Friday, May 23, 2008

Kitchener will face Spokane in the Memorial Cup Final

I have discovered that the Memorial cup is not an award for whichever team can play the best game of hockey. It is, instead, an award that goes to the team which can transform their playoff beards into the most meticulously groomed homages to douchebaggery. We should be glad that the Rouyn-Noranda Huskies did not make it to the Memorial cup tournament…I am pretty sure that Gougeon has the skills to trim a hedge of topiaries where his beard once was.

I figured that the ‘Piques were groomed in a manner douchy enough to get it done…but alas no. Then, with the well groomed Spokane Chiefs (3-0) and Bellville Bulls (2-1) emerging triumphantly from round robin, I began to doubt my theory…that is until I tuned in tonight for the semi-final. The Kitchener Rangers destroyed the Belleville Bulls 9-0 and will go on to face Spokane in the finals on Sunday. Sweet little Josh Unice had the shutout with 25 saves.

Now given, I missed most of the game because I have been supplementing my hockey diet with episodes of the Wire, and the super hot McNulty and I were on a sweaty three episode roll that made me lose track of time and miss a good chunk of the game. I did however tune in during the last period and I was all like “God Damn”…now there is a lover. I could detail the game for you but I am a lazy bum....why should I write something when TSN has done it already.

...but let me just point out that Mike Duco’s mohawk and blazin’ red mutton chops are getting the job done for unfortunate hair choices everywhere. Even by losing the upper-lip part of his handlebar moustache (seen at right) for game 3, Claude Giroux’s symmetric vertical chin bars still could not top the inspirational power of the blazin’ red Mutton Chop. Talk about Duco taking one for the team.

How dare I cheat on hockey with crime drama. Sure, hockey is going to dump me, leave me hopeless and alone, all so that it can have its own sexy summer romances. Then in September the QMJHL will come crawling back to me, begging for my love. I, like the sucker I am, will oblige. Until then, I have one more junior hockey game remaining, and at a maximum only 7 more NHL games until the sweet, sweet release from my painful hockey affairs of 2007/2008. I should take advantage of what little time we have remaining.

Then I can obsess over how Omar from the wire is awesome because he wears a NJ Devils Jersey. I don’t know if it a backhanded comment on NJ fans that they made Omar a homosexual snitch; I am just happy that at least there are some other NJ devils fans out there…be they real or fictional.

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