Thursday, August 21, 2008

It is spelled MacAskill

The new season is rapidly approaching. Soon I shall have practically a whole new team of cuddle partners to keep me warm over the long, cold Canadian winter. I am going to do a little coverage of what is left of my team, then later I will take a quick look at who is eligible to fill all of those gaping holes.

This is not meant to be an in depth analysis, I don’t have the skills for that. It is just a simple way of showing what the Mooseheads have left – which is not much We are a bare skeleton of a team that needs a huge bowl of Pro-stars cereal to keep from looking so damn anorexic. The sugar-high is nice though.


Andrew White – RW – 20
Logan MacMillan – LW - 19
Yuri Cheremetiev – C - 19
Eric Louis-XVI – LW - 19
Tomas Knotek – C- 18
Travis Randell – C -17

Linden Bahm – RW - 19

Matt Snow – LW - 19

We need at least 12 forwards, we currently have 8.

Offensively, Tomas Knotek and Logan MacMillan are most likely to put up the points. By the end of last season Tomas was moved to the 3rd line and was working on his defensive game a bit more. He will probably be back to centering the 1st line again this season, which means there will be a lot of pressure on his offensive game. Hopefully he can continue to develop his defensive side.

Logan is the most complete player we have. He is expected to be on the PP, and the PK, all the while logging 1st line ice time. If I am lucky he will continue to fight and lose his jersey. If I am unlucky he will be weakened by overexertion and miss half the year.

Andrew White is also a complete player. You can stick him anywhere and he doesn’t seem to complain. It will be weird if Andrew is moved up to the first line. I think his offensive productivity last season was mostly due to the fact that our team was ‘so deep’ that players from the other teams did not see Andrew, the little, grindey 3rd line shut-down guy, as a target – they had bigger Czech fish to fry. Andrew does his best work when he is not a target. We will have to see how he adjusts in going from shifty eyed, unassuming, third-line guy with his jersey tucked in, to 1st line superstar. He had a bit of time on the 2nd line last season and he was still able to rack-up points, but I personally like Andrew more for his defensive game.

Yuri Cheremetiev
is our faceoff specialist but has played little more than third-or forth line ice time for most of his career. Last season his offensive prowess did not increase with increased playing time or a change in line pairings. Will this season be any different?

Neither Eric Louis-Seize (ELXVI - seen here wearing a suit), nor Travis (ol’ man) Randell had much ice time last season. Randell supposedly has a strong offensive upside which he should be able to develop more this season after being used in a shut-down role for the 46 games he played last season. Please remember that our shut down line was not actually used as a shut down line against the other team's top lines before we make any conclusions about the shut down skills of our shut down players. Wha? Exactly!

ELXVI, despite being 19 this season, has done little more than play on the 4th line and hit people. I guess we cross our fingers and pray that he can do more than hit. Well, I mean everyone else has to pray – I don’t pray… and I thoroughly enjoy nice big hits. If we give ELXVI more ice time for the sole purpose of throwing more big hits, I would probably still be very happy.


Graham Bona – L - 20
Justin Pender – L - 20
Ben MacAskill – R -19
Gabriel O’Connor – R - 18
Richard Greer – R - 17

R.D. Chisholm – L - 19

We need at least 6 defence, we have 5. You count 6, but we really only have 5. We also have to make the choice which of Pender or Bona we will be keeping as our overager. If we want to scare people and concentrate on our defence we keep Bona (and we don’t let him shave the back of his neck *shudder*). If we want to make people laugh and have more of an offensive upside with someone to play the point on the PP then we keep Pender. If our future is anything like our past we will have 9 Ds, most of which will be poopy and underdeveloped and the majority of our forwards will think themselves too fancy pantsed to bother helping out on the back-end.

Ben MacAskill is OK when he doesn’t stop to think or smell the roses. Perhaps he should be avoiding all of Cam Russell’s game plans and just clear the puck. We had a bad tendency to hold on to the puck in our own end, trying to do some mysteriously fancy thing with it and then get it would nabbed from us – in the slot. The outcome here is predictable. Sometimes, after a long bout of frivolous fancypantsing Ben would be the only boy to say “fuck this noise” and just clear it out along the boards. If I had one thing to say to our smart, sweet, cuddly Ben it is that deep thoughts will get you nowhere – just clear the puck.

The ghost of Ben MacAskill

You have a secret girlfriend in my girl A.N. She is awesome – you did good! She likes you for your big body, your sciencey brain, your pink cheeks and your seemingly gentle demeanor. Hockey skills? What's that? Remember that time you fell down during the Titan game? Benny fall down go boom. She laughed at you but she still proclaims her love. You are the cheese on her macaroni. Don’t stress about the little mistakes and remember that love is unconditional.

Speaking of Ben, I find it delightfully hilarious that some people (my boyfriend included) can’t spell MacAskill. We live in Nova Scotia, half of the population have a surname of McThis or MacThat (such as my MacBoyfriend). Why on earth would anybody then think to call him Ben MaCaskill, or in the case of one of my fellow scientist MaCeachern; it is spelled MacAskill and McEachern. Dearest boyfriend is not surnamed MaCboyfriend. Honestly, does anybody here know of someone whose surname begins with MaSomethingorother. The answer is a resounding NO.

The only reason Gabe O’Connor got as much ice time as he did in the second half of this season was because of Lund’s injury and management’s kicking Nick Goyens to the curb. Once Gabe started to get some regular ice time he became a better defenceman. I know, go figure hey! Who ever would have thought that actually getting to play the game would make you better at it? This would have been his draft year. All those 1st round draft picks in this years NHL draft – I am sure they got plenty of ice time over the past two years…because some teams play their defencemen. Now if only Gabe could learn how to keep the puck in the opponents’ zone and stop daydreaming (he is probably thinking of me) when he is standing at that blueline.

Richard Greer – who? 13 games!!! Yeah , that’s how we develop our defencemen. But we were in a ‘going for it year’ which is why little 16 year old Richie had to sit in the press box. Richie (drafted in the second round, #25 overall, is too teeny at 6ft and 170 lbs to play defence for a contending team…he is no 1st overall pick Simon Despres (Sea Dogs). I mean if Richie could play then Gatineau would have to play Hubert Labrie. Labrie (also 16 last season) was drafted in the second round, #29 overall, is 5’10 158 lbs and only played 69 games on the president’s cup winning team…Oh wait.


Mark Yetman – 20

Oh Mark, we have such a love hate relationship don’t we? You are a goalie, my goalie, and it is my sworn duty to love my goalies, but you are so damn butterfly. You need an upside! Most conservative butterfly goaltenders (Mior, Bernier, Riopel) are quite keen on playing the puck. Not you though. Would you please play the puck for me? Play it like it’s a lady. We know you can play the ladies. Show me what ya got!

Ya know what else would be nice:
1) not letting a puck in the net on the first shot
2) being on your game all year and not just in September, October and April.
3) no more over-committing on plays
4) be more careful about what you are trying to usurp. Someone’s place in nets - OK, other unmentionables - not so much
5) stay cute

That gives us:
three 20 year olds
six 19 year olds
two 18 year olds
two 17 year olds
and I thought this was a rebuilding season! Bring on the baybees!!!

Oh, and apparently our Logo is poo! Agreed!

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