Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sea Dogs vs Titan Game 5 : Dear Sea Dogs – WTF

You had the series almost in the bag, up 3 games to 1...and then you go and lose 6-4 at home.

You are the team that throws their bodies carelessly in front of puck, you are the team, which when they get the puck on their stick, effortlessly clears it from your zone…so how the hell did you let the Titan get off 41 shots on net. Your commentator was complaining about your ability to clear the puck. I did not feel it was so bad but I am a Mooseheads fan, which means that I usually have to watch as we pass the puck around for about 5 minutes in our own zone before it gets nabbed and shot on net. Am I exaggerating, sure, but I do that if it effectively gets my point across.

They are dangerous when they gang up near the net….this is when they are getting their goals. Don’t let so many guys get so close to Fully. When they get near the net you have to try to regain possession of the puck because after 5 rebounds on Fully one of those pucks is inevitably going to end up in the net. You only had three penalties – this is good – keep it up. Keep it simple, like I know you can and just try to maintain possession of the puck. When you have it get your shots on net. If his recent record is any indication Champion gets worn out quickly, so tonight is the night to get your shots on net.

Last night The Titan dominated the third period because you allowed them that puck possession. Don’t do that. When they get the puck, like they did in the third, they get 17 shots on net. Now don’t get me wrong – Fully is a stretchy God and I love him to pieces (Literally pieces - I want to break him up like a chocolate Easter bunny and eat him one piece at a time starting with the ears) but the Titan got 4 goals (1 ENG) in that last period, and this is not good. Ds - it is your job to keep the puck away from the net and away from your tender. I know he is sexy and the Titan boys just want to get close to him and bask in his glory, but you should not let them do that. Let him save that glory for me to bask in (after the playoffs when I set out on goalie hunting and trapping season).

People say the Titan are soft, elite types with good hands who play a clean game. I say bullshit – they run the goalie and they are dramatic fakers. Some guys fake shit to draw penalties and no team is really without these guys, but come-on, look at the Titan’s shenanigans. I suck at spotting a faker, except when it comes to the Titan. It is as if they have taken acting lessons from Keanu Reeves they are that bad. Do not poke, do not hook, do not mug them, just put a lot of good clean hits on them. I mean - hit the hell out of them and just hope and pray that you have good refs. They only run two lines so you really have to wear them down tonight.

Simon, Keven, Kirkpatrick – be more adorable. Blind the Titan with your sweetness.

Keven – keep it up with the goal scoring….all lines need to be dangerous.

Kirkpatrick – you are an excellent shadow, but can you be a touch more shadowy. I know, I know - they get the last line change tonight. The Dogs need two of you. I have added you to my list of potential adoptees. You can be Simon’s new brother. Right now I have a lot of cookies with chocolate chips, white chocolate chips and pecans that need to get eaten just sitting around my house but no 16/17 year old boys to eat them with.

Stich – you are a goalie without extra padding who stands in front of your goalie. Please keep it up. No I do not care if you are one giant bruise all I care about is that you guys get this done. Shots on net were 41. If this is the case – what is the ‘shots on Stich’ count? Scary. No being a -3 tonight, OK.

Stephen Anthony – 16 upside down is 91. This is coming from a Mooseheads fan – think about that one for a while if you have to. Play like both a rightside up 16 and an upside down 16.

Yann – if you can keep it up with the big hits and the stopping breakaways with stick checks and without taking penalties then you should continue to do that. Play like you don’t care that you may ruin your dreamy visage. Then pretend I never said that because there was no way in hell that I just admitted that a 18 year old, 6'3, 220 lb boy is dreamy. Although admittedly you do skate like a dream.Tell your Cappy I said “arrrggg” and then tell him “What, -2? Play safer captain!!!”

Everyone else:

1) puck possession

2) shoot on net

3) hit, hit, hit, kill, kill, kill

PS. When looking through SeaDogs vs Moose pics I saw P-O playing in nets. He had on his mask and he was holding his stick. Memories flooded back - I fell in love all over again.

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