So the QMJHL finally got around to putting up some info about Marcel Robert trophy candidate and Mooseheads defenceman Pascal Amyot.
I have some words of advice for wannabe doctor Amyot.
So you think medicine is glamorous? Everyone wants to be a Doctor. No, literally EVERYONE. There is nothing glamorous about night shift at emergency, foot fungus, pap tests, kidney stones and prescribing hemorrhoid cream. This is what most doctors deal with on a daily basis. Forget medicine. Go into dental surgery. You only have to work 9-5 and you make tonnes of money. Most stupid kids don't even go into medicine because they want to help people. They go into it because they think it is the "ultimate job" for smart science types. Fuck that. Medicine is for wankers.
So is doing a PhD, but that is another story entirely!!!
Showing posts with label it's not about hockey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label it's not about hockey. Show all posts
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sorry
I am putting the blog on hiatus for a while. I am not sure how long. I hope you don't mind.
If it helps I can let you know where to get real Mooseheads news: Willy Palov at the Chronicle Herald, Matthew Wuest at the Metro Q-files and John Moore at Sports and Moore. Sure they are not nearly as amusing and don't make any BJ jokes or threaten to molest young boys but hey, they've got the facts.
If you are looking for humour just laugh everytime someone from the team gets in the newspaper and says they played awesome even though they lost.
xxxooo
Q
If it helps I can let you know where to get real Mooseheads news: Willy Palov at the Chronicle Herald, Matthew Wuest at the Metro Q-files and John Moore at Sports and Moore. Sure they are not nearly as amusing and don't make any BJ jokes or threaten to molest young boys but hey, they've got the facts.
If you are looking for humour just laugh everytime someone from the team gets in the newspaper and says they played awesome even though they lost.
xxxooo
Q
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Easy
I have compiled a list of easy to accomplish goals for the rest of this hockey season.
1) Finish with more points than the Prince George Cougars. Even if the Mooseheads end the season as the team with the worst record in the QMJHL at least they can say they are not the worst CHL team in the country. The Mooseheads currently stand at 10, 33, 1, 2 in 46 games. Prince George are 9, 35, 1,1 in 46 games. Not only do PGC suck but they had the worst logo ever.
Ahhhh, its nice to have someone to laugh at! I mean, Prince George suck so much that you cannot drink beer at your seat, their food is shitty (no comment MC) and they don't have soap or paper towels in the bathrooms. Sounds like a class act.
2) Someone on the Mooseheads has to finish the season with at least a 1PPG statistical record. I'm looking at you Knotek and Grant! Pressure much? Knotek currently has 17 G and 18A for 35 points in 39 games. Grant will need to step it up as he has the exact same stats in 42 games. If by some divine intervention Carl Gélinas (25 points in 46 games) manages to pass these boys then I will personally join he and Gabe on their wedding night for a ménage à trois. Ok, admittedly, that sounds like more of a threat. No one wants to hit this! Well, maybe Randell; he seems to like older women. Speaking of which...
3) Secure your facebook page. Did you know that most of y'all have not properly secured your facebook pages since the latest big facebook change. This means friends of friends can read your wall. When you have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, and all of those people have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, it means a lot of people can read your wall.
No need for deep thoughts Alex Lemieux. What you really need to do is deal with the simple things you can control. No licking whores (so tempting, I know), no licking dirty hockey equipment, no eating worms, and take a few seconds to secure your fb page.
Because of this carelessness I now know things I never needed to know. Hey, I am just curious and they left it out there. I also have an intimate pimple map of every boy's face on my team burned into my brain.
4) Get clearer skin and feel more confident. When you feel confident and handsome you never have to worry about if that girl is looking at your acne when she is supposed to be admiring your stickhandling. When you worry like that you are distracted and may do stupid things like make backwards passes to 'Noone' at the blueline. I swear this 'Noone' guy is like our 7th player and he really sucks, so stop passing to him.
Anyway, I still get pimples and they make me feel like a chump. Wanna know a great acne medication for mild acne? 'Clean and Clear' Continuous Control Acne Cleanser. It's got 10% benzoyl peroxide so it can bleach the shit out of everything and it may cause some irritation the first few uses but once it is routinely used it is like 'pow' to pimples. Just try it.
