Sunday, February 8, 2009

About Last Night

Hey Good Lookins. Nice to see that you have finally woken up. I made you pancakes with raspberry coulis and I put on a big pot of coffee. Get some clothes on those hot little bodies of yours and meet me in the kitchen mmmkay?

God, your 'morning-after' hair is cute. Have a seat at the table; I'll pour you a coffee. What is that music? Oh that is Radiohead.

No, I am not changing the music. I really wouldn't expect you to listen to them. Stupid jock *sighs*. What? No, nothing! I didn't say anything!

Anyway, do you like the pancakes? The raspberries are too sweet? Sorry, I did have a little accident with the sugar, but if I were you I don't think I would be in any position to complain, especially after last night.

Let me explain. I think you are hot* and everything, you get me all riled up, but last night was a little disappointing. When I first saw you I didn't know what to think. I saw two different girls slip their hands between your thighs in under 10 minutes and you did nothing to stop them. I thought you were a total man ho. Every little piece that came your way was all over you. I have no idea how it was that you ended up coming home with me.

Oh yeah. I had fun. It was fun. You look good, you smell good, and you are really really big. What is the average height of your defensive corps again? But the thing is, and I don't want you to be offended or anything, but your technique is sloppy. There were so many times that we got so close. The net was all open for ya baby, all you had to do was go for it, but you panicked. You were just slapping your stick at things and flailing around.

You had me screaming for you, you had me all flustered...but you just didn't have that finish. I was left more than a little disappointed. No it's OK, I'm used to it, but you just need to be calm, you need to use those soft hands. I was told that you are not very skilled, but ummmm, you definitely showed it last night.

Halifax Mooseheads 2, Rimouski Oceanic 4.

The rundown:

The game was Halifax's to win and they had, like, so many opportunities to get the puck in the net but they just could not do it. Eight power play opportunities, one power play goal. Ugh. 35 shots on net. Dopud was not overflowing with mad skills, the little bastard was simply lucky that no one could lift that puck up over his tiny body when it was down.

The Oceanic had gotten 2 goals (Cormier, Delisle-Hood) on 4 shots by the end of the first period, slutty slutty five-hole goals that just trickled in through Yetman. Just before we gave up all hope Muttley (from Dick Dastardly) got the puck into the Oceanic net on a sloppy rebound at 19:55.

Then I had ample reason to hate on Gougeon again because as that little douche was heading to the locker room he mocked Jessyko's goal video. I want to gouge out his eyeballs with a spoon and feed them to him... maybe the protein will help him grow.

The Moose showed a moment of skill on the power play when Tomas Knotek faked on a shot (maybe, it is hard to tell if the little fake was there), passed to Desjardins who was on the other side of the slot, and then Desjardins hit it home. Passes that connect, and calm was nice. No hesitation, no fear, no panic.

But that was it: Delisle-Hood and Caron got two power play goals (2 of 6) for the Oceanic in the late second and mid-third period. Former Moosehead Logan MacMillan had an assist on the Delisle-Hood goal. The refs were being zombocratic...making calls for both sides on things that did not appear to be penalties.

Yetman got it together later in the game and finished the night off with 28 saves on 32 shots, including having shut down a few break-away opportunities for the Oceanic. He may also have received a lecture on water bottle placement.

Piette was once again King of faceoffs having won 12 of 16. Moose dominated the faceoffs, winning 43 of 69.

Randell, I am fond of you, and you know I love a kicky Newf accent, but you are just not Power play material. Please tell your coaches this. In 51 games you have 14 points- 5 goals and 9 assists. You have one power play goal. I think the coaching staff are trying to make you into something you are not. I mean maybe you ARE power play material in practice, but it is just not translating in the real game. I saw you Friday, you had that perfectly clear shooting lane...and you passed. I am not the kind of person who yells shoot all willy nilly... that is for fools, but honey, you should have shot.

So yeah Moose, you were good, you tried hard, it was lots of fun (at least for me), and you are really nice to look at but you just couldn't get it done. Do you want a second try? How about Tuesday?

Wuest: MacMillan's Oceanic Best Pesky Herd.
Herald Sports: Moose Stopped

* I don't care if you are good looking are not allowed to say that you are good looking. Wrong answer. Please see my lecure to Mark " I am good looking" Yetman and Gerrad "I have the body of a model" Grant. You are now officially on my list of boys to mock.


"Dave Schultz" said...

god love ya.

kudos to making my day as usual :)

Q-girl said...

That is exactly what it was like last night. I felt the need for taking manual control. I am going to start a clinic called "soft hands: what they are for and how to use them." It will be beneficial on so many levels.

...and my irrational hate-on for "the gouge" grows.