Stuck in the middle...

Ahhhh Wednesdays. Is any day more painfully boring for a hockey fan stuck in a 2 week drought and desperate for the sounds and smells (yes, smells) of the game.

What has happened since the last game in Baie Comeau? Nothing. Boys got on a ferry/bus and came home. Apparently since they got home they have been practicing hockey. Who'd 'a thunk it?

Other things are happening in other places - like Stinziani was traded from Cape Breton to the Chicoutimi Sagueneens and Maxime Renaud was moved from the Bathurst Titan to the Drakkar. Both overagers were aquired for a third round pick. Kinda makes you wonder about what the Moose could do with their slack over-agers. hmmmmmm?????


According to Matthew Wuest the Mooseheads are expected to make a couple of roster moves by the end of this week and before they head out to play Bathurst on Friday. It turns out that 26 sets of balls (plus coaching staff) are just too many balls for one locker room.

Wuest predicts that forwards Matt Stoddard and the recently signed Lester Brown are on the bubble, but that trimming down from 9 defenceman may have to wait until Abeltshauser and Gillard are healthy.

When Wuest made further predictions about who is safe, and who is not, he threw overage defenceman Alexandre Brunet into the mix. This may be because the recent acquisition of Paul Dimitruk from the Moncton Wildcats is supposed to provide experience and stability on the blueline. Of course, when I say 'experience' we all realize that Dimitruk only has one year of Q experience, right? He came into the Wildcats organization as an 18 year old. We have been told that he may be able to rack up points from the blue line but so far the only thing he has been racking up with the Moose is penalty minutes. We are told this despite the fact that in 64 games for the Cats last season he only had 2 goals and three assists. That's 5 points. What is the word that is tossed around again? oh yeah - potential. Whoopee do!

Alex MacDonald also had 5 points in 49 games last season while playing on the last line; except his points were acquired as a 17 year old on a struggling Mooseheads team. What he doesn't have are the penalty minutes that so often get this team into trouble. Some would say that makes him 'soft'. Is there no place on my team for the type of defenceman who is a 'lover not a fighter'.

It's not that I hate Dimitruk, I just don't know him yet. I have a tendency to give new boys the side eye. I don't trust boys.*

But just because Wuest gives an opinion on who will go it does not mean that this is the case. I hate suspense. In today's Chronicle Herald coach Cam Russell leaves us hanging by talking about both trades and demotions:

Russell said he may look at reassigning some guys to junior A before the end of the week or may even pull the trigger on some trades.

"Right now we’re almost a quarter of the way through the season and I think we’ve brought in a good mix of young guys and veterans," Russell said.

"We’ve given everybody opportunities and some guys have taken advantage of that and made the most of it, and others haven’t. The ones who haven’t are the ones who are on the bubble and we’ll have to make a decision about those guys this week."

Because league rules restrict trades to 20-year-olds and Europeans right now, Russell’s options on that front are limited.

He surely won’t move import players Tomas Knotek or Konrad Abeltshauser at the moment so that leaves overage forwards Linden Bahm and Yuri Cheremetiev and defenceman Alexandre Brunet as his only tradable players.

Russell conceded he’d fielded some inquiries this week for some of those players but wouldn’t say which ones.

So Goldilocks may be safe... for now. You know, until I get my hands on him and try to brush his mullet and maybe trim a few of the hairs that caress his neck.


Other news links:
Mooseheads in search of balance
C.B. trades Stinziani
Bursting the bubble

Moore's blog - Clarke stepping up


*Though if I did trust boys (specifically Randell, Pelletier, Corbeil, MacDonald, Bernard and Bahm) I would watch them on Breakfast TV, Friday on ATV between 7:00-9:00.

...and three kinds of yes

Hold your seaponies, I will get to my shitty game review eventually. For now I MUST tell everybody about John Moore's new website.

John Moore, the radio voice of the Mooseheads, has a website with blog posts about adventures on the road. There are also videos with coach interviews and player shenanigans. I heart player interviews...like this goalie interview.


Matty has his modeling angles down. He looks good from the front. He has sharp features and sometimes does not take a good photo. He needs to watch his angles, know his light and smile with his eyes. He looks like he is getting it down. Ahhh my # 1 boyfriend is getting better looking with age. I like that.

Yeah, this means we have a you tube page. There is also an interview with Maxime Clermont there. I do not want to steal all of John Moore's thunder by posting all of his videos (GOALIES, GOALIES, GOALIES), so just get your ass over there and visit CHL goalie of the week, Clermont, NOW. He just gets cuter every day (Clermont, not Moore) and his English is impeccable - we could totally date him. I would put him on my boyfriend list because of this, but he is already on my boyfriend list. We need two Clermonts.

You can learn so much about about boys when you visit Moore's website. Things like "Charles Bety can fix a car" and "former Moosehead Garrett Peters is in family way and won't be playing for Saint Mary's University this year". Peters is 22. Q-girl style Sex-Ed lessons to come.



For now let's talk about the video chronicling Charles Bety's mechanic skills.

There are three things I like about this video.

1) Charles Bety has smokin' hot arms - YES
2) Gerrad Grant reminds me that he has more equipment than just that which he wears on the ice - YESSS
3) oh heyyyyyy hottie - YESSSSSS!

Who is #3? He is tall. It is not MacDonald and not Amyot. I don't think it is Abeltshauser. It must be Hannay. Hannay, you can now join my growing list of boyfriends - please move over to the left with the large cluster of other inappropriately aged boys.