5) Defeat Bathurst. I mean, COME ON guys!
6) Get Delmas an appropriate helmet. Attendance may be down but it's not like the team is poor. They can afford to get the boy a bucket... a pretty one... by a good artist. Get him a helmet that requires some thought in the execution of its design and that takes a few days to paint.
7) Update the MooseMinutes on you tube
8) No more broken wrists. Grant, Abeltshauser, Lemieux and Bahm all had wrist injuries this year. I swear it is like they are trying to emulate me and my wonky right wrist. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery they are going to need their hands to...
...control their stick. Yeah, that's it.
9) Remember that we have 2 goalies. This is Corbeil's draft year (projected 3rd in North America by the latest ISS release) and Delmas needs rest time for his wonky hip.
10) Try your hardest. Please remember that, statistically speaking, the Mooseheads are the worst team in the league. 'Almost wins' and 'tight games' don't go on the record books as anything other than losses. The blowouts don't cease to exist just because they are in the past. Women aren't like men. We remember all of your little mistakes and we save mention of them for the appropriate times.
Don't go getting all high and mighty every time some shitty, small-town team like Bathurst walks into our barn. It might not be an easy game. You can't expect every team to take you for granted and come out playing half-assed because they know that this year you are 'ghetto fabulous'. Teams like Bathurst are struggling just as desperately (if not moreso) for those 2 points. There is no such thing as luck. When they try harder, they win. Period.
1) Finish with more points than the Prince George Cougars. Even if the Mooseheads end the season as the team with the worst record in the QMJHL at least they can say they are not the worst CHL team in the country. The Mooseheads currently stand at 10, 33, 1, 2 in 46 games. Prince George are 9, 35, 1,1 in 46 games. Not only do PGC suck but they had the worst logo ever.
Ahhhh, its nice to have someone to laugh at! I mean, Prince George suck so much that you cannot drink beer at your seat, their food is shitty (no comment MC) and they don't have soap or paper towels in the bathrooms. Sounds like a class act.
2) Someone on the Mooseheads has to finish the season with at least a 1PPG statistical record. I'm looking at you Knotek and Grant! Pressure much? Knotek currently has 17 G and 18A for 35 points in 39 games. Grant will need to step it up as he has the exact same stats in 42 games. If by some divine intervention Carl Gélinas (25 points in 46 games) manages to pass these boys then I will personally join he and Gabe on their wedding night for a ménage à trois. Ok, admittedly, that sounds like more of a threat. No one wants to hit this! Well, maybe Randell; he seems to like older women. Speaking of which...
3) Secure your facebook page. Did you know that most of y'all have not properly secured your facebook pages since the latest big facebook change. This means friends of friends can read your wall. When you have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, and all of those people have 1000 shallow and pointless facebook friendships, it means a lot of people can read your wall.
No need for deep thoughts Alex Lemieux. What you really need to do is deal with the simple things you can control. No licking whores (so tempting, I know), no licking dirty hockey equipment, no eating worms, and take a few seconds to secure your fb page.
Because of this carelessness I now know things I never needed to know. Hey, I am just curious and they left it out there. I also have an intimate pimple map of every boy's face on my team burned into my brain.
4) Get clearer skin and feel more confident. When you feel confident and handsome you never have to worry about if that girl is looking at your acne when she is supposed to be admiring your stickhandling. When you worry like that you are distracted and may do stupid things like make backwards passes to 'Noone' at the blueline. I swear this 'Noone' guy is like our 7th player and he really sucks, so stop passing to him.
Anyway, I still get pimples and they make me feel like a chump. Wanna know a great acne medication for mild acne? 'Clean and Clear' Continuous Control Acne Cleanser. It's got 10% benzoyl peroxide so it can bleach the shit out of everything and it may cause some irritation the first few uses but once it is routinely used it is like 'pow' to pimples. Just try it.
5) Defeat Bathurst. I mean, COME ON guys!
