Abducted

That game against Victoriaville last weekend never happened. I never wrote about it and thus it never happened. No cookies for anyone because it never happened.

Bullshit! I am nothing if not totally on the ball!


Last night the Mooseheads took on the Quebec Remparts at the Halifax Metro Centre and were defeated by a score of 4-2. The Moose had the Remparts on a tight leash until the third period when Stefanovich and Paquette were able to put two pucks past Corbeil to bring the score to 4-1. Jessyko Bernard scored for the Moose with less than 5 minutes left in the game but the Moose were unable to rally back to for a win...or less of a loss.

Points of order:

• 0/5 on the power play.WTF? It felt like the Moose were on a PP all night. Booo on the MF powerplay. The Remparts got one PP opportunity and they were able to take full advantage of it.
• Brunet was wearing 3. That #3 jersey is the biggest slut. It has been making its rounds through the team. It doesn't even have a nameplate...so no one knows its name. I see lots of (what look to be) little wanna-be hos at the Mooseheads game, but the # 3 jersey takes the cake. Look out Hannay, it appears to be targeting defencemen.
  
• I sat there and watched boys dawdle with the puck before shooting it on net. There was a failure with the quick release. Now, normally girls don't like quick release, but there are always exceptions, of which hockey is one. Jessyko displayed quick release skills on his onetimer. It got him a goal. It may also have gotten him more ice time in the last 5 minutes. Will he be stuck back on the 4th line tonight?  
• I mean, look at this sexy bastard - Why did we break up again?
  
• Hannay is so calm and smooth and dreamy and calm and smooth and dreamy and calm. You can call it slow, I will call it calm.  I like how he smiles when he is punching people in the face. You can call it sadistic, I will call it zen. Sadly, he didn't punch anyone on the face last night.  Read this story.
• Lemieux fought Savoie. Unlike Jessyko's goal it was the unsatisfying kind of quick.
• Some Quebec pussy refused to fight Metcalfe.
  
• Carl Gelinas was the 3rd star with a goal and an assist. Lemieux brought the puck to the net and Gelinas managed to lift it up and over Gagnon amidst a flurry of chaos.
  
• Corbeil flashed the leather and flashed the leather and flashed the leather. Props to trapper. Rawr. He is also taking more risks to corral the puck and stop the rebounds. 
• Desi fanned and fanned and fanned. Poor Desjardins.
  
• Knotek won 15 of 23 faceoffs. Pelletier won 6 of 7.
  
• I saw Garrett Clarke standing all alone, be-mohawked, be-suited and friendless. I wanted to keep him company (and fix his hair).
• Dimitruk and I had a moment in the first period when he cleared the puck out of the Moose zone, and despite resistance from the Remparts, managed to get it all the way into their zone. No one else gave me a moment like that moment (well, maybe Gillard with some defensive plays and Jessyko in the third period for coming back and looking like Jessyko and actually being visible out there) and so - cookies to Dimitruk...even though he was on the ice for that Paquette goal. Please share with Jessyko.
  

News links:
Wuest: Lineup: Remparts at Mooseheads
Wuest: Moose can't keep high-powered Remparts down
Palov: Mooseheads put up fight 
 


Is this enough? I have work to do and I haven't even had time to exercise in a week. Stupid work.

Mooseheads: now with even more Stray Cats

There have been a few roster moves in Moose country. Not only has 18 year old Dutch-American forward Lester Brown been signed to a contract but the Moose have acquired Paul Dimitruk, a 19 year old defenseman, off waivers from the Moncton Wildcats. The two new recent additions bring the roster up to 26, which is officially one boyfriend too many. Furthermore, because the Moose hate to travel without at least 8 healthy defensemen they called up 16 year old Jamie Bishop for the current roadtrip. There will be 27 boys stuffed onto that bus for the ride home. Stinky.

