Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

Sometimes when I meet a nerdy science-loving guy with glasses I ask him “…but what do you have that all of the other nerdy, science-guys with glasses don’t have?” Sometimes when I meet a goalie I ask the same question, “…and how are you are different from the other goalies?”

Usually the scientist will brag about how he did this experiment or how his research got published in that journal. Mostly they just try to prove that they are smarter than all the other boys. Sometimes they play guitar. Yawn.

The goalie will say things about how they are good at deflections, won defensive player of the week once back in 2005, and go to business school. Sometimes they play guitar hero. Double yawn.

But what if that goalie says, “I study science in school and I was Chicoutimi’s academic player of the month for November 2007”. Or what if that glasses-wearing science-boy says “Oh, and I am also a goalie!” Then what would a girl (whose two mistresses are science and goaltending) do when she comes upon a potentially smart, wonky smiled, glasses-wearing, science-loving goalie.

She would tell you to vote for him so that he could be her #1 QMJHL boyfriend for the 2008-2009 season. Science/quasi-nerdism is just one more reason why you should vote Bobby Nadeau.

I have already given you two reasons to vote Oliver Roy: a video and an OliRoy post.

You put yourself out there, wear a little sign that says " I love goalies" or better yet a t-shirt, and the goalies just start popping out from behind the shrubberies saying "hey, I'm a goalie". Oh, other goalies may come along and try to bring their misdirected woo. They may attempt to sabotage my boyfriend poll by worming their way into my heart before September 1^st. To them I say: “Whoa, paddle-down young man, this is neither the time nor the place for you to be swinging that thing around. Maybe next season.”

Who is my next victim?

I will keep it close to my heart and close to my home (because I live only 10 minutes from the Metro Centre) by telling you a bit about my favoritest forward and #1 defensively offensive Mooseheads boyfriend and playa’s playa of the 2007-2008 season - Andrew White. I don't know if you noticed by checking out the label tags, but I write about Andrew a lot - 15 tags. As Keanu Reeves would say "whoa". Whoa indeed.

Andrew is the only non-goalie in my heart. He does not control a big space like a ventricle, but he does control an important place – the sinoatrial node. Someone has gotta keep that thing tickin’.

Normally when I love a forward it is because he is big, rough and tumble, a hitting machine and/or a pugilist. I like the boys that are out on that ice being the biggest pain in the ass to everyone else who is out there on the ice. Andrew is none of these things...and as a poopy bonus he likes Gretzky (ugh) and the Toronto Maple Leafs (double ugh). Luckily for both of us, he is no fancy pantsed, hoity-toity Mr Oh-la-la.

The thing about Andrew that perplexes me is the way he intrigues me despite all that he isn’t. He is wee – 5’11” 184 lbs, that is real boyfriend sized – not superpowered hockeyplayer boyfriend sized, and he is not the biggest hitter - with only 49 hits, his smack downs are less than half of what the big hitters bring.

It is all the little things that Andrew does that give me the tinglies. I like to call him the Spanish Inquisition – because Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition. His four three weapons are fear surprise, ruthless efficiency and a fanatical devotion to the pope game of hockey. This could possibly explain how he managed to rack up 22 goals in 64 games this past season. No, no one expected Andrew White, but there he was: backchecking, ‘working in small spaces down low’ (RAWR), parking his ass in front of the net, drivin' it hard, and getting goals when he wasn't getting concussions or pucks to the face.

We all know that if I am going to love a boy he is usually a member of the exclusive gritty committee. Andrew even has a gritty committee members ring (you can't see it because it's invisible). This boy never stops trying… EVER…and I need that that because I am very difficult to satisfy. Furthermore, he does not do stupid things that result in stupid penalties. There shall be no sitting around in the box when you could be out there playing with little round things and getting shit done – ya know?

From everything I have read about him he seems like one of those ‘salt of the Earth’ kinda kids: the kind with real summer jobs, that work for what they got and accept what they are given.

• He first job was working carpentry with his dad.
• He also supposedly had a summer job filling propane tanks.
• He wears boxers not briefs, and he giggled sheepishly when he was asked that question.
• He took figure skating lessons as a kid.
  
• He likes ‘jig’s dinner’ (look it up) and Newfie music which means he will likely never be the boy you can coax into taking you to Cut for Foie gras.
• He comes ensconced in gold – gold is nice.

I met Andrew once - he did not say a word. Either he is shy, he thinks I am creepy (awesome powers of perception - spidey senses maybe?), or he is an asshat. I will never know. Despite his sportsman like conduct on the ice I prefer to think that he has a touch of the evil in him. It must be his sinister looking eyes. I am hoping that there is secretly a very naughty boy behind the good boy facade.

The above is a picture of Andrew White and Pier-Olivier Pelletier discussing what they were going to get me for Easter. I received a half eaten chocolate bunny and an unopened package of POP-rocks in the mail later that week.

What I did not know at the time was that this 'gifting conversation' was followed by a heated argument over whose portion of my heart was more vital - Andrew's sino-atrial node or Pier-Olivier's left atrium. Pier-Oliver slipped the package of POP-rocks in with my Easter package in an attempt to tell me that it was he, not Andrew, who rocked my world. In order to sabotage Pier's efforts Andrew ate half the bunny and stuck a note on it - "from Pier". I knew he had some evil in him.

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edit - Hooray for Guillaume Monast!!! Check it!