Friday, September 25, 2009

...and three kinds of yes

Hold your seaponies, I will get to my shitty game review eventually. For now I MUST tell everybody about John Moore's new website.

John Moore, the radio voice of the Mooseheads, has a website with blog posts about adventures on the road. There are also videos with coach interviews and player shenanigans. I heart player this goalie interview.

Matty has his modeling angles down. He looks good from the front. He has sharp features and sometimes does not take a good photo. He needs to watch his angles, know his light and smile with his eyes. He looks like he is getting it down. Ahhh my # 1 boyfriend is getting better looking with age. I like that.

Yeah, this means we have a you tube page. There is also an interview with Maxime Clermont there. I do not want to steal all of John Moore's thunder by posting all of his videos (GOALIES, GOALIES, GOALIES), so just get your ass over there and visit CHL goalie of the week, Clermont, NOW. He just gets cuter every day (Clermont, not Moore) and his English is impeccable - we could totally date him. I would put him on my boyfriend list because of this, but he is already on my boyfriend list. We need two Clermonts.

You can learn so much about about boys when you visit Moore's website. Things like "Charles Bety can fix a car" and "former Moosehead Garrett Peters is in family way and won't be playing for Saint Mary's University this year". Peters is 22. Q-girl style Sex-Ed lessons to come.

For now let's talk about the video chronicling Charles Bety's mechanic skills.

There are three things I like about this video.

1) Charles Bety has smokin' hot arms - YES
2) Gerrad Grant reminds me that he has more equipment than just that which he wears on the ice - YESSS
3) oh heyyyyyy hottie - YESSSSSS!

Who is #3? He is tall. It is not MacDonald and not Amyot. I don't think it is Abeltshauser. It must be Hannay. Hannay, you can now join my growing list of boyfriends - please move over to the left with the large cluster of other inappropriately aged boys.

Sex ed:

Now boyfriends, I don't know if anybody has ever told you this, so please listen carefully - BABIES COME FROM SEX. Crazy, I know. I don't want anybody on my team to be in 'a family way' any time soon.

You see that thing in Gerrad Grant's hand (well you can't see it, but you can imagine I am) - it is 1/2 of the baby making machinery. You can't just be taking your machinery and putting it in girlie bits all willy-nilly and expecting no babies to result.

You are probably thinking "but it can't happen to me. I'm just a kid". This is a lie. Young people are THE MOST fertile - it is most likely going to happen to you. What are the odds? Well, women are fertile about 1-2 days a month. If you are planting seeds every day of the month then your odds are somewhere like 1/30. But you are young and you don't like 'flo' so your odds are more like 1/25. Those odds are scary huh? Better than the Mooseheads odds of winning a game anytime soon.

Dudes! It takes two people to not make a baby and birth control is unreliable if she has been drinking, taking antibiotics, or if she missed a pill. Also, sometimes, girls lie about using birth control, just like they lie about your skills in the boudoir (or grassy field, or school bathroom) and about their ability to orgasm *gasp*. You may be fucking stupid girls. Use a condom - EVERY TIME. It also helps lower your chances of STDs.

...and Gerrad Grant- please move to the left. I didn't know you had "equipment". You can totally be my boyfriend.

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