6) Get Delmas an appropriate helmet. Attendance may be down but it's not like the team is poor. They can afford to get the boy a bucket... a pretty one... by a good artist. Get him a helmet that requires some thought in the execution of its design and that takes a few days to paint.
7) Update the MooseMinutes on you tube
8) No more broken wrists. Grant, Abeltshauser, Lemieux and Bahm all had wrist injuries this year. I swear it is like they are trying to emulate me and my wonky right wrist. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery they are going to need their hands to...
...control their stick. Yeah, that's it.
9) Remember that we have 2 goalies. This is Corbeil's draft year (projected 3rd in North America by the latest ISS release) and Delmas needs rest time for his wonky hip.
10) Try your hardest. Please remember that, statistically speaking, the Mooseheads are the worst team in the league. 'Almost wins' and 'tight games' don't go on the record books as anything other than losses. The blowouts don't cease to exist just because they are in the past. Women aren't like men. We remember all of your little mistakes and we save mention of them for the appropriate times.
Don't go getting all high and mighty every time some shitty, small-town team like Bathurst walks into our barn. It might not be an easy game. You can't expect every team to take you for granted and come out playing half-assed because they know that this year you are 'ghetto fabulous'. Teams like Bathurst are struggling just as desperately (if not moreso) for those 2 points. There is no such thing as luck. When they try harder, they win. Period.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Capricorn
May I start today's post with a happy birthday wish to the ever under-appreciated Pascal Amyot (hard worker/ team genius/ all around sensible person).
Amyot is just one in a long list of current Moosheads Capricorns. The others are Alex Lemieux (Dec 26), Tomas Knotek (Jan 13) and Brent Andrews (Jan 19). No, Travis Randell is not a Capricorn, he is a dreaded Aquarius (side eye).
We Capricorns spend all of our time being insecure (did I let your secret slip?), paranoid, bitter, secretly witty, workin' too hard, and giving the side eye to everyone (including and especially other Capricorns). The Dutch have a word for our type - Mierenneuker.
We are so grounded in reality we don't even believe in this horoscope shit...even though it kind of intrigues us.
The Mooseheads are currently on a 5 game losing streak and you just know that Captain Tomas Knotek is sitting around in his Saskatchewan hotel room mumbling about how it all falls apart when he is not here to keep his eye on people. Brent Andrews is doing the same, as is Alex Lemieux. Amyot is wondering what is so wrong with him that he can't hold down the fort alone. He is probably absorbing all the blame onto himself and slowing sinking into a pit of despair. He is probably also pre-stressed about his university classes.
All of these boys are putting on a face like the Mooseheads mug (season ticket holder gift) is half-full but they are going to bed at night knowing that it is really half-empty.
Knotek and Andrews are riding a high after personal success at their respective tournaments. They are probably also wondering if the world sees through their scam. Is all success a scam, some means by which to fool others into thinking you have succeeded beyond that level which you deserve? What is the next goal?
Lemieux is probably whining about all his woes. A Capricorn never suffers alone. There he is all wonky wristed (hey, me too) and wondering why he stuck his tounge down some scrag's throat thus increasing his chances of mono (it's because Capricorns try to be good people but we are secretly drawn to nasty, naughty people). Don't worry though Lemieux, Andrews is an honest Capricorn and he will warn you next time you think about tongueing a mono-infested tart. Unfortunately, even though you'll know it is wrong you will probably do it anyway. When somebody asks you will confess. If you lie you will feel bad.
Capricorns do well with Virgos so may I recommend you befriend Sawyer Hannay or Konrad Abeltshauser. Ohhh large defencemen. I would befriend them. Oh hey boys!
I am a neurotic stress case and am worried that I have disappointed my nike/ipod device even though I know it is lying to me about my mileage. I used to take benzodiazepines. They were nice. Now I like ropes, beer, obsessive exercise regimes and watching boys beat each other up. It is also nice.
I feel like if I don't show up at hockey I am letting the boys down. My rationality helps me realize that they really don't give a fuck. I missed two games and the world kept on turning...but I think the losses may be due to some cookie deficiency based sugar low. I should get on that.
