Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I am watching you

Dear little Moose
Today I will be a classy fan. Golf claps for your 3-1 win over Lewy. We're number 1, we're number 1 (for now).

I was on edge in the third hoping for a shutout, but the minute one thinks the words shutout let alone mutters them, the game is cursed. I hated all the penalties - but way to kill off all eight! More golf claps. It was as if y'all wrapped Yetman in a warm blanket, gave him hot cocoa and read to him from "Beyond the Crease" before the game just to keep him calm and focused. Lewy had 37 shots (does the shot-clock guy in Lewy have a happy trigger finger?) and Yeti stopped 36. The MAINEiacs are a tough team but you managed to plough through them. We have one more Wednesday, and I hope to see all 24 of you back in town on Saturday. This means you should all stay away from Denis Reul - I don't want anyone to get eaten.

Yeti/Yetty -
I have built a small addition onto the side of your abominable snow palace. Congrats, we are neighbors now. If you want me to brush your hair I am just over here to your left. If I start to ask "can I smell your hair?", well that is just creepy, and you should find some way to keep me at bay - perhaps poking at me with the sharp splintery ends of broken sticks will work.
If you need to, you could ask P-O for some old sticks - he has been having to keep me at bay since September, and the splintery stick works wonders.

I had hoped we could have champagne to celebrate Tuesday's win, and I had bought some and left it at your snow palace to chill. Bodnarchuk and Voracek dropped by to pick up some pucks so I left them to lock up the place. Just our luck- Bods left the keys in the door and someone snuck in and stole the puck and our champagne. We were supposed to sip champagne and tango like the classy people we are.

As a result, there has been a change of plans. The party has gotten a little bigger, but it remains classy. Guillaume is invited, and Tomas, Yuri, and Jakub are coming over to give us a lesson on how to harness the Eastern-European superpowers in us all. When Tomas had that breakaway, I thought gosh (classy people do not curse), if only there were someone there to get that rebound. Yuri picked up on my thoughts, Tomas turned back time...and they did the breakaway all over again, but this time Yuri was there to get the rebound. Amazing - golf claps. Boys, you should be more careful about using your superpowers during games - you are televised live all over the world with Telus and bad guys may come to harvest your brains. Do you not watch Heros?

Anywho, I have sent Guillaume out to pick up some red wine for us, a shelf for all the stars you have been accumulating, and some more bubble gum for P-O. Cam has implied that we are going to ride you while you are hot, so P-O will just have so sit on the bench exercising his jaw.

Pelletier -
I miss you already. I am having the DTs. We went from 15-16 straight starts, to ~ 150 minutes without you in nets. Can I just smell your hair? Ow, don't poke me with a broken stick - it hurts. Don't take your anger out on me. I see what you are doing there, taping the broken blade of Marchand's skate to your pointy stick. Am I really that bad? It's just a little goalie-obsession that's all. Fine - here is your bubble gum so you can practice blowing bubbles while you ride the pine. Guillaume will tell you about the party later.

I liked Guillaume's goal that he blasted in from way back out yonder. You know that had it been you letting in a goal like that, and not Delmas (or any other goalie in any other town in the East), you would be skewered and roasted alive on a spit in the middle of town. Do you see how fans in every other eastern town coddle their goalies? I am sorry that Halifax is so shitty to you. Now will you stop jabbing at me? As for the Lewy breakaway - I will be checking the comments section of the online newspaper today to see if somehow Dan Smith got blamed for the breakaway and you got blamed for the goal. I don't know why I continue to read this tripe, but I think I am happiest when I know there are idiots to be angry at.

I don't know how a little mousie like you manages to take on a beastie like Reul, but that was feisty. You should avoid going alone into corners with him. I am just glad you did not get eaten. It would be a real shame if Hillier had to return home and hand over a bag of raw bones and some broken skates to your weeping parents. Poor Hillier would have a hard time of it, returning both a broken Bodnarchuk, and a broken Marchand to their parents. May I suggest utilizing the Pender. You were not playing with us before Christmas - so what you do not know is that the Pender can make Reul bleed (even if only by fluke).

Do you like how I am being nice to you lately? It is all the more reason to introduce me to Montreal's littlest starter Carey Price. I just want to smell his hair. Oh no, P-O is trying to get on the phone and tell Carey about the usefulness of splintery sticks as weapons.

We are all aware that Jakub has superpowers and as a result we have an immense amount of confidence in him. He is attempting to harness the power of an early 1990's Jagr-do, and when he trims his hair into a mullet the transformation will be complete and his Czech superpowers will be at their peak. However, he is not yet invincible, and the other teams have started to notice this. So, when Jake rushes up ice with the puck, can someone please stay back just a little bit. The puck keeps getting stolen from him and the other teams keep getting a break-away. I have seen this about three or four times in the past couple of games. Bodnarchuk - you are a little bullet, but we can't expect for you to out-race the other guy everytime, and especialy not on days when you are losing blood. That was supposed to be our PP - next time let's not blow it by being overconfident.


Point form NHL trade news:

1) Oohhhh Espo to Atlanta. Now he and Sid won't be able to share the Crisco they put in their hair.

2) Booo Hossa and Gill to Pittsburgh, now I will have to hate them - and I don't want to hate them.

3) Huet to Washington - I am shocked and appalled. No, not appalled - shocked and shocked. I know Washington needed a netminder but I always thought they would just farm for one. Carey Price is a sweet little robot but can he handle all the pressure of being a number one in Montreal. Not many guys can walk in at 20 and be a successful franchise starter.
What I do know about Carey is that he is the only guy in the universe who can make the cowboy hat, plaid flannel, and camo vest combination work.

4) Richards and Holmquist to Dallas - I never saw that one coming. Richards had better watch his back, Ribeiro might try to shank him.
Hopefully Smith does well in Tampa Bay. Now that he is in the East he can learn how badly they treat the opponent back-up goalies in Montreal. Not only do they make you sit alone but they make you carry your own stool. Just ask Holmquist.

5) According to Wuest, the loss of Foote and Fedorov indicates a shift towards youth in the Blue Jackets franchise. Will we be losing our Czech superhero next year at the ripe young age of 19?

6) So long Cam Janssen. We did not need my NJ Devils looking like they were the Philadelphia Flyers. We have 'the Clarkson' now and he brings a little more class to the role of tough guy.

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