What is up PEI Rocket?

I have always been told that I should start a letter on a positive note, so first up let me congratulate you on your acquisition of Bobby Nadeau and Maxime Provencher. The first boy is smooth and dreamy, the second boy a staunchy smart defender. I would love to get between their blue line and crease.

That being said, may I point out that both of your jerseys are ugly*... and really - JUST ONE ROCKET- you cannot build an army with just one rocket. Ooooh I’m so scared, don’t poke me in my girlie bits with your rocket. Also, why did you have to fuck up the rocket by putting a little face on it? You should have put a little Maurice Richard piloting the rocket and peeping through the window, then maybe, just maybe, I would like you because you made me laugh.

You got it all mixed up. Your claim to fame is Brad Richards, not Maurice Richard. Richards/ Richard - I mean, who couldn’t mess that up, right? What you really should have done when you bought the team and moved it to PEI from Montreal, was change its damn name. When I think PEI I do not think Maurice Richard, nor do I think rocket – and no, the Sidewinder at Magic Mountain does not count.

There are many predictable choices for names: 1) The PEI potato farmers, 2) the PEI confederationists 3) The PEI Annes of Green Gables, 4) the PEI golfers, 5) the PEI overrated amusement parks, 6) the PEI Haywire; any of which would have been more appropriate than the PEI Rocket.

Now that I am done hurling insults, let me just sidle up next to your new goalie - closer, closer, until I find myself sitting in his lap, running my fingers through his hair, playing with his pouty lip, and smelling the little spot on his neck behind his ear while whispering sweet nothings about fancy saves. Yeah that IS NICE, VERY NICE.

I think I am in love Mr. Bobby Nadeau. I am glad you are coming East to be with me since you are the boy I had chosen in advance to be my #1 (non-mooseheads) goalie boyfriend this season.

However, I am sorry if the team that you have gotten yourself messed up with makes you look bad this year. I will still love you, because I have the mad skills to recognize when the problem is not the boy, but the team that plays in front of him.

What is the current situation with your new team? I am glad you asked. According to an article in PEI’s the Guardian newspaper, your team currently has too many boys heading into their 20 year old season, some of which will have to go. There is you, sweet Bobby Nadeau, and your defensey friend Provencher along with:
Antoine Lafleur
Dylan Quaile
Bryan Main
Chad Locke
Matthew Lachaine

Cosmonaut Savard says “(The) plan is to start Nadeau, Provencher and Lachaine, up front. Bryan Main, Dylan Quaile are available this week. If we don’t move them, I’m sure Guy will want to bring them back to camp and see what’s going on for the third spot.”

Furthermore, the acquisition of you, dreamy, sweet, edible Bobby Nadeau (nibbles ear to see if he is indeed edible – hooray, he is!) means that both Antoine Lafleur and Marc-Antoine Gellidonuts are up for grabs. This clears a space for PEI to develop some of their younger goalies such as Evan Mosher or Jon Waye.

Savard apparently shares in my skanktivetous ways, which is obvious when he says – “Nothing against Antoine or Marc-Antoine, but (Nadeau) was available”. INDEED Savard INDEED – the old grab and dump works every time. It is like when I was going out with Roger Kennedy and the Moose brought in P-O, and I was suddenly all like - Kennedy who? It’s not that I didn’t love Kennedy at the time (a girl must always stand by her goalie) its just, well, have you seen Mr. Pier-Olivier Pelletier? Kennedy would dump himself too if Pelletier came-a-knocking at his door with chocolates, poke-checks, smooth lateral movement, and that heart-melting smile**. Coo.

It is last season redux. It's not that we don’t love Lafleur - because he did try, he is bold and big-pimpin', and always 'too cool for school' with the way he wears his hat backwards when he is riding the pine. It is just that Nadeau can satisfy a girl in ways no other 20 year old goalie in the league can (think of all the things you could do with that Jacques-Plante Trophy), and for that reason and that reason alone we must bid Lafleur adieu.

But new goalie beware, reading the comments in Guardian reminds me that Rocketfans are as bitter and disenchanted as Moosefans. They will tire quickly of that new-goalie smell. You may have one hell of a hard time on the island Mr. Nadeau. They will hate you, and you alone, for not being the ONE MAN who can save the team. Trust. Everybody knows that the fault ALWAYS lies with the man who guards the gates of hell.

