Dear Players from
The world is overpopulated. You are only supposed to have two kids per family – replacement children for you and your wife*. At your salary, condoms are very affordable, so is birth control. Did you know that men produce the most potent seed and have more 'swimmers' after short absences from their partners? This is because your body automatically suspects that she was with someone else and says "I'll show him". It is funny, because odds are that while you were on that roadtrip, YOU were actually with someone else, while she was at home being distracted by your 10 children.
Is hockey player sperm just that potent? If so, I am glad that the boy gave up hockey for science, thus exposing himself to toxins which exponentially decreased the effectiveness of his seed. Unfortunately for Chris Draper, he did not know that children can spontaneously generate from shed hairs, skin flakes and the slime that accumulates in your bathtub. Did you see that mini Draper? This is why it is very important to keep the bathtub clean.
*Jr hockey players - please take note for the future.