Remember just two blog posts ago...say ummmm way back in November, when I told Alex Lemieux there was nothing he could do to stop my love? Well I guess requesting a trade and not returning to the team was an extreme approach to stopping my love.
Now, as a paranoid Capricorn I would say not that Alex was upset about his lack of ice time but that he, also a paranoid Capricorn, was afraid of me "getting him". This became particularly evident when they let me into the skate with the Moose event. Didn't Alex let the Mooseheads administration know that he had a restraining order out on me? Don't they care about his safety? Don't they know the chick with the "sexy toque" and the six year old timbit-hockey-playing child-friend (aka my timbits boyfriend) is a danger to all boys aged 16 to, ummmm, lets say 25?
Alas, no! So Alex is hiding at home and has possibly dyed his hair so that I don't recognize him
...and my new boyfriend Gabe Desjardins is also at home with a leg that needs kisses
...and goalie boyfriend Anthony Terenzio is trapped in AMERICA
To make matters worse half the team is in hiding at tournaments in other parts of the country...all because they found out the Mooseheads organization allowed a crazy lady on the ice with them.
At least Mathieu Corbeil and Charles Bety are not scared.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Feed the birds
The NHL preliminary 2011 draft rankings were released today and the Mooseheads own Brent Andrews is listed at #14 for the QMJHL.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
yawning or snarling (busy or lazy)
Oh hey, long time no see. I mean, I see you, because I do go to games but you don't see me because I don't blog...so... creepy one-way-relationship here, I know.
I am trying to make it better for us my dears. I have written and submitted a PhD thesis. Somehow over 88,000 words were written. Words about science, not words of coo and love for young hockey players. Sometimes a girl has to have her priorities set straight. Then someday I will get a real job ...and you can haz sugahmamma.
For now I just have a few things to say:
1) Shut up Lemieux. You are too my number 1 forward boyfriend! There is no denying me and there is nothing you can say to stop it. I don't even care if you hate me.
2) Ciampini pronounced as "Champini" sounds like type of mushroom. Probably the mushroom that Carl Gelinas lives in. Yes, Carl Gelinas is a wood sprite. I mean LOOK AT HIM! Secret mystical forest powers in this boy, I tells ya.
3) Hannay, stop it with that evil grin. Owwww my loins. Sometimes Hannay pisses me off by choosing to play dumb thug over smart defenceman...and then he gives that evil grin and I cannot help myself.
4) Stop losing. You are sucking the very spirit from me. Moreso than even writing my thesis did. I know. Easier said than done. But no, really, stop!
5) Terenzio! When you make that "shhhh" motion in your custom team video it is like WE have some sort of secret to hide. A secret you keep stored in your luxurious head of hair. Don't you know I have a weakness for goalies? Even short ones with really tight suspenders and no fear of getting into scrums. Ohhh feisty. Me likes. Shhh. Don't make it be like that. It would be so wrong.
I am trying to make it better for us my dears. I have written and submitted a PhD thesis. Somehow over 88,000 words were written. Words about science, not words of coo and love for young hockey players. Sometimes a girl has to have her priorities set straight. Then someday I will get a real job ...and you can haz sugahmamma.
For now I just have a few things to say:
1) Shut up Lemieux. You are too my number 1 forward boyfriend! There is no denying me and there is nothing you can say to stop it. I don't even care if you hate me.
2) Ciampini pronounced as "Champini" sounds like type of mushroom. Probably the mushroom that Carl Gelinas lives in. Yes, Carl Gelinas is a wood sprite. I mean LOOK AT HIM! Secret mystical forest powers in this boy, I tells ya.
3) Hannay, stop it with that evil grin. Owwww my loins. Sometimes Hannay pisses me off by choosing to play dumb thug over smart defenceman...and then he gives that evil grin and I cannot help myself.
4) Stop losing. You are sucking the very spirit from me. Moreso than even writing my thesis did. I know. Easier said than done. But no, really, stop!
5) Terenzio! When you make that "shhhh" motion in your custom team video it is like WE have some sort of secret to hide. A secret you keep stored in your luxurious head of hair. Don't you know I have a weakness for goalies? Even short ones with really tight suspenders and no fear of getting into scrums. Ohhh feisty. Me likes. Shhh. Don't make it be like that. It would be so wrong.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sawwwwwwwwwyyyyyer
Yes he is in there... a player at Canucks prospect camp....wearing the same shirt I saw him wearing in Cuba, when he was disguised as citizen Hannay and not hockey player Hannay. He can't escape me. Sometimes he tries, by wearing a blue T-shirt to blend in with the other boys, but it doesn't work.
Also, Sea Dog Steven Anthony is running the prospect blog this year, so I suggest checking him out...if you like Sea Dogs (the bath house, or the team, whichever you choose).
Good luck on the grouse grind boys. No diss but some of my girlfriends did it today. I don't know their times, but I hope and pray the Q-boys can do better.
Also, Sea Dog Steven Anthony is running the prospect blog this year, so I suggest checking him out...if you like Sea Dogs (the bath house, or the team, whichever you choose).
Good luck on the grouse grind boys. No diss but some of my girlfriends did it today. I don't know their times, but I hope and pray the Q-boys can do better.
Friday, June 4, 2010
...but jessyko never liked you back
Yes, the 2010 QMJHL draft has started and yes, I still care. It is just that I am trying to write a PhD thesis here and eventually getting a real job with real pay is slightly (just slightly) more important than blogging about one of the world's most disappointing Jr hockey teams during their (VERY EXTENDED) offseason.
So today Cam Russell pulled the trigger on his first move of the trade period and swapped my beloved Jessyko Bernard to the Rouyn Noranda Huskies for a 5th round pick in 2011. Basically, Jessyko has less value to Cam than a used jock strap stuffed with old banana skins. I (and, like, everyone else on the planet) always got the feeling that Cam was not fond of Jessyko.
BUT I WAS.
My "real" boyfriend tried to put it into terms to make me have a slightly reduced case of the sads after I whined "Why do my feelings not matter?"
He said "... but Jessyko never liked you back".
Pure lies. I am sure of it. I am so crazy it is nothing but absolutely adorable. Right Jessyko?
I would wear a 50 pound beard of bees for that boy...
...or just this shirt.
So today Cam Russell pulled the trigger on his first move of the trade period and swapped my beloved Jessyko Bernard to the Rouyn Noranda Huskies for a 5th round pick in 2011. Basically, Jessyko has less value to Cam than a used jock strap stuffed with old banana skins. I (and, like, everyone else on the planet) always got the feeling that Cam was not fond of Jessyko.
BUT I WAS.
My "real" boyfriend tried to put it into terms to make me have a slightly reduced case of the sads after I whined "Why do my feelings not matter?"
He said "... but Jessyko never liked you back".
Pure lies. I am sure of it. I am so crazy it is nothing but absolutely adorable. Right Jessyko?
I would wear a 50 pound beard of bees for that boy...
Monday, March 29, 2010
This is something
So the QMJHL finally got around to putting up some info about Marcel Robert trophy candidate and Mooseheads defenceman Pascal Amyot.
I have some words of advice for wannabe doctor Amyot.
So you think medicine is glamorous? Everyone wants to be a Doctor. No, literally EVERYONE. There is nothing glamorous about night shift at emergency, foot fungus, pap tests, kidney stones and prescribing hemorrhoid cream. This is what most doctors deal with on a daily basis. Forget medicine. Go into dental surgery. You only have to work 9-5 and you make tonnes of money. Most stupid kids don't even go into medicine because they want to help people. They go into it because they think it is the "ultimate job" for smart science types. Fuck that. Medicine is for wankers.
So is doing a PhD, but that is another story entirely!!!
I have some words of advice for wannabe doctor Amyot.
So you think medicine is glamorous? Everyone wants to be a Doctor. No, literally EVERYONE. There is nothing glamorous about night shift at emergency, foot fungus, pap tests, kidney stones and prescribing hemorrhoid cream. This is what most doctors deal with on a daily basis. Forget medicine. Go into dental surgery. You only have to work 9-5 and you make tonnes of money. Most stupid kids don't even go into medicine because they want to help people. They go into it because they think it is the "ultimate job" for smart science types. Fuck that. Medicine is for wankers.
So is doing a PhD, but that is another story entirely!!!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Nein
So the Mooseheads lost 4-1 (empty netter) to the dirty, flea infested Screagles... but who cares. Today I saw Jessyko Bernard modeling a striking pair of lederhosen.
Du bist mein Mann? Ja?
Ohhh Ja!
Q-girl
*more later, maybe?
Du bist mein Mann? Ja?
Ohhh Ja!
Q-girl
*more later, maybe?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Funk
Nobody likes a fun killer...so thanks a lot stinky Sea Dogs for a 6-2 ass whoopin' on Wednesday night. A whoopin that happened almost entirely within a 3 minute span of the third period. The Sea Dogs are almost as much of a downer as me and I have been spending years perfecting my "misery" skillz.
Wha? Nah!
