Reds this season, incidentally.

"It feels good," said the freshman. "The main thing is, we wanted to get the two points coming out of here. We jumped out to an early lead so I kind of got settled. I just kept trying to do my thing, not worry about the score and keep playing well. And I think I did that."

UNB is back in Halifax to play Dalhousie and SMU at the end of this month. Dreamy. Maybe this time Travis can play, so that I don't have to watch him sit on the bench and yawn, because that is boooooring.

Dear UNB,
Please start Travis in the game against Dalhousie. Also, could you please provide me with a little connect the dots map of those freckles on his neck in order to keep me occupied should he not be playing... my tongue needs exercise.
Q

Sea Dogs vs Huskies: Game 2. Where the hell is Fullerton?

You know what I like – clean cut, clean shaven boys and slick goalies. Combine these two and I melt. So why the hell is Fullerton still turning my crank? He looks like they found a crazy stretchy hobo in Saint John, dressed him up in goalie gear and tossed him into the net. He is also playing like a hobo. I am very disappointed. Then I saw a picture and realized that my crank was still thoroughly turned. When it comes to Fullerton, every logical part of my brain turns to squish, and my brain is mostly logical parts since I am half Vulcan.

The Sea Dogs showed up, got five goals in 25 shots, two on the powerplay (2 of 6), and kept their penalties down to three. Sure they were still bad at faceoffs and still low on hits but they were getting it done in the way the Sea Dogs get it done… somehow and magically. I told the Dogs that if you put the puck on Gougeon he will let them into his net (0.8 save %), but where the hell was Fullerton.

Fully I lust you, but I am taking your picture out of my bra until you find yourself. You are not going to find yourself if you keep your face buried in the ice. Really, 6 goals in 33 shots (0.81 save % - still better than Gougeon). I told you that my goalie assisting love vibes only work for a radius of 500 miles and that your time in Rouyn will be entirely dependant upon your skill, but is your skill that bad…is it all goalie assisting love vibes that keep you going? When you come home you must soak up the love vibes and hold on to them and take them back with you to Rouyn (if you make it back to Rouyn), which means you will have to win at least two of your next three home games. The Sea Dogs could have won had you actually shown up to last night's game. You are at risk of being replaced by Mayer. MAYER. Arrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh. Suck it up and get back to work bitch. No more losing 7-5.

I am watching Jake Allen on TV as he is playing for Canada in the IIHF under 18 tournament, he kinda scuddles like you. Is this what they teach at you at Alexander Goaltending? It is soooo cute.

Update - We just defeated Finland 2-1 - hooray

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Photos for game two are available at Michel Fortin’s image site

and at the Huskies website for the April 18th game

Mayer got a new helmet

Where does it hurt?

Today when I was doing much cooing about Travis Fullerton, goaltender for the UNB Varsity Reds, my boyfriend pointed out to me that I am really pushing my luck on this goalie thing. I conceded, shut up, and just watched my hockey with vastly reduced cooing but with the requisite amount of situationally appropriate oohhing and ahhhing. I did not admit it to boyfriend but it still hurt in my ovaries.

Sportsnet has been covering the CIS championship tournament and the UNB Varsity Reds will be going on to play in the finals after having defeated the Lakehead Thunderwolves 3-1, and the U of Alberta Golden Bears by a score of 6-3.

Travis Fullerton was only 26 seconds from a shutout against the Thunderwolves....Doh!!! Fullerton (or Seymour, Clendenning, Gallant etc...) and his UNB VReds will be going on to face the University of Western Ontario Mustangs tomorrow at 2:00 EST. The game will be broadcast on sportsnet

For more information and game recaps check out the CIS championship website. If game recaps are not your thing - there is also a photogallery. mmmmmmmm Fullerton.

PS. Did you know that Desfosses was playing for McGill?...well he is. So much for that IHL thing.

Every Hans Blix wants to get their hands on Travis Fullerton' s weapons.

Yes, yes, everybody loves Travis Fullerton. Read all about his God-like rockingness here. Bow down and worship at the altar of his moustache. Pffff what the hell do you mean - you do not like his moustache? Nuts to you, crazy person!!! I demand that you worship him.

Does Gougeon have good numbers so far this playoffs? Sure, but in a one-on-one goalie battle I would take Fullerton and his sexy-dirty skeezey moustache over Gougeon and his meticulously groomed handle-bar moustache, chinstrap, landingstrip combo anyday. Gougeon is a cornucopia of douchey facial hair and hot, rugged Fullerton now looks hotter and more rugged (picture courtesy of John Morgan and Facebook).