So yeah, the problem remains. There is at least one boy too many on the Mooseheads official roster and they are currently travelling with a 10 defenseman posse. When the road trip is done Bishop will be sent back down to his Midget team and the Moose will definitely have to rid themselves of at least one defenseman.

Now, if I had my way the team would consist of half goaltenders and half defensemen, we would have an awesome PK and yet still win games despite our lack of forwards. No one would get released, no feelings would be hurt, nothing would ever change and I really could make cookies for the boys. Alas.

Special:

Last night the Mooseheads began their second big road trip though Quebec with a 3-2 loss to the Quebec Remparts, thus bringing their season record to 1-11-0-1.

Tweets were flying – it turns out that Cheremetiev was ill and forwards Costello and Brown would be joining him in the GQMF club. For the defense Metcalfe (heathy), Bishop (healthy), Abeltshauser (wrist), and Gillard (hip) were forced to wear suits and stand around looking pretty. This means that Alex MacDonald was in as was new defenceman Dimitruk. What kind of conspiracy is this?

Special teams seemed to be the key to this game because the power play was 2/6 while the penalty killers were able to keep the Remparts off the board for all four of their power play opportunities.

I made my slack-assed attempt at fandom by tuning in to the game more than halfway through the first period, but just in time for the Knotek goal. The Remparts were already leading 1-0 off of a go-ahead goal by Gravel only 3 minutes into the game. Knotek’s power play goal came off assists from Garrett Clark and Pascal Amyot with special thanks to the Rempart’s Marc-Olivier Vallerand for the PP opportunity.

A tied game- I like it. Unfortunately, the Remparts turned it around and scored a goal less than 37 seconds later to regain the lead. I groaned in frustration and stopped paying attention.

The first period saw Halifax take only 6 shots on net while allowing 2 goals on 10 shots in 5 on 5 play. Nastycakes.

The second period was slightly more exciting – or John Moore just made it sound more exciting, or my adrenalin was just up because I was working out – and yet there was no action so to speak. No goals for either team.

Midway through the third the Remparts had the puck in the Moose zone. The Moose could not clear it, Mathieu could not cover it. The Remparts slapped and slapped and slapped at it and then eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, David Gilbert managed to get it in over Corbeil’s pad. Remparts up 3-1.

Why does David Gilbert hate us sooo much? First he doesn’t want to play for us after we pick him 6^th overall in the draft. Fine, so he hates green, so what? Then we traded him to the Remparts and whenever we play them he likes to score against us. If I was a Moosehead I would keep my eyes peeled when I am around Gilbert- he will probably try to steal your girlfriends.

Gerrad Grant tried to make it up to me by getting another power play goal (assisted by Bahm and Clark) on a 6 on 4 in the last minute of the game…but it was too late. Linden was injured and the boys hobbled off like losers again. Corbeil stopped 26 of 29 shots in the loss and Dimitruk was given the game’s 3^rd star for completely unknown reasons. If I had to guess I would say that money was exchanged for macaroni stars – conspiracy.

Stats wise:

1. Charles Bety and Brent Andrews won most of their faceoffs. Bety had 10 of 18 while Andrews won 4 of 7.
2. Garrett Clarke had the most points for the Moose because of his two assists. He is now tied with Abeltshauser for most points by a defenseman with 6 and the best PPG of any defenceman on the team. In 10 games he has 1 goal and 5 assists.
   
3. Knotek and Randell tied for most shots on net with 3 each. Knotek now leads the team in points, with 12.
   
4. Jessyko Bernard was the hitting machine with 4 big bangs. Jessyko knows what I like (ps. I also like secondary scoring).
5. No fights, and Garrett Clarke was on his very best behavior.
   