I am feeling better, crawling out of my neurosis induced rut. I think that a shootout win by team Canada and getting to look at Martin Brodeur, his sexy Santa belly and his scruffy old chest protector helped a bit.
...but this is a Mooseheads blog not a Team Canada blog and it is most definitely not my "dear, Diary" so I should just get over my emotional outbursts and stick to hockey.
The Moose played a scrappy game against the Sea Dogs and the Sea Dogs scrapped back. As Lady GaGa would say "It's not how big, it's how mean" which could, if you would like, help to explain the usefullness of Garrett Clarke. I would be a fool if I ignored his diva-like behavior since it sometimes makes the game funner to watch. I mean, it's not fun to watch your team lose in the last minutes of the game while Clarke sits in the penalty box diddling with himself. No, that's not fun at all. What is fun is when he destroys boys with big hits and frustrates the shit out of the opposing team and makes all hell break loose on the ice.
I ascribe to a similar philosophy but I actually prefer big AND mean (take that as you will)...
... so when Clarke throws Sauve off his game and makes him behave all like the Cunty princess of Cuntland on blades, well, then I get really excited. I don't yell and scream like some Mooseter club loonies (oh, they know who they are), instead I just sit and calmly watch it all unfold like a graceful display of dickishness and anarchy. It is beautiful. Well, not Clarke's acting. That is more in line with the work of Heidi Montag than, say, Cate Blanchett. Kid deserves a Razzie for his dives.
I mean, really? What did you expect would happen when the "best" team in the country finally decided to "show up"?
The positive part was the Mooseheads penalty kill, which was a travesty that first night in Rimouski, was back on form. The Dogs were only able to score on 1/8 power play opportunities.
The Moose also DOMINATED faceoffs - winning 41 of 58. So if you are looking at the Sea Dog's Zach Phillips and thinking "oh wow": 1 goal, 2 assists and 1st star honors - just remember he was 1/9 on the faceoffs. He ain't so hot!
On a similar vein, when I had looked at Tomas Knotek's faceoff stats while in Rimouski I almost cried. I was ready to fly to the Czech republic, kidnap his girlfriend and have her forcibly confined back in Canada. We could smuggle her from game to game in a hockey bag in the guts of the bus. Tomas' rommie could sleep in the hall while he got his 'thang' on. Tomas plays much, MUCH better when there is a girl around that he feels the need to impress*.
No diss on Tomas though. He played an OK game. He wasn't as dominant as he can be, but he did have a goal. He is now 3 points from that elusive PPG status (48 points in 51 games). Bety had the other goal and was the recipient of starz. Cookies go to Linden Bahm though because we had a "moment" in the first period where he was being all feisty... which ended with him blocking a shot and getting hurt and then beings slightly less feisty...but still. Don't deny us our moment!
As for Corbeil. Wow. You know during the breakaways and all that he was a total beast. In fact he was a beast for about 57 minutes. Unfortunately, it is all fun and games until someone loses an eye ...or allows 3 goals in a brief 3 minute span. No hate. Just love. Love and chocolate! I am a very forgiving girl. I wonder if Mathieu can do 1-legged squats? hmmmmmmmm. If he demonstrated a one-leg squat for me I would make sure he got his chocolate. Actually, Delmas also gets chocolate. I mean he answered Ovie over Crosby. That is the correct answer! No one-legged squats required.
Special note to Alex LeMeowMeowMeowMeow.
Maybe fighting isn't your thing. There is really no harm in being a "lover, not a fighter". Of course, there is no harm in being a lover AND a fighter either, but that is more of an off-ice activity.
xxxooo
Very late News links
Lineup: Sea Dogs at Mooseheads
Moose fall 6-2 in hard-hitting affair
Moose agitate, but can’t win
Gelinas 'a possibility' to miss rest of season
Gelinas could be out for season
Sea Dogs dump Moose
* She's already yours, so no need for theatrics.
Wha? Nah!
I am feeling better, crawling out of my neurosis induced rut. I think that a shootout win by team Canada and getting to look at Martin Brodeur, his sexy Santa belly and his scruffy old chest protector helped a bit.
...but this is a Mooseheads blog not a Team Canada blog and it is most definitely not my "dear, Diary" so I should just get over my emotional outbursts and stick to hockey.
The Moose played a scrappy game against the Sea Dogs and the Sea Dogs scrapped back. As Lady GaGa would say "It's not how big, it's how mean" which could, if you would like, help to explain the usefullness of Garrett Clarke. I would be a fool if I ignored his diva-like behavior since it sometimes makes the game funner to watch. I mean, it's not fun to watch your team lose in the last minutes of the game while Clarke sits in the penalty box diddling with himself. No, that's not fun at all. What is fun is when he destroys boys with big hits and frustrates the shit out of the opposing team and makes all hell break loose on the ice.
I ascribe to a similar philosophy but I actually prefer big AND mean (take that as you will)...
... so when Clarke throws Sauve off his game and makes him behave all like the Cunty princess of Cuntland on blades, well, then I get really excited. I don't yell and scream like some Mooseter club loonies (oh, they know who they are), instead I just sit and calmly watch it all unfold like a graceful display of dickishness and anarchy. It is beautiful. Well, not Clarke's acting. That is more in line with the work of Heidi Montag than, say, Cate Blanchett. Kid deserves a Razzie for his dives.
I mean, really? What did you expect would happen when the "best" team in the country finally decided to "show up"?
The positive part was the Mooseheads penalty kill, which was a travesty that first night in Rimouski, was back on form. The Dogs were only able to score on 1/8 power play opportunities.
The Moose also DOMINATED faceoffs - winning 41 of 58. So if you are looking at the Sea Dog's Zach Phillips and thinking "oh wow": 1 goal, 2 assists and 1st star honors - just remember he was 1/9 on the faceoffs. He ain't so hot!
On a similar vein, when I had looked at Tomas Knotek's faceoff stats while in Rimouski I almost cried. I was ready to fly to the Czech republic, kidnap his girlfriend and have her forcibly confined back in Canada. We could smuggle her from game to game in a hockey bag in the guts of the bus. Tomas' rommie could sleep in the hall while he got his 'thang' on. Tomas plays much, MUCH better when there is a girl around that he feels the need to impress*.
No diss on Tomas though. He played an OK game. He wasn't as dominant as he can be, but he did have a goal. He is now 3 points from that elusive PPG status (48 points in 51 games). Bety had the other goal and was the recipient of starz. Cookies go to Linden Bahm though because we had a "moment" in the first period where he was being all feisty... which ended with him blocking a shot and getting hurt and then beings slightly less feisty...but still. Don't deny us our moment!
As for Corbeil. Wow. You know during the breakaways and all that he was a total beast. In fact he was a beast for about 57 minutes. Unfortunately, it is all fun and games until someone loses an eye ...or allows 3 goals in a brief 3 minute span. No hate. Just love. Love and chocolate! I am a very forgiving girl. I wonder if Mathieu can do 1-legged squats? hmmmmmmmm. If he demonstrated a one-leg squat for me I would make sure he got his chocolate. Actually, Delmas also gets chocolate. I mean he answered Ovie over Crosby. That is the correct answer! No one-legged squats required.
Special note to Alex LeMeowMeowMeowMeow.
Maybe fighting isn't your thing. There is really no harm in being a "lover, not a fighter". Of course, there is no harm in being a lover AND a fighter either, but that is more of an off-ice activity.
xxxooo
Very late News links
Lineup: Sea Dogs at Mooseheads
Moose fall 6-2 in hard-hitting affair
Moose agitate, but can’t win
Gelinas 'a possibility' to miss rest of season
Gelinas could be out for season
Sea Dogs dump Moose
* She's already yours, so no need for theatrics.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You Know That You're Right
Slack assed? I know!
Admittedly, I have missed blogging about the past two Mooseheads games which took place on the road in Rimouski. The first was a 9-6 loss and the second a 2-1 loss. Travis Randell had a hattie in the 9-6 loss, hence why he got cookies, while all of Delmas, Bernard, Gelinas and Amyot sustained serious injuries and did not even have cold cookies which they could use as ice packs. So sad!
Poor crippled and broken boys trapped alone with nothing to hump on them over the "weekend of love" except their road roomie.
Cookies for the Valentines day game go to Corbeil - because he is my #1 QMJHL boyfriend, because it was valentines AND because he allowed only 2 goals in 31 shots despite playing with a somewhat injured knee. I am beginning to believe that he grows his hair all 'up and out' so that he can be a peacock for me. It's just his way of bringin' his shine.
So last weekend was a bit of a bust. While I was hoping at least for an infinite number of over-time games - that just won't be happening. I never get what I want anyway, so I should be used to this by now. I am a pessimist so I don't hope for wins - that would be too much to ask for. All I really want now is for the boys to be able to bring it into overtime.
*sigh*
There is some good news in Mooseworld, however. Pascal Amyot was nominated as the Mooseheads candidate for the Marcel Robert Smartypants Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence...or something like that. Good for him. He should be proud of being smarter than the other hockey players (sometimes it doesn't take much - oh, snap!).
