Saturday, August 2, 2008

Shut up Pierre McGuire

I have a number of thing of no real importance to discuss.

1) Shut up Pierre McGuire
In a recent review of players at the Team Canada IIHF under 20 training camp Pierre had this to say about Yann Sauve: "Yann Sauve is a big defenceman with good mobility. What he needs to do is get a lot stronger."

What? Please define stronger. Is Pierre McGuire from Mars where the Martian definition of stronger means something completely different from our Earthican word stronger? That is the first time I have ever heard anyone suggest Yann must be stronger, let alone "a lot stronger". The boy is somewhere between 210 - 215 lbs of pure muscle (weight varies depending upon source). The two words you hear to describe Yann Sauve more than all others are probably big and strong.

Perhaps Pierre was drunk and could only recall his own visage in the mirror that morning and how exceedingly difficult it was to lift that damn razor.

2) Hotties
Yep the Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team is still below the cap and GMs W. A. Curl and I.M.W.G. Guys are still looking to select which centreman and right winger to sign before arbitration. Arbitration can get so damn messy.
So far the team has signed Goalfenceman Carey Price
Defencemen Kris Letang and Mike Komisarek
and Left Winger Zach Parise

You may ask: Dear Q qirl, is that jailbaity enough for you? My answer - it will do nicely.

To make the Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team selection process run even more smoothly the GMs have decided to call in an expert consultant known only as "polldaddy". Polldaddy ensures that you do not need to be a registered member of the NHLBA (NHL bloggers association) to vote. Voting is now anonymous...all you have to do is push a button. Even boys know how to do that!

Wait - none of my boyfriends knew how to do that. I kept showing them but it never quite sunk in.

I think I just realized that boys are stoopid. Stoopid but pretty. I keep them for the pretty but I need one that can push buttons - a tall, well toned, naughty boy with a porn 'stache who doesn't really have to be smart, he just has to be capable of skinner box reward learning. Push button, get treat! That's all I want.

Maybe it's my fault. I keep giving them treats because they are pretty, not because they pushed the button. They will never learn that way.

3) I have a Poll too?
Indeed I do. Look to your right - in the sidebar - then vote. I need a new Q boyfriend, and I have mad passions for goaltenders. Some would even call me a goalie whisperer.

So far Shawinigan netminder Timo Pielmeier is leading, but the Mooseheads potential backup goaltenders are nipping on his heels. I think Dumaresque is quite cookie worthy.

But what of Bobby Nadeau? Even though Bobby occasionally talks to the media, we personally have an all cuddle, no talk policy; which is why we are not discussing this. I look at my poll and I see that my #1 choice is clearly not the will of the people.

Oh, sweet, dreamy, edible Bobby Nadeau *nibbles* - even if you cannot be my #1 I will still want to sit in your lap and smell your fluffy pre-game hair. A girl wants what she wants. Will our relationship ever move beyond the cuddle phase? Do you know how to press buttons? Are you a quick learner?

Your hands were made for touchin' girls not for punchin' boys. I just thought everyone should know that. In fact, I think that most men, if given the choice, would prefer to use their hands for touchin' girls. Why did this have to rear its ugly head again? You have bigger things to think about right stoppin' pucks, getting ready for next season, and our first date of 2008.

I know you are not a big boy - only 6'0" and 170 lbs but I like slim, well toned, guys. I don't like muscley guys with no necks - ewwww. I also like your blue eyes, your long pretty fingers, and your wonky smile - I am huge on wonky smiles (just ask Travis Fullerton). Maybe the people just need to see more pictures of you here and here and here and here and here (in red) . You are exceptionally cute when you are popping into frame. That made me quite happy. My skankspionage skills are unsurpassed.

Did I mention that you had the best GAA in the league for 2007-2008, and the fancy trophy it comes with? I like that too.

I like you and I am glad we threw the whole one date a year policy out the window, because frankly that sucked. You will never learn how to press buttons if you don't get a chance to practice. I just hope that this season our 4 dates do not coincide with my 4 AUS dates with Travis Fullerton. Then I will have two dates in one night. It would be like the standard plot of a poorly written slapstick comedy. Who would get the girl in the end? When it comes to goalies everyone knows how I roll!

With two boys I would hope that the chances of success are doubled. That's 4 eyes, 16 fingers and 4 thumbs. If two boys still can't find the damn button and learn to push it I'm going to quit boys for good...or work my way up to three boys.

Charles Lavigne is so good at the poke check (yes that is at least 3 poke checks in one shootout round)...maybe he can apply those skills to button pushing. hmmmmmmm.

edit - Also, Bobby wears glasses. I adore boys with glasses.


wrap around curl said...

Many boys need to go to school on proper button pushing.

Q-girl said...

we should start a school!

eyebleaf said...

"push button, get treat!"

i just want you to know that i think you are hilarious. and "skankspionage" is the greatest word. ever.

dani said...

Pierre McGuire lives in a world where giraffes are colored in purple.

(Polldaddy is indeed an expert consultant! haha!!)

Q-girl said...

Positive reinforcement and negative punishment are the most effective means by which to train boys - it can also be used to make them say you are funny.

Pierre's world sounds nice

"Dave Schultz" said...

1. Pierre McGuire is an idiotic windbag who only loves the sound of his own voice. well, that's what I think.

2. thanks for kicking us some love again for the Hottie team

3. Maybe if Bobby had sexy pose pictures he could garner a few more votes, Timo is at a distict advantage because of his saucy pics

and i'm with eyebleaf, you are hilarious.

Q-girl said...

you should see the delightful interview I found with Olivier Roy. For a second there I was ready to kick everyone else to the curb.

check out the video from 6+ minutes (8+ is in english)

I probably only thought he was less attractive because the Eagles shaved their hair into skullets for the playoffs. I still have the image of 20 boys with skullets and beards burned into my retinas.

To me Nadeau is still the Yummiest.