6. I wish Gabe would give me a reason to coooooooo.

News Links:
Wuest:
Bishop recalled
Mooseheads claim Dimitruk off waivers
Lineup: Mooseheads at Remparts
Moose lose tight one with Remparts
Dimitruk 'two-year guy'? Moves looming
Lack of scoring sinks Herd
Mooseheads recall draft pick to bolster ailing blue-line
New pickup ‘has very big upside in terms of his offensive potential’

Palov:
Mooseheads embark on important road trip
Remparts edge Moose
Sea Dogs might have right pieces to break through

Magically vanishing boys

From TSN:

The report indicates that Roy preferred to remain the head coach in Quebec as long as his sons, Jonathan and Frederick were playing with the Remparts. Neither of the two are with the team anymore, leading to speculation the Hall of Fame goaltender is ready to move on.

ummmm....where did they go?

According to the Denver post (and 1000 French newspapers) Jonathan has left hockey to pursue his singing career (:^:::::::::::) while Frederick simply "no longer plays for the Remparts". He vanished *magic sparkles*.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

So the blog turned 1 year old today. As a gift the Moose gave me an 8-4 loss to the Quebec Remparts. Wait....the Moose scored 4 goals! Amazing. Why can't they do that more often?

They also gave me an intermission interview with Jessyko to make me happy. Shannon asked him what the weirdest thing he ever ate was, and I swear I heard him say dick... but I don't think he actually said that. If he did say that I would have married him there on the spot for sharing my twisted sense of humor.

Since it is the blog's birthday I get to give props to whatever fool I deem worthy of cookies and so today I am giving them to Jessyko because he may put bad things in his mouth (or bad words in mine), his macarena is criminal and he wears pimpin' white shoes.

Out of the lineup:

• 7 D dressed tonight
• Charles Bety is out with a bad wrist from a shot block gone horribly wrong
• Jessyko was out with a wonky shoulder
• Pelletier has an eternally wonky knee
• Dunn is out because Cam is jealous of his singing voice and because Bona doesn't want me to feel 'in a loving way' with any more defencemen.

Game Program survey:

• Smartest guy/Nicest guy/Guy you would let your sister date - Ben MacAskill. Bona ties for nice guy.
• Ladies man - Cheremetiev and Bona
• Best Dressed - Louis-XVI and Bernard
• Who would you want with you if you ran into a grizzly bear - Matt Boland because he is big and the bear would take a long time to eat him or Guillaume Pelletier because he has a fucked up knee and would be easier for the bear to catch
• Best Nicknames - Ned O'Brien stole my nickname SpEd. I can also be called SexEd.
• Biggest prankster - Yetman and Pender. That makes me VERY nervous.
  

Stats:

• Another short handed goal for the opposition
• Remparts had 8 goals in 33 shots on net. 3 against Yetman (in 10) and 5 against Corbeil (in 23). Corbeil gets the loss.
• Halifax had 4 goals in 40 shots on net, all against Jonathan Roy. They could have had more...if they could put the puck into an empty/completely open net.
• Quebec were 1/3 on the PP.
• Halifax were 0/4 on the PP and really enjoy passing.

Notes:

• The first Remparts goal was a weird angle. Yetman was really hugging the post. I have no idea how/where it went in.
• The second goal bounced off of Bona and into the net as he was coming in to clear the puck moving across the crease. Terribly unfortunate.
  
• The third goal was on a breakaway with a shot that went high glove side.
• Falling down was common
  

Delayed reaction times were also VERY common. For example:
Grant was like "Where is the puck? Oh I have it! In my skatey things .......................
...........................................................................................................................
..................................................maybe I should do something about that!"

• Mathieu allowed a goal on his first shot. I shed a single tear. Some slutty 5-holeness ensued.
• Jonathan Roy is not so fancy. He is lucky he has a singing career to fall back on (see Jessyko, I know sarcasm too).
• Stransky and Knotek were soooo close once. Knotek blocked Roy's clearing attempt, and passed to Stransky but Stransky could not get it in the net.
• Our passing also makes me cry. It is better if you don't pay attention sometimes.
• The feistiness would come and go. The Moose had some shifts totally ripe with blah, but would then pick it up again. Sometimes they try so hard but just don't have the skill to get it done. All this failure makes my nurturing side kick in.
  