Travis Randell was also the team's scholastic player of the month. This is AFTER he told us in last Month's Faces magazine that he was sucking out in school last term (in so many words).
Speaking of Faces Magazine (which I absolutely hate because it is a frivolous piece of fluff) - there is a profile on My Beloved Jessyko Bernard in the February issue. They also have the "best of" voting going on right now - so you can vote for your favorite Moosehead. Last year Yeti won....and we all know how awesome his life is right now (double snap). It's OK though because he has his faces magazine "Favorite Moosehead" prize and his " 2009 Director's Choice" award to keep him warm.
Is that mean?
Good! I have every right to be a miserable bitch sometimes! Sometimes you try to be nice and it gets you nowhere, which is why I am just going to be the bitch 'someone' always thought I would be. Eventually everybody is just trash to be thrown out and feasted upon by freegans. Right? Fuckin' garbage eating hippies.
Can you tell that I am in a hideous mood? I have been for a while now. I am angry. I am fighting angry! I am explosively angry! If I had atomic bomb capabilities like Sylar on Season 1 of Heroes I would probably try to take the whole world down with me. I WANT to sink to whole new lows... but I am not a complete asshole. Not even when scorned.
I have been listening to far too much Fiona Apple and while it does not make me miserable, in and of itself, she does basically manage to touch on all of my recent emotional states. She's my kindred spirit (the OTHER one who is not Alex Lemieux).
I can't seem to take pride in all the awesome things I have done in the past month - like get my paper published in a prestigious science journal and whiddle my waist down by two inches - all I do is dwell on the most miserable things. I kinda don't want to write the blog because my sense of humour has gone out the door with my...whatever else it is that I have lost (Joie du vivre?). What's the point if I can't deliver the goods?
Q-girl can't seal the deal! I am so sorry for that. I hate to disappoint people. If you have read my profile you will notice that I even hate to disappoint my i-pod. I am a bit of a mierenneuker. I want perfection from myself and lately I just can't produce.
Tonight the Moose take on the #1 ranked Saint John Sea Dogs. How will they do? Will I be willing to blog about it in a witty and insightful manner or will I just slump home and proceed to dig myself deeper into my pit of misery? Stay tuned.
Edit - News Links
Playing to his potential - A Desjardins' story
*post title courtesy of Fiona Apple
Admittedly, I have missed blogging about the past two Mooseheads games which took place on the road in Rimouski. The first was a 9-6 loss and the second a 2-1 loss. Travis Randell had a hattie in the 9-6 loss, hence why he got cookies, while all of Delmas, Bernard, Gelinas and Amyot sustained serious injuries and did not even have cold cookies which they could use as ice packs. So sad!
Poor crippled and broken boys trapped alone with nothing to hump on them over the "weekend of love" except their road roomie.
Cookies for the Valentines day game go to Corbeil - because he is my #1 QMJHL boyfriend, because it was valentines AND because he allowed only 2 goals in 31 shots despite playing with a somewhat injured knee. I am beginning to believe that he grows his hair all 'up and out' so that he can be a peacock for me. It's just his way of bringin' his shine.
So last weekend was a bit of a bust. While I was hoping at least for an infinite number of over-time games - that just won't be happening. I never get what I want anyway, so I should be used to this by now. I am a pessimist so I don't hope for wins - that would be too much to ask for. All I really want now is for the boys to be able to bring it into overtime.
*sigh*
There is some good news in Mooseworld, however. Pascal Amyot was nominated as the Mooseheads candidate for the Marcel Robert Smartypants Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence...or something like that. Good for him. He should be proud of being smarter than the other hockey players (sometimes it doesn't take much - oh, snap!).
Travis Randell was also the team's scholastic player of the month. This is AFTER he told us in last Month's Faces magazine that he was sucking out in school last term (in so many words).
Speaking of Faces Magazine (which I absolutely hate because it is a frivolous piece of fluff) - there is a profile on My Beloved Jessyko Bernard in the February issue. They also have the "best of" voting going on right now - so you can vote for your favorite Moosehead. Last year Yeti won....and we all know how awesome his life is right now (double snap). It's OK though because he has his faces magazine "Favorite Moosehead" prize and his " 2009 Director's Choice" award to keep him warm.
Is that mean?
Good! I have every right to be a miserable bitch sometimes! Sometimes you try to be nice and it gets you nowhere, which is why I am just going to be the bitch 'someone' always thought I would be. Eventually everybody is just trash to be thrown out and feasted upon by freegans. Right? Fuckin' garbage eating hippies.
Can you tell that I am in a hideous mood? I have been for a while now. I am angry. I am fighting angry! I am explosively angry! If I had atomic bomb capabilities like Sylar on Season 1 of Heroes I would probably try to take the whole world down with me. I WANT to sink to whole new lows... but I am not a complete asshole. Not even when scorned.
I have been listening to far too much Fiona Apple and while it does not make me miserable, in and of itself, she does basically manage to touch on all of my recent emotional states. She's my kindred spirit (the OTHER one who is not Alex Lemieux).
I can't seem to take pride in all the awesome things I have done in the past month - like get my paper published in a prestigious science journal and whiddle my waist down by two inches - all I do is dwell on the most miserable things. I kinda don't want to write the blog because my sense of humour has gone out the door with my...whatever else it is that I have lost (Joie du vivre?). What's the point if I can't deliver the goods?
Q-girl can't seal the deal! I am so sorry for that. I hate to disappoint people. If you have read my profile you will notice that I even hate to disappoint my i-pod. I am a bit of a mierenneuker. I want perfection from myself and lately I just can't produce.
Tonight the Moose take on the #1 ranked Saint John Sea Dogs. How will they do? Will I be willing to blog about it in a witty and insightful manner or will I just slump home and proceed to dig myself deeper into my pit of misery? Stay tuned.
Edit - News Links
Playing to his potential - A Desjardins' story
*post title courtesy of Fiona Apple
Friday, February 12, 2010
11 days later
I hope everything has calmed down in the world.
Clearly, I have brought the blog back online. To punish me for going offline the Moose played bunch of awesome games and got 5 muthafuckin' points in their last 3 games
...and my blog was down (insert your own reason why in here) so I couldn't write about my beloved Mooseheads.
For those not in the know the Mooseheads spent this past week being awesome. They lost 5-4 in the shootout against the #1 ranked Saint john Sea Dogs, then they (finally) defeated their arch rivals the Cape Breton Screaming Eagles by a score of 3-2. Last, but not least, they won 5-4 in the shootout against the PEI Rocket.
The only team in the division that the Mooseheads have not yet defeated this season - the BATHURST TITAN. There are no words. NO WORDS. Well, one word - shame!
Clearly, I have brought the blog back online. To punish me for going offline the Moose played bunch of awesome games and got 5 muthafuckin' points in their last 3 games
...and my blog was down (insert your own reason why in here) so I couldn't write about my beloved Mooseheads.
For those not in the know the Mooseheads spent this past week being awesome. They lost 5-4 in the shootout against the #1 ranked Saint john Sea Dogs, then they (finally) defeated their arch rivals the Cape Breton Screaming Eagles by a score of 3-2. Last, but not least, they won 5-4 in the shootout against the PEI Rocket.
The only team in the division that the Mooseheads have not yet defeated this season - the BATHURST TITAN. There are no words. NO WORDS. Well, one word - shame!
- There was Garrett Clarke drama. See here, here, and here.
- Knotek has been possessed by a demon. He is all feisty and shit. Hitting people even!
- Desjardins is on fire with 2 goals, 2 assists and one shootout winner in the past three games.
- The newspaper wrote a story about my defenceman boyfriend Hannay. Speaking of boys who fight: I am watching hockey highlights right now and I wonder - why the fuck does anybody even try to fight Chara? It's not even like you get a moral victory. It's just stupid and embarrassing for the guy who is "not Chara".
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sorry
I am putting the blog on hiatus for a while. I am not sure how long. I hope you don't mind.
If it helps I can let you know where to get real Mooseheads news: Willy Palov at the Chronicle Herald, Matthew Wuest at the Metro Q-files and John Moore at Sports and Moore. Sure they are not nearly as amusing and don't make any BJ jokes or threaten to molest young boys but hey, they've got the facts.
If you are looking for humour just laugh everytime someone from the team gets in the newspaper and says they played awesome even though they lost.
xxxooo
Q
If it helps I can let you know where to get real Mooseheads news: Willy Palov at the Chronicle Herald, Matthew Wuest at the Metro Q-files and John Moore at Sports and Moore. Sure they are not nearly as amusing and don't make any BJ jokes or threaten to molest young boys but hey, they've got the facts.
If you are looking for humour just laugh everytime someone from the team gets in the newspaper and says they played awesome even though they lost.
xxxooo
Q
Saturday, January 30, 2010
blech
Tonight the Mooseheads lost 3-1 to the Quebec Remparts and former goalie Mark Yetman was arrested and charged with stuff. Let's never speak of this again.