Sex ed:
Now boyfriends, I don't know if anybody has ever told you this, so please listen carefully - BABIES COME FROM SEX. Crazy, I know. I don't want anybody on my team to be in 'a family way' any time soon.

You see that thing in Gerrad Grant's hand (well you can't see it, but you can imagine it...like I am) - it is 1/2 of the baby making machinery. You can't just be taking your machinery and putting it in girlie bits all willy-nilly and expecting no babies to result.

You are probably thinking "but it can't happen to me. I'm just a kid". This is a lie. Young people are THE MOST fertile - it is most likely going to happen to you. What are the odds? Well, women are fertile about 1-2 days a month. If you are planting seeds every day of the month then your odds are somewhere like 1/30. But you are young and you don't like 'flo' so your odds are more like 1/25. Those odds are scary huh? Better than the Mooseheads odds of winning a game anytime soon.

Dudes! It takes two people to not make a baby and birth control is unreliable if she has been drinking, taking antibiotics, or if she missed a pill. Also, sometimes, girls lie about using birth control, just like they lie about your skills in the boudoir (or grassy field, or school bathroom) and about their ability to orgasm *gasp*. You may be fucking stupid girls. Use a condom - EVERY TIME. It also helps lower your chances of STDs.

...and Gerrad Grant- please move to the left. I didn't know you had "equipment". You can totally be my boyfriend.

Pens fans are the lamest....except for Lori

There exists a sinister underbelly in the hockey world. No, not the drinking, or the fighting or even the man-whoring. I am talking about the fan fiction.

Sure I have my own imaginary world(s) in which:
1) Former Moosehead Andrew White catches me fish and builds me birdhouses
2) Former Moosehead Pier-Olivier Pelletier and I live like mythical woodland creatures and he carves Eero Aarnio reproductions out of root vegetables for our smurf style mushroom house.
3) I have a torrid and steamy love (and by love, I mean... fucking) affair with former Saint John Sea Dogs Goaltender and CIS champion Travis Fullerton.
4) Replace Travis Fullerton with former Gatineau Olympics goaltender Ryan Mior for a similar but possibly naughtier scenario. Doesn't he just look naughty? Naughty goalies are my favorite kind of goalie! Then the hockey Gods, just to make it worse for me, had to go and make him a Newfie. This is an irresistible combination.
5) Moosehead winger Jessyko Bernard and I are ballroom dance partners... and we WIN at life.
6) The Penguins disband and my favorite former Q players are free to pursue other teams. They all choose the Devils.

...but these fantasies are totally excusable because it is me, and most of the time it is just for laughs. Most of the time! *side eyes in the general direction of Travis Fullerton*.

Oh! Speaking of the Penguins - their fans have the MOST ridiculous fantasy lives. There is possibly more fan fiction written about Penguins players than about all other NHL players in the history of the game. I mean sure, a Gump Worsley story is HOT but those 'back in the day' ladies can't compete with the awesome imagination of today's wannabe puckbunnies.

Without further ado I give you "Hockey, Football, and Stiletto Shoes" guide to Penguins' fan fiction. I just wanted to let Simon Despres*, Keven Veilleux, Alex Grant, Joey Haddad, Zach Sill (Raaawr... totally fantasy worthy) and others know what exactly they were getting themselves into when they chose to sign those contracts with the Penguins.

*There is still hope for Simon as he is currently unsigned.

Never mind the bollocks

I know, I know! I never write, I never call, heck I don't even PM. I leave you at home weeping into your keyboard and wondering if I will ever type the words blow job ever again. For my absence I am sorry. I have a little thing called a job (is a PhD a job?) and it has silly things like deadlines and pressures. Since today is a sunny day and I am involved in a vast conspiracy for slacking off while drinking beers on the rooftop of 'Your Father's Moustache' this afternoon, I figured I could also take a little time to slack in advance.

Moose news? What is that? Admittedly my post draft rants have been slow coming and I never listed all of our new draftees. It is with open arms I welcome following boys into the fold. No, they can't nuzzle into my boobies quite yet. I need to see them in a jersey first.

Round 1( #15)
Brent Andrews 1993-01-19 6'1" 183

Round 2 (#19)
Jamie Bishop 1993-03-14 6'0" 168

Round 3 (#49)
Matthew Boudreau 1993-03-09 5'8" 149

Round 4 (#67)
Trey Lewis 1993-05-31 5'11" 170

Round 4 (#72)
Carl Gélinas 1992-02-06 5'11" 172

Round 6 (#106)
Sawyer Hannay 1992-09-06 6'3" 190

Round 9 (#145)
Joel Grondin 1992-02-27 6'1" 192

Round 10 (#163)
Brett Bernard 1992-02-24 5'11" 170

Round 11 (#181 )
Steve Gillard 1992-02-01 5'10" 184

Round 12 (#197)
Kody Orr 1992-10-11 6'0" 170

I know nothing about these boys (except we drafted a lot of guys who want to go NCAA) but on draft weekend Matthew Wuest had a lot of coverage and so I will direct you to him. His pick by pick coverage is excellent except he fails to provide info on who the little hotties are. I suggest you stick with reading his stuff because he is all in the know and likely hasn't offered anyone a blowjob for information recently. This means he is legit. Me? Not so much!

Today you can read a post about our first round pick Brett Andrews. Andrews is still not sure if he wants to report and I am making angry fists in his general direction until he decides to come here.