Amyot is just one in a long list of current Moosheads Capricorns. The others are Alex Lemieux (Dec 26), Tomas Knotek (Jan 13) and Brent Andrews (Jan 19). No, Travis Randell is not a Capricorn, he is a dreaded Aquarius (side eye).
We Capricorns spend all of our time being insecure (did I let your secret slip?), paranoid, bitter, secretly witty, workin' too hard, and giving the side eye to everyone (including and especially other Capricorns). The Dutch have a word for our type - Mierenneuker.
We are so grounded in reality we don't even believe in this horoscope shit...even though it kind of intrigues us.
The Mooseheads are currently on a 5 game losing streak and you just know that Captain Tomas Knotek is sitting around in his Saskatchewan hotel room mumbling about how it all falls apart when he is not here to keep his eye on people. Brent Andrews is doing the same, as is Alex Lemieux. Amyot is wondering what is so wrong with him that he can't hold down the fort alone. He is probably absorbing all the blame onto himself and slowing sinking into a pit of despair. He is probably also pre-stressed about his university classes.
All of these boys are putting on a face like the Mooseheads mug (season ticket holder gift) is half-full but they are going to bed at night knowing that it is really half-empty.
Knotek and Andrews are riding a high after personal success at their respective tournaments. They are probably also wondering if the world sees through their scam. Is all success a scam, some means by which to fool others into thinking you have succeeded beyond that level which you deserve? What is the next goal?
Lemieux is probably whining about all his woes. A Capricorn never suffers alone. There he is all wonky wristed (hey, me too) and wondering why he stuck his tounge down some scrag's throat thus increasing his chances of mono (it's because Capricorns try to be good people but we are secretly drawn to nasty, naughty people). Don't worry though Lemieux, Andrews is an honest Capricorn and he will warn you next time you think about tongueing a mono-infested tart. Unfortunately, even though you'll know it is wrong you will probably do it anyway. When somebody asks you will confess. If you lie you will feel bad.
Capricorns do well with Virgos so may I recommend you befriend Sawyer Hannay or Konrad Abeltshauser. Ohhh large defencemen. I would befriend them. Oh hey boys!
I am a neurotic stress case and am worried that I have disappointed my nike/ipod device even though I know it is lying to me about my mileage. I used to take benzodiazepines. They were nice. Now I like ropes, beer, obsessive exercise regimes and watching boys beat each other up. It is also nice.
I feel like if I don't show up at hockey I am letting the boys down. My rationality helps me realize that they really don't give a fuck. I missed two games and the world kept on turning...but I think the losses may be due to some cookie deficiency based sugar low. I should get on that.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
So there is a hurricane and you are bored...
...the hockey game is postponed, the alumni game is canceled, you are filled to the brim with blueberry pancakes, too lazy to shower and you are on the internet. What to do? Where to visit?
1) Well you could find your favorite dirty talk partner and chat away....if they are online. Don't have one of those? Fine!
2) Maybe you can visit the QMJHL website and check out the scores from games being played in other non-hurricane affected towns.
3) Willy Palov at the Herald has an article about the 5 man battle for the overage position:
4) There is a new blog called Saint John Sea Dog Snippets. I have had the link in my sidebar for a while but I have been waiting to see if they stick around and post consistently. Hooray, they do.
5) Play with your Stefan Dumaresque voodoo doll. Make him stop every puck.
1) Well you could find your favorite dirty talk partner and chat away....if they are online. Don't have one of those? Fine!
2) Maybe you can visit the QMJHL website and check out the scores from games being played in other non-hurricane affected towns.
3) Willy Palov at the Herald has an article about the 5 man battle for the overage position:
MacAskill and Louis-Seize, teammates and good friends for three years already, dropped the gloves in the first fight of training camp and MacAskill took on Bahm the next night. MacAskill, not known as a fighter during his four years in Halifax, is clearly prepared to do anything it takes to stick around for a fifth season and Louis-Seize is doing the same.The two surely are working off the clear indication they are behind the other three in the competition and are pushing themselves beyond their usual comfort zones to show the coaching staff how badly they want to stay.