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's not that I don't like you...
...I'm just kinda busy.
Admittedly, I have been negligent. Today I am stuck on a microscope, and while it scans my preps I have nothing to do in my downtime but proofread my paper for the publishers (blech) OR blog (hooray?).
I choose to blog. I am about 7 days too late and this is a quickie, so you'll have to excuse the mess (spelling and grammar wise).
Tonight the Mooseheads will be in Quebec city to take on Delmas' OTHER old team, the Quebec Remparts, and their new fluffy adorable netminder LBD. No offence to LBD, but I hope the Moose can challenge him tonight...and win (big disillusioned dreams, I know).
Last weekend the Mooseheads took on the Bathurst Titan and the PEI Rocket in two really hard fought games. They lost both of them but managed to walk away with a point from the PEI game, which went into a shootout. Let me explain in more detail.
Halifax Mooseheads vs Bathurst Titan (Loss 2-1)
The game started wonderfully with a Mooseheads goal by Charles Bety only a minute into the game. However after that, the Mooseheads took shot after shot but they couldn't score. They made Lacerte look so awesome (except they really didn't...but statistically they did) that he was even nominated for the QMJHL defensive player of the week award.
Delmas was good but the first goal he allowed was a total snoozer because he lost sight of the puck. Other than that he had to play a much better game than Lacerte. I think I am starting to fall for Delmas.
The other positive note was the penalty kill. The Moose managed to kill off 8 penalties including two long 5 on 3s. Hannay spent the entire time just sitting in the box looking pretty (pretty toothless), which really wasn't helping matters.
At some point Paul Dimitruk was pensive and he thought "why doesn't Q-girl ever pay attention to me". In order to get my attention he pretended he had a puck in his pants (for the purposes of looking like he had a bigger schlong? - someone knows how to get my attention!). It pretty much fooled everyone because for a good length of time a couple of guys stood around him staring while he fidgeted with his pants in front of the Bathurst net. Just behind him a couple of other guys were playing hockey - Yes, they had the puck.
I don't pay attention to Paul because I have been paying attention to Jessyko Bernard. He has been so awesome lately. *Le sigh.* I just had to say it.
With under a minute left in the game Bathurst was able to score. It destroyed my spirits. I hate Bathurst so much. This is another case of Mission NOT Accomplished. If the Mooseheads do not defeat Bathurst at least once this season there may be mass fan suicide.
Abeltshauser and Bety were awarded with stars of the game but cookies go to young Mr. Bradley MacDonald for his shot blocking. Kisses go to Sawyer Hannay's missing tooth. No, I don't want to put my tongue in the hole where his tooth was. The smile that could light up a thousand rooms is gone.
Halifax Mooseheads vs PEI Rocket (Loss 2-1, shootout)
This game marked the appearance of a cup on the ice...or something that looked like a cup on the ice. How a cup falls out of a boy's jock strap mid game I will never know. I personally think it was just another ploy to get my attention and to remind me that boys have junk. My boyfriend is not amused. Nor is Jessyko, who had his goal, the only Mooseheads goal, upstaged by a cup.
May I recommend that Jessyko give the rest of the group a lesson on one-timers during the next practice?
The game went into shootout and the shootout went to the 9th round before PEI got their second goal. Gerrad Grant had the only shootout goal for the Mooseheads. I was mildly pissed because I watched a parade of boys go to the net (squee - Jessyko was #2) but Charles Bety was not one of them. I think that maybe Bety has a little more finesse than some of the pluggers who got a chance.
Cookies go to Mathieu Corbeil for having an absolute stunner of a game. Back with a vengeance? I know Mathieu prabably wants to throw those cookies back at me and say "bitch these are stale", but I made them Wednesday while I was listening to the Maineiacs game...which went long and then I was stuck in the kitchen with nothing to do but wash the dishes. I am so angry about the dish washing.
So the point of this story is, yes, I do actually make too many real cookies. Now I need someone to help me eat them. They are chocolate chip and pecan...but I made the mistake of too much whole wheat flour and they have "textural issues". Oh, and I am also happy that the Mooseheads got a point but I would have been happier if they got three points last weekend. Have I told you lately how much I HATE Bathurst?
Halifax Mooseheads vs Lewiston MAINEiacs (Mooseheads win 6-5, in shootout)
Apparently Lewiston had started the scoring but the Moose kept managing to tie it up. It was 1-1 coming out of the first and 3-3 coming out of the second, which is when I tuned into the game.
The Moose finally pulled ahead in the third and were up 5-3 with under 10 minutes remaining in the game.
Moosehead goals were by Randell, Grant, Bernard, Clarke and Gelinas. After this they started to fuck with me by allowing a Lewiston goal with about 6 minutes reamining on the clock, and thus inviting me to mumble under my breath "don't you dare" while smuggling spoonfuls of butter and 2 kinds of sugar into my mouth (mmmm pre-cookie dough).
They dared!
Lewiston tied it up and brought it into OT with 1.7 seconds left on the clock. The Mooseheads had an empty net on the other end for over a minute. OVER A MINUTE! May I suggest the next drill that the boys do in practice is shoot at empty nets.
The Moose finally took it in the shootout when Knotek and Grant were both able to score, while Lewiston went 0/2.
Props to the power play which went 3/5. Cookies go to Garrett Clarke for having a bazillion points (1G, 2A) and NO penalties.
A week's worth of News links:
Wuest:
Moose lose: 'We should have had that one' (vs Titan)
Clarke: 'He has it coming for him'
Moose lose another heartbreaker (vs PEI)
Clarke sticks it to Maineiacs (vs, well, duh)
Road trip takes Herd to Quebec
Chronical herald:
Mooseheads claim shootout victory (vs Lewiston)
Moose struggling to score (vs PEI)
Titan edge Moose (vs Bathurst)
Moose trying new line combos
...and Travis Randell is interviewed infeces Faces Magazine for January.
Admittedly, I have been negligent. Today I am stuck on a microscope, and while it scans my preps I have nothing to do in my downtime but proofread my paper for the publishers (blech) OR blog (hooray?).
I choose to blog. I am about 7 days too late and this is a quickie, so you'll have to excuse the mess (spelling and grammar wise).
Tonight the Mooseheads will be in Quebec city to take on Delmas' OTHER old team, the Quebec Remparts, and their new fluffy adorable netminder LBD. No offence to LBD, but I hope the Moose can challenge him tonight...and win (big disillusioned dreams, I know).
Last weekend the Mooseheads took on the Bathurst Titan and the PEI Rocket in two really hard fought games. They lost both of them but managed to walk away with a point from the PEI game, which went into a shootout. Let me explain in more detail.
Halifax Mooseheads vs Bathurst Titan (Loss 2-1)
The game started wonderfully with a Mooseheads goal by Charles Bety only a minute into the game. However after that, the Mooseheads took shot after shot but they couldn't score. They made Lacerte look so awesome (except they really didn't...but statistically they did) that he was even nominated for the QMJHL defensive player of the week award.
Delmas was good but the first goal he allowed was a total snoozer because he lost sight of the puck. Other than that he had to play a much better game than Lacerte. I think I am starting to fall for Delmas.
The other positive note was the penalty kill. The Moose managed to kill off 8 penalties including two long 5 on 3s. Hannay spent the entire time just sitting in the box looking pretty (pretty toothless), which really wasn't helping matters.
At some point Paul Dimitruk was pensive and he thought "why doesn't Q-girl ever pay attention to me". In order to get my attention he pretended he had a puck in his pants (for the purposes of looking like he had a bigger schlong? - someone knows how to get my attention!). It pretty much fooled everyone because for a good length of time a couple of guys stood around him staring while he fidgeted with his pants in front of the Bathurst net. Just behind him a couple of other guys were playing hockey - Yes, they had the puck.
I don't pay attention to Paul because I have been paying attention to Jessyko Bernard. He has been so awesome lately. *Le sigh.* I just had to say it.
With under a minute left in the game Bathurst was able to score. It destroyed my spirits. I hate Bathurst so much. This is another case of Mission NOT Accomplished. If the Mooseheads do not defeat Bathurst at least once this season there may be mass fan suicide.
Abeltshauser and Bety were awarded with stars of the game but cookies go to young Mr. Bradley MacDonald for his shot blocking. Kisses go to Sawyer Hannay's missing tooth. No, I don't want to put my tongue in the hole where his tooth was. The smile that could light up a thousand rooms is gone.
Halifax Mooseheads vs PEI Rocket (Loss 2-1, shootout)
This game marked the appearance of a cup on the ice...or something that looked like a cup on the ice. How a cup falls out of a boy's jock strap mid game I will never know. I personally think it was just another ploy to get my attention and to remind me that boys have junk. My boyfriend is not amused. Nor is Jessyko, who had his goal, the only Mooseheads goal, upstaged by a cup.
May I recommend that Jessyko give the rest of the group a lesson on one-timers during the next practice?
