Kitchener will face Spokane in the Memorial Cup Final

I have discovered that the Memorial cup is not an award for whichever team can play the best game of hockey. It is, instead, an award that goes to the team which can transform their playoff beards into the most meticulously groomed homages to douchebaggery. We should be glad that the Rouyn-Noranda Huskies did not make it to the Memorial cup tournament…I am pretty sure that Gougeon has the skills to trim a hedge of topiaries where his beard once was.

I figured that the ‘Piques were groomed in a manner douchy enough to get it done…but alas no. Then, with the well groomed Spokane Chiefs (3-0) and Bellville Bulls (2-1) emerging triumphantly from round robin, I began to doubt my theory…that is until I tuned in tonight for the semi-final. The Kitchener Rangers destroyed the Belleville Bulls 9-0 and will go on to face Spokane in the finals on Sunday. Sweet little Josh Unice had the shutout with 25 saves.

Now given, I missed most of the game because I have been supplementing my hockey diet with episodes of the Wire, and the super hot McNulty and I were on a sweaty three episode roll that made me lose track of time and miss a good chunk of the game. I did however tune in during the last period and I was all like “God Damn”…now there is a lover. I could detail the game for you but I am a lazy bum....why should I write something when TSN has done it already.

...but let me just point out that Mike Duco’s mohawk and blazin’ red mutton chops are getting the job done for unfortunate hair choices everywhere. Even by losing the upper-lip part of his handlebar moustache (seen at right) for game 3, Claude Giroux’s symmetric vertical chin bars still could not top the inspirational power of the blazin’ red Mutton Chop. Talk about Duco taking one for the team.

How dare I cheat on hockey with crime drama. Sure, hockey is going to dump me, leave me hopeless and alone, all so that it can have its own sexy summer romances. Then in September the QMJHL will come crawling back to me, begging for my love. I, like the sucker I am, will oblige. Until then, I have one more junior hockey game remaining, and at a maximum only 7 more NHL games until the sweet, sweet release from my painful hockey affairs of 2007/2008. I should take advantage of what little time we have remaining.

Then I can obsess over how Omar from the wire is awesome because he wears a NJ Devils Jersey. I don’t know if it a backhanded comment on NJ fans that they made Omar a homosexual snitch; I am just happy that at least there are some other NJ devils fans out there…be they real or fictional.

Sticking with goalie talk

I have so much to say about everything - like Gatineau being out of the Memorial cup in three games, but it hurts too much to talk about it. Love and loss is one of the most painful things. Just ask Gatineau captain J-P Chabot about the pain - he was crying, I was not. I have almost gone numb when it comes to hockey this season, every round I pick a new lover, about a week later they dump my ass. I have gone through 7 hockey lovers between the QMJHL and the NHL so far this playoff season. Do you see why I have gone numb?

If you need Memorial cup coverage you can check out the official Memorial cup webpage. The QMJHL website has also covered Gatineau's downfall in the Memorial cup tournament. I will stick with NJ draft pick Matt Halischuk and the Rangers for now (lover #8, Detroit Red Wings will be lover #9 by default). I also find Ranger's goaltender Josh Unice wonderfully spriggin - his little nose and pouty upper lip look cute peeking out from behind his helmet. Am I charmed by his mommasboyness? It is not a good feature for real boyfriends, but it is so sweet when imaginary boyfriends are mommasboys.

Also, ummm he has really great eyebrows. You know I had to mention it eventually, what with my eyebrow fetish and all. You can oogle Josh, his pixie nose, his pouty upper lip and his awesome eyebrows at this photo gallery. Unfortunately, you cannot judge his 'game' by looking at photos. I bet he totally takes eyebrow grooming tips from teammate Steve Mason, who has such rawkin' brows that he is a chairperson in my eyebrow club. Mase is adorable with his helmet on and with the crunchy-crunchy faces that he makes. Also - hello! He is the grown-up version of baby Steve Mason - who is a deadringer for my immaculate conception baby, the baby fathered by the essence of Pelletier, Bernier and Fullerton.

