Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Faust Arp


Do you remember why you love me? I am pretty (my mother says so), I am smart (my boss says so), I am funny (my friends say so), I have a huge toolbox, I can rock a pair of 4 inch heels better than any other girl I know, I like hockey, I have maintained my girlish figure, I dance like a pro, and you are under no pressure to marry me or make babies (I strongly dislike babies).

Do I remember why I love you? The answer is yes. I love you because you are dangerous. Are you unpredictable? Of course. But are you also number one in the East? Mais oui! You are the James Dean of Hockey teams. Let’s not crash any cars tonight. That being said, I will still love you whether you win or lose. I am your one woman pep squad. No, the other one woman pep squad - the younger one that does not have silver pom-poms and flashing glasses.

I was walking home from work the other day with my iPod on shuffle and I came to the realization that your unpredictable nature is a lot like the music on my iPod. It is somewhat surreal when Radiohead is followed up by Ol’ Dirty Bastard. I guess that makes me a bit unpredictable too. Oh, you don't believe me?

How to score goals:

My other boyfriend Jonathan Bernier will be playing well tonight, he has been on a roll lately. If we have a hard time getting pucks past Gelinas, how the hell are we going to deal with Bernier? I have created a guide for you. The green circles are where you should shoot, the red circles indicate where you should not shoot. While I love Jon and I don’t normally recommend infractions on goalies, I am currently of the opinion that we must do anything to win, so should it take a few shots to the head to phase him and throw him off his game…go for it. I bet you never saw that one coming. See, I AM totally unpredictable. I know, I am a total bitch…no mercy. I will make it up to Jon later.

...and yes, the Titan are now in third. They must have found my secret guide on how to score goals. Damn you Perreault. So while I do not want Saint John to overtake us, and the Titan do not have enough games left to overtake us, I still do not want the Titan to overtake Saint John. My loyalties ARE fucked.

Good Luck tonight Yeti/Yetty. We all know Yeti/Yetty's game is not a matter of Luck - it is a matter of concentration and skill. The luck part relates to which defense is going to show up in front of him tonight.

If it inspires White to score a goal, I have found this little video starring his hero Wayne Gretzky . If you ever wonder why some people hate Gretzky, it is because he is a total whore. Speaking of which, I wonder when I will be seeing sugar coated Crosby flakes (now with Penguin shaped marshmallows) in the breakfast cereal isle.


NHL news:

Montreal have regained top seed, overtaking my sweet NJ Devils. I don’t mind, except 4 goals against is not the best situation for Marty #1 to be in. However, better Montreal in 1st than Pittsburgh. Also Carey Price got his second career NHL shutout. Then TSN gave me an interview with both Carey and Marty. It is cruel to leave me all frisky like that. Carey’s overwhelming joy was obvious (as always). When the sportscaster said that Carey smells like victory I got VERY excited. I headed out to Montreal to discover what exactly victory smells like. I brought along my climbing shoes and mountaineered all the way to the top of Carey Price to smell his fluffy hair. What a big boy!!! I didn’t even get vertigo, but he left me exhausted. It turns out that victory smells like cupcakes.

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