The game went into shootout and the shootout went to the 9th round before PEI got their second goal. Gerrad Grant had the only shootout goal for the Mooseheads. I was mildly pissed because I watched a parade of boys go to the net (squee - Jessyko was #2) but Charles Bety was not one of them. I think that maybe Bety has a little more finesse than some of the pluggers who got a chance.
Cookies go to Mathieu Corbeil for having an absolute stunner of a game. Back with a vengeance? I know Mathieu prabably wants to throw those cookies back at me and say "bitch these are stale", but I made them Wednesday while I was listening to the Maineiacs game...which went long and then I was stuck in the kitchen with nothing to do but wash the dishes. I am so angry about the dish washing.
So the point of this story is, yes, I do actually make too many real cookies. Now I need someone to help me eat them. They are chocolate chip and pecan...but I made the mistake of too much whole wheat flour and they have "textural issues". Oh, and I am also happy that the Mooseheads got a point but I would have been happier if they got three points last weekend. Have I told you lately how much I HATE Bathurst?
Halifax Mooseheads vs Lewiston MAINEiacs (Mooseheads win 6-5, in shootout)
Apparently Lewiston had started the scoring but the Moose kept managing to tie it up. It was 1-1 coming out of the first and 3-3 coming out of the second, which is when I tuned into the game.
The Moose finally pulled ahead in the third and were up 5-3 with under 10 minutes remaining in the game.
Moosehead goals were by Randell, Grant, Bernard, Clarke and Gelinas. After this they started to fuck with me by allowing a Lewiston goal with about 6 minutes reamining on the clock, and thus inviting me to mumble under my breath "don't you dare" while smuggling spoonfuls of butter and 2 kinds of sugar into my mouth (mmmm pre-cookie dough).
They dared!
Lewiston tied it up and brought it into OT with 1.7 seconds left on the clock. The Mooseheads had an empty net on the other end for over a minute. OVER A MINUTE! May I suggest the next drill that the boys do in practice is shoot at empty nets.
The Moose finally took it in the shootout when Knotek and Grant were both able to score, while Lewiston went 0/2.
Props to the power play which went 3/5. Cookies go to Garrett Clarke for having a bazillion points (1G, 2A) and NO penalties.
A week's worth of News links:
Wuest:
Moose lose: 'We should have had that one' (vs Titan)
Clarke: 'He has it coming for him'
Moose lose another heartbreaker (vs PEI)
Clarke sticks it to Maineiacs (vs, well, duh)
Road trip takes Herd to Quebec
Chronical herald:
Mooseheads claim shootout victory (vs Lewiston)
Moose struggling to score (vs PEI)
Titan edge Moose (vs Bathurst)
Moose trying new line combos
...and Travis Randell is interviewed in
Friday, January 22, 2010
Show me your teeth
Big props go out to Peter Delmas who has been awarded the CHL goaltender of the week. There is no evidence of this yet from the CHL but the Q-files twitter feed tells me so.
Finally. The Proof.
____________________________________________
Matthew Wuest has written a new piece about my on-again-off-again imaginary forward boyfriend Jessyko Bernard. FYI, we are currently back on.
He’s hoping to finish strong and certainly doesn’t have any plans of being yanked out of the lineup down the stretch.
“That’s always in the back of my mind,” Bernard said.
“I don’t want to be a healthy scratch again because it’s not fun. I have to give everything I’ve got every night.”
So what does it all mean? Well it means that by being "off" over Christmas my imaginary forward boyfriend did not have to buy me an imaginary X-mas gift or an imaginary birthday gift. Lucky him. To make it up to me he has to play his ass off every game from now until mid-April March*. So yeah, he gets to get away with being cheap but I am an easy girl to please.
There are two upcoming games against local teams PEI and Bathurst this weekend. These are not unwinnable games. All I want is for the boys to put their balls on the line.
*April pfffft. I am so bad with dates. I meant mid-March. If the team were playing until mid-april it would mean they signed over their souls to Satan.
Finally. The Proof.
____________________________________________
Matthew Wuest has written a new piece about my on-again-off-again imaginary forward boyfriend Jessyko Bernard. FYI, we are currently back on.
“I told myself I had to pick it up and give whatever I’ve got, skate harder, finish checks, do whatever I can,” he said.
The Mooseheads told their players in the off-season they wanted them in better physical shape, but Bernard didn’t impress them in that department upon arrival at camp.
After being benched, the six-foot-two Moncton native realized he needed to shape up or he’d be shipped out.
The Mooseheads told their players in the off-season they wanted them in better physical shape, but Bernard didn’t impress them in that department upon arrival at camp.
After being benched, the six-foot-two Moncton native realized he needed to shape up or he’d be shipped out.
“That’s always in the back of my mind,” Bernard said.
“I don’t want to be a healthy scratch again because it’s not fun. I have to give everything I’ve got every night.”
So what does it all mean? Well it means that by being "off" over Christmas my imaginary forward boyfriend did not have to buy me an imaginary X-mas gift or an imaginary birthday gift. Lucky him. To make it up to me he has to play his ass off every game from now until mid-
There are two upcoming games against local teams PEI and Bathurst this weekend. These are not unwinnable games. All I want is for the boys to put their balls on the line.
*April pfffft. I am so bad with dates. I meant mid-March. If the team were playing until mid-april it would mean they signed over their souls to Satan.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
tsk tsk tsk
Once upon a time the Shawinigan Chretiens had H1N1 and they never made it to the Halifax Metro Center to play the Mooseheads. Then last night, they arrived and the Mooseheads fans must not have known because the building was EMPTY. The Mooseheads may also not have known because they basically never showed up either.
Fine, I admit it. The Moose were in the game up until the third period when Wiggles got that penalty and Shawinigan scored to make it 4-2. The Moose ultimately lost 5-2 because of an empty net goal. I had considered giving Wiggles cookies for his first ever QMJHL goal (Knotek got the other) and because he is a growing boy and he needs energy...but I can't forgive him for the penalty (that probably wasn't a penalty) that landed him in the box and resulted in a Shawinigan goal. It stole all of the team's remaining motivation
Despite being in it up until the third period the Moose didn't look like they weren't really trying. I know it and they know it:
#10. I TOLD YOU. Didn't I tell you!!!
The fans weren't trying either. We were either asleep or dead. Some kid dressed up a subway box in a Carl Gelinas jersey. Does that count as fan support? Wiggles secretly blames us for the loss:
Last night wasn't really Travis Randell's night. He was bad on the point and he was bad at the net. Maybe he's just thrown off his game now that he knows that I know that he likes older ladies. You're not alone Randell, I think it is a Newfie thing.
It wasn't Corbeil's night either. If I was still PMSing he would be in soooo much trouble for the first period. Lucky for him I am not. Silent treatment! Moving on...
It also wasn't Hannay's or Bety's night. Hannay received a puck to the face (NO NOT THE FACE) and Bety also had astick (?) puck all up in his mug. It was horrible but I can't say that I wasn't amused by the way he gracefully slid and twirled towards to bench while crouched over on his knees in excruciating pain. Hannay probably received a puck to the face because the "anti-pedophilia gods" were trying to punish me. I had been admiring his smile a little too thoroughly when he was chirping away at the Shawinigan players just before the end-of-second-period buzzer. When he is up to no good he wears the most delightfully evil grin.
Cookies go to the 'disgusted' face that Gerrad Grant made when they put him on the big screen. They put Grant on the screen just after he fed Randell that perfect pass in front of a practically empty net and Randell shot the puck at the only two inches that was covered by M.A. Gelinas. Thanks to Grant for emoting how we all felt. Maybe the face was not in response to Randell's lead hands, but I would like to think that it was.
Other news:
1) Brent Andrews is the Mooseheads' Scholastic player for the Month of December
2) Peter Delmas will be on inside the Q tonight
3) TSN interviews Louis Domingue (or babyLBD as he is known around these parts) about the elbow heard around the world.
News links:
Wuest - Moose 'disappointed' after tough loss
Palov - Moose winning streak ends
*quotes are from the above articles
Fine, I admit it. The Moose were in the game up until the third period when Wiggles got that penalty and Shawinigan scored to make it 4-2. The Moose ultimately lost 5-2 because of an empty net goal. I had considered giving Wiggles cookies for his first ever QMJHL goal (Knotek got the other) and because he is a growing boy and he needs energy...but I can't forgive him for the penalty (that probably wasn't a penalty) that landed him in the box and resulted in a Shawinigan goal. It stole all of the team's remaining motivation
Despite being in it up until the third period the Moose didn't look like they weren't really trying. I know it and they know it:
"We didn't play the way we're capable of and we're disappointed in it," said defenceman Pascal Amyot afterward.
"After two wins we thought it was going to go well for us; that’s what it looked like," said Mooseheads captain Tomas Knotek. "But without effort it won’t (happen)."
The fans weren't trying either. We were either asleep or dead. Some kid dressed up a subway box in a Carl Gelinas jersey. Does that count as fan support? Wiggles secretly blames us for the loss:
The culprit for the slow start might have been the small crowd, which probably took a hit because it was a make-up game (originally postponed in November) and a rare Tuesday-nighter.