"I think it showed a lot for them to go," said Bahm. "For them to drop the mitts and fight when they’re friends like that, it shows a lot of character.
"(The competition) is a little (awkward) but we try not to think about it. We don’t really talk about it and we’re all friends. We were teammates last year but we know we’re here fighting for spots."
4) There is a new blog called Saint John Sea Dog Snippets. I have had the link in my sidebar for a while but I have been waiting to see if they stick around and post consistently. Hooray, they do.
5) Play with your Stefan Dumaresque voodoo doll. Make him stop every puck.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
OMFG...you are only 19
Dear Saint John Sea Dogs. May I recommend lessons in sex ed and child prevention for all of the players at your training camp. Follow this up with monthly sex-ed lessons.
Robert Mayer, Montreal Canadiens prospect and (former?) goaltender for the Saint John Sea Dogs has apparently had a child (you know what I mean). Robert is the second Sea Dog in two years to be with behbeh. Former Sea Dog enforcer Brett Gallant became a father in 2008*. Dudes, it is called a condom. Ladies, it is called the pill. Both of you are responsible for child prevention. Use both condoms and pills...then fuck away. Ugh, bahbehs having behbehs is so wrong.
Oh...and if former Moosehead and auditory hottie George Dunn ends up at the Montreal Jr training camp just pretend that you didn't hear it here first. He is not listed for Montreal on the QMJHL website. For right now it is just a rumour. A rumour started by my sitemeter. All hail sitemeter.
PS. We should have kept George for the sole purpose of providing me unnecessary calories in the form of eyecandies.
* yes I have a problem keeping dates straight. Years, months, days - it is all pretty much irrelevant to me
Robert Mayer, Montreal Canadiens prospect and (former?) goaltender for the Saint John Sea Dogs has apparently had a child (you know what I mean). Robert is the second Sea Dog in two years to be with behbeh. Former Sea Dog enforcer Brett Gallant became a father in 2008*. Dudes, it is called a condom. Ladies, it is called the pill. Both of you are responsible for child prevention. Use both condoms and pills...then fuck away. Ugh, bahbehs having behbehs is so wrong.
Oh...and if former Moosehead and auditory hottie George Dunn ends up at the Montreal Jr training camp just pretend that you didn't hear it here first. He is not listed for Montreal on the QMJHL website. For right now it is just a rumour. A rumour started by my sitemeter. All hail sitemeter.
PS. We should have kept George for the sole purpose of providing me unnecessary calories in the form of eyecandies.
* yes I have a problem keeping dates straight. Years, months, days - it is all pretty much irrelevant to me
Monday, July 27, 2009
Feelings
Feeling:
overwhelmingly empty
orally hygenic
black swan
itchy
Swag:
free dental floss
season ticket holder perks
Wanting:
invisalign
a big 'un
a real job....with $
to have the time and energy to write a real blog post
more people to utilize clean, modern decor
Missing:
goalies
wrist health
Looking forward to:
Andrea
amarettis
confocal microscopy
my next 10k run
Dreading:
confocal microscopy (science is a bitch)
text editing
Wondering:
Why I wear a size 0 but still feel fat?
What was Martin Biron thinking?
What were the Isles thinking?
Why do I only buy shoes I can't wear?
Why can't I learn my lesson and get over it?
Trying not to:
anthropomorphize the boy
expect science to work as I want it to
Music:
Thom Yorke
Thanks for your time.
overwhelmingly empty
orally hygenic
black swan
itchy
Swag:
free dental floss
season ticket holder perks
Wanting:
invisalign
a big 'un
a real job....with $
to have the time and energy to write a real blog post
more people to utilize clean, modern decor
Missing:
goalies
wrist health
Looking forward to:
Andrea
amarettis
confocal microscopy
my next 10k run
Dreading:
confocal microscopy (science is a bitch)
text editing
Wondering:
Why I wear a size 0 but still feel fat?
What was Martin Biron thinking?
What were the Isles thinking?
Why do I only buy shoes I can't wear?
Why can't I learn my lesson and get over it?
