Friday, October 3, 2008

I'd like to buy a goalie coach, Pat.

Blink blink. Blink. Blink. Blink blink. Wha? Oh sorry. Was there a game tonight? That would explain why I got to give Bobby Nadeau a stare down for the past 2.5 hours.

Why don’t I stare down my goalies? Do the Moose have goalies? Oh Yeah Mathieu. He is sooo big. He is the cute little, big thing that let a few slip by him but I cannot say that they were horrible goals. Baby is just a baby. He will get better (when he moves to a different team and is no longer coached by Pat Dallaire). At least he didn’t get the loss. My little, big, baby boyfriend is not a loser like that.

Holy big, baby goalie.


Who lost the game? I think I recall some 'two-bagger' flopping around by the side of the net, deflecting a high shot into the net with his own goddamn blocker, reacting too soon for a glove side shot, and just sitting around on his knees. He allowed 4 goals on 11 shots (5 dangerous shots). What is that guy's name again? Damn I forget!!! I hate when I forget a goalie's name. Damn near kills me. Whoever he is, he is not even invited into the house tonight! That hobo can sleep outside in a cardboard box.*

Ya know what the great thing about 20 year old players is - you can trade them or dump them at any time during the year.

There is however another solution. Can we fucking FIRE DALLAIRE ALREADY?

…or while we are at it can we bring in Dumaresque. He is quite coo-liebe. He is 1000 puppies in a basket of kitten skins. What team couldn’t use 1000 puppies on the ice to distract their opponents? Oh right he would need a good goalie coach! Forget it! Dallaire would just break him too!

Oh well. At least PEI can defeat someone. Yes they whopped us 7-2. Good for them. They did not look like the half-assed ball-lickers we played in the first half of last Fridays game, they were more machine than man. Oh no wait! Maybe the problem was that the Moose were more petit enfant than man. Yeah, that is it. The falling down, the fanning on shots. Sometimes I wished Nadeau would just come over and poke my eyes out with the blunt end of his stick – but then I remembered that if I were blind I would not be able to see him. That would be a damn shame.

I am glad I peeped you Mr Nadeau. You play pretty.

Notes:

PEI

  • Olssen is soo teeny tiny, like Brian Gionta sized. No literally Brian Gionta sized. He is 5’7”. It is like watching timbits hockey with him out there.
  • Tousingant was balls to the fucking wall.
  • I remember why I fell in love with Bobby Nadeau.
  • No don’t skate into Bobby’s fancy boy bits. Owwwwwwww. He needs those for being “a lover not a fighter”. Also I came to this game to watch him, not Evan Mosher. It was good because he came out of it with a 0.926 save% on 27 shots. Ya know what I like about sweet, edible, Bobby Nadeau? When the puck gets passed from the left to the right Bobby has been trained well enough to keep his torso upright, lift his leg, push off, and get into position on the other side of the crease. Bravo. It is like he has actually been trained in goaltending.

Moose:

  • Desjardins – nice one. Really, really nice one.
  • Bernard - I went to the bathroom. I hear in that time Bernard slammed MacMillan into the boards. Dude, I know he just got back from Anaheim and you might not recognize him yet but he is on our team…white is our team’s home jersey colour and Logan is our “star” player. K? Don’t hit Moose, hit Rocket!
  • Ben MacAskill – That move. You was smoooooth baybee: coming into the neutral zone, putting the puck off the boards, getting around the PEI player, picking the puck back up, and swooping around the other PEI player to get into their zone. I almost fucking cried. I hope you get a nice puckbunny tonight. You deserve it. Not the STDs, you don’t deserve those, just that chance to feel special, ya know! Better yet, if you have a real girlfriend, go home with her and let her treat you well. Or just curl up with a good book, whichever you prefer. Surely you deserve some sort of special hockey prize. Since you did not get a “star” I will give you one of my special stars. They are made of cardboard and macaroni, then spraypainted gold and they have sparkles glued to them. Yours gets extra sparkles.
  • Yuri Cheremetiev - hello Russian! You know that #89 was Alexander Mogilny's number right? I assume that is why you wear it. You shouldn't be wearing that number - you make it look bad.
You want an actual game recap with a scoring summary and shit. Nuts to you! Visit the QMJHL website game recap. I am way too lazy to be copying details from there. YES, I am a BITCH today. A huge Bitch.


News Links:
Matthew Wuest (Metro) - Corbeil shows flashes in home debut (agreed - I like him... and as my official Q boyfriend of the season he gets coos of sympathy for goals against, and coos of appreciation for nice saves)
Matthew Wuest (Metro) - Game notes, Rocket 7, Mooseheads 2
Matthew Wuest (Metro) -
Pender shows off his cannon (oh, that sounds dirty)
Willy Palov (Chronicle Herald) - Whole new Look


* I may be over-reacting

5 comments:

"Dave Schultz" said...

holy balls! Corbeil is like 9 feet tall!! oh wait, y'all use metric--he's like 9 metres tall! It looks like a kids mini net next to him! They should play him more, eff Yeti.

Q-girl said...

i know. he is f'n huge and apparently still growing. it is like he is playing on this - http://meltyourfaceoff.net/2008/07/16/cashblowing-with-hextall454/

"Dave Schultz" said...

omg, that's exactly the net I was thinking of LOL

wrap around curl said...

Yes, I still want to climb the goalie...

Q-girl said...

he is delightfully kicky. all legs that one.