"We do notice the crowd, but we've got to generate that energy on our own," Wigginton said.
Last night wasn't really Travis Randell's night. He was bad on the point and he was bad at the net. Maybe he's just thrown off his game now that he knows that I know that he likes older ladies. You're not alone Randell, I think it is a Newfie thing.
It wasn't Corbeil's night either. If I was still PMSing he would be in soooo much trouble for the first period. Lucky for him I am not. Silent treatment! Moving on...
It also wasn't Hannay's or Bety's night. Hannay received a puck to the face (NO NOT THE FACE) and Bety also had a
Cookies go to the 'disgusted' face that Gerrad Grant made when they put him on the big screen. They put Grant on the screen just after he fed Randell that perfect pass in front of a practically empty net and Randell shot the puck at the only two inches that was covered by M.A. Gelinas. Thanks to Grant for emoting how we all felt. Maybe the face was not in response to Randell's lead hands, but I would like to think that it was.
Other news:
1) Brent Andrews is the Mooseheads' Scholastic player for the Month of December
Brent has demonstrated consistent work ethic in regards to his studies. He is both responsible and responsive to the demands of his teachers and has continued to priorize his school perormance (I think they mean prioritize his school performance). At 16, as the youngest grade 12 student, Brent has achieved excellent grades.
2) Peter Delmas will be on inside the Q tonight
3) TSN interviews Louis Domingue (or babyLBD as he is known around these parts) about the elbow heard around the world.
News links:
Wuest - Moose 'disappointed' after tough loss
Palov - Moose winning streak ends
*quotes are from the above articles
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Easy
I have compiled a list of easy to accomplish goals for the rest of this hockey season.
1) Finish with more points than the Prince George Cougars. Even if the Mooseheads end the season as the team with the worst record in the QMJHL at least they can say they are not the worst CHL team in the country. The Mooseheads currently stand at 10, 33, 1, 2 in 46 games. Prince George are 9, 35, 1,1 in 46 games. Not only do PGC suck but they had the worst logo ever.
Ahhhh, its nice to have someone to laugh at! I mean, Prince George suck so much that you cannot drink beer at your seat, their food is shitty (no comment MC) and they don't have soap or paper towels in the bathrooms. Sounds like a class act.
2) Someone on the Mooseheads has to finish the season with at least a 1PPG statistical record. I'm looking at you Knotek and Grant! Pressure much? Knotek currently has 17 G and 18A for 35 points in 39 games. Grant will need to step it up as he has the exact same stats in 42 games. If by some divine intervention Carl Gélinas (25 points in 46 games) manages to pass these boys then I will personally join he and Gabe on their wedding night for a ménage à trois. Ok, admittedly, that sounds like more of a threat. No one wants to hit this! Well, maybe Randell; he seems to like older women. Speaking of which...
3) Secure your facebook page. Did you know that most of y'all have not properly secured your facebook pages since the latest big facebook change. This means friends of friends can read your wall. When you have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, and all of those people have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, it means a lot of people can read your wall.
No need for deep thoughts Alex Lemieux. What you really need to do is deal with the simple things you can control. No licking whores (so tempting, I know), no licking dirty hockey equipment, no eating worms, and take a few seconds to secure your fb page.
Because of this carelessness I now know things I never needed to know. Hey, I am just curious and they left it out there. I also have an intimate pimple map of every boy's face on my team burned into my brain.
4) Get clearer skin and feel more confident. When you feel confident and handsome you never have to worry about if that girl is looking at your acne when she is supposed to be admiring your stickhandling. When you worry like that you are distracted and may do stupid things like make backwards passes to 'Noone' at the blueline. I swear this 'Noone' guy is like our 7th player and he really sucks, so stop passing to him.
Anyway, I still get pimples and they make me feel like a chump. Wanna know a great acne medication for mild acne? 'Clean and Clear' Continuous Control Acne Cleanser. It's got 10% benzoyl peroxide so it can bleach the shit out of everything and it may cause some irritation the first few uses but once it is routinely used it is like 'pow' to pimples. Just try it.
5) Defeat Bathurst. I mean, COME ON guys!
6) Get Delmas an appropriate helmet. Attendance may be down but it's not like the team is poor. They can afford to get the boy a bucket... a pretty one... by a good artist. Get him a helmet that requires some thought in the execution of its design and that takes a few days to paint.
7) Update the MooseMinutes on you tube
8) No more broken wrists. Grant, Abeltshauser, Lemieux and Bahm all had wrist injuries this year. I swear it is like they are trying to emulate me and my wonky right wrist. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery they are going to need their hands to...
...control their stick. Yeah, that's it.
9) Remember that we have 2 goalies. This is Corbeil's draft year (projected 3rd in North America by the latest ISS release) and Delmas needs rest time for his wonky hip.
10) Try your hardest. Please remember that, statistically speaking, the Mooseheads are the worst team in the league. 'Almost wins' and 'tight games' don't go on the record books as anything other than losses. The blowouts don't cease to exist just because they are in the past. Women aren't like men. We remember all of your little mistakes and we save mention of them for the appropriate times.
Don't go getting all high and mighty every time some shitty, small-town team like Bathurst walks into our barn. It might not be an easy game. You can't expect every team to take you for granted and come out playing half-assed because they know that this year you are 'ghetto fabulous'. Teams like Bathurst are struggling just as desperately (if not moreso) for those 2 points. There is no such thing as luck. When they try harder, they win. Period.
1) Finish with more points than the Prince George Cougars. Even if the Mooseheads end the season as the team with the worst record in the QMJHL at least they can say they are not the worst CHL team in the country. The Mooseheads currently stand at 10, 33, 1, 2 in 46 games. Prince George are 9, 35, 1,1 in 46 games. Not only do PGC suck but they had the worst logo ever.
Ahhhh, its nice to have someone to laugh at! I mean, Prince George suck so much that you cannot drink beer at your seat, their food is shitty (no comment MC) and they don't have soap or paper towels in the bathrooms. Sounds like a class act.
2) Someone on the Mooseheads has to finish the season with at least a 1PPG statistical record. I'm looking at you Knotek and Grant! Pressure much? Knotek currently has 17 G and 18A for 35 points in 39 games. Grant will need to step it up as he has the exact same stats in 42 games. If by some divine intervention Carl Gélinas (25 points in 46 games) manages to pass these boys then I will personally join he and Gabe on their wedding night for a ménage à trois. Ok, admittedly, that sounds like more of a threat. No one wants to hit this! Well, maybe Randell; he seems to like older women. Speaking of which...
3) Secure your facebook page. Did you know that most of y'all have not properly secured your facebook pages since the latest big facebook change. This means friends of friends can read your wall. When you have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, and all of those people have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, it means a lot of people can read your wall.
No need for deep thoughts Alex Lemieux. What you really need to do is deal with the simple things you can control. No licking whores (so tempting, I know), no licking dirty hockey equipment, no eating worms, and take a few seconds to secure your fb page.
Because of this carelessness I now know things I never needed to know. Hey, I am just curious and they left it out there. I also have an intimate pimple map of every boy's face on my team burned into my brain.
4) Get clearer skin and feel more confident. When you feel confident and handsome you never have to worry about if that girl is looking at your acne when she is supposed to be admiring your stickhandling. When you worry like that you are distracted and may do stupid things like make backwards passes to 'Noone' at the blueline. I swear this 'Noone' guy is like our 7th player and he really sucks, so stop passing to him.
Anyway, I still get pimples and they make me feel like a chump. Wanna know a great acne medication for mild acne? 'Clean and Clear' Continuous Control Acne Cleanser. It's got 10% benzoyl peroxide so it can bleach the shit out of everything and it may cause some irritation the first few uses but once it is routinely used it is like 'pow' to pimples. Just try it.
5) Defeat Bathurst. I mean, COME ON guys!
6) Get Delmas an appropriate helmet. Attendance may be down but it's not like the team is poor. They can afford to get the boy a bucket... a pretty one... by a good artist. Get him a helmet that requires some thought in the execution of its design and that takes a few days to paint.
7) Update the MooseMinutes on you tube
8) No more broken wrists. Grant, Abeltshauser, Lemieux and Bahm all had wrist injuries this year. I swear it is like they are trying to emulate me and my wonky right wrist. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery they are going to need their hands to...
...control their stick. Yeah, that's it.
9) Remember that we have 2 goalies. This is Corbeil's draft year (projected 3rd in North America by the latest ISS release) and Delmas needs rest time for his wonky hip.
10) Try your hardest. Please remember that, statistically speaking, the Mooseheads are the worst team in the league. 'Almost wins' and 'tight games' don't go on the record books as anything other than losses. The blowouts don't cease to exist just because they are in the past. Women aren't like men. We remember all of your little mistakes and we save mention of them for the appropriate times.