Trying not to:
anthropomorphize the boy
expect science to work as I want it to
Music:
Thom Yorke
Thanks for your time.
Monday, June 1, 2009
No McGuire's Club
It is that time of year again and you just can't escape this bastard.
It is all annoying: whether he is telling us about John Tavares or Ryan Ellis working in their respective offices (gee, the slot doesn't look like an office), about Getzlaf being a 'Big Package' (that's what she said), that Zdeno Chara is a Monster or simply reiterating Luke Schenn's human eraser status.
Feel free to join my 'No McGuire's Club' and feel free to spread the logo around.
It is all annoying: whether he is telling us about John Tavares or Ryan Ellis working in their respective offices (gee, the slot doesn't look like an office), about Getzlaf being a 'Big Package' (that's what she said), that Zdeno Chara is a Monster or simply reiterating Luke Schenn's human eraser status.Feel free to join my 'No McGuire's Club' and feel free to spread the logo around.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Ball hockey bonanza
I think I have started 3 different posts which I have never finished. I am currently stuck in a rut - a NJ Devils induced rut. Some NFLD goalies think that they are the only goalies who are capable of making me scream and/or throw things and get all pissed off but that is simply not the truth. Marty Brodeur now has that job covered.
But this is not about Brodeur, or my hopes and dreams, or even my broken heart - it is about ball hockey.
The Mooseheads did a little ball hockey thing on the commons yesterday to support and promote the "Play On" ball hockey tournament. The Moose will also be participating in the official Play on Ball hockey tournament which takes place on June 20 and 21 in Halifax.
For more information you can check out the Mooseheads homepage.
That is not all however. Over in Moncton some former Q players are working on establishing their own summer ball hockey league. To find out how you can join the league or for more information see here.
Last year UNB goaltender Travis Fullerton (mmmmmmmmmmm) as well as the Mooseheads own Jessyko Bernard and Alex MacDonald participated. I have one thing to say about that:
Dear Saint Bernard,
If you could please fetch me a Fullerton and drag him back to Halifax (I don't even care if you get drool on him) for me at the beginning of next season - well, that would be superb. This would not only ensure your position as my favoritest Moose next year but there could also be a steak and a long walk on the boardwalk in it for you. Best trick ever!!!
Q-girl
But this is not about Brodeur, or my hopes and dreams, or even my broken heart - it is about ball hockey.
The Mooseheads did a little ball hockey thing on the commons yesterday to support and promote the "Play On" ball hockey tournament. The Moose will also be participating in the official Play on Ball hockey tournament which takes place on June 20 and 21 in Halifax.
The Halifax Mooseheads are thrilled to be participating in Play On! once again this year. The Moose are supportive of this grass roots hockey program and the players are excited about taking it back to the streets. This fun-filled tournament allows not only the players but everyone a chance to play the game they love right on the streets of our community…Wildcats beware, This is Moose Country!” warns Shannon Slaughter, Manager of Community and Fan Development Halifax Mooseheads.
“We all grew up playing street hockey. We are looking forward to chasing the moose up the street so to speak and we are looking forward to hosting Play On in conjunction with QMJHL draft” said Bill Schurman, GM of the Moncton Wildcats.
For more information you can check out the Mooseheads homepage.
That is not all however. Over in Moncton some former Q players are working on establishing their own summer ball hockey league. To find out how you can join the league or for more information see here.
Last year UNB goaltender Travis Fullerton (mmmmmmmmmmm) as well as the Mooseheads own Jessyko Bernard and Alex MacDonald participated. I have one thing to say about that:
Dear Saint Bernard,
If you could please fetch me a Fullerton and drag him back to Halifax (I don't even care if you get drool on him) for me at the beginning of next season - well, that would be superb. This would not only ensure your position as my favoritest Moose next year but there could also be a steak and a long walk on the boardwalk in it for you. Best trick ever!!!
Q-girl
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
not hockey
Did you ever just sometime really feel a song? I mean really feel it, like if there was a soundtrack to your life then that is the song that would be playing RIGHT NOW. Yeah me too.
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