Don't even waste your time telling me to keep my skirt down - it's not going to work. I've been running around all over town - drunk, with my skirt up over my head and screaming his name since playoffs began. Unfortunately, I am in the wrong town and it is damn cold outside.

What the Fuckery?

The AUS has announced its all star teams. Let me just list them for you here:

First team all-stars:
G - Kevin Lachance, Moncton (3rd year - Vanier, PQ) - goaltender
D - Scott Hotham, Saint Mary's (4th year - Barrie, ON)
D - Andrew Hotham, Saint Mary's (2nd year - Barrie, ON)
F - Hunter Tremblay, UNB (2nd year - Timmins, ON)
F - Marc Rancourt, Saint Mary's (4th year - Gloucester, ON)
F - Kevin Henderson, UNB (2nd year - Toronto, ON)

Second team all-stars:
G - Danny Battochio, StFX (3rd year - Lively, ON) - goaltender
D - Dustin Friesen, UNB (5th year - Waldheim, SK)
D - Jean-Phillippe Paquet, Moncton (1st year - St-Georges de Beauce, PQ)
F - Pierre-André Bureau, Moncton (4th year - St-Prosper, PQ)
F - Cam Fergus, Saint Mary's (2nd year - Brantford, ON)
F - Justin Donati, UPEI (2nd year - Oakville, ON)

All-rookie team:
G - Kristofer Westblom, Acadia (Meadow Lake, SK) - goaltender
D - Jean-Phillippe Paquet, Moncton (St-Georges de Beauce, PQ)
D - Bretton Stamler, UNB (Edmonton, AB)
F - Jonathan Laberge, Acadia (Ste-foy, PQ)
F - Dean Ouellet, Moncton (Edmunston, NB)
F - Chris Bruton, Acadia (Calgary, AB)

Yeah. I noticed it too. It seems to be missing something. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Where the FUCK is Travis Fullerton? The guy currently leading his team to the AUS championship (FYI UNB defeated St Mary's by a score of 5-1 tonight). The guy with a league leading 3 shutouts in only 13 regular season games played. The guy with a 1.80 GAA/ 0.914 save% for the regular season, and a 1.29 GAA/ 0.940 save % for the playoffs (not including yesterday's game). The guy with stats better than all of these other chumps including the three all stars indicated below in red.

Bitches please!

Furthermore, is there a 14 game limit and Travis played one game too few to be included in the statistical leaders or do we just like fucking with him (yes please). I am pretty sure that players must play in 40% of games to be ranked and that 13 games is > than 40 % of 28 games.

Dear UAS all star team choosing guys
Maybe he is not on the rookie team because he is off somewhere fucking all of your wives. I sincerely hope so because that is what you deserve for leaving him off this list.

___________________________
Also read this article on UNB's goaltending situation. Minutes played has limited Fullerton from being on the AUS stats list.

Fullerton's minutes (665) weren't enough to qualify him for the official stats, but the numbers are telling. His goals against mark of 1.80 including three shutouts is second-best in the entire country, only behind Alberta's Aaron Sorochan who finished with a 1.66 mark in 1049 minutes.

Oh dear lord, second best in the country *fans self*. I have to go buy more underwear for the sole purpose of throwing them in the general direction of Fredericton... or the UNB net this Sunday evening at the Halifax Forum. I have been denied long enough! No really, like since Jan 20, 2008. I totally keep track of these things because I am a fucking psycho... or because I have an amazing memory for stupid details.

Sea Dogs vs Titan Game 6 - Fuck yes

The Saint John Sea Dogs have just defeated the Acadie-Bathurst Titan in overtime with a goal scored by Payton Liske. The final score was 5-4. This is despite the Dogs winning way less face offs, giving less hits (you guys are huge - hit more), getting fewer shots on net (but still plenty o' shots - 38 vs the Titan's 44), a baaaaaaaad line change, and some terribly silly turnovers that had me screaming at my screen. Saint John will move on to face the regular season league leading Rouyn Noranda Huskies in the QMJHL semi- finals.

Why do Payton and Fully not have 20 wee sexy girls attached to them? Offense - give Liske your girlfriends, defense - Give Fully your girlfriends (did you see that diving save about 7-8 minutes into the third?) and give him your sisters too.

Goals for Saint John were scored by Sparling, Liske, Stich, Gauthier and DiDomenico while Paris, Svoboda and Joly (2) notched goals for the Titan.

