Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Goalie thoughts - Yes I have been drinking

Oh how I love defense. This explains how in the Q, the Saint John Sea Dogs managed to charm me right out of my undies while my Mooseheads boyfriends watched in horror. It explains why I love the NJ Devils, why I find the Blue Jackets charming, and explains why I am currently supporting Dallas and their shiny young but effective Ds in the west (despite my feeling that a Sharks cup and prizes for JR are long overdue). Let’s also not forget how Marty #3 has puck- handled his way into my heart. Mmmmmm shut down hockey can lay me down and cover me in whipped cream any day.

Detroit and their sage like older Ds I can also live with. I am pretty sure that man evolved from Chris Chelios. He makes Niedermayer look like a total pussy - yes Pussymayer. I said it, I can't unsay it. Detroit feels so age appropriate - but Hasek (bless his crickedy old bones) has been around since the golden age of the Egyptians. I have seen his hieroglyphs on their tombs. He has to go. I would feel differently if he could make it through a whole year- but he can not. Hopefully his usurpment by Osgood during these playoffs is a sign of things to come. There are young, fresh, beautiful goalies waiting in the wings (or waiting for another tryout) and they more than deserve a chance. I wonder if the cheesy old-school full face-cage helmets are a requirement in Detroit. This could explain why no younger guys are playing there. Their sense of style just will not allow such an affront to their established fashion sensibilities.

I also wonder if this Jimmy Howard kid from Detroit will ever move up. His name just isn’t goalie sexy enough. Now you know why Tim Thomas took so many years to make it – it’s all in a name, it has nothing to do with that weak five-hole. Hey don’t diss my theory. If Cam Russell can coach by telling the boys to shave their beards, then I can scout by name.

I have been amazed by Halak (currently watching and judging him in game 4) after he came in to replace Price (2 days ago), who has been falling asleep on the job. Price looks the same when he is asleep, awake, happy or disappointed. I saw him sitting on the bench being ‘disappointed’ about his game and I just wanted to play with his face, you know, to see if it could make other expressions. Also I just want to touch goalie faces, they always try to hide them from me behind their fancy masks. Anyway, I am supposed to be talking about Halak – here is a boy who clearly loves to move the puck. Why have I not been paying attention to Halak? Is it the backup thing. I was not even following Montreal all that much last year when he had considerable ice time due to Huet’s injury. When he played in the Q (Lewiston) I was not obsessively following the Q, I knew my team and that was all I cared to know. I was not a frequent flyer.

I am attempting to broaden my horizons. I used to focus in on one goalie but now I want to watch them all, learn all of their quirks. I want to talk to them, know how they tick…it is as if they are a separate species and, well, I am a very curious scientist. I am blowing my load just thinking about the idea that at least 16 professional goalies from around the world will be in my town by the end of the week. If I breathe the same air will I somehow become more special? Can I absorb their magic? I should have a sign around my neck – “free goalie counseling”. How about "Kisses to absorb your pain"?

What about the Moose?

All a girl wants is a good puckhandling goaltender – a very good puck handling goaltender, a slick smooth sexy puckhandling goaltender. I wish we had more puck handling this year. P-O could do it, Yeti could not, but P-O did not do it so much as the year progressed, possibly because he was told not to. I do not think it is actually possible to handle the puck less than Yeti does.

P-O was hated by fans in Mid -October, I would have hated to be him – here for less than a month and getting raked over the coals for some pretty good performances and some bad performances, but considering the team in front of him!!! He can’t make up for how the rest of the team plays – as for that PEI game…well…you know. I am afraid of bringing a new goalie here, I feel bad for them. You are not going to get perfection from a Q goalie. I think our fans were too harsh, too soon. No goalie could have saved this year’s team, and no goalie could have mentally handled this town’s shitty treatment. The downfall of this 2007-2008 team does not lie in its goaltending. Maybe the way the goaltending situation was handled by coaching staff from day one could have been better – to create two happy and mentally healthy and confident tenders, but I would not look back at this team and lay the blame at the feet of our tenders. In fact I would not even lay the blame in their general vicinity.

That being said, I personally do not like the style taught by Dallaire. If Kennedy and Yetman are a product of Dallaire’s training technique then may I quite simply say thanks, but no thanks. Yeti can play the game but I do not like his style. He is, and I hate to say this because I do like him (i have grown attached), a terribly boring goalie to watch.

Furthermore, what if a goalie comes in with a different style, are they forced to play a style to which they are not accustomed. What if they cannot buy into what Dallaire is selling? Is he capable of adjusting to the individual goalie and their needs? What happened to P-O after a couple of weeks with Dallaire? Why did things just get worse as the year wore on? Isn’t it funny that Yetman became better with Pelletier’s help, after not improving under Dallaire alone? As I have said before, I would love to sit down with my goalies and chat over a few beer.

Ugh, did I just see a girl in a pink Philly jersey. 'Bitch, please' indeed. I am still angry, and today is totally a 'bitch, please' kinda day.

1 comment:

Bethany said...

He makes Niedermayer look like a total pussy - yes Pussymayer.
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA I am still laughing as I write this, I may have to come back tomorrow to read the rest HAHA...