Saturday, March 21, 2009

Balls

....used as in "if my team had balls every game I could have been watching playoff hockey right now". But alas. Sometimes the defence had balls but the forwards wanted to watch Grey's Anatomy. Sometimes the forwards had balls but the defence wanted to stay at home jerking off to internet porn. Sometimes the forwards and defence had balls but the goalies were standing there just being pussies. Their dicks had totally regressed. This could explain why they were able to let everything go 5-hole.

If they had the balls they would have just rushed up and put their balls on PEI's chin and said "there PEI (1-7-0-1), my balls are on your face" and then they would have won that ONE extra game they needed to make it into the playoffs. Any game between Sept 2008 and March 2009 would have sufficed. I would have paid to watch my boys put their balls on PEI's face.

It just turns out that even if a boy has balls, it doesn't mean that he always has balls. When a boy with balls sees something he wants he will grab it: be it a win, a shot, a hit, a beer or a girlie.

It appears as if sometimes their balls were not at the Metro Centre with the boys, perhaps left in some girl's hands back in Cole Harbour or Dartmouth (or where ever the hell they live). There were even instances where they forgot their balls at home when they went on the road. Boys would get interviewed in the local newspaper and they would promise me 40 balls on the ice that night and I would get to the arena and only see 24 balls out there...and none of them were on the opposition's face. Way to say you were bringing your balls, then not bring your balls Moose!

...and sometimes Cam would put Yuri on the 4th line.

There is just no rationalizing these things.

Which is why I am left to report the playoff outcomes for the 16 other teams in the league:

BaC 1 Que 8 - Final
PEI 1 Mon 7 - Final
SNB 4 Cap 5 OT Final
Bat 4 Gat 5 OT Final
Chi 2 Rim 8 - Final
Lew 3 Dru 12 - Final
Vic 2 Sha 5 - Final
Rou 3 Mtl 5 - Final

WOW - Lewiston 3, Drummondville 12. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY MOOSIES GETTING SLAUGHTERED. Pity. Why is this a remarkable game you ask? It is because Dummondville had 13 power plays!!! Apparently they went with Cousineau in nets?

There are no surprises here except the fact that Saint John brought it to overtime with Cape Breton. Cape Breton are just freaked because their Mascot has been stolen. The bastard who won the game for Cape Breton was none other than - yes, Joey Haddad *shakes fist*. You know it had to be him - I used the word bastard.

The final score in the Bathurst/ Gatineau game is also shocking. Unfortunately for Bathurst, overtime losses do not count for much in the playoffs.

1 comment:

eyebleaf said...

What a post.

You used "balls" 18 times.

That's a lot of balls.