• Boland got in a fight with Reiber. Reiber was all fleshy. Boland should have punched him in the fleshy bits instead of going for the head. Reiber took a shot on Boland when he was down - and got his ass kicked out of the game.
• Linden Bahm was a sexy beast in the first period.
  
• O'Brien had a WIDE open net but missed.
• Even if I don't talk about it just assume that the Moose were turning over the puck like a whore turns tricks. It is just what they do. A bitch has gotta get paid.
  

Moose goals:
Cheremetiev (O'Connor and Piette)
Piette (Cheremetiev and Desjardins)
Desjardins (Piette)
Stransky (Knotek)

Remparts goals:
Stefanovich (Monast and Kugryshev) - power play
Allard (Tessier)
Stefanovich (Roy and Allard)
Breault (Marshall and Kugryshev)
Groulx - short handed
Stefanovich (Neron and Allard)
Stafanovich (Monast and Allard)
Genest (Loisel and Roy)

Stars:

1. QUE - Stefanovich, Mikhail
2. QUE - Allard, Jean-Simon
3. HAL - Piette, Alexis

Elsewhere:
Baie Comeau - no points
Val d'Or - no points
Lewiston - 2 points - BOOOOO

Edit - news links:
Matthew Wuest - High Octane team takes a bite out of Herd's playoff hopes
and there is a picture. What did I tel you about all the empty nets?
Willy Palov - Moose overpowered

Why are the Remparts so pretty?

It is really just the jersey. It is so pretty with its cream coloured base, and shiny dark red and black accents. Le sigh Remparts jersey, a lesson in simplistic style and clean lines.

So the Mooseheads lost to the Quebec Remparts by a score of 5-2. Last night Lewiston and Val d'Or went into a shoot-out, so both of the other bottom feeders got a point. This is NOT what the Moose need right now.

Please remember that I know jack shit about hockey- that being said:
Grant - had nice moments getting the puck around all those Remparts players.
Bahm - saves his biggest hits for when he is nearest to me.
Stransky - sorry, but I can't give you ALL the cookies. I have to share the wealth and you have to share the spotlight.
Knotek - where does it hurt? everywhere! Ow, sorry you took such a beating last night.
Bernard - If you rock the chinstrap and have ditched the moustache then my puppy picture no longer applies. Where will I find a picture of a dog with a chin strap/landing strip combo?
Yetman - I am all for you playing the puck, just don't direct it TOWARDS two unguarded Remparts who are standing there in your zone.
Everyone - pay attention to your goalie, he is the eyes in the back of your head.
O'Connor - that SO WAS NOT a penalty. Oh I KNOW!!! Let's gossip about the refs and plan revenge.
Amyot - you are silent and strong. Don't worry, I totally noticed your awesomeness - like on that one on one, when you kept pushing irrelevant Rempart player the outside keeping your stick on his stick and not letting that filthy bastard get full control of the puck. Oh yes, I notice these things.
Dunn - sauve. Take me now*. Did you know that you have excellent bone structure to go with that delightful singing voice? You do.
Piette - Stop doing such rediculously stupid things. Punching Marshall after the whistle = stupid.
Penalty kill - where were you last night? We have been doing so well lately and then you abondon me.
McDonald - you are not supposed to be in Yeti's crease. So stay the fuck out of it.

Lavigne - you know that I have always liked you. I have been enamoured from the first time I saw you with the Cats last year. I have noticed that your puck handling has become more disciplined since you joined the Remparts. You are also so good at communicating with your boys... always giving them directions (and just hoping that they pay attention). Your lateral push off (while down on your right knee) appears to occur at the speed of light. I also noticed that you pokechecked in the second. That was for me right? I know it was. Yeah, I loooooveee you* too.
Monast - I miss you.


Links:
Matthew Wuest - Russell pulls juggling act in loss (and in other losses and wins as well as all the time... is this really anything new?)
Willy Palov - Moose overwhelmed

* I may not actually loooooveee you and I may not actually want you to take me. Sometimes I just think of the stupidest thing I can say, then I say it.