“We’re not sure yet. We’re in discussions,” Andrews, 16, told the Charlottetown Guardian from his home in Hunter River, P.E.I. “It was a pretty big surprise. I didn’t expect them to pick me that high.”

May I also recommend Wuest's twitter feed?

The Moose are getting with the times:
The Mooseheads have also started a twitter feed and it is making me feel all tingly in my nethers. The next step may be a website overhaul. I mean really guys - get on it! They also had game announcer John Moore write about the draft. Maybe they can actually get around to getting him a real blog page like the Wildcats did with Les Stoodley. Not that I want to be pushed to the edge of the Moose blog-o-verse by a bunch of team sanctioned legits. I wish that blogging would get me free season tickets. Wouldn't that be nice?

The Moose used their twitter to show me this:

I mean, look at this fancy shnazmatazz (not a word)!!! This is Gabe the 2nd (now, Gabe the only) wearing our new jersey. The team put a picture up on their website but quickly removed it. I have yet to see a picture of the new uniform in full.

I just have one complaint. I know Gabe is pretty and all, and he is one of the few boys still around since he is going to school in Halifax, but dearest team - you must use more than one player for promotions. I hope to see more varied and different faces on promotional materials. 4th line players are still Mooseheads, ya' know! I need a little more MacDonald mullett in my life.

Ball hockey:
The CBC Play-On Ball Hockey tournament is taking place on the Halifax Commons this weekend. The Mooseheads will be playing a game against the Moncton Wildcats. I wonder if Gabe the 1st (now, Gabe the Huskie) will be playing or if he has been disowned by our ball hockey team as well. Will Brent Andrews lose his NCAA eligibility if he takes Gabe's place on the ball hockey team?

I will be there - but only because I will be acting as cheerleader, fluffer and trainer for my boyfriend...or at least that is what I will tell him. I may skulk over to the Mooseheads game and get my drool on.

Wuests' next big three:
Matthew Wuest has also updated his Q-flies to discuss three players that he thinks will have an impact next year. Included on the list are Gerrad "model's body" Grant*, Jessyko "puppy" Bernard, and Pascal "I don't have a nickname for him yet" Amyot.

This is what he has to say about Jessyko:

For a 20-game stretch last year, Bernard was scoring at a point-per-game pace on the top line with Tomas Knotek. Then he disappeared. But at 18, he'll be asked to take on a scoring-line role and has size and hands to rise to the occasion.

Wonderful. We like to blame Jessyko's lost production on a series of injuries/aggravated injuries during the second half. I have huge faith is Jessyko. Why didn't I bid on that Bernard limited edition V's Jersey? Blame the goalie!

Anyway, the point I want to make is not about the praise - it is about the dis below. Why do we let people comment in the newspaper? If they want a voice they can get a blog like me and then people can choose to read it or not to read it.

Newspaper comments bombard me with idiocy - I hate them. Metro reader Sonny says "Bernard would have to be in a lot better shape that he was to have a breakout season, his stamina was very low also he has to lose his hot dog attitude ( as in no more between period interviews, please)"

Sonny is clearly on crack. Jessyko's intermission interviews were the one thing I actually had to look forward to at last year's games. I want to see more singing, more fancy suits, more stylin' glasses, more luxurious mullet growth and the pimpin'est shoes - faux snakeskin perhaps. I wonder if he can dance in his blades? Hmmmmm? I think he should definitely give that a try. Never mind the bollocks, Jessyko.

NHL Draft:
I could compile a list of players from the Q who are expected to go in this years draft. If I am feeling like science is bogging me down I might just do it....or I might just opt for what I have been doing during my downtime all week - lapsing into a vegetative state on the sofa. I hope that Simon Despres and Olivier Roy get their just placements in the draft. I think it is about time the Devils drafted a new young goalie with a high pick. I also wish Gabriel O'Connor good luck with the draft and I really really hope that he has caught the eye of at least one NHL team who is willing to give him a chance.

Goalies:
Olivier Roy (Cape Breton) and Jake Allen (Montreal) have been invited to the Hockey Canada's national junior development camp in August. Congrats to the boys. I lubs me some goalie. I especially lubs me my Q- goalies. I am glad we will have two goalies reppin' the Q this year.

*Sweetie - I am NEVER going to let you live that down.

Has no one coined the word bimbosis yet?

I am calling it. New word - Bimbosis. Sounds like - necrosis or halitosis.

-sis ---> suffix in Gk. nouns denoting action, process, state, condition.

Bimbosis - The state of being a bimbo.

eg "Some people wander upon my blog, read one post, and judge me. They do not get that I am joking. They think I am suffering from bimbosis."

REAL SPORTY NEWS:
I have been a quasi-efficient real-life worker this week. As a result I have been neglecting the blog. Not that I have good news.

The Mooseheads have once again been named the QMJHL COLD team of the week by Sportsnet. They've got my love to keep them warm.

Did I mention that the World Junior Roster has been announced... like, 5000 years ago. Q boys Patrice Cormier (Rimouski Oceanic), Angelo Esposito (Montreal Junior) and Christopher DiDomenico (Saint John Sea Dogs) have all made the team. I am most excited for Patrice Cormier, future NJ Devil. I was rocking the Devils Jersey for Tuesday Night's Leafs vs Devils game. A lot of good that did!!!! Stupid Jason Blake finally does someting with his life... but at totally the wrong time.