What are the odds of a team having two goalies with RAWKIN' eyebrows? Is it a Kitchener conspiracy?

Ugh as I type this Kitchener have lost in OT and are 1-2 for the round robin. I suck at picking lovers. Poor Unice, the puck went off his head, and the Bulls got a goal on the rebound when he was still discombobulated.

GOALIES in the QMJHL:
Ryan Mior
I had been wondering where Olympique's goaltender Ryan Mior would be playing University hockey next year. I was out facebook stalking (not stalking Mior - but someone else) when I came across Mior's profile which had him listed on the University of Ottawa Network. It would make sense for him to be there for his post QMJHL career since he is currently living in the region and probably already enrolled in classes there. However, he may not have actually been admitted to a University team yet. An article from canwest news services states "Ryan Mior, who set QMJHL records for games played by a goaltender and shutouts, is also finished playing junior hockey, perhaps moving on to university hockey." Key word -PERHAPS. Leaving me with nothing but speculation is no fun for me.

Antoine Tardif
According to L'Express, Antoine has had a successful surgery on his ankle. Doctors had originally speculated that he would have to stay off of the ankle for 6 weeks but when they went in for arthroscopic examination they determined that the source of his pain was due to one of his torn ligaments slipping between the ankle joints. Antoine should be back on his feet within the week. At least I think this is what they are saying - the article is in French and my French skills are shifty. What I do know is that my kisses did his ankle well. Now that I get a closer look at Antoine's brows they don't look that great in the center - he needs some grooming. He is out of the club.

Drummondville : Pelletier, Gougeon, Tardif and the goalie coach that rocks.
There is an interview with Drummondville goalie coach Marco Marciano in the Drummondville edition of L'Express. Marco worked with Gougeon and Pelletier last season, with Gougeon, Dupont and Dunnett this season, and will be helping Tardif and Dunnett along next season. Marco is proud of Gougeon's play in the finals and thinks that 'the Gouge' should do well despite being a toy goalie.

However, he is confused about why P-O's season went so wrong, and does not understand how it happened that Pier fell so far as to allow Yetman to steal the number one job in nets for Halifax come playoff time. When I say "fell so far" I mean, "not given a legitimate chance to play again" once Yeti was able to win a game (something he did not do, nor was he really given the chance to do, between Dec 27 and Feb 24). Which reminds me - we treated our 'tenders like shit!!!

Marco essentially said that you have to push P-O, as was done at the beginning of the 2006-07 season when Pier had a slow start coming off of injury, but once he is pumped up he will play excellently. After training camps with Detroit last year, and before coming to Halifax, P-O was apparently rocking it and Marco saw him as a potential AHL goalie for last season. He wishes P-O the best of luck for a future pro- career in the upcoming season. Me too P-O, me too. Coo.

Marco seems good, what with the fact that he is involved with Hockey Canada's development program - and he stresses the ability to handle the puck. You can read an older interview with him at the QMJHL website. He has worked with MAF, Houle, and my very own sweet sensitive Jonathan Bernier (in baby form).

Maybe P-O should go back to train with Marco this summer. He should also check in with a sports psychologist since it worked wonders for Mior. Trust me, it wasn't you P-O, it was 'us'. Lewiston's goaltending coach is also big on having a psychologist around to help out.

I don't talk about this a lot, but it was P-O's eyebrows themselves that inspired the eyebrow club - they are thick but they have the best arch. In fact, he is the silent co-owner of the club. He also inspires my weakness for pixie noses and pouty upper lips. Do I need more clubs?

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Alexander goaltending (where Travis Fullerton teaches and Jake Allen learns) has training videos available on you tube. Cute, Fully is teaching me his basic Fully tricks. Hmmmm but no Fully scuddle - shame.