Sunday, May 11, 2008

The fanatical musings of a fanatical (fill in the blank)

Is it horrible that there are players on our 2007/2008 team that I don't like? I mean I really, really dislike them. Am I a bad person? There is probably no real reason that I do not like them...I just don't get the attraction to them, and some of them were very popular. Sometimes I assign shifty personalities to players, thinking some may be more arrogant than others, while with others I embrace their shifty ways. If a player is good on the Penalty kill I usually like them, I totally embrace those that can backcheck.

So it is true that when I said "I love all 25 of you" - I lied.

Graham Bona
I like underdogs. Sometimes I hate how certain players got away with a lot of shit while others were repeatedly torn down by fans when they made the same mistakes as our 'stars'. The harder people come down on certain players the more I like them - for example Bona (and also Monast). I know he is a hometown boy (while I am generally an anti-homer), and that by being a hometown boy some people will like him just because... but some people could also be really harsh with him. Not me though - I would be all over Bona with a bucket of ice cream and spoon. I really like GrahamBo. Graham is a defensive defenseman, and one can make a good living just staying at home - ask Colin White.

At first our fans complained that our defense was not defensive enough (it really was a huge problem). Then when the defense finally decided to step it up, they complained that the defense was not offensive enough, and that there was no one to QB the powerplay. But...maybe we did have another defenseman to QB the powerplay - but there was no way in hell our coaches were taking Jake off of the point, and that was that. During the final game of the season against Saint John we had neither Voracek nor Bodnarchuk to play the point on the PP, and all three of our goals were scored on the PP, with our PP efficiency at 50%. Clearly some of the other guys could get the job done.

Anyway my point is: when you have a team which is loaded with offense for depth in scoring and then complain because on a roster with 9 defenseman, where we have two purely defensive defensemen, that those defenseman are just not getting it done for your offense, may I suggest you go to your bathroom - look in the mirror and tell yourself to fuck off.

Logan MacMillan
I used to not like Logan - I never understood why he was drafted to the NHL first round. Then he got injured and his production went down - way down. Now he is fighting tooth and nail for every scrap he can get his hands on (even though he was given the privilege of top line ice time). Sometimes he is literally fighting. He is also wonderfully defensive. I now love Logan MacMillan. If he is our 'star' player next year and gets his 'Diva on' I might go back to not liking him. My mind works in weird ways.

Also ...sometimes I think Logan MacMillan looks like Shia Labeouf. I don't know if that is good or bad.

...and the Volts just keep getting hotter
I think the Volts scout and draft by appearance. They run their team like I would run a team - draft that kid, I like his name and he is as cute as 1000 puppies in a basket made of kitten skins. Damn, that team consistently churns out hottie, after hottie, after hottie. That is not the bunny in me speaking, that is fact - take those boys out of hockey gear and they are still cute. How the fuck do they do it? Oh, me and my Volt coloured glasses. Drummondville are about to get 1000 x hotter in the goaltending department with the addition of Antoine Tardif (to be received at the draft for the Paris/Fréchette/Dyke trade at Christmas). Oh, how I wanted Tardif here. I figured maybe we could finagle a trade ...but then I realized that we would break him, so he is better off with the Volts. Tardif has been out of the Bathurst lineup for the majority of the second half because he has been suffering with pain from an ankle injury (with torn ligaments) which occurred in late January. It turns out that Antoine will require arthroscopic surgery for his ankle. Let's hope he has a speedy recovery. This is me throwing air kisses to Antoine's ankle.

Trades and the draft:
If rumour is true, The Mooseheads have made the dumbest trade in trade history. They supposedly agreed to trade 'unsung hero' PJ Corsi (getter of 28 points since Jan 1st) at the draft for enforcer David Bouchard (3 point getter since Jan 1st). Both boys are 19: PJ is a keeper - he is hitty and gritty; David is a sleeper - he will not be in the Q next year. So when all is said and done Drummondville gets two 4th round draft picks, one for 2008, and one for 2009 (do we get one back?) and an excellent 20 year old for the 2008-2009 season. We get a penalty prone enforcer who is more a liability because of his reputation, for half of a season.

We also supposedly traded first round rookie pick David Gilbert, a second round pick in 2008, and one of our top two defensemen - Guillaume Monast (at the draft), all for Maxime Sauve...only so we could turn around and give up Sauve and another 1000 draft picks for the next bajillion years only to land Brad Marchand for half a season.

Maxime is 18 and is expected to be an NHL first round draft pick this year. He also played on a lower tier team and yet statistically for the second half of the regular season:

Maxime "les sourcils" Sauve - 6 PIM
29 games 14 goals 17 assists = 31 pts

Brad Marchand - 40 PIM
26 games 10 goals 19 assists = 29 pts

They say hindsight is 20:20, but I personally had a ton of foresight this season...I said in October "the last thing we need is another Centre". However, to think of all that we gave up for Marchand (it has been said over and over again by EVERYBODY, so there is no need to rehash it) least Sauve was less of a liability and he could have brought some 'future game' and awesome 'eyebrow power'.

Anyway, wasn't I talking about Monast....let's get back to him. Now don't get me wrong, we can only have 3 twenty year old players, and I like Yeti, I like Andrew White, I like GrahamBo, but from a purely cold and calculated GM standpoint...who would you rather have: Corsi or White? Monast or Bona? Either Corsi or Monast over Yetman? Why were Monast and Corsi traded? Ce n'est pas difficile à comprendre.

Do not turn this around on me and say my Marchand argument should also apply to this...the 'go for the better player theory'. The point is that at the time we did not need him and we gave away everything to get him. Next year we will need good experienced players and we have left ourselves with only 3 guys who have played more than 4th line ice time, nor do we have the best possible group of 20 year olds. We do not have a single returning player who is statistically >1 PPG for last season. Only 3 are greater than 0.5 PPG. At least I can say that some of the possible returning 20 year olds have character and are grittastic.

Simon Després:
There is a Simon Després fanclub page on facebook. There are pictures of Baby Simon with his Baby Hockey trophies. He is tooooo adorable. Why does he make me want children? I hate children! But I like Baby Simon Després just like I like Baby Steve Mason. Baby hockey players - collect them all. I will have to create a rift in the space time continuum so that I can feed cookies to both Baby Simon and teenage Simon simultaneously. I seriously hope the Penguins don't try to get their grubby hands on him in the 2009 draft.

Dear Andrew White,
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It really does! My brain might not belong to you but my heart sure does. You are my favorite now! I might try to scratch you behind the ears because puppies like that and you are so good at ice-puppy tricks.

Are you being a carpenter again this summer? Ohhh, you are so useful outside of the arena. If we were friends we could drink beer and discuss the Scandinavian aesthetics upon which our line of birdhouses and squirrel houses would be based. We could then go out, get really drunk, and make fun of everybody. In my drunken stupor I might try to pet you. Then we'd head home to catch the third period of some West coast hockey, only to pass out together on the sofa and wake up confused and really hungover with our feet in each other's faces. I would make you coffee and waffles for breakfast and it would be delicious. would build me a bird house right?

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