Justin Friggin Pender - unassisted. This is who is getting our goals. No diss on Justin, Justin has a nice hard shot and if he can use that shot and actually hit the net then all the more power too him. The fact that Justin got our goal is more a diss to everybody else on the team, you know the guys who are supposed to score goals...what are those guys called again, oh yeah FORWARDS.Then we go and give up another short handed goal. What is our record for giving up short handed goals? It feels like we do it every game. Sorry Jake but you are just not getting it done. When we pull Yeti and we put six guys on the ice maybe we should put on 4 forwards, 2 defensemen. Guys in charge of keeping the puck in the opponents zone can be placed on the blue line- we don't call them blue liners for nothing. Marchand, when we have a power play you are supposed to put the puck towards the net or towards a guy in the slot - stop putting it back into the corners behind the net. No one scores from there, well OK maybe Vinnie LaCavalier can score from there but we have no Vinnie's on our team.
What was up with our faceoff? 30% or thereabouts - really? Really? We had no control over the puck- none. It is like the puck was sprayed with moose repellent. According to a pest control website -"The presence of droppings, tracks, and the location of the damage caused by moose is unmistakable". Unmistakable- Hell yeah, only we could fuck up like this.
Guillaume -3!!! I know you are trying to make up for the loss of Bodnarchuk and that it means you are probably having more shifts and are thus tired but to be on the ice for all three goals against. Damn. Remember those kisses I gave you after game two? Well I take them back. Yes I can do that.
White - where were you? This is when we need you most. If you can't do this why should I continue to love you. We all know I am not fond of forwards, you must work hard to get my love and work hard to keep it. I saw you trolling around in front of the net a couple of times and no one was willing to pass the puck to you. I am sorry that you are not able to convince the other boys to play with you. Bake them cupcakes if that is what it will take for them to give you the damn puck...or go out there and get it yourself.
Oh Yeti, let's cuddle. Coo. Can I run my fingers through your hair? Yes, good! I know the team are mean to you. You are getting it done so why can't they? It was one of those strange games where the other team had more shots than us. I know that is strange!!! You faced over 20 dangerous shots and came out with a 0.935 save %. I am proud of you. Nuzzle. Can P-O join us in our cuddling? Oh goodie, let's all get under this big blanket. No, put your hand here...that's better.Sometimes people blame you - my sweet goalies, for all the hard times, and sometimes you boys do have bad games, but you have most of those bad games because the team puts you in the position to have bad games. The way you are breathing in my ear is kinda turning me on. Ohhh. Anyway, we are not a team built for our strength on the back end, we are top heavy and have big ol' titties. When those titties are just flopping around braless things get sore and they can really hurt our collective backs. Do you get what I am saying sweet goalies? Yes, you can rest your head nuzzled into my neck. You guys smell good, here have some cookies. No, P-O you cannot share you cookie with Guillaume! Forget about Guillaume. Oh Yeti, you are so soft and warm. Shouldn't we be discussing the game? Let's cuddle tighter, mmmm tighter. There is an elbow in my back...Oh Pier, you are all arms and legs. Coo. God, you guys smell soooo good. Can I smell your hair, Pier? Yes, really!!! No, I love you more!!! Yeah that was me breathing on the back of your neck and that was indeed my tongue. Sorry, sometimes I get carried away. What? Don't stop - OK then. Nibbles. Whose hand is....oh my.
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Sometimes I think the Moose hate me more than the NJ Devils hate me. The Devils are how many points behind Pittsburgh, and are now tied with the Rangers . ARRRRHHHHHH. I am beginning to believe my love is a curse.
I must think good thoughts:
- Pelletier's smile
- Freckles on Fullerton's neck that I want to play connect the dots with.
- PEI gets swept by the Dogs
- Titan suspensions
- Spa days with Steve Mason
- Jonathan Bernier sitting on people
- Carey Price's forearms
- Martin Biron's eyes and trash-talking ways
- Brodeur's diving saves.
- a goalie's fluffy pre-game hair
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