Don't go getting all high and mighty every time some shitty, small-town team like Bathurst walks into our barn. It might not be an easy game. You can't expect every team to take you for granted and come out playing half-assed because they know that this year you are 'ghetto fabulous'. Teams like Bathurst are struggling just as desperately (if not moreso) for those 2 points. There is no such thing as luck. When they try harder, they win. Period.
Monday, January 18, 2010
gone dark
Yeah, sorry about that. At first I swore I would not blog until I had dealt with pressing real-life issues. Those were dealt with by last Wednesday so I really have no excuse for not blogging about the last two games in a timely manner. Needless to say, not having to write anything for a whole week was like a dreamy dream. Fuck the English language.
So, I guess I should get to it.
Mooseheads vs Montreal Jr (Moose lose 4-1)
Well, the first period was exciting. When the team allowed 4 goals in the second period I gave up on life. Sitting through the third period just felt like torture because of the sense of complete helplessness. It must be how my cat feels when I force her to cuddle me. I never want to experience that again. Can you do that for me my sweet, darling mooselets?
Cookies to Grant for the only goal in what felt like the longest stretch of goallessness in the history of hockey. Cookies are for eating, not for hiding in your underware.
Mooseheads vs Screagles (Moose lose 2-0)
Despite the fact that the team were shutout, this game was decidedly less painful. Games against the Screagles are always delightful and scrappy...even when there is no actual scrapping. Cookies are to be shared between Bety and Bernard for coming out in this game with full force, and new goalie Delmas for decreasing my sense of hopelessness with his >0.9% sv%. There is a chance for you yet Delmas, but remember: cookies are for eating, not for hiding down your pants.
PS J.Bernard. We are soooo back on. I was going to give you a choice about it but then I realized we never talked...so how could you let me know? You can't!!! I have made an executive decision for us. If I catch you sexy dancing for Alex MacDonald I will rip his mullet weave out...unless, of course, I can have you both.
Mooseheads vs Wildcats (Moose lose 3-0)
In a homage to the loss of Baby LBD I did not pay attention to this game. How dare LBD leave me to go to Quebec? The only benefit of this move was our acquisition of Delmas...Oh, and the fact that LBD gets to work with Roy. I just don't think he was taking my feeling into consideration. ...and to think that I cooed for his wearing of white belts and shoes (yes, gentle readers, he goes all Frenchy style on us too).
Twenty-five shots on goal and yet, nothing. I blame Nicola Riopel. He probably shouldn't be in this league.
Cookies go to me because I have a tendency to drown my sorrows in food.
Mooseheads vs Sagueneens (Moose win 5-1)
Ah now that is more like it. Randall's one timer was a thing of pure beauty. Who knew that anybody on this team could 'one-time' it. Sometimes, as a group of intelligent, deep thinking and gentle boys, my moosies spend far too much time coddling the puck with their stick and contemplating their next move. Pucks are for shooting, not for coddling... and definitely not for putting down your pants in an attempt to look like you have a bigger schlong.
Pucks were getting all up in the Sags' net. The Mooseheads had 5 goals (Randell, Bernard, Gelinas, MacDonald and Andrews) in 40 shots and boys were driving the net to get those rebounds. Amazeballs. Why can't they do this every night?
With the Sags came a return to winning and the second coming of Alexis Piette (the first, of course, being his visit with the Lewiston Maineiacs before being traded to the Sags at X-mas). At some point Alexis played an excellent game of keep-away, scooting around the entire perimeter of our zone with the puck, and at that moment I desperately wanted him back. It's not just for the eyebrows.
Cookies go to MacDonald and Bernard. MacDonald had his first goal as a Moosehead, which is always something to be celebrated with abundant overeating and a few beer. Of course I am terribly selfish and I demand more goals. Immediately if possible. Yes Jessyko, cookies are for storing in your pants but only if I can...
Mooseheads vs Voltigeurs (Moose win 2-1)
Bitches. The Volts stole Delmas' shutout with just over 3 minutes left in the game. Peter Delmas stopped 35 shots on his way to a win over the league powerhouse Drummondville Voltigeurs (33-13-0-2). It was brilliant.
Abeltshauser (big slapshot from the point) and Amyot both got their goals on the powerplay. Knotek, Bernard, Gelinas and Andrews had assists.
Jake Allen was in nets for the Volts, playing what was his 3rd game in a row. Why they felt the need to play him against one of the worst teams in the league is beyond me? I was tempted to throw Allan off his game by holding up a big sign that just said "SILVER" on it, but I had no bristle board and I had not thought of this in advance of the game. It turns out that it was not necessary to be so mean and the Mooseheads could defeat the Volts without my help.
To say that the final three minutes was stressful is an understatement. The Moose had lost their 2 goal cushion and spent the last minute playing 6-4 after taking a penalty for too many men on the ice. The defensive effort was staggering and I was desperately hoping one of the boys could thoroughly crush the Volts' spirits with an empty net goal but everyone knows that empty net goals are really not part of the Mooseheads' skill set.
Dear Peter Delmas,
Congratulations on your QMJHL defensive player of the week award. In two games you recorded two wins and had a 1.0 GAA and a 0.964 sv%. I would lick cookie crumbs off your taint for that. Please, don't tell your mother I offered... and for God's* sake don't tell my mother either. What do you mean, you don't read my blog? You should get on that boy!
xxxooo
Q-girl
News links
Palov - Another upset win for Moose
So, I guess I should get to it.
Mooseheads vs Montreal Jr (Moose lose 4-1)
Well, the first period was exciting. When the team allowed 4 goals in the second period I gave up on life. Sitting through the third period just felt like torture because of the sense of complete helplessness. It must be how my cat feels when I force her to cuddle me. I never want to experience that again. Can you do that for me my sweet, darling mooselets?
Cookies to Grant for the only goal in what felt like the longest stretch of goallessness in the history of hockey. Cookies are for eating, not for hiding in your underware.
Mooseheads vs Screagles (Moose lose 2-0)
Despite the fact that the team were shutout, this game was decidedly less painful. Games against the Screagles are always delightful and scrappy...even when there is no actual scrapping. Cookies are to be shared between Bety and Bernard for coming out in this game with full force, and new goalie Delmas for decreasing my sense of hopelessness with his >0.9% sv%. There is a chance for you yet Delmas, but remember: cookies are for eating, not for hiding down your pants.
PS J.Bernard. We are soooo back on. I was going to give you a choice about it but then I realized we never talked...so how could you let me know? You can't!!! I have made an executive decision for us. If I catch you sexy dancing for Alex MacDonald I will rip his mullet weave out...unless, of course, I can have you both.
Mooseheads vs Wildcats (Moose lose 3-0)
In a homage to the loss of Baby LBD I did not pay attention to this game. How dare LBD leave me to go to Quebec? The only benefit of this move was our acquisition of Delmas...Oh, and the fact that LBD gets to work with Roy. I just don't think he was taking my feeling into consideration. ...and to think that I cooed for his wearing of white belts and shoes (yes, gentle readers, he goes all Frenchy style on us too).
Twenty-five shots on goal and yet, nothing. I blame Nicola Riopel. He probably shouldn't be in this league.
Cookies go to me because I have a tendency to drown my sorrows in food.
Mooseheads vs Sagueneens (Moose win 5-1)
Ah now that is more like it. Randall's one timer was a thing of pure beauty. Who knew that anybody on this team could 'one-time' it. Sometimes, as a group of intelligent, deep thinking and gentle boys, my moosies spend far too much time coddling the puck with their stick and contemplating their next move. Pucks are for shooting, not for coddling... and definitely not for putting down your pants in an attempt to look like you have a bigger schlong.
Pucks were getting all up in the Sags' net. The Mooseheads had 5 goals (Randell, Bernard, Gelinas, MacDonald and Andrews) in 40 shots and boys were driving the net to get those rebounds. Amazeballs. Why can't they do this every night?
It's as easy as that!
With the Sags came a return to winning and the second coming of Alexis Piette (the first, of course, being his visit with the Lewiston Maineiacs before being traded to the Sags at X-mas). At some point Alexis played an excellent game of keep-away, scooting around the entire perimeter of our zone with the puck, and at that moment I desperately wanted him back. It's not just for the eyebrows.
Cookies go to MacDonald and Bernard. MacDonald had his first goal as a Moosehead, which is always something to be celebrated with abundant overeating and a few beer. Of course I am terribly selfish and I demand more goals. Immediately if possible. Yes Jessyko, cookies are for storing in your pants but only if I can...
Mooseheads vs Voltigeurs (Moose win 2-1)
Bitches. The Volts stole Delmas' shutout with just over 3 minutes left in the game. Peter Delmas stopped 35 shots on his way to a win over the league powerhouse Drummondville Voltigeurs (33-13-0-2). It was brilliant.
Abeltshauser (big slapshot from the point) and Amyot both got their goals on the powerplay. Knotek, Bernard, Gelinas and Andrews had assists.
