Monday, June 2, 2008

Not SMRT Swany

Halifax Mooseheads winger Bryce Swan has turned down an offer from the Anaheim Ducks and will re-enter the draft pool. This means that not only did he lose Q-girl to Andrew White, but he was not smart enough to just take his money and fast cars and run with it. Think of all the packages of McCain mini-pizzas you could buy with an entry contract. Fuck, if I were Swan I would have settled for the chance to play three years with an ECHL team, having earned only enough money to buy just 1 mini pizza. Now he could end up going to Dal and eating Fettucini Alfredo 'Carey Price Style' - that's fettucini noodles covered in alfredo sauce from a jar. It is made worse by the fact that Dal's hockey team SUCKS.

Even I could tell that Bryce was absent on the ice for the greater part of the year. I was so over him by that Victoriaville game on Nov 1st. That was only 12 games into the season. Keven Veilleux made Bryce look like a chump and I thought "I have to reconsider this Swan love". I also thought " damn, I think I love this Veilleux kid". Then I booed Veilleux for making my team look dumb but I was secretly blowing him kisses.

It was after the Victoriaville disaster of 2007 that Andrew finally caught my eye with his excellently grindy attitude and smooth backchecking ways. Also, Andrew is ruggedly manly and he likes to fish and build things (or so I imagine - sighs for Andrew). Imagine how awesome Andrew's eyebrows could be if he would just let me groom them.

Dear Bryce,
When, after a totally craptacular season, you are listed as one of the most overrated players in the Q, one good series in the playoffs against the lowest tier team does not make you a superworthy hotshot. I bet Pier would kill for another tryout with Detroit even though the Detroit organization treats their 'tenders like shit. Why? Because something is better than nothing, and something = getting your foot in the damn door.

Do you want to know what I am going to do to deal with this situation? I am going to post a picture of my new boyfriend Andrew White. Mmmm kisses to Andrew - better yet, kisses ALL OVER Andrew. Are you jealous yet Swany? I think that all you tried to do was hurt me this season, Bryce. You are so mean. Turning down the contract was the final nail in the coffin. Ugh, and to think I congratulated you in advance. I am changing my phone number so that you can't call me anymore.
go away,

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