There is a new article in the Metro about the future of the Mooseheads. It looks like big changes may be coming.

Mooseheads general manager Marcel Patenaude will look to ship out any tradeable veterans and strongly consider any reasonable offer that comes across his desk.

“With the lack of picks we had and the lack of returning players, we brought in older guys off our protected list that we thought might bring us a better result,” Patenaude said. “Obviously, we don’t have the results we expected, and we have to look to the second half with a different eye.”

...For the veterans who aren’t traded and do stick around, but aren’t part of the blueprint for the future, the Mooseheads will likely push them further down the bench and into the press box in an effort to develop their youth for next season.

“We’ll be looking in the second half to ice a team that will be slightly younger,” Patenaude confirmed.

Matthew Wuest sounds off on our few trade assets. He lists MacMillan, Pender, Cheremetiev, Bahm (noooooo), and Louis XVI as our most tradeable players. You fall into imaginary hockey love and they threaten to take away your lickable lip-Bahm after just 4 months. That is just cruel. Wuest considers Yetman and MacAskill our other possible, albeit more risky, trades.

In other trade news - Dido gone from the Sea Dogs... traded to Drummondville? That is what one GM says in this article by Matthew Wuest. The Q trade period starts this Saturday. Despite trade rumours Captain Alex Grant would like to stay.

Simon Despres (Sea Dogs), Olivier Roy (CB Screaming Eagles) and David Gilbert (Remparts) are amoung the notable Q players chosen for the CHL top prospects game. Nathan has more at MAINEiacs Post to Post. With the World Juniors coming up, now is also a good time to keep an eye on Nathan's other blog The World of Junior Hockey.

Drummondville are now heading all QMJHL teams in the CHL Mastercard top ten rankings... finally surpassing the Shawinigan Cataractes.

...and last but not least, Robert Slaney of the Cape Breton Screaming Eagles has been named the Boston Pizza CHL Player of the Week*. Fuckin 'eh. It looks good on him - really really good. I lubs me some Slaney.

* OK, I had a typo listing Slaney as the CHL Pizza of the week. Delicious.
**bimbosis has been pre-coined. Boo on me.

Monday updates...What do you mean it's already Wednesday?

Ugh yeah. Please excuse my absence. We will just pretend I was too busy rolling around in the sack trying to complete the worlds longest goalie-snog-a-thon to be bothered writing a post. We made it into Guiness my babies.

Lazyness dictates a point form blog post:

1) Nicola Riopel did not participate in my snog-a-thon as he was too busy stopping pucks for the Moncton Wildcats in his attempt to be the QMJHL defensive player of the week. He was successful. He also remains satisifyingly STD free. Not only is he the QMJHL player of the week but he is also the CHL goaltender of the week. Nicola played out the week with a 3-0-0-0 record, 0.971 save % and a 1.0 GAA. "Riopel leads all QMJHL goaltenders with 13 wins and three shutouts. He also has a league best goals-against-average of 1.41, and save percentage of .950 in 14 games." God, I have GOT to get on that wagon. What am I thinking? I mean look at this? LOOK AT IT.

2) Did you know that Jonathan Roy of the Quebec Remparts remains unbeaten this season? WTF. Once upon a time I was having a conversation about my dreamy Guardiens and mourning the loss of bad-boy Travis Fullerton from the league (I like bad boys), when I was reminded that the baddest boy remaining in the Q is none other than J. Roy. My argument against him was that he sucked. Well guess who ain't sucking anymore. 0.945 and a 1.60 - that's like... naughty-sex worthy.

Secret Lovers:

3) The Sea Dog's Captain, Alex Grant, has signed an entry level contract with the Pittsburgh Penguins. Grant is also the only Nova Scotian player to be participating in the Canada-Russia Challenge. Oh and the Sea Dogs also made an Alex Grant Bobble head doll. I can't believe they are making bobble heads. I want Mooseheads bobble heads. Bobby Smith...please hire the Sea Dogs promotions guy.

4) Alex also finally has some permanent A's to hang with, since Kirky, Sparling and Stich were named alternate captains (and just in time for me to see them in their As - meow ...tomorrow my sweet, secret, Sea Dog lovers).

Boyfriends:

5) If you have been living in a hole, or alternately have stuck your head in a hole because our team is such a disaster that you do not actually want to know what shitty thing has just transpired...well too bad You are about to find out. Our 'superstar' Logan MacMillan has gone and done in his knee for the next 2-4 weeks by supposedly banging it into a goalpost. I presume he was trying to hump Mark Yetman and the goalpost got in the way. As the lowest-scoring team in the league it always helps when one of your best point getters, shut-down master and trade-baitiest player gets injured just before a showcase event like the Canada-Russia Challenge.

6) Also, 19 year old rookie defenceman RD Chisholm has been released from the Mooseheads. Of the 16 regular season games played so far, RD was let out of the pressbox for only 6. He was a -4 for the season. Oh Ronald Duncan, I barely knew thee. Isn't it funny that RD was the guy released when he was actually the guy we called up for the playoffs last year and deemed worthy to play a post-season game after Richie Greer (who) had spent all season sitting in the press box just awaiting his turn. The Mooseheads now have 8 defencemen and 15 forwards on the current roster...having dropped Chisholm to make a space for that big ol' sniper Matt Boland. You do recognize sarcasm when you read it right? Good. My audience is not stoopid.