If you need a good nuzzling, a cup of hot cocoa, or just someone to vent your frustrations to - you know where to find me. I have built a little nest under the seats at the Halifax Metro Centre. I come out during games and I stare at goalies. Just look for the small, creepy girl who is burrowing a hole into your soul with her eyes. Don’t be scared - I do bite, but not hard.

*admittedly our red, green, white and gold Moose jersey is the fugliest thing this side of Rod Brind'Amour.

** (edit) The real smile, not the half-assed fake smile that he does in an attempt to hide the teeth. Trust me P-O, the teeth are good, we like your teeth and they work very well with that mischievous smile (the real smile) and your strong chin. I swear I tried to look you in the eye when we met, but I did not make it past the smile - it was THAT enchanting. It was so enchanting in fact, that it made me smile, and I never smile because I hate my wonk-ass teefs. Right now as I type this I am smiling because I am thinking about your smile - yes, it is just that powerful.

Keep an eye out for robots

It is a damn good thing that Lewiston and St John' s got back into the game. I was beginning to think the Eastern division playoffs were going to get a bit dull there. I had a crazy night of hockey watching. Sea Dogs vs PEI Rocket and during the intermission I caught the end of the Titan vs Fog Devils game, then back to Sea Dogs/Rocket. I topped it off by watching the last period of Cape Breton /Lewiston.

Champion was a total machine in the last 8 minutes of the third. It was insane. I suddenly, totally respect him. He does not play like that in Halifax. The cross crease save was phenomenal. Is that what playoff hockey can do to a boy? He was everywhere!!! Sure the 20 minutes prior to that when he let in 5 straight goals was not so amazing....but I did not see that part of the game. I can't believe the Fog Devils came back from a 4-0 deficit beginning at the halfway mark of the game and managed to get the game winning goal with only 0.7 seconds left. Crazy. Final score: 6-5

In the MAINEiacs vs Eagles game Jon was a total machine as well. A smooth, well greased machine that made 36 saves. Perhaps when he got home to Lewiston he found his razer and shaved off that stupid moustache. Final Score: 2-1 Lewiston.

The Rocket vs Sea Dogs game was mired by penalties. It seemed to last forever. So many 5 on 3's. Poor goalies. Fully was lit up in the third during a string of successive Sea Dogs penalties. The Dogs have to be careful not to get so many stupid penalties (unsportsmanlike) because they have that stupid little PK problem. PEI had an awesome PK in the second. It felt like they were on almost 10 straight minutes of PK with three 5 on 3's. The Rocket PK was mostly due to the strength of LaFleur. The dogs had 12 PP, and PEI had 8 PPs, but overall PEI had 46 Pim and the Sea Dogs had 42 Pim. Final score:6-4 Sea Dogs.

Happy 20th birthday Bobby Nadeau...here is your public humiliation.

I love how the Q constantly fucks up the details on things.

Lengthy suspensions have been handed out to Remparts players:

• Jonathan Roy gets a 7 game suspension (bring on Audette) for his attack on Bobby Nadeau and for flipping off the Chicoutimi fans.
• Maxime Lacroix gets 3 games for hittin' a bitch while he is down
• Marc-Olivier Vallerand also gets two games for looking innocent but acting like a jerk.

and Sags players:

• Sébastien Rioux is out for 6 games for the ultimate sin - leaving the penalty box and getting back into the fight to attack baby Roy.
• Antoine Roussel gets a one game suspension for instigating
• Charles-Antoine Messier gets two games

and both of the coaches were suspended too. Fines abound.

...but here is the catch - according to the Q website they say

" Quebec Remparts goaltender Jonathan Roy is suspended seven games and receives a $500 fine for his assault on the opposing goaltender, Ryan Mior, as well as for the inappropriate gestures which he aimed at the crowd at the Georges-Vézina Centre during last Saturday’s game."

...but baby Roy did not attack Ryan Mior, he went after Bobby Nadeau. HELLO Q, am I the only one with this obsessive knowledge of your goalies...there are not that many to keep track of (not even if you count ALL the goalies for the Titan)...so why can't you keep track of them.

Now this reference to a hit on Mior is more like it, if you had actually identified it as being a hit on Mior:

"Shawinigan Cataractes winger Tommy Tremblay is hit with a six-game suspension for a bodycheck he administered to the opposing goaltender during last Saturday night’s game. "

While both Ryan and Bobby are 20, both are good little goalies, and both are reasonably attractive - they are not the same man. Dear Q - please remember that this is Ryan Mior and this is Bobby Nadeau. If it helps - Ryan is the heavier one with the funny Newf accent and with the little squirrel friend who plays for Gatineau, and Bobby is the French one in Chicoutimi. Is it clear yet?