Three of three in three: Ugh

In the final game of a Quebec roadtrip the Mooseheads fell to the Quebec Remparts by a score of 5-0. David Gilbert (yep, our 2007 first-round draft pick) had the first goal for the Remparts, while Allard (x2), Breault and Kugryshev had the others. Game stars were Allard, Breault and Roy. Jonathan Roy gets the win for the Remparts, Yetman takes the loss.



My favorite part, once again, was the part where Yetman allowed 2 goals on the first 3 shots. Normally if he stays in he can fight through it, but I gotta say, it is really fucking sad to see this game, after game, after game.

This drops us all the way down to second to last place in the standings...yes the Moose sure are loose. No, you clearly, just can't stop 'em.


In an article for the Metro by Matthew Wuest, coach Cam Russel tries to put a positive spin of the four loss road trip:

“We’re definitely improving,” he said. “We played really well the first three games. We were in them to the end and we had a chance to win. There were more positives than anything else and they were games where nobody stopped working.”

“Rest is the thing we need, and after that we’ll work on our power play and defensive-zone coverage.”

Yeah, you do that.

For more info and a similarly positive take on a depressing story check out Willy Palov at the Chronicle Herald.

Quebec Remparts acquire Lavigne and Marshall

According to reports coming out of the Quebec press the Quebec Remparts have acquired defenseman Kevin Marshall from the Lewiston MAINEiacs and (soon to be) 20 year old netminder Charles Lavigne from the Moncton Wildcats.

I was wondering what would happen to Charles. Boo that he is in the West now. I loved his wandering all over the ice, helmet lifting and poke-checking ways. Charles knows what a girl likes - so many poke-checks. It is like he was putting on a show just for me - it wasn't always a great show, but I am eternally greatful to Charles for doing many of the things I want my goalies to do.

Within the next week Quebec are also expected to get their grubby hands on my sweet defenseman Guillaume Monast. I will not let them have him. Guillaume and I are currently sharing a bottle of wine while being 'up in a tree'. Patrick Roy will have to get a stair car or climb this tree to pry Guillaume from my small, stumpy-fingered, grabby hands.

Then after Roy snatches Guy from my drunken, warm, bosomy embrace and forces him to play for Quebec next year, all the people from Halifax will bitch and moan about how awesome Guy is and why couldn't he play like that for us and whaa whaa whaa. Then I will say "you should have appreciated a good thing while you had it dumb bitches".

Things are mostly as expected

When it comes to the games of Saturday Feb 23, pretty much everyone who was expected to win actually did win. The one exception being that PEI managed to make Cape Breton cry, and Olivier Roy was pulled from nets after allowing 3 goals in 11 shots. All hot streaks must eventually come to an end. PEI went on to win the game 4-3, with Marc-Antoine Gelinas turning away 37 of 40 shots.

In the Telus Division, the Quebec Remparts faced the Baie-Comeau Drakkar. The game started with both back-up goalies in nets: Jonathan Roy for Quebec and Mathieu Leclair for Baie-Comeau. However, some weird reversal of fortune had both teams benching their back-ups - Leclair at 20:00 after allowing 2/6, followed shortly thereafter by Roy at 23:22 upon letting in 3/16. Daddy Roy must 'fear the Cousineau', and so he decided to bring out the big guns. Not that Desfossés fared much better, because in the last 36 minutes of game he let in 3 of 19 shots. As a result B-C came out with a glorious 6-3 victory, thus bringing them back into first place in the Telus division, and first overall in the league.

I did not watch the live feed, and I will not watch the archived footage of this game. That being said, I should probably not comment too much on this game or on the actual production of the goalies. Maybe the Quebec D was shit last night? I doubt B-C became an offensive powerhouse, and started snipin' like mad. But who knows? However, if anyone can dole out the appropriate spankings I am sure that person is Patrick Roy.