Monday Updates become Tuesday Updates when you spent your Monday evening sucking back martinis

The Q has named its offensive and defensive players of the week:

Offensive Player of the week:
Props to former Moose and all around poster child for bad posture Garrett Peters. We traded away Peters for a fancy looking, heartbreaking goalie. In 68 games this year Peters has 31 goals and 25 assists (0.823 PPG). If we look at who we didn’t trade for a pretty netminder, we see that in 64 games Bryce Swan has 23 goals and 22 assists (0.703 PPG), and in 48 games Colby Pridham has 14 goals 19 assists (0.688 PPG). Let’s not forget that Bryce and Colby play on a team that is more loaded up front and so technically should have more assistance when it comes to making plays or getting pucks to the net… I’m just saying.

We probably traded Peters because he was not a Maritime boy; the most important factor in becoming or getting to stay a Moose is determined by the proximity of your parent's home to the Metro Centre. So when are we gonna start the bidding for Delmas?

Anyway, Garrett gets his award for spiking the Gatorade bottles in Drummondville with illegal substances last week, and also for getting seven goals and two assists to help the Voltigeurs win three of four games. Let’s put it this way, this years Volts don’t normally win games, let alone win games against the likes of the Huskies. I will have to hunt a picture of Garrett out of my archives later.

Also rans:
Tomy Joly of Acadie-Bathurst
Squirrels Giroux of Gatineau
Mike Hoffman of Drummondville

Defensive player of the week:
Defensive nods go to your other boyfriend Jonathan Bernier. Now your mother has another reason to nag you about why you should settle down with Jon and have his babies. Over the run of the past month Jonathan has managed to claw his way up from a mediocre ~18^th place for GAA in the league, to 3^rd overall. Sweet sensitive Jonathan was the winning goaltender in two of his three starts and finished the week with a 1.34 GAA and .955 SV%. He may be made of metal and gears and other robot parts but he has saline sacs near his robot eyes that allow him to cry simulated human tears.

Also Rans:
Marc-Antoine Desnoyers of Drummondville
Alexandre Néron of Rimouski
Christopher Guay of Chicoutimi

Wuest is sucking Moose toe:
Here are a bunch of tripe articles letting us know how happy the Moose are that they sucked this weekend by losing badly and then barely beating the lowest tier teams in our division. Yes, Q-girl does hold a grudge, and like all girls she will bring up the appropriate past events at the appropriate times during heated arguments…remember Victoriaville? I don’t know if I love or hate Keven Veilleux for showing me the error of my ways. I think I might actually like him for highlighting the flaws of some of our players. He is like a good friend who lets you know when your boyfriend is a cheating piece of trash.

• Post game comments from men in suits
• Because we don’t already have a defenseman sitting in a box
• Smiles at practice: Everything is sunny in Mooseworld
• Yeti to start forever and ever and ever

Plus there is the Q poll:
Day 1: http://halifax.metronews.ca/index.cfm?sid=115749&sc=94
Day 2: http://halifax.metronews.ca/index.cfm?sid=116069&sc=94

Here are players of local interest included in the poll, as copied directly from the metro site:
Jakub Voracek (3) --- best player, most exciting player, best NHL potential.
Andrew Bodnarchuk (2) --- best offensive defenceman, best overall defenceman.
Dean Ouellet (2) --- best over-age player, best captain.
Tomas Knotek (1) --- best rookie.
Bryce Swan (T1) --- most overrated player.
Pier-Olivier Pelletier (T1) --- most overrated player.
Pascal Vincent (1) --- best head coach.

I am still offering hugs for those sad enough to need my hugs.

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Patrick King of Sportsnet gives Squirrels a nod in his hot or not list. As Squirrels ages he is starting to look less squirrely…I always figured him for a Danny Briere type, eternally youthful looking. Apparently M-A Gelinas was a cold player last week…and yet the Moose still had a hard time getting pucks past him. Go figure.

The new Montreal junior team has a lame name and the boys don’t look as good as they did in their dramatic Fog Devils pictures. Here is Timo looking more shifty and less mysterious:

Mathieu Perreault had 1 goal and three assists on Monday night when Acadie-Bathurst squared off against the Moncton Wildcats, resulting in a 6-2 decision for the Titan. Perreault now has 111 points, 6 more than Squirrels Giroux. With this loss the Moncton Wildcats are officially out of the playoffs race.