The stars of the game were 1) Matthieu Perreault (Bat), 2) Travis Fullerton (SJ), 3) Tomy Joly (Bat). This means Fullerton has had game stars in 5 of six of the matchups between these two teams - crazy. Simon did not get stars, but the team did win this series and so as promised he will get cookies if he ever comes to Halifax to fulfill his part of the child custody agreement (the part where I get to pretend he is my kid despite my being way too young to have actually birthed him).

I am stealing a picture from David Connell because I am running out of good pictures of Travis Fullerton. This is how I feel and this is the boy who makes me feel it.


Congratulations Saint John Sea Dogs. You are now in the semi- finals.

News links Redux

If you were to read the local newspaper you would think that there were only two guys playing for the Mooseheads right now: Yetman and Marchand. Sure the media quotes other players and asks them what they think of said fellows, but for now let's just treat them as if they are irrelevant for anything but quotes. That being said, happy birthday to one of the silent partners on the team. I haven’t heard from you in ages - the media does not talk to you. Have you shaved yet? Don’t make me saunter over to that bench mid-game with a can of shave cream and a razor. Have I said "coo" to you lately? Coo.

Also, while we are on the subject of shaving – Simon Despres – shave – you are starting to look like Andre the Giant. Ugh, and what have you done to your hair? Sweet little big boy- no, no, no. That is just not right.

Cape Breton:
The Post can't get enough of Marchand either, Vincent says:

“He said that he likes to be in the middle of the scrums,” said Vincent of Marchand. “That’s fine, we can live with that. But when you start challenging the bench of the opponents — you’re a big mouth — someday somebody’s going to get tired and drop the mitts. I’ll never call anybody to fight. I never did and I never will. But the real tough guys, usually they don’t speak. They play with what they have.”

ohhh snap Marchand. We will see. But I wish we could talk about something besides you for a change. I am getting a little tired of you. When you were not here yet all we did was talk about you, then you came here and you sucked so all we did was talk about you, and now that you are playing well all we do is talk about you. It is like the way the NHL shoves Sid down my throat and I am so sick of him too...he even gets on the cover of 'Lifestyle Maritimes' magazine- and that shit is no fun.

Sea Dogs:
The telegraph journal does a comparison of Fullerton and Champion' stats and then continues to be be all over Fully like a puckbunny in heat with yet another goalie-centric article. I see their logic in wanting to talk about him, he is so acrobatic and fun. I can't get enough. Fun, fun, fun.....fun. I could watch him just standing there in the crease eying the play as it unfolds up ice and he would still be fun. But dearest Fully, a loss does not mean you should bleach your hair back to blond - that is forboden.

'One other factor not mentioned is Fullerton's jet black hair. Saint John's goaltenders dyed their hair black for the playoffs while the rest of the team went blond. So far, the new look is working.

"I was supposed to dye it back if we lost a game, but we've been doing pretty good so I might just keep it for the playoffs," Fullerton said.'

DAMN STRAIGHT

Then they have a little article on Sea Dogs head coach Jacques Beaulieu. They even did a story on his wife at some point...the Saint John media is going nuts with this team.

Acadie - Bathurst:
All of this fuss around the Sea Dogs, their agile netminder, and their fancy 2-0 series record leaves the Titan wondering where they stand and what exactly it is going to take for their offensively minded team to break through the barrier of the Sea Dogs defense and speedy-smart shut-down line of Gauthier, Liske and that ummm 'distinctive-looking' Kirkpatrick kid.

_______________________________________________

Stefano Giliati (of the MAINEiacs) is also carrying on with his post QMJHL playoff career. He signed a 3 year entry level contract and is up with the Toronto Marlies - good for him. I was kinda slow on the draw with this one because I was all over the Bernier thing.

_______________________________________________

edit:

oops I missed the herald. They talk to the Eagles, and to MacAskill and Corsi but nobody talks about 'that guy'. Horray.

Dear Fully - Get it Together

Travis
I am waiting with bated breath for our next date - March 16, 2008. Remember? Yeah, I knew you wouldn't forget. Our dates are always blissfully explosive. You must remain strong. It will be a very important date for all of us as it may be the deciding game for the #1 position in the east.

You do not want Mayer walking into our barn and stealing my heart now do you? No, I didn't think so. This may be our last date my darling Mr. Fullerton - you are 20 and this is your last year in the Q. That being said, you had better slap your Dogs and pull up your damn socks, because I WILL NOT settle for a date with Mayer. If you wanna play that game/keep our date you had better start playing well NOW.

