Tuesday, January 5, 2010


May I start today's post with a happy birthday wish to the ever under-appreciated Pascal Amyot (hard worker/ team genius/ all around sensible person).

Amyot is just one in a long list of current Moosheads Capricorns. The others are Alex Lemieux (Dec 26), Tomas Knotek (Jan 13) and Brent Andrews (Jan 19). No, Travis Randell is not a Capricorn, he is a dreaded Aquarius (side eye).

We Capricorns spend all of our time being insecure (did I let your secret slip?), paranoid,  bitter, secretly witty, workin' too hard, and giving the side eye to everyone (including and especially other Capricorns). The Dutch have a word for our type - Mierenneuker.

We are so grounded in reality we don't even believe in this horoscope shit...even though it kind of intrigues us.

The Mooseheads are currently on a 5 game losing streak and you just know that Captain Tomas Knotek is sitting around in his Saskatchewan hotel room mumbling about how it all falls apart when he is not here to keep his eye on people. Brent Andrews is doing the same, as is Alex Lemieux. Amyot is wondering what is so wrong with him that he can't hold down the fort alone. He is probably absorbing all the blame onto himself and slowing sinking into a pit of despair. He is probably also pre-stressed about his university classes.

All of these boys are putting on a face like the Mooseheads mug (season ticket holder gift) is half-full but they are going to bed at night knowing that it is really half-empty.

Knotek and Andrews are riding a high after personal success at their respective tournaments. They are probably also wondering if the world sees through their scam. Is all success a scam, some means by which to fool others into thinking you have succeeded beyond that level which you deserve? What is the next goal?

Lemieux is probably whining about all his woes. A Capricorn never suffers alone. There he is all wonky wristed (hey, me too) and wondering why he stuck his tounge down some scrag's throat  thus increasing his chances of mono (it's because Capricorns try to be good people but we are secretly drawn to nasty, naughty people). Don't worry though Lemieux, Andrews is an honest Capricorn and he will warn you next time you think about tongueing a mono-infested tart. Unfortunately, even though you'll know it is wrong you will probably do it anyway. When somebody asks you will confess. If you lie you will feel bad.

Capricorns do well with Virgos so may I recommend you befriend Sawyer Hannay or Konrad Abeltshauser. Ohhh large defencemen. I would befriend them. Oh hey boys!

I am a neurotic stress case  and am worried that I have disappointed my nike/ipod device even though I know it is lying to me about my mileage.  I used to take benzodiazepines. They were nice. Now I like ropes, beer, obsessive exercise regimes and watching boys beat each other up. It is also nice.

I feel like if I don't show up at hockey I am letting the boys down. My rationality helps me realize that they really don't give a fuck. I missed two games and the world kept on turning...but I think the losses may be due to some cookie deficiency based sugar low. I should get on that.

1 comment:

RedFridayGirl said...

They must be drawn to Gemini's :-)My heart breaks when I see the looks on the team's faces.. when they don't win.. it breaks my heart.. you want to bake them cookies and I just want to lay their heads on my chest and stroke their hair and tell them they are good enough and loved enough.. and I think you are so right.. they really don't give a fuck..

Sending happy winning vibes for this weekends game..