But don't worry, that beatdown was just baby Roy's way of saying happy 20th birthday Bobby Nadeau. Yeah, Bobby turned 20 just this past Sunday. Why do birthdays always suck like that - "I turned 20 and for my birthday I get to sit idly by as the whole world watches me get beaten up by Patrick Roy's kid." Poor Bobby Nadeau.

I will kiss you better Mr. Nadeau. If you get traded to Halifax next year as a 20 year old I can give you those kisses and we can totally make you suck your way to oblivion. Do you want to end your Jr career on a low note - then come to Halifax - WE BREAK GOALIES.

Some other things to point out:
Olivier Roy (the good goalie with the surname of Roy who plays for the Eagles) had his very first playoff shutout this past weekend when the Eagles faced the Lewiston MAINEiacs. In all the fuss about the MAINEiacs losing 2 of 2, getting shut out, and Jonathan Bernier getting no assistance from his boys while simultaneously being stymied by his own evil moustache - I forgot about the Super Boy doing all that shutting out. This is Olivier's 5th shutout this season. He ended the season with a 2.87 GAA, the 7th best in the league, which is totally awesome for a rookie. Olivier has also just won the Raymond-Lagacé Trophy as the League’s top defensive rookie.


Saint John vs PEI - Game 1:
You are next Fully...I have so much to say about your first playoff game because you were rusty as hell in the first and second. I think I saw only one fancy save, and that was in the third - thank the Hockey Gods that you were able to pull up your socks if for no other reason than for 'looking smooth' and impressing me. They totally should have played you in the game against Halifax to prevent rust. Now scuddle over here in that cute little way that you scuddle across the crease...we have to talk. Why did Robert Mayer dye his hair back to blond leaving you and Passingham to look like the only freaks on your team with black hair? Will Passy fold too? It is time to disown Mayer from your goalie friend circle? What a traitor!!! Moose have black hair - you can join our team. However be forewarned - you might lose your power and start to suck...it always helps your confidence when we boo you as the people of Halifax often do. Junior goalies shouldn't let in soft goals, it's not like this is a development league or anything. Do you want a healthy dose of Booooooooo?

What, they don't booo you in Saint John? They treat you well even when you play poorly? They say thank you Fully, they say thank you for trying? They even thank Mayer when he loses...they thank him for trying? Passy too? Wow, Saint John are so sweet.

I will see you tonight . rowwwwrrr.

Oh and while you are in PEI tell 'big pimpin' Lafleur that he looked pretty good in the first, sharp even despite the two goals. He actually looked better than you....and did I see a little touch of goalie rage, an unpenalized slash on one of your Dogs. Ohhh Lafleur is scrappy. Then kick him for me since he is the one who ran Ryan Mior out of town.

Pier-Olivier Pelletier:
I actually wish I had something to say to you, but I have nothing because you are not playing...you are just sitting on the bench looking pretty. Sometimes I look at you on the bench and I sigh because you are pretty, but I would really prefer that you had your little mask on and that you were standing in some blue paint. Sigh.

Today my girl C.G. said that you were not the prettiest thing on the earth and that I should get over it - so I had to think about that one for a second. I thought of my boyfriend, and my ex-boyfriends; I thought of some actors, some singers, some other boys I have met in my life, and then I thought of some hockey players: Vermette, Fisher, Theodore, Brodeur, Pretty Ricky, Price, Latendresse. hmmmmm. My conclusion: yep, you are indeed the prettiest boy I have ever laid my eyes on in my whole life. Sigh. How can you live with such immense levels of pretty? Now how is that for a confidence booster!!! Thank you for letting me know you exist and for making the world a prettier place. Sigh.

My daily breakfast bowl of Biron eyes

Yes I start every morning with a bowl of Biron eyes. Poor Marty #2. He has to regrow his eyes every morning. He also always starts a starter, but is always usurped. But Marty #2 is no longer in the Q, so I digress.

The Moose played the PEI rocket on Friday and I was pleasantly surprised that we got the game on Eastlink, which means no low resolution Telus feeds for me. Horray. As usual I was disappointed by the first two periods, but we managed to turn it up at the end to come out of the game 6-2. By doing so we have managed to clinch 1st seed in the East. So even if Saint John wins today so that we are tied in points, the Moose have more wins overall. By winning their game against Moncton, Saint John have secured second seed because they currently stand 3 points ahead of the Titan.