Someone please cover little Simon's delicate ears, this is about to get dirty. Done? -OK

The QMJHL will allow us to have only three dates this year and you know how frisky I get when I have to wait so long between our liaisons (rowwwrrr). The way you tug at your jersey during the game to give me a little peek at what lies underneath is naughty. The way you caress the posts - you are such a tease. I am seriously considering going home to CB just to watch you play back to back games there against the Eagles in early March. I need you so much it hurts. Sometimes I just don't get enough puck handling at home, and you are the boy who knows perfectly well how to fill that void.

Telus just isn't good enough for the Fully peepin'- and tonight it was crap- there was no audio. I had to put on the radio and the Telus feed simultaneously, but they were totally out of sync (video was lagging). I quit watching when you got the hook. No need for us both to suffer. What the hell went wrong? Were your eyes so swollen with tears from crying over me that you could not see the puck? Sometimes P-O has the same problem but he will never admit to it. I know it is hard for us to be this far apart, and to top it all off my 'goalie-assisting love-vibes' are only effective for a radius of about 500 miles (800 km). That means you are safe in eastern Quebec and Lewiston, but if you are in Nfld or in western Quebec then you are boned. Then, all you have to rely on is your Ds and your actual skill to win you games. Life is a total bitch for a goalie on the road. P-O learned this the hard way - look at the Moose's performance in Rouyn and Val d'Or.

I have a little secret - I tuned into Sportsnet for the Seadogs vs Voltigeurs game. Yeah, I fuck around on the Moose, but they have some little Quebecois tart on the side...fair is fair. I wish all of your games were broadcast on Sportsnet. I have seen you from behind the net, I have seen you from the top of the face-off circle in your zone, but on TV I got to see you from a whole different perspective. They had a camera above you - it was sweet. Not only that but I have digital cable - pause, play and rewind. Have you ever had an out of body experience and watched yourself from above? Le sigh. You have the cutest little way of moving across the crease on your knees. I am hooked.

Tips for future games:
Did you shave? You shouldn't do that - it is not lucky and the scruff totally works for you. The clean-shaven, crazy-eyed, crop-haired Fullerton with the wonky smile is hot, but scruffy-fluffy Fully totally drives the girls wild. Yeah, you're hot!!! Does that make you feel better? Go look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are hot. Remember, when you know that you are hot you will play like you are hot, so just keep staring back into your own baby blues and repeat after me "My name is Travis Fullerton and I am hot." Now, keep doing this until you play like you are hot.

tingling with anticipation
Q-girl

Pens fans are the lamest....except for Lori

There exists a sinister underbelly in the hockey world. No, not the drinking, or the fighting or even the man-whoring. I am talking about the fan fiction.

Sure I have my own imaginary world(s) in which:
1) Former Moosehead Andrew White catches me fish and builds me birdhouses
2) Former Moosehead Pier-Olivier Pelletier and I live like mythical woodland creatures and he carves Eero Aarnio reproductions out of root vegetables for our smurf style mushroom house.
3) I have a torrid and steamy love (and by love, I mean... fucking) affair with former Saint John Sea Dogs Goaltender and CIS champion Travis Fullerton.
4) Replace Travis Fullerton with former Gatineau Olympics goaltender Ryan Mior for a similar but possibly naughtier scenario. Doesn't he just look naughty? Naughty goalies are my favorite kind of goalie! Then the hockey Gods, just to make it worse for me, had to go and make him a Newfie. This is an irresistible combination.
5) Moosehead winger Jessyko Bernard and I are ballroom dance partners... and we WIN at life.
6) The Penguins disband and my favorite former Q players are free to pursue other teams. They all choose the Devils.

...but these fantasies are totally excusable because it is me, and most of the time it is just for laughs. Most of the time! *side eyes in the general direction of Travis Fullerton*.

Oh! Speaking of the Penguins - their fans have the MOST ridiculous fantasy lives. There is possibly more fan fiction written about Penguins players than about all other NHL players in the history of the game. I mean sure, a Gump Worsley story is HOT but those 'back in the day' ladies can't compete with the awesome imagination of today's wannabe puckbunnies.

Without further ado I give you "Hockey, Football, and Stiletto Shoes" guide to Penguins' fan fiction. I just wanted to let Simon Despres*, Keven Veilleux, Alex Grant, Joey Haddad, Zach Sill (Raaawr... totally fantasy worthy) and others know what exactly they were getting themselves into when they chose to sign those contracts with the Penguins.

*There is still hope for Simon as he is currently unsigned.