Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Please excuse my bitterness

I am still in Ottawa and so I will miss game two of the Battle of Nova Scotia tonight as the Eagles come to Moose Country. The Mooseheads cannot be decapitated as they are already disembodied, so I am sure that the Eagles will instead be attempting to remove their antlers in order to make fancy coat racks. This will be an easy task for the Eagles if the Moose keep playing like they have been (23 goals against, 2 goals for) in their past three games.

While I would love to blame the lack of scoring on the absence of Andrews (2 goals and 5 Assists in 37 games), Lemieux (6 goals and 7 assists in 37 games), Costello (1 goal and 1 assist in 18 games) and Desjardins (3 goals and 10 assists in 33 games), to do so would be laughable. Also laughable is the idea that a defensive unit would completely fall apart in the absence of 17 year old Garrett Clarke and tough guy Spencer Metcalfe.

Do you want to know what laughable looks like. It looks like this
milk out the nose
The more painfully laughable the more milk comes out

The way this team has been playing is as painful as laughing up milk out your nose. Is Charles Bety the only player who cares when they fuck up this bad? Are they that desperately in need of Knotek?

I am in love with my hockey team. I am not stupid, however. I usually know when I am making a mistake before I make it -  Mistakes are an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call. ** Sometimes girls from Cape Breton make stupid choices when it comes to men. Thus, it makes sense that we can make even stupider  choices when it comes to whole teams of men (or boys). 

Who makes these decisions? (please don't answer):
I have an issue with the Mooseheads trading for Andrew Wigginton. Really, Andrew Wigginton (7G, 6A in 25 games)? Fuck off! Here is a team with NO scoring and the team trades for an 18 year old forward who couldn't make the second worst team in the division - the Bathurst Titan. Shouldn't they be hunting to pick up good players who couldn't make it on a team because that team has too much depth. A strag from Moncton,  Saint John or perhaps Victoriaville.

Noseworthy image from LaMedia

There isn't an 18 year old beastly dreamboat named Tyler Noseworthy *(7G, 11 A in 22 games) just floating around in the MJAHL abyss is there? Oh there is!!! Then WTF are we doing picking up Andrew Wigginton? Now, while Noseworthy is not a skilled forward, he appears to be  more skilled than Wigginton. He is also ruggedly handsome, tough as nails*** and has moobs. Noseworthy would look good in a Moose jersey, any Q jersey, or perhaps even  no jersey and just shoulder pads.

Andrew Langan's talents are still being were being wasted in the MJAHL and he's not the only talented 18 year old wasting away down there. There honestly had to have been a better pick-up than Wigginton for a 9th (ugh and to think that MacDonald was sold for a 12th  *bitterness*).

Let's take a look at how  Mooseheads rejects are doing:
Chad Earle 16G,20A, in 27 games
Eric Louis-Seize 13G, 17A in 26 games
Matt Snow 12G, 14 A in 27 games
RD Chisholm 9G, 16A in 29 games
Scott McDonald 6G, 15A in 29 games
Ben MacAskill 3G, 15A in 27 games
Chuckie Schembri 5G, 8A in 23 games
Kody Orr 7G, 6A in 31 games

My conclusion: the Truro Bearcats need a better photographer.  My other conclusion - Our 'new' GM also makes poor life choices.

I have said my peace. I shall never diss Wigginton again. At least he is kinda cute. awwww. Heart melting, forgiveness setting in in 3,2,1...

Now in Need of a PEI boyfriend:
PEI have realized their vast amout of suckitude and have quit on life. How long can a team last on that shithole island (no offense Andrews and Costello) if they keep sucking? You have to give fans 'something'  at least once in 7 years. Gone is my boyfriend Joel Champagne and a bunch of other raggedy hobos including Chris  Doyle (to Victoriaville with Champagne), Marco Cousineau (Saint John), and Brandon MacLean (Rouyn Noranda). In return PEI have acquired Brad Yetman, Jonathan Bonneau, Michael Stinziani, and 16 year old prospect Michael Ortika.

I feel the worst for behbeh Yeti. The poor guy is playing for Shawinigan last year and when they decide they are going for it and want to load up at the trade deadline they dump him. Then this year with Rouyn, when the team decides they are going for it they also dump him at the trade deadline. The winning teams just don't want him. His situation is so pitiful that it almost makes him boyfriend material. I take a special liking to boys with the shittiest luck. I also like tall boys with pink cheeks.

*I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with the Noseworthy family. If I was I would be promoting incest.  I am just trying to make my team ruggedly handsome. 
**From Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath 
***I may be making that up

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