Jake Allen was in nets for the Volts, playing what was his 3rd game in a row. Why they felt the need to play him against one of the worst teams in the league is beyond me? I was tempted to throw Allan off his game by holding up a big sign that just said "SILVER" on it, but I had no bristle board and I had not thought of this in advance of the game. It turns out that it was not necessary to be so mean and the Mooseheads could defeat the Volts without my help.
To say that the final three minutes was stressful is an understatement. The Moose had lost their 2 goal cushion and spent the last minute playing 6-4 after taking a penalty for too many men on the ice. The defensive effort was staggering and I was desperately hoping one of the boys could thoroughly crush the Volts' spirits with an empty net goal but everyone knows that empty net goals are really not part of the Mooseheads' skill set.
Dear Peter Delmas,
Congratulations on your QMJHL defensive player of the week award. In two games you recorded two wins and had a 1.0 GAA and a 0.964 sv%. I would lick cookie crumbs off your taint for that. Please, don't tell your mother I offered... and for God's* sake don't tell my mother either. What do you mean, you don't read my blog? You should get on that boy!
xxxooo
Q-girl
News links
Palov - Another upset win for Moose
* God = Martin Brodeur
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Au revoir
Trades are the hardest. The QMJHL trade deadline day has come and gone and a few of the cuter Mooseheads have been moved as a result. Spencer Metcalfe is off to join Alex MacDonald on the Moncton Wildcats. What will I do with that fancy Metcalfe "hitman" shirt I designed for Zazzle. Guillaume Pelletier was not so lucky and he will be moving to the dreaded PEI Rocket *shudder*.
The Mooseheads have in return acquired 2 more native HRM boys (*sigh*, why does it always gotta be like that?). Peter Delmas was acquired from the Quebec Remparts for a 6th round pick. He will likely be taking over Joël Grodin's place in nets* (another hottie gone? - I shall miss his fluffy hair). Forward Bradley MacDonald was acquired from PEI in the Pelletier trade. If I see him rocking Alex MacDonald's old #6 jersey I will be angry because 1) sacrilege, 2) that's a defencemen's number 3) dear Mooseheads stop being so fucking cheap and stop recycling old jerseys (Numbers).
Speaking of fluffy hair: Mathieu Corbeil cut your hair! It is bordering on le cheveux dangereux. If you don't have the money to get a hair cut because you spend all your 'Desjardins' on cloths from D2, then I will cut it for you. Free of charge.
Triple dumped by a goalie, a defenceman and a forward, a phone call from the tax people, having to see Mathieu's hair like that, and a computer virus - all in just two days. It's gotta be all up from here.
______________________________
* Grondin's demotion has been confirmed, as have a number of other player related movements
The Mooseheads have in return acquired 2 more native HRM boys (*sigh*, why does it always gotta be like that?). Peter Delmas was acquired from the Quebec Remparts for a 6th round pick. He will likely be taking over Joël Grodin's place in nets* (another hottie gone? - I shall miss his fluffy hair). Forward Bradley MacDonald was acquired from PEI in the Pelletier trade. If I see him rocking Alex MacDonald's old #6 jersey I will be angry because 1) sacrilege, 2) that's a defencemen's number 3) dear Mooseheads stop being so fucking cheap and stop recycling old jerseys (Numbers).
Speaking of fluffy hair: Mathieu Corbeil cut your hair! It is bordering on le cheveux dangereux. If you don't have the money to get a hair cut because you spend all your 'Desjardins' on cloths from D2, then I will cut it for you. Free of charge.
Triple dumped by a goalie, a defenceman and a forward, a phone call from the tax people, having to see Mathieu's hair like that, and a computer virus - all in just two days. It's gotta be all up from here.
______________________________
* Grondin's demotion has been confirmed, as have a number of other player related movements
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Capricorn
May I start today's post with a happy birthday wish to the ever under-appreciated Pascal Amyot (hard worker/ team genius/ all around sensible person).
Amyot is just one in a long list of current Moosheads Capricorns. The others are Alex Lemieux (Dec 26), Tomas Knotek (Jan 13) and Brent Andrews (Jan 19). No, Travis Randell is not a Capricorn, he is a dreaded Aquarius (side eye).
We Capricorns spend all of our time being insecure (did I let your secret slip?), paranoid, bitter, secretly witty, workin' too hard, and giving the side eye to everyone (including and especially other Capricorns). The Dutch have a word for our type - Mierenneuker.
We are so grounded in reality we don't even believe in this horoscope shit...even though it kind of intrigues us.
The Mooseheads are currently on a 5 game losing streak and you just know that Captain Tomas Knotek is sitting around in his Saskatchewan hotel room mumbling about how it all falls apart when he is not here to keep his eye on people. Brent Andrews is doing the same, as is Alex Lemieux. Amyot is wondering what is so wrong with him that he can't hold down the fort alone. He is probably absorbing all the blame onto himself and slowing sinking into a pit of despair. He is probably also pre-stressed about his university classes.
All of these boys are putting on a face like the Mooseheads mug (season ticket holder gift) is half-full but they are going to bed at night knowing that it is really half-empty.
Knotek and Andrews are riding a high after personal success at their respective tournaments. They are probably also wondering if the world sees through their scam. Is all success a scam, some means by which to fool others into thinking you have succeeded beyond that level which you deserve? What is the next goal?
Lemieux is probably whining about all his woes. A Capricorn never suffers alone. There he is all wonky wristed (hey, me too) and wondering why he stuck his tounge down some scrag's throat thus increasing his chances of mono (it's because Capricorns try to be good people but we are secretly drawn to nasty, naughty people). Don't worry though Lemieux, Andrews is an honest Capricorn and he will warn you next time you think about tongueing a mono-infested tart. Unfortunately, even though you'll know it is wrong you will probably do it anyway. When somebody asks you will confess. If you lie you will feel bad.
Capricorns do well with Virgos so may I recommend you befriend Sawyer Hannay or Konrad Abeltshauser. Ohhh large defencemen. I would befriend them. Oh hey boys!
I am a neurotic stress case and am worried that I have disappointed my nike/ipod device even though I know it is lying to me about my mileage. I used to take benzodiazepines. They were nice. Now I like ropes, beer, obsessive exercise regimes and watching boys beat each other up. It is also nice.
I feel like if I don't show up at hockey I am letting the boys down. My rationality helps me realize that they really don't give a fuck. I missed two games and the world kept on turning...but I think the losses may be due to some cookie deficiency based sugar low. I should get on that.
Amyot is just one in a long list of current Moosheads Capricorns. The others are Alex Lemieux (Dec 26), Tomas Knotek (Jan 13) and Brent Andrews (Jan 19). No, Travis Randell is not a Capricorn, he is a dreaded Aquarius (side eye).
We Capricorns spend all of our time being insecure (did I let your secret slip?), paranoid, bitter, secretly witty, workin' too hard, and giving the side eye to everyone (including and especially other Capricorns). The Dutch have a word for our type - Mierenneuker.
We are so grounded in reality we don't even believe in this horoscope shit...even though it kind of intrigues us.
The Mooseheads are currently on a 5 game losing streak and you just know that Captain Tomas Knotek is sitting around in his Saskatchewan hotel room mumbling about how it all falls apart when he is not here to keep his eye on people. Brent Andrews is doing the same, as is Alex Lemieux. Amyot is wondering what is so wrong with him that he can't hold down the fort alone. He is probably absorbing all the blame onto himself and slowing sinking into a pit of despair. He is probably also pre-stressed about his university classes.
All of these boys are putting on a face like the Mooseheads mug (season ticket holder gift) is half-full but they are going to bed at night knowing that it is really half-empty.
Knotek and Andrews are riding a high after personal success at their respective tournaments. They are probably also wondering if the world sees through their scam. Is all success a scam, some means by which to fool others into thinking you have succeeded beyond that level which you deserve? What is the next goal?
Lemieux is probably whining about all his woes. A Capricorn never suffers alone. There he is all wonky wristed (hey, me too) and wondering why he stuck his tounge down some scrag's throat thus increasing his chances of mono (it's because Capricorns try to be good people but we are secretly drawn to nasty, naughty people). Don't worry though Lemieux, Andrews is an honest Capricorn and he will warn you next time you think about tongueing a mono-infested tart. Unfortunately, even though you'll know it is wrong you will probably do it anyway. When somebody asks you will confess. If you lie you will feel bad.
Capricorns do well with Virgos so may I recommend you befriend Sawyer Hannay or Konrad Abeltshauser. Ohhh large defencemen. I would befriend them. Oh hey boys!
I am a neurotic stress case and am worried that I have disappointed my nike/ipod device even though I know it is lying to me about my mileage. I used to take benzodiazepines. They were nice. Now I like ropes, beer, obsessive exercise regimes and watching boys beat each other up. It is also nice.
I feel like if I don't show up at hockey I am letting the boys down. My rationality helps me realize that they really don't give a fuck. I missed two games and the world kept on turning...but I think the losses may be due to some cookie deficiency based sugar low. I should get on that.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Un-tastee treat
The highlight video for the Rocket's 4-1 win over the Halifax Mooseheads can be viewed at the PEI Rocket's website, here.
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