7) I sometimes wonder how we decide to pick our 'extra players' (ouija board) since we seem to aquire only sub-sub-sub-par players from other teams. The Sea Dogs go to the OHL and are able to pick up some pretty good rejects. We don't do that... but I wonder if team management has ever though to look into picking up players from teams that are a bit too deep. Teams that have players in their system that are good enough to play QMJHL hockey, but there is just no space for them on the current roster (which btw is usually less than 25 players). Players, that had they been drafted by another team, would be playing in the Q right now. Players like- oh, I don't know, hmmm, Tyler Noseworthy. I know he is not a scoring machine...but I'm just saying. Come on, we are in love (we may not actually be in love); just get me what I want, please. I can beg. Don't make me beg!!! I would go so far as to give Patenaude kisses if he can bring forth my unrequited love and put him into the ol' red, green (sometimes black) and white.

8) For shits and giggles I suggest you check out the new hockey-lover's mock dating website Zamboni Harmony, which is run by Heather of the Spokane Chief's blog - Wrap Around Curl and Lori of the Penguin's blog - Hockey, Football and Stiletto Shoes. Yours truely will not be putting her dirty mind to good use for Zamboni Harmony- I already know what I want.

9) UNB will be playing Saint Mary's at SMU this Sunday (while the Moose simultaneously take on the Olympiques). I will be skipping the Moose to see both an angel and a demon. The Demon, being a creature forged by the sexy hand of Satan himself (and object of all of my goalie related desires), will likely sit on a bench for 2.5-3 hours and yawn. I will also be watching a creature so amazing that he symbolizes everything that is good in this world: like butterflies, puppies, unicorns and foie-gras (shut up, it is f'n delicious). Oh Andrew White *sighs*, I miss you.

Yuri's back

If you haven't already noticed, 19 year old Halifax centreman Yuri Cheremetiev has been released from the Boston Bruins training camp and will most likely be back on the ice with the Moose for the game against the Titan on Wednesday. Anyway, I was wandering about and I found this older (Sept 16th) Yuri story from the Hockey Journal.

In other Mooseheads news Linden Bahm had been nominated for the Telus QMJHL offensive player of the week but the award went to Michael Stinziani (2 goals, 4 assists) of the Cape Breton Screaming Eagles. In two games Bahm had 3 goals and 2 assists. In 67 games for Shawinigan last season he had 9 goals and 9 assists. Who gave Linden the crack? Honestly people! He's just a kid, don't do that!!!



PS. The Fighting Newfoundlander is back with a vengeance - read his manifesto on Hockey Socialism. Then let's make out.

Ich möchte hockey, bitte

My adventure is almost at an end. Soon I shall be home and prepared for awesome (or maybe season-long disappointment) hockey adventures. In the meantime may I just point out that I found this guy wearing #17 in Mannheim. Who the hell is he?


Points of interest:
1) The NHL has a prospect report on QMJHL players that are eligible for the 2009 draft. My baby Simon Despres (Sea Dogs) is there along with David Gilbert (Quebec Remparts; who I presume hates my guts, why else would he refuse to play for my team) and Olivier Roy (Screaming Eagles). They even discuss the Mooseheads Gabriel O'Connor

O'Connor is an intimidating force at 6-foot-2 and 198 pounds and he isn't afraid to use his size. Last season O'Connor had just 3 assists for the Halifax Mooseheads, but his 75 penalty minutes in 58 games showed his physical side.

"He's a big kid in Halifax," Bordeleau said. "He played pretty well last year. He's the type of kid that can develop into a solid defenseman."

Props to Gabe for getting a mention. This will do his spikey hair proud (please stop spiking your hair). What preytell do they mean by saying "he's a big kid in Halifax"? Do they just mean:
A) he's in Halifax and he's big - brilliant assessment
B) he is bigger than other kids in Halifax - not so much, we have a big team. Welcome to the club.
C) he is popular and gets lots of ladies - how would they know, ewwww.

They totes made a mistake with Olivier Roy however by suggesting that Vincent Riendeau is the goalie coach for the Screaming Eagles (it is Scott Gouthro). Dudes, you get paid to get this shit right. Riendeau coached in 2004-2005. It is not hard work - it is right there on wikipedia for christs sake. Or if you really want to expend energy you can check out the Eagles homepage. I can mess up because I am a hobbyist, but when people who get paid mess up it pisses me off.

That being said, I do not put a lot of stock in prospect reports or draft position. Clearly some kids are better than others, fine...but one good performance at a tiny tournament can skyrocket a kid who performed mediocre for the majority of a season (see Jake Allen - below). Then there is that hockey nepotism thing. Angelo Esposito, impact rookie for Hotlanta, or guy that will be sent back to the Q to play for the Montreal Juniors. Don't lock him into your fantasy league team just yet chumps and chumpettes.


2) Speaking of some people who may actually know what they are talking about when it comes to the Q, Nathan Fournier has started up a new MAINEiacs blog entitled "MAINEiacs Post to Post" to make up for the unfortunate death of The Asylum on MVN.


3) My NHL boyfriends, headed up by Big Lou, have added former Moosehead Kevin Cormier to their roster. This is the 4th in a series of family signings for the Devils, who have had the brothers Parise (big brother Jordan is now in Austria), the brothers Gionta, the brothers Pandolfo and now the brothers Cormier (Patrice being drafted by my beloved Debils this summer) . This will make Kevin magically attractive again. Some jerseys just have that special power, ya know?