Here are the current standings and todays matchups:
Halifax - 89
Saint John - 87
Acadie-Bathurst - 84
Cape Breton - 84
Lewiston - 81
St. John's - 72
PEI - 62
Moncton - 56 (eliminated)

Today:
Halifax vs Saint John
PEI vs Moncton
Lewiston vs Cape Breton
Bathurst vs St. John

They are still fighting it out for first and last in the Telus - ohhh the suspense.

Bathurst and Cape Breton are in a desperate fight for 3rd in the East. I could throw out random guesses as to who is going to win, but such foolishness is for men. They sit there all day on their boards, "Lewiston wins 3-1 with 2 goals by Bundil"- shut up. Why even waste your fucking time? I use my imagination for greater things.

Halifax vs PEI:
I don't have much to say here. The 4th line still looks nice. Smith has been looking fresh since his return. He does what he was meant to do, be big and knock guys off the puck. What more do you want from your 4th liners? The people of Halifax want them to have different DNA, and if they get what they want all the boys would be from Halifax. The people of Halifax hate change, tall buildings and French boys.

I love French boys. I say load us up with French boys. Get me some more tall blond French boys, the Louis-Seize is not blond enough. Why don't the Moose have blond French boys? Maybe some Keven Charland and Keven Veilleux (-9, oh snap). Tee Hee they spell Kevin like Keven - weird. Now say something dirty in French. What, I will be gettin' me some Charland at 2:00 today? OK then. Did I just distract myself by letting the girl in me take over? - Stupid girl.

I was kinda wanting to see Lafleur. I have had an irrational hate on for Lafleur all year. It does not help that he was drafted by the Rangers. He also looks like he has wonk eye - I figured that his recent bout of suck was related to the fact that eyes that wonky just can't focus well enough to see the puck. However the Moose have been ODing on Gelinas, and may I be frank - Gelinas is dull. I watched Saint John vs PEI the other day and PEI played Lafleur, and I know that Lafleur has been stinking it up for the greater part of this year, but he was really fun to watch in that game. He does things with a dramatic flourish. Part of his problem could be that he fails to simplify? I don't know, I don't draft goalies, I can only rank them on who is fun to watch, and big ol' Lafleur was fun to watch. I am beginning to feel a little robbed. Also, Lafleur has the goalie rage thing going on - he received a penalty for slashing Yann Sauve in the back - dirty. I like it - slash the pretty defenseman.

Necessary Fully rant:
Travis Fullerton did not face many shots in his last game against Moncton, but he did come out the winner and so I threw more panties in his general direction. I was particularly impressed that it appeared as if he stopped pucks while laying on his back. I think the first nice stop, about 11 minutes into the game was a slide across the crease on his side which connected with his glove, so he was technically not on his back. I don't really care about technicalities, I prefer to think he was on his back.

Halifax vs Saint John
The men on the boards keep saying that Cam will start P-O. In my dreams. Does he have that kind of foresight to realize that you are not supposed to let your goalies rust up before the playoffs? I don't see it.

I am hoping for a low scoring game. Show those stupid forwards who is boss. Anyway, one of the goalies I love will be the goalie who loses. May I recommend that the losing goalie for today's game be turned over to me for some tough love. What is tough love? Well it depends on what goalie I am punishing. I had a little list of specific punishments prepared but it makes me look even crazier than I already look, so I will refrain. But let me just ask: if I say I want to play Helen Keller with your face, would you get that? No, it's not meant to be dirty (for once), it could be dirty, I could make it dirty, but technically it is meant to be a fairly innocent concept.

Punishment for a goalie would be forcing him to spend time with me. When I am done playing nice with my delicate little toy I will give him a slightly less chocolate-y cookie and pack him back into his box but I will use less bubble wrap than usual - because I am cruel like that.


NHL news

Brodeur gets his 40 wins for this season in a game against the Avs (and sexy STD laden Pixie Jose Theodore). This is Marty's 1 billionth season of 40 wins. My hockey hubby makes me so proud. I pick 'em good. NJ still lead the East, 1 pt up on Montreal and 3 pts ahead of Pittsburgh (who have a game in hand). I have already started warming up my jersey for the post season.

Goodbye for now to Pronger, his Pixie nose and his weird jaw device.