Sunday, November 30, 2008

Gerrad Grant has "a body like a model"/ I feel shame.

This post has little to do with hockey and more to do with hockey players. As such I will get the nitty gritty out of the way and let the world know that the Mooseheads lost to the Acadie-Bathurst Titan by a score of 6-4. Mooseheads had the lead three times (2-1, 3-2, 4-3)...and just kept losing it.

For a guy who takes pride in his butterfly stylin' Mark Yetman has a very slutty 5 hole. As I was saying to a friend, Yetman only played well in Moncton because the Wildcats provided him with appropriate pre-game meal of kittey food. That is what cats eat. When he came home and got some of that homemade Mac and Cheese he so likes, it fucked him up, because kittey's should be eating kittey food.

Everything you need to know about the game you can learn by checking out the QMJHL game summary, or Matthew Wuest's lineups (Linden Bahm out HEALTHY, why I NEVER!!!) and game notes.

But this post is not about hockey. This post is about the arrogance of some boys who play hockey. I am going to use curse words. Children - go away NOW. This post is not for you.

Are you gone yet? Good!!!

Every home game we get a game program; the program includes an interview with a player. Today's player was Gerrad Grant (#22). I know I have gone here before but let me continue. One of the questions is "Finish this sentence: I'd be a billionaire if I had a dollar every time some one said..." Gerrad Grant answered "I have the body of a model".

Dude. Fuck Off.

You are an athlete. If you don't have a good body you are fucked. I automatically assume most boys who play hockey have a body that is better than the norm, but to brag about it is just arrogant. Have it humble. What your mother tells you and the puck bunnies tell you DOES NOT COUNT.

Assholes are not hot. Much like how boys will fuck girls and think those girls are twits, there are girls who will fuck boys and then laugh with their friends about what an idiot that guy was. All the girls know. All the girls laugh. DUDES...GIRLS TALK A LOT. Also, girls USE guys. Then we call you stupid and laugh at you. Heterosexual females like male bodies, but to tell you the truth that is all there is to most of you. Bodies. Especially young selfish guys like junior hockey players.

Being an arrogant asshole is not hot

You think you are attractive when you are not. You think you are good in bed because lots of girls will let you fuck them. Just because puck bunnies are chasing after you or using you for your body it does not mean you are hot, nice, worth any girl's actual time and effort, intelligent, a good conversationalist, nor does it mean you are particularly good in bed. One problem is your choice of female companion. Seventeen year old hos from Cole Harbour don't know what "good in bed" means. Nor do you. Just because she made sounds it does not mean she is satisfied. It does not mean you are king of the bedroom. Fuck, most of the time you barely qualify to be court jester on the ice.


So because Mark Yetman and Gerrad Grant exhaused themselves before the game with their jerking off - Mark to his "good looking" face, Gerrad to his "model's body", they gave the Titan a chance to win. Brav-a-muther-fuckin-O.

May I just say, as a spokesperson for the vast majority of the female population: shut up. You are behaving like idiots. You may be cool now but junior hockey will end for you sooner than you think. Real life is not at all like "keys to the VIP".

PS. You know who actually is hot. Tomy Joly (to your right): Strong chin, good smile, pleasant eyes, delectable eyebrows. But just because I think he is good looking he shouldn't let it go to his head...especially since he is practically a midget. Hey, we all have faults.


wrap around curl said...

Very slutty five hole, that is amazing.

And usual male models are so hot. They overly skinny and such. Definitely not a hockey player build.

Q-girl said...

Models are also tall, not 5'11".

"Dave Schultz" said...

if I have ever commented on a post and said "best post ever" I lied cuz this is it.

There are so many bits of awesome here, I don't know where to begin.


Q-girl said...

I think you said my drunken post about Travis Fullerton was the best post ever.

"Dave Schultz" said...

ooo, that one was good too. But this one might top it.

Bethany said...

This really and truly is the best post ever.

I especially like the kittey food up top.

Great job my friend, great job.

eyebleaf said...

This was a pretty epic post. And this Grant fellow is clearly a douchebag.

Q-girl said...

Well there ya go...a douchebag, and THAT is coming from another of the male persuasion.

Everybody I was sitting with saw that comment and rolled their eyes. Gerrad Grant must smarten up.

Zack said...

Dear Mr Grant,

If you could kindly direct me towards the self-enclosing bubble shop, I would like to see where you bought yourself such a glorious model that makes you so unaware of the realalities of the outside world. Thank you.


Anonymous said...

yea you guys are tools, i know mr grant and he is probably the skinnyest kid on the mooseheads, he was clearly kidding you cum guzzlers

Q-girl said...

cum guzzlers ...nice one

Let's hope for Gerrad's sake you are right...and while we are tossing around insults may I call you a hairy ass nibbler?

Anonymous said...

you guys are all fuckin haters.... Gerrad Grant is the man!!!!!

leafssuck said...

eyebleaf is cleary a geek that takes QMJHL articles too seriously...

Q-girl said...

Anonymous clearly takes me too seriously. I don't hate any of the Mooseheads. Gerrad gets his props when he deserves them. That is why Mr Grant just received cookies for his game winning goal last night. duh. May I direct you towards looking at some other posts for a change?

Anonymous said...

i love u Gerrard you skinny ass model

Anonymous said...

Gerrad Grant is sick at hockey thats all there is to it

Q-guy said...

whoever wrote this article is cleary the douchebag