4) Oh, and the Mooseheads lost 4-3 to the Screaming Eagles in the first game of the season. I don't want to be mean, but Yeti honey, sweetie, baby, you have to step it up. Remember when I said not to allow a goal in the first or second shot. I really really meant it. Don't do that!!! Then don't go and allow two goals with zero dangerous shots. I mean , I did not see the game so I should not judge; maybe they were Vinnie LaCavalier style crazy angle shots- I don't know. Something tells me they were not. What? A puck off a skate? Not this shit again. Sorry my cuddly wuddly goalie, I should never think so harshly of you. Who on our team stole Guillaume Monast's super deflector skates - he needs those for when he is playing with the Remparts.


5) There is a sportsnet 2008-2009 season preview of the QMJHL teams which names the Quebec Remparts as a favorite and the Moncton Wildcats as a darkhorse. There is also a Sportsnet report on Jake Allen, goaltender for the Montreal Junior. Once again hilarity ensues: f'n writers "the home of the Juniors de Montreal, formerly the Fog Devils de St John’s"


6) Last but not least - check out the pre-season CHL Mosiak Mastercard top 10: Why no Sea Dogs? Is it an issue with scoring that has failed to get them ranked in the top 10?

When rumours come true

The Mooseheads website is reporting that pugilist David Bouchard, who was acquired from the Voltigeurs at Christmas and will be entering his 20 year old season this year, has been traded to his hometown Chicoutimi Sagueneens for a 5th round pick in the 2010 draft.

If you punch him in the face, does he not bleed?

Au revoir glasses wearing fighter guy. I will not miss your 'penalties for existing' and your lack of actual fighting. Wow 24 fights in 2007 while with the Volts, but only 9 after Christmas since coming to Halifax. Why go out and get a fierce fighty guy and not let him fight? That's like putting a pretty boy in front of me and telling me not to touch the pretty pretty. I'm a frustrated girl in her prime, it's just unfair.

The Metro is reporting that of this year's draft prospects only defenceman Andrew Morrison will not be reporting to training camp. Boo. I wanted 3 Andrews. I wanted to change our name to the Halifax Andrews - then I wanted to cuddle the Andrews. It is just my way of getting close to my Whitey.


The NHL.com have put out more prospect reports for The Saint Lewis Blues and the Washington Capitals.

Who's a goalie. Jakie's a goalie. Yes he is. Catch. Good goalie *rubs belly*

Jake Allen -- The Blues made Allen the 34th overall pick in last month's draft. He's heading back to the QMJHL to play his second season. Allen was 9-12 with a 3.14 GAA and .901 save percentage in 30 appearances for St. John's as a rookie last season.

Allen doesn't turn 18 until August so he is still very much a project for the Blues. Look for him to follow the course of playing more minutes in the QMJHL before moving to the ECHL, then the AHL, and perhaps one day to the NHL.

Apparently Brett Gallant, who was recently traded from Saint John to Lewiston is keeping his options open, having received offers from the CHL as well as his home town MJAHL team.


Wow, there is a new Q blog. A Moncton Wildcats blog at that. May I recommend that all they discuss is baby Louis and my unrequited love Tyler Noseworthy. I doubt that is going to happen - it is all kinds of manly serious. Momma I'm scared of the manly serious, I'm just gonna hide behind this big, stretchy goalie. I like goalies. I don't even care if they can't make me happy and give me what I want, or if they run away because I'm a goalie-eating sex-kitten. At best I might get some just-friends spooning - *sigh* oh Bobby Nadeau. I would totally settle for some just-friends spooning while discussing the Martys.

Yep - I love goalies - the Poll is to the right, to the right, all my goalies in a box to the right. Only 5 days left. Vote!

Shut up Pierre McGuire

I have a number of thing of no real importance to discuss.

1) Shut up Pierre McGuire
In a recent review of players at the Team Canada IIHF under 20 training camp Pierre had this to say about Yann Sauve: "Yann Sauve is a big defenceman with good mobility. What he needs to do is get a lot stronger."

What? Please define stronger. Is Pierre McGuire from Mars where the Martian definition of stronger means something completely different from our Earthican word stronger? That is the first time I have ever heard anyone suggest Yann must be stronger, let alone "a lot stronger". The boy is somewhere between 210 - 215 lbs of pure muscle (weight varies depending upon source). The two words you hear to describe Yann Sauve more than all others are probably big and strong.

Perhaps Pierre was drunk and could only recall his own visage in the mirror that morning and how exceedingly difficult it was to lift that damn razor.


2) Hotties
Yep the Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team is still below the cap and GMs W. A. Curl and I.M.W.G. Guys are still looking to select which centreman and right winger to sign before arbitration. Arbitration can get so damn messy.
So far the team has signed Goalfenceman Carey Price
Defencemen Kris Letang and Mike Komisarek
and Left Winger Zach Parise

You may ask: Dear Q qirl, is that jailbaity enough for you? My answer - it will do nicely.

To make the Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team selection process run even more smoothly the GMs have decided to call in an expert consultant known only as "polldaddy". Polldaddy ensures that you do not need to be a registered member of the NHLBA (NHL bloggers association) to vote. Voting is now anonymous...all you have to do is push a button. Even boys know how to do that!

Wait - none of my boyfriends knew how to do that. I kept showing them but it never quite sunk in.

