Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Hide your wives and daughters...

...people of St Catherines, because Mark Yetman is coming to town. It has been confirmed that he Mooseheads 'abominable netminder' will be huggin' posts and breaking hearts at Brock University next year.

I mean ladies, how can you resist 2006-2007 Yeti? Awwwwww he is too fucking cute. So smiley and so happy just to be a Moosehead. I swear when I look at this guy I realize that in 2006-2007 I never had a single Yetman induced corrupt thought pass through my otherwise sinisterly dirty mind. Give him a teddy bear and a lollipop! No, don't put him in your womb...he is too big.

This is the guy that took Lewiston down in the 2007 playoffs. The only one to do so in Lewiston's entire playoff run. He doesn't look that dangerous. Does he?

Then there is this guy - 2007-2008 Yeti:

I couldn't touch him with a 10ft pole. He was claimed by my girlfriend Claudia. You know how females are- we 'claim' hockey players and if our friends give our player a little of the sexy side-eye then we pull their hair and claw out their eyes. It turns out that older ladies really like Mark Yetman.

Ahhhh forbidden fruit. I should have known that sooner or later it would all go horribly horribly wrong. First there was that threesome with Pier-Olivier Pelletier. Then there was that threesome with Andrew White. Then there was that threesome...

Wow, Mark really likes swordfighting! But I digress...

2008-2009 Yeti:
This is the one that all the ladies want. Single and ready to mingle, our abominable netminder decided to grow a little facial foliage in an attempt to convince the ladies that he really was 20. It worked. I too was smit (it's like smitten, just roll with it).

I think it is all the sweat from the 55 games played as starting goaltender that makes him so appealing. After 3 years with the team he was finally able to get some high quality "starting goaltender tail" - or at least one would hope. All I know was that he wasn't hitting this. I will assume he was getting it on with more age-appropriate partners. Those girls don't care about wins and losses or even save %. When questioned they can blame the 35 losses on the rest of the team.

Lord only knows what 2009-2010 Yetman will look like. Will he get hotter as he ages or is it all downhill after 20? All we know is that he will be wearing this on his chest...

...and he will be legal in the States. Mothers watch your daughters! Daughters watch your mothers! Husbands, ummmmmm yeah you should keep an eye open really, really wide!

Fiiiiiiiine. I confess. I am coming out of the closet on this one: I like Mark Yetman*. There, are you happy? I like him like I like nachos and beer. I know he is bad for me - the stats tell me so, but sometimes it gets very tempting. You've seen the glove hand on one of his hot nights haven't you? What about his sudden ability to play the puck? *Le sigh* for puckhandling! And then there is the goalie gear - it's like my catnip. The worst part is that I am torn between protective 'big sister' feelings and 'molesty' feelings. I creep myself the fuck out. It is because of this that he is better off in Ontario.

*you know, when I am not hating Mark Yetman

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