I think I just realized that boys are stoopid. Stoopid but pretty. I keep them for the pretty but I need one that can push buttons - a tall, well toned, naughty boy with a porn 'stache who doesn't really have to be smart, he just has to be capable of skinner box reward learning. Push button, get treat! That's all I want.

Maybe it's my fault. I keep giving them treats because they are pretty, not because they pushed the button. They will never learn that way.


3) I have a Poll too?
Indeed I do. Look to your right - in the sidebar - then vote. I need a new Q boyfriend, and I have mad passions for goaltenders. Some would even call me a goalie whisperer.

So far Shawinigan netminder Timo Pielmeier is leading, but the Mooseheads potential backup goaltenders are nipping on his heels. I think Dumaresque is quite cookie worthy.


But what of Bobby Nadeau? Even though Bobby occasionally talks to the media, we personally have an all cuddle, no talk policy; which is why we are not discussing this. I look at my poll and I see that my #1 choice is clearly not the will of the people.

Oh, sweet, dreamy, edible Bobby Nadeau *nibbles* - even if you cannot be my #1 I will still want to sit in your lap and smell your fluffy pre-game hair. A girl wants what she wants. Will our relationship ever move beyond the cuddle phase? Do you know how to press buttons? Are you a quick learner?

Your hands were made for touchin' girls not for punchin' boys. I just thought everyone should know that. In fact, I think that most men, if given the choice, would prefer to use their hands for touchin' girls. Why did this have to rear its ugly head again? You have bigger things to think about right now...like stoppin' pucks, getting ready for next season, and our first date of 2008.

I know you are not a big boy - only 6'0" and 170 lbs but I like slim, well toned, guys. I don't like muscley guys with no necks - ewwww. I also like your blue eyes, your long pretty fingers, and your wonky smile - I am huge on wonky smiles (just ask Travis Fullerton). Maybe the people just need to see more pictures of you here and here and here and here and here (in red) . You are exceptionally cute when you are popping into frame. That made me quite happy. My skankspionage skills are unsurpassed.

Did I mention that you had the best GAA in the league for 2007-2008, and the fancy trophy it comes with? I like that too.

I like you and I am glad we threw the whole one date a year policy out the window, because frankly that sucked. You will never learn how to press buttons if you don't get a chance to practice. I just hope that this season our 4 dates do not coincide with my 4 AUS dates with Travis Fullerton. Then I will have two dates in one night. It would be like the standard plot of a poorly written slapstick comedy. Who would get the girl in the end? When it comes to goalies everyone knows how I roll!

With two boys I would hope that the chances of success are doubled. That's 4 eyes, 16 fingers and 4 thumbs. If two boys still can't find the damn button and learn to push it I'm going to quit boys for good...or work my way up to three boys.

Charles Lavigne is so good at the poke check (yes that is at least 3 poke checks in one shootout round)...maybe he can apply those skills to button pushing. hmmmmmmm.

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edit - Also, Bobby wears glasses. I adore boys with glasses.

More little things

The Atlanta Thrashers have signed Angelo Esposito, formerly of the Quebec Remparts but currently assigned to play with the Jr de Montreal. Within minutes of the signing all pharmacies and beauty supply stores in Atlanta ran out of hair gel.

Hockey's Future has a Q&A with Colorado Avalanche prospect and Lewiston Maineiacs goaltender Peter Delmas.


The voting for the hottest Centreman in the NHL has begun. Check out the Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team at Wrap around Curl and I mean, We got guys... and vote. While you are there add some write in votes for Mike Fisher, who was sadly enough left off of their list. What? Is the world coming to an end? I think maybe it must be. Either that or Jenn and Heather have had their eyes gouged out with mellonballers. Now they have to wear eye patches - sexy.

Mom, Nathan stole my candy!

The Asylum is reporting (that the Journal de Montreal is reporting) that some Q team has made a 10 year contract offer to Ted Nolan. Just click the link already.

I am always super slow at reporting Titan news, but there was a little article about the team's new look in last week's The Northern Light.



The Hza is a recently single lady. Following the breakup, and in the subsequent dividing of assets that followed, her EX took their NHL team (and the Yann Sauve that comes with it). She needs a new NHL team to give her lovin' to. If you can construct a well reasoned argument as to why she should join you in supporting your favorite NHL team, then write her and tell her. That is unless you are a Pens fan. The pens need not apply.

Development/Conditioning Camps

Nothing much is transpiring right now in the world of QMJHL hockey. Development camps have begun for many NHL teams, and I have heard no word on any invites for Sea Dogs goaltender Travis Fullerton, which is a damn dirty shame. Robert Mayer, on the other hand, has been invited to Montreal for their development camp. Life is sometimes so unfair to goalies. Travis was a motherfuckin' madman between the pipes, and he never quit on a rebound. He usually had me clench fisted and screaming "ohhhhhhhh yeah, oh, OH, oh, ohhhhh YES, YESSSSSSSS" at the little video box on my computer screen. Satisfying!!! If all else fails, I hope that citizen Fullerton remembers that he is still invited to the development camp in my pants.

I somehow missed that unsigned LA kings prospect Joey Ryan (Gatineau) was invited to NYR development camp. Blueshirt Bulletin has posted this description of Ryan: "The large crop of free agents was largely unimpressive. One player stood out -- Joe Ryan, the only one in the group who had once been drafted. The space between his ears was the reason for his fall from grace, according to one observer present who knew a bit more about him than the rest of us. But he looked good on the ice." Oh poor Joey, not so smart eh? Here, have a cookie!

As for Ryan Hillier:

Sarah over at Neutral Zone Trap has been to the arena to check out the first day of development camp for the Columbus Blue Jackets. She had this to say about Jakub Voracek: “Voracek looked a little out of sorts. His skill was obvious, but he seemed to be making some mistakes, and looked frustrated at times. Hopefully just working out the kinks.”

Let me guess: someone just skated up and stole the puck from him as he was nearing the blue line. Also, he failed to back check. Did I get that right? Do I get a prize? Oh Sarah, please wrap Mior (Gatineau) in a pretty bow for me and ship him here. Put a little note on him that says “for your own personal goalie development camp”.

I know what you are thinking; you are thinking: "both Fully and Mior? Slut!!!". While I am sitting here thinking that I should be able to accommodate at least three in my development camp*. Mmmm Fully and Mior - I would be in a sea of crazy blue goalie eyes; both boys look mildly insane. But, alas no! There really is no development camp in my pants because I could not get funding from the government to rent an extra apartment, or 'sin bin' as it were. Also, we all know that goalies never get to go to the box, and that in itself is a damn dirty shame, because goalies get away with doing all sorts of bad things and then never have to serve their time (Yeah, you know who you are).

Eric at Hockey Buzz also checked out the Blue Jackets and was a little more positive about Jakub. Eric thinks that "Jakub Voracek was a man among boys! Absolute stud that has hands and vision that almost every player in the NHL would dream to have. He even had a time where he fought off a check on a 2 on 2 drill and still built speed going to the net. He is the real deal!"

The Ducks have a feature article on Logan MacMillan at their website. Why am I always slow on the Logan news? I love me some hardworking, backchecking, nostril flaring, makeup wearing...wait, why does Logan look like a makeup victim in these pictures? Did Steve Mason get to him?

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*I am really getting into this foursome thing. Unfortunately, while at first it has you screaming halleliljah, afterwards you feel all Huseliused.

Hillier Image from Blueshirt Bulletin

The Dreamy team is progressing nicely

The girls at I mean, we got guys... and Wrap Around Curl have tallied the votes to select the hottest goalie in the NHL. I have done my part to make the Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team as jailbait-y as possible by voting Carey Price.

They are now at the point of selecting the hottest defensive pairing in the NHL (vote for everybody's newest facebook friend Kris Letang), and the hunt for the hottest left winger has just begun. Get your ass over there and vote. We were not suffragettisoned from the political patriarchy to just sit on our wonderfully shaped girlie butts and dream about who would be in our Dreamy Team. We are now free to shape the Dreamy Team of our desires - the Dreamy Team we would most like to have on the giving end of our thorough tallindering*. The time to vote is now.

*tallindering (verb; past tense - tallindered) is better defined as an 'odd man rush'. It is best undertaken while drunk and is most likely a decision you will soon regret.

Where in the world is Jakub Voracek?

Columbus, bitches -that's where! Bethany, who runs a fancy little Blue Jackets blog called Bethany's Hockey Rants told me so. Bethany would never lie to me. Wuest also told me so, but sometimes I think HE IS LYING to me.

Mooseheads winger Jakub Voracek (Jake) has been invited down to Columbus to hold hands and make plans with Derick Brassard. He has agreed to do it because P-O Pelletier told him how much fun it is to hold hands and make plans with Brassard. The question is - will Brassard want to hold Jake's hand, because Jake has some serious competition in P-O' s hands - they are very soft. If P-O gave me his hand I would never let go - ever*.

According to Wuest's report Voracek is one of six prospects who will train with Blue Jackets strength and conditioning coach Barry Brennan. He will follow a detailed diet, work out two hours a day, and box three hours a week. Voracek weighed 182 pounds in training camp in 2007, but is now up to 200 pounds.

“My goal is to make the team,” Voracek told the Dispatch. “That was my goal last year, too. I can’t say if I’ll make it right now, but I know I’ll be a better player after a summer here.”

*I can't believe I let go - D.U.M.B.

Dreamy team

There are other CHL hockey blogs written by girls - girls who like me love hockey, but who also have the unfortunate congenital girlie condition of 'eyes and ovaries'. We can't help it! It is a condition on the X-chromosome which worsens when you have two copies of the gene.

The girls at Wrap Around Curl - a Spokane Chiefs blog (yes THOSE Chiefs), and I mean, we got guys... - a Tri-City Americans blog, are cookin' up something hot and sexy called the Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team. I don't know what it is but it sounds delicious.

I Have Found My Blog Husband

Dear Fighting Newfoundlander
You have been around for more than a year, and just now I am finding your rubber boots at the foot of my bed!!! It is sad that I never knew ye before your mighty Fog Devils fell to the thrusting swords of the meek but adorable Quebecois. While I do enjoy their funny accents, they are really not the kind of boys I want to be getting between two trees with. They are slowly and surely dismantling your hard built team (ewww they acquired Esposito, really? her?), and the once mighty leader of your warrior princes has fled to safer shores in Europe. I feel for thee.

If you need to ease your pain with the help of ladies I am available for a lathering in your salt cod. However be forewarned, I like to rant about how gettin' screwed ain't as fun as it used to be.

Why aren't we married? I am adding you to my blogroll and preparing our wedding gift registry which will include the gift of a new hockey team for the mighty free nation